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Question for ladies who have/want to go for PhD
I apologize for this being 100% non-pole related but this seems to be where I come when I feel really stuck in the mud so I’m hoping I can get a nudge. I’m graduating college in May. I’m freaking out. This is the first New Years I’ve ever had in my life where I didn’t know what my life will be by the end of this 365 days-I don’t know if I’ll be in school, where I’ll be living, who I’ll be living with, or what I’ll be studying if I am in school, or working at if I’m not. Applications to school are all due between Jan13 and Jan 15. I haven’t filled out a single one. Some of my top choices are asking for a writing sample about twice the size of the couple pieces I have that I would really want to send in. I started filling out the application for my absolute top choice school, and had a real sinking feeling when I realized how bad I look on paper right now, because last semester completely got away from me. All in the last month of school, I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years and asked him to move out, then met a new guy, and got sick as hell the very last week of school. So as it stands, I have 3 incompletes on my transcript. One is for my Sr. Thesis so that was expected, but the other 2 are just…me dropping the ball. And I have to retake the GREs before I can get anywhere with any of this.
I can’t send my dream school three Is. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_confused.gif I also don’t know if I have the emotional and mental energy left to go back to school in August and face the kind of merciless beating I know will start from day 1. I’m so tired. And I don’t really know what the french I want to be doing in 5 years. There’s a good chance I could get a totally decent job and easily support myself and squirrel a little away in the next year. My mom told me she took a year off and it was the best thing she ever did. But my dad can make really hurtful comments sometimes and he told me if I took a year off I wouldn’t go back, so now I’m doubting myself.
How do I know what to do? How did I let myself get so far behind with school? Why am I so terrible at letting emotional bullshit completely derail me academically when it totally didn’t used to? How do I dig myself out of this massive hole? I do want my PhD, there’s no doubt of that, but I don’t know if it’s fair to myself to do it now, when I’m so unsure of myself. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_cry.gif I’m sorry to be wordy and off-topic, but I feel so stuck and scared with no one to talk to.
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