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Minor Pole Buddy Rant
So for the vast majority of the time since I first got my pole and began dancing, I haven’t had anybody to pole with. I don’t know of anyone locally who really does it, and the nearest studio is a three hour drive each way, so it’s been just me and my Lil’ Mynx.
Well, recently a friend of mine who has been interested in pole dancing for a while but hasn’t had the opportunity or the money to pursue the interest has been coming over and dancing with me a little bit. I’ve taught her just a few very simple spins, but most of it has been floor work and moving around the pole and incorporating a little stripping courtesy of S Factor. I’ve shown her some of the more advanced moves I can do, which include several inverts; I was NOT showing these to her with any intention of teaching them to her, because she is nowhere near ready or strong enough to attempt even a basic invert, and I told her this. But like everyone, she wants to go upside down because it looks cool I suppose.
She tried to jump up into an invert after I told her not to, got about halfway by flailing up there, and then had to let go because she couldn’t pull herself up the rest of the way. I told her she wasn’t strong enough to do a basic invert yet, and said that she really shouldn’t even be attempting it because she could hurt herself. I thought I might have to give her an ultimatum that she either did it my way by just doing the simple tricks I’d shown her until she was ready to move on, or no more pole for her, but she said that she thought I was right and didn’t attempt again. Well, then she came over just a few days ago, and tried TWO more times to get into a basic invert, again after several warnings that she wasn’t ready. She did manage to hook her ankles once, but had to jump pretty hard to even get herself up there, and the next time she didn’t even get all the way up. So now I sort of feel like I’m babysitting this two year old or something, because it seems like whenever I turn my back, all of a sudden she’s doing exactly what I told her not to.
She also saw me do a spinning scorpio and wanted me to teach her how to do that, and I told her it was even harder than a basic invert, and if she can’t do a basic invert then there’s no way she can move on to other inverts. She also wanted to learn how to do a CKR, so I finally said, ok, fine: I took all the cushions off my couch and laid them down around the base of the pole, and showed her how to get into CKR position while she still had her feet on the ground. (Basically the way Veena teaches it, which I think is a good way to get people to safely understand the mechanics of the move before they’re actually climbing the pole and doing it in the air.) She couldn’t even get her feet into the correct position, so I basically told her see–this is all a lot harder than it looks and you’re not ready for it. I’d like to think she learned something, but I doubt it, so unfortunately next time she comes for a visit I think I’m going to have to tell her either no attempted inverting, or you have lost all pole privileges.
Argh!! It’s frustrating. I like having someone to pole with, but please, use some common sense; I’m by no means any expert, but I’m still a lot farther ahead than her, so you would think she’d take that into consideration.
Maybe I shouldn’t even show her any of the more intermediate/advanced moves? I would like to be able to practice while she’s over, but maybe I should just leave it for when I’m alone so she’s not tempted to try some of the stuff she sees.
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12 Replies
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sounds like you are describing me. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif
(if someone tells me not to do something, i’ll fricken do it!)
some people are just like that- they do wreckless things because they are stubborn and headstrong. I dont think thats a bad thing; that could be a common trait behind extrememly successful people… and people that frequently break bones.
i know you want a pole buddy, but she seems to worry you and aggravate you.
It would probably be better for you to find another partner because she might not change!
If you keep polin around with her, you are going to have to accept that she’s probably going to continue trying all the more advanced stuff even if she could get hurt -
I know some people are like that; to a certain degree I am too–tell me not to do something and I just want to do it more. The difference here I think is that it is a safety issue, and it’s also my place and my pole, so my rules. I don’t feel like I should have to watch an adult like a hawk because if I don’t they might severely hurt themselves doing something that someone who has more knowledge on the subject has shown them they cannot physically do. I can’t do the splits yet–that doesn’t mean I’m going to keep forcing myself down into them before I’m ready just because I’m determined to get them. I’m working up to them slowly–stretching every day and being careful not to push past my comfort zone, even thought I really, really want to be able to do the splits right now. Just because I want to doesn’t mean I am physically able to, and I accept my limitations and am working to push past those limitations.
She could really hurt herself flinging into an invert like that, and a medical bill is the last thing she needs/can afford. She is a single parent with two small children, and literally has about $20 to her name each month. I think injuring herself doing something stupid is the last thing she needs.
Also, while I can’t control what she does on her own time, I do feel like because it’s my pole and my place where we are practicing, that I am partially responsible for her safety as the more experienced one. I guess I sort of look at it this way: if this same thing was taking place in an actual structured class, do you think the instructor would put up with that? Not for a second. And while it’s not exactly the same situation, it is the same principle.
I don’t want to stop poling with her, but I do think she needs to understand that if she wants to be reckless, she needs to do it on her own equipment, on her own time.
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i can invert but am a fraidy cat- I don’t have a lot of ab strength and probably do kick into it but I’ve decided besides trying to get more core strength that I am going to work on the tuck invert so that I get the ab and control strength involved and then it is more safe , maybe this is a safer /slower way to work towards something. I am not near getting there but I am actually more proud of the progress of that then the regular invert.
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I’ve seen people do a little hop to get into an invert, and while I think they still need to develop their upper body/ab strength enough so that they can do a nice controlled invert that doesn’t involve momentum, at least that’s not as bad as what she did. This was a full on fling yourself into the air and hope for the best deal.
I just think that if she wants me to teach her some stuff, then she should listen to what I’m telling her. Like I said, I’m obviously no expert (in fact, as soon as she gets beyond just the first few basic spins, I’m going to make her watch Veena’s lessons, because I don’t think I have any business teaching anyone harder tricks since I’ve been poling under a year,) but I’m not a complete dunce either. She either needs to respect that it’s my space and my equipment, so we’re going by my safety rules, or she doesn’t get to pole.
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Well first of all you should print out a pole waiver for her to sign so she cant sue you if she injures herself, if she only has $20 to her name every month she might be desperate enough to if she has high medical bills from injuring herself on your pole and blames it on you. Im not saying she WOULD but desperate people do desperate things, especially if they have 2 little mouths to feed. Second, maybe you should use your pole time with her to work on your non dominant side skills if you are slightly behind on that side, I know I am. Third, have you shown her SV? I think you said you sold her your lil mynx so you can buy an xpert in a blog. maybe she can watch the lessons in order and try to figure stuff out herself. Especially show her some of the threads about how people have hurt themselves by jumping into an invert, and the ‘Am I Ready for an Inversion?’ thread. Maybe you can buy her a crash mat as an early xmas present haha
*oh yea just checked, that was pennygirl, whups
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I haven’t written any blogs on here, actually, so that was someone else. I have the Lil’ Mynx, and she has no pole. That’s why she’s coming over to my place to dance. If she doesn’t pole with me, she doesn’t pole period. I don’t want to take that away from her, but if she can’t use some common sense and listen to me, then I’m going to have to.
And you bring up a good point about liability–I was actually just talking to my boyfriend about that. I’d like to think she wouldn’t, and part of me doesn’t think she would because we’ve been friends for so long, but I’m not taking anything for granted in this sue-happy society, and like you said, desperate people do desperate things. I just wish she would accept that there are moves she just can’t physically do and shouldn’t even attempt yet.
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FYI…please note that just because you have someone sign a waiver it doesn’t actually negate their right to sue…they can still sue you https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_sad.gif
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then whats the waiver for? I thought that was the purpose https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_confused.gif
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No, because you can’t sign away your right to sue. Basically I think a waiver is used in any activity where there is a potential for injury to show a sense of responsibility. So if someone tries to sue you, you have the waiver and can say something along the lines of ‘Look, they knew they were engaging in a potentially dangerous activity and chose to do so anyway.’ However, if there is neglect involved, that waiver/sense of responsibility doesn’t mean crap. I’m not saying my friend would do this, but it’s just an example: in my situation, if my friend were to hurt herself doing something I explicitly told her not to (like an invert,) and then tried to sue me, I could easily say that I’d warned her several times not to attempt the activity that hurt her, but it’s really just a he said/she said type of thing at that point because she could just as easily claim that I didn’t tell her tell her anything of the sort. I believe all a waiver would do for me is show that she did indeed know pole dancing in general was something that could injure her, but it doesn’t necessarily prove that there was no neglect on my part.
Whether you sign a waiver or not, if someone is injured directly because of your negligence, that waiver is pretty much moot and they can sue to their heart’s content. While we’re not in a classroom setting and I don’t consider it to be negligence when I’ve warned my friend several times not to do what she is doing, I cannot physically stop her when I turn around and find her halfway into an invert, and if she gets hurt, I am potentially liable if she decides to push it. So I really think the best option for me is probably to give her the ultimatum, and if I catch her doing something I told her not to even one more time, she’s out. Permanently. Like I said, I like having someone to pole with and I want her to learn to pole, but not if it’s going to potentially create a lot of problems for both her and me.
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What about choreographing a routine for her to learn? It could be spins and floorwork without any inversions. Tell her that you’ll record her in 6 weeks performing the routine complete with shoes and costume. That way, she’ll focus on learning the choreography instead of trying to fling herself up into a unsafe inversion that she’s clearly not ready for. I think that might be the kindest way to slow her down. It made my uncomfortable just reading about how your friend would try to invert when your back was turned. My opinion would be for you to NOT show her the Lessons. I think it would only excite her and she’d be trying to get into the "coolest", most advanced move immediately. Or maybe have her look at the lapdance vids instead. It’s a tough situation.
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yoga babe’s got good advice!
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Yoga babe, I think that’s a great idea! Also, just to clarify, I was just going to show her the specific lesson that I thought she was ready for at the time. As in, load the video of the specific lesson that I wanted to show her, and show her nothing else, otherwise, you’re right, I’m positive she’d want to learn the hardest, coolest-looking moves despite repeated warnings that she wasn’t ready for them. I do feel like I could break down all the moves that I myself know and teach them, however because I haven’t been poling that long, I don’t feel like I have any business teaching anything more than pretty basic stuff. I’d just feel more comfortable making her watch Veena’s lessons when she progresses to a more intermediate level, which she is still a long ways off from.
You’re definitely right in that it’s a tough situation, though. Unfortunately, I think she will still need an ultimatum, because even teaching her a routine, I don’t think it will distract her enough to prevent invert attempts. I think the routine will give her something fun to concentrate on, though, and hopefully take some of the sting out of it. I don’t want to discourage her from poling, but I also don’t want her getting hurt on my watch. I also find it a little disrespectful that she is ignoring the safety guidelines I’m laying down, particularly when it’s my place and my pole that are being used for practice. I wouldn’t go into her house and do something she specifically told me not to just because I really wanted to do it.
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