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Should I continue?
Hello fellow Veeners. It’s been quite a while since I’ve been on the forum and it’s been even longer since I was on my pole. I am now at a crossroad and I would like your honest opinions. I am trying to decide if I should continue with pole or give it up. Before you all tell me “Don’t give up”! (which I know you wonderful people will!) I want to give you a few details to consider:
I was an ‘intermediate’ poler but then I had to totally quit pole 5 months ago because of some major things going on in my family’s life. Also during those 5 months, I had a couple of pretty bad flairs (I have both MS and Lupus) and I could barely get out of bed. Now, I have lost all desire to pole. Even so, I forced myself to start back on the pole 3 weeks ago. I thought I’d get that desire back once I got on my pole, but I haven’t. I knew I would lose everything I had originally gained during my time off the pole and boy, I was right! I am quite upset by it. I certainly didn’t expect to get back on the pole and start inverting or anything like that, but I am not progressing AT ALL! In fact, I progressed better and faster when I first started pole. One of the first things I ever learned was the crucifix and, although it hurt my feet, it looked great! I have been working on the crucifix for 3 weeks now and I just slide down the pole. I can’t do a pole sit or even a stupid fireman spin. Seriously, I slide down the pole faster than I spin around the pole. During those 5 months, I lost all flexibility and all muscle. I heard that muscles have ‘memory’ but mine definitely do NOT! I am not getting any of my muscle back. I am so bummed. I figure it’s no wonder that I have no desire to pole because I can’t do anything on the pole – I am very literal – NOTHING on the pole! I haven’t progressed at all (and if it’s at all possible, I’ve actually gotten worse) in the last 3 weeks. This is not an exaggeration or me just being hard on myself. I have other people (kindly) telling me that I really am bad! I really think I should just give up. If I was seeing even the littlest progress, I think maybe I would at least try to keep it up. And even if I do get better, I am sure I will have another flare and I’ll just go back to square one anyway. If I do quit, I have an X Pole Titanium gold and several DVDs that I could sell and at least get some money out of it. So, what do you guys think – and please be honest – should I give up?
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13 Replies
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Have you tried the lessons here? I’m finding the strength work to be exceptionally effective. And if you live any part of your life as though you’re just waiting for the next flare up what kind of life will you have? I’m not sure if you’d be asking if some part of you didn’t want to continue so perhaps some good instruction and support from others (both of which I’ve seen in abundance here even tho I’m quite new!) would help? Good luck whatever you decide! 🙂
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I was thinking the same as Sair: If you are asking deep down maybe you still want to pole. Also the fact that you can drag yourself up when you really don't feel like it and try to get going again shows that you have motivation. For me having to start over from scratch even more than once wouldn't be a determining factor for stopping altogether – because in time you will get it back. Sair had some good advice for rebuilding strength. Personally I would have to decide based on if I love it while I'm doing it or if I'm hating every second of it. If you were to continue what would be your reasons to keep going? Do they outweigh your reasons to stop?
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It is a balancing act. If poling is making you feel that bad about yourself why would you continue? If it is a case of frustration because you lost what you had then working through that will make the successes that much more rewarding. Only you can answer this. Maybe right now just is not the time for you to come back. Or maybe you need the dance and not the tricks.
And I just read what Cherished wrote…..grat minds think alike
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As a poler, I’d tell you to keep trying for the moves you want. You’ll attain it at your own pace, don’t worry what anyone else says.
As a nurse, I’d say be kind to your body and try a different exercise that is less aggressive to your joints. Lupus is difficult to deal with especially with flare ups. My mom and a friend have both lupus and rheumatoid arthritis, both on long term disability, so I could imagine what you’re going through. Maybe try a more gentle exercise like yoga to increase your strength and flexibility. Then revisit pole again when your body is up for it.
There’s no harm in taking pole hiatuses to give your body a break. I do that all the time. In fact I haven’t poled in almost a month, aside from a recent photoshoot! Focusing more on flexibility at this time and my body was getting too tight and achy when I stopped. Just do what’s best for your body.
Wishing you the best!
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Is there a medium you can reach? It sounds like you really want to get back into it, but are discouraged by lack of progress. If that's the case, I say focus on gentle strength training like yoga and maybe some other dance form for a while until you get some strength back. Once you do get your strength back, you can slowly integrate pole back in (if you want to.) Also, don't forget about grip aids. If you are sliding, it might be that your skin is too dry and needs a little stick to it. I want to note that I felt discouraged recently because I wasn't progressing. Finally, I got a move I had been working on for a long time. That one move led into a slew of other moves I was able to get. Not being able to do that one move got me frustrated, but once I got over the hump, my confidence came back and I started pumping out tricks. Sometimes I think our mind does things to us and hold us back more than our bodies. Once you realize that you can do something, you do it. Mind over matter. I should note that I suffer chronic headaches and poling can trigger them (all the muscles in my neck and shoulders tense up involuntarily and start pulling on my head.) That kept me from poling a lot, but I decided that living in fear wasn't worth it. Also, I had a year long break from poling a while ago. I lost everything as well, but over the last year I am getting all my moves back and adding new ones. I still don't have a pretty invert, but it's getting there, and I still haven't gotten my shoulder mount back. I know it will come, and I am working no other moves in the mean time.
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I know exactly how you are feeling. I have been off the pole for 3 months now because my rheumatoid arthritis flared up. I ended up taking my pole down, partly because I had a room inspection but also because it was upsetting to look at and not be able to use it. I felt like a failure. I had only been doing it for 2 months when I had my flare but I had progressed so much, mostly during the last week. I know that I am going to be awful when I finally try again. I'm also going from being taught in a class to self teaching, university is far too expensive and I couldn't afford it anymore.
Now my second semester has started and my arthritis isn't bothering me anymore I have decided to put my pole back up on friday. I will also end up back at square one when I next flare up. I just have to keep telling myself that I once loved the pole and will again soon.
Once you stop worrying about it you will start enjoying it again. That's when you will see yourself progress. When I started learning I couldn't do anything at all and then all of a sudden a month and a half in everything fell into place and it became easy. So don't give up yet, give it a bit more time.
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I honestly believe that you're thinking too much about it. I agree with a bunch of people, try strength training first. Not having experience, but I'm sure those illnesses really take a lot out of you. I agree that starting wtih yoga and pilates will not only help with your strength, but definitely flexibility too. Do some light to intermediate stretching everyday. Once you get back on that pole, whether it's 3 weeks or 3 months, you'll notice a difference and be more encouraged.
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I know what it’s like to be off the pole for awhile and losing your strength or motivation. My first studio would close for 3 months in the summer and 3 months in the winter. When we came back to it, I’d feel like I was startingnall over. Then the drama started, and I would make excuses not to go to class. Your state of mind can have just as much of an effect as you your body. However if you had passion for the pole before, you will probably get it again. What made you like/love the pole before? Something I like to do all the time is to just lit some candles in my pole room and dance around the pole, no tricks just feeling the music, working on wall dancing, floor work, and pole moves where both my feet stay on the ground. It’s very relaxing for me. Pole dancing isn’t all about the tricks. You might get the “feeling” back to motivate you to work on strength conditioning and then get back to the tricks. If you don’t feel like you’ll regain your passion for pole, then you can make a decision to end the journey. Just don’t be hasty. Depending on how strong and advanced you were when you stopped 5 months ago, 3 weeks isn’t that long to try to regain your tricks. I think you and I are about the same age, and I know when I was going through my on again, off again period, it was harder for me to regain my strength. Now that I’ve been poling for a couple of years, it’s a lot easier to get my moves back when I’ve off the pole for awhile. Give yourself a little more time. Take care! Hugs!!
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I've taken quite a few hiatuses in the three and a half years of poling- my longest was 8 months. I lost all my muscle, and had to go right back to square 1.
Please, please be gentle with yourself. Remember that you DO have these issues, and that sometimes, you may not have the results you see other people having. You may not get the results you want, because you are, in essence, different now (even if it's only a little bit different!).
I agree with the others- if you're questioning whether you should, then perhaps just give it a chance and see where that takes you. If you find yourself thoroughly not enjoying anything about the pole dance experience, then you can give it up! It's all up to you.
On the topic of not being able to do anything on the pole: The first workout is always, always the hardest. After that, it's just trying to tell yourself that you're back to the beginning, and telling your brain "No, we can't do that yet!" and trying to get yourself more into the moment, rather than thinking about the past (what you could do before) and the future (what you want to be doing).
Try some simple things: Pole walk, pirouettes, place your back on the pole and slide down, pose there, etc. Keep it nice and simple, so that you are just being active!
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this may be a silly idea… but maybe it's just a function of the weather that you're slipping?
even in summer / autumn, there are some days when my pole is just super slippy and I can't stay on at all (or have to exert *much* more strength and effort than usual to stay one), even if i've been poling regularly (once or twice a week).
as it has gotten colder and the humidity etc. has changed (i'm in London), the 'slippy' / 'bad pole days' have increased… just because it takes longer to warm the pole, longer to warm my body, the pole and my body gets colder more quickly, and the pole is just more slippery than usual even when warmed up.
i don't think you should be too hard on yourself after a long break. and start from spins/strength exercises/dance. and i agree with the others who have posted that you should ask yourself about what motivates you and discourages you about poling, and then the answer to 'to pole or not to pole' should become clear.
good luck! 🙂
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I did not read the answers of the other girls. I am going to tell something. If you really wanted to ive up, you would have, without asking us. Deep down, there is still the desire to continue ortherwise you would have given up. Am telling you. I can hear your frustration of going back in your road progress, sometimes befor we jump we need to go bakwards a little bit more.
I am new to poling, I used to be very strong and then I had an accident and I did do any sport at all, coz i could barely walk (trauma head), when I started poling among other girls every girls could do loads of stuff and I was feeling depressed because I was the one on the floor when everyone else seemed like effing birds!looool U lost strenghth, maybe before poling and trying to do ur usual stuff, u should work out ur body to get him used to working out, ur arms, ur core and so on, in 3 weeks you 'll be ok. One inch of a time you can go back to what u were used to, and u 'll be even prouder of yourself when u know from how far u started again. meanwhile work out, find a sport where u can build strenghth,the whole thing is abt gaining strenghth back and having fun so u're not comparing.
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Thank you for all for your honesty. I decided I am going to keep going – at leat for a while anyway. I hope I get that 'desire' to pole back again soon! I am just doing simple things and slight strength training in the meantime. Thanks again for all your replys.
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Are there any pole studios in your area? I find that when I have no motivation to pole, i go to the pole studio and take a class. it's much more motivational to be surrounded by other women who are also trying to learn and that you can talk to. the support really helps. i find it much harder to be motivated to pole at home by myself. recently, i started calling over my boyfriend, whom i live with, to show off a new trick and that helps too
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