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perverts in the city
so i wanted a change of scenery from the usual training at home in my carpeted room, where there isnt a tremedous amount of space, to an actual studio. unfortunatly, the closets one that offers an advanced level that fits my schedule is an hour and a half drive and in a really congested city. the drive was worth it, the class was worth it, the teacher was challenging but a great teacher, even told the woman at the front desk that i would make the commute again. everything went great up until i exited, and thats when 2 really creepy older men were just hanging outside of the studio just making there presence noticable. and its not like i havent ever experienced "cat calls" as a female in our society. every girl or woman is going to at some point in her life. sometimes is a confidence boost, sometimes its just annoying. but this time was way different, it made me really uncomfortable, embarrassed, and for the very first time ever i felt dirty for my enjoyment of pole dancing. maybe im naieve or rely too much on my feminist beliefs. i dont even know if i wanna go back, if i should cancel my paid for membership. i dont want to say the name of the studio, theyre very successful and in no way shape or form do i want to slander theyre name. but i dont know if i should just expect it , or…i just dont even know. those perverts were clearly just there to ppl watch the women entering and exiting just loitering outside. the comments were so innappropriate that i refuse to repeat what they said on this site, trust me when i say it was pretty bad. excuse my next statement to the real men, but the little femenist inside me says" just when a woman has good shit going for her as a woman and she feels like a woman, it always takes a man to ruin it.
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19 Replies
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If you enjoy pole and want to continue your journey, don't be discouraged! I would suggest you use a buddy system and not walk out alone to make sure everyone gets safely to their cars. I would also suggest you report the harassment to the studio owners as well, they need to know what is happening outside of their studio.
There are people that will take issue with everything and anything we choose to do. We can't control their behaviors but we can control our own. I'm sorry to hear that their behaviors triggered something negative in you. Whatever you decide to do… follow your heart and passion.
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Ditto on that. Definitely report it to the studio. They need to know how the students feel, and maybe they can have the perverts removed. Maybe pole studios should start hiring bouncers to patrol the front of the studio… Such a shame.
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This is one of the reasons that I am considering poling at home once my arm has healed. I was waiting to be picked up outside my studio when some drunk pig came right up to me and said some awful things. Luckily the people he was with moved him along quickly when they noticed what he was doing.
That was the first time I've felt unsafe waiting there, I've had teenagers make comments about my size and the way I look but those are easy to ignore. It's a shame because I love that studio, hopefully if I go back the level 1 classes are at an earlier time.
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Tell the owner that they are out there and she can have them removed. I'm sure she doesn't want people out there scaring off her students.
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why didnt you told them to stfu ?
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Sometimes for them it can be funny while for us it can be insulting. what did they said to you?
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JeHanne has some great advice there. Don't stop doing something you love b/c of idiots like that. Why give them a win? Take the power from them and keep going to the studio, but definitely let the studio know about these perverts so the necessary precautions can be taken. Unfortunately, as women, we will run into crap like this every so often so it's worth it to find ways to protect yourself and move past it rather than let it defeat you. In any case, usually these types are all wind and scared away easily or at least would not stand up very well to a group of badass strong pole ladies 😉 I hope it works out, sounds like you have something great going at that studio!
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Ditto to JeHanne and the others. You absolutley need to let the studio owners know about this. The studio I go to is rather small and it is not very well know yet that there are pole classes there. However, there are some people that know about it. The studio owner now has a direct line to the local authorities to report loiterers. She has even noticed cars/vans that keep driving by very slowly. She makes a call and the police come by. Good bye weirdos. I also agree with the buddy system. Even if you went there yourself and really don;t know anyone, I'm sure there will be another person there that will gladly walk you out.
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so sorry you have to deal with that. they are trying to have power over your emotions. sometimes i feel like anything you do will just amuse them- you can cuss and tell them every 4 letter word invented, and they will feed off of your anger and in their disgusting perverted way gain pleasure from it. grrrr >:(
wish i had some good advice, but i never know how to react to aggravation from the male gender.
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depending on WHERE they are standing, they could be "trespassing" if they are on private property. if they are on a public sidewalk, they are not breaking any laws.
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Definitely tell the studio owners! If they are harrasing people they are breaking laws regardless of where they are standing. 🙂
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I don't know about the laws in your country / state, but in NSW, Australia it would be legal for the police to give the men a "move along" order as they're harassing and loitering (probably with intent). As Katana said if it's on private property they could also be trespassing.
Definitely let the studio owners know and if nothing happens from there just ring the local police station maybe and notify them of the situation? Just say you're feeling really unsafe becuase men are harassing you outside your dance studio. You don't need to give them specifics or anything.
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thanks to all the ladies for the great advice. i went to the studio a second time, but i just went there to figure out how to get there by train. and the same dude was there, he didnt say anything to me that time, he was just hanging out, but i have class again tomarrow and i will notify the front desk if i see him again, and i have a feeling i will. its rediculous. my boyfriend said i should carry mace and said since that guy thought it was perfectly ok to humiliate you in such manor, it should be ok for you to mace him in the muthaf**n face. but he doenst always give the most reasonable advice.
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OMG I can't believe the guy actually goes and hangs out there regulary! I'm glad you are going to tell the owners about him.
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One of my instructors told us of a guy who used to circle building in his truck over and over and over making it very obvious that he was peeping the pole classes. She went outside with her cell phone to record him and gestured to him that she was watching him and she said it scared him away… guilty people never want to be recorded in their wrong doing heh.
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