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nuthing pole related but advice needed
my 4 year old son has anxiety aboit going to his dads. he crys when he goes he crys for days after. he wakes up on days telling me he dunt want to go and starts crying. his dads a bit useless. im pretty confident his dad dunt hurt him. but have no idea what causing it. i no his dad dunt do much with him. he has none of his own belongings there clothes or toys. he puts his gf sons trainers on him. he came back crying one day saying he didnt want to were alfies trainers. so i ended uo funding the footwear for his dads. ( i only stopped doing it as his dad let him in mud and all sorts so it was all getting ruined) i stopped providing clothes because i didnt get them bk. well now hes having alot of anxiety. hes tried making him self sick to avoid going. when it was snowing he came out with daddy might get stuck in the snow so he wont come. well now hes just crying all the time. u mention his dad n his eyes fill up. he also dosent want to go ne were now if me n my partner arnt going. he wnt sleep or even visit my nan n grandad no more even tho he beeing staying over there since he was born. hes going dead in himself n shutting people out n just crying. he was lay on me this morning n i said bradley do you no whats bothereing you. he said yeah. i asked if he wanted to tell me he said no. i asked if he wanted to tell faye faye ( thats what he calls my gf) he said no. i asked if he wanted to tell his teacher he said no. so i just told hom if he ever needs to tell me anything im here n he will never be in trouble for telling me dumthing is wrong. im do worrid about him tho :(. i contacted the doctor n they said i should of sorted it when it first started instead off leaving it witch has made his anxiety worse. so got the health visitor coming friday. just feel helpless:(
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8 Replies
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Being a mother I REALLY don't like the sound of this (my mother's intuition is going off like rockets). I don't know what to tell you, but if this were my child…….I would NOT let her go back there until I found out what was going on….Father or not.
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thats what im thinking hes not due bk for 2 week now. ive told him hes not having him over nite no more. i was thinking of telling him if he wants to see him he can come to my house and spend sum time here with him. i have the health visitor coming friday so hopefully i will get sum advice. it could be down to anything from smallest thonk to lack of attention to home comforts or sumthing big i really dnt no. sum one as suggested to adk him to draw what makes him sad. just tjought id ask incase sum one elses children have been through this. i googled alot of things n it could be all sorts from what i read :(. thank you for your advice xxx
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I think that’s a good first step with heath visitors coming I have three and I wouldn’t send back either something is bothering him and it has to be big in his mind for him to act like that. You say the dad isn’t hurting him could he girlfriend or her friends or kid be doing something?
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Yes if you don't think dad is doing anything, I would wonder about the girlfriend and her kids. Obviously something is off here and the counselor needs to get involved ASAP! Good luck.
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At 4 years old it could just be that dad or dad's gf are stricter than you or make him do chores. We had issues with my husband's oldest when he was about that age, not to the point that you are describing but to the point of him screaming that he hated us at the top of his lungs on several occasions and throwing tantrums. When I was that age I was scared to death of my godfather, for no reason whatsoever.
You need to talk to your ex and work this out.
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his dads gf kids are fine accordinv to bradley. one is 5 and the other aboit 11. then his dad has another son liam who is about 9. he is favoret in his dads eyes he supports him and buys his clothes n toys for him. his gf adores bradley but bradley has complainec before that laura shouts at his daddy so daddy kicks the sofa. also small things like they give him food he dunt like even tho i tell them he dunt like chesse or other things they still give it him. bradleys i alowed a quater off a cup ofc tea in the morning here after breakfast with biscuits. but hes not alowed it at his dads. n he tells me they dont have treats or biscuits witch hes use to her. if his gf son is there he has to share a bed. im the strictor one out off me n his dad every thing is routine at mine xxx
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Would going round there and speaking to both Dad and girlfriend be an option? explain that you don’t understand your son’s behaviour and ask if his behaviour is similar whilst he is there? What they think might be causing it.
Your GP should not have blamed you like that for not going sooner, how were you to know it would continue and get worse? If the health visitor doesn’t help you go back and ask your GP again. Perhaps a referral to children’s mental health / counselling just to get to the bottom things? (I’m not saying your son is mentally ill but a mental health worker /counsellor has ways to get children to open up that a health visitor/parent might not)
I hope you get to the bottom of this Zoey x -
i think the health visitor will refer him to camp to be honest. he woke up verycheer full today tho :). his dad has nuthong to say. its like talking to the wall trying to have a conversation with. and his gf she aint much better from what bradley tells me. one off her kids smashed the tv the other week :o. just cant wait to find out whats bothering him and get my happy beutifull boy back to normal :). his teachers say he is far to sensitive for his age n has feelings that he shouldnt really hace yet. but she said most children like that are useuly quite in school but she said if ahe askes all the other children who they want to play with they all say bradley. so at least its not afecting his bond with other kids xxxx
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