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The fear of being judged as conceited…
I started poling 20 months ago. Before I started poling it is fair to say I didn't really exercise. I used to swim and do gymnastics as a child, I started smoking young, vowed to give up by 25 and did, then not long after giving up smoking I took up swimming on my own as something to do about 2.5 year ago, I got up to being able to do 50 lengths continuous and then it kind of petered out for me.
I started pole in August 2011. I didn't set out with any goal in mind, it was just fun and I wanted to try it out. I didn't even really know what pole dancing was in terms of fitness, so I really had no goals or expectations.
I have never had body issues, I have always been ok with my body, so getting in shape was not a goal.
I now have body issues, 20 months into poling, I have body issues….in the way that I LOVE MY BODY so much now I want to tell everyone about it, show people the changes and make them see how amazing my body is in terms of what it can do…I now realise that whilst I didnt have negative views on my body, I also didnt have positive ones, I just didnt have anything to complain about or brag about. I now want to get fitter, get more muscle, get stronger, build stamina, improve cardio..etc etc
I have a few weddings coming up this year and am going to Thailand for 4 weeks, I am looking for outfits that show off my figure – bodycon dresses and skimpy clothes because at 27 I want to flaunt what I have. I dont want to hide it under boyfriend fit jeans and t-shirts anymore, I want to flaunt it whilst I have got it.
Anyway, my point is, I feel awesome about my body now and I am proud to show it off, because I may not be the slimmest, tallest, loveliest skin blah blah blah, but I can shoulder mount, handspring, ayesha, plank and under the layer of chocolate and beer I have a layer of pure muscle and I am proud of my body….
BUT, I feel, probably because I am British that I shouldnt showcase myself, that I shouldnt shout from the roof tops how much I love what my body can do and how amazing I think it is, because people will think I am bragging, that I am big headed and worst of all conceited.
I do not think I am but others probably do. I don't care, anyone who knows me, knows that I am simply happy with the product of all my hard work for the last 20 months…there must be someone else who feels like this?
I figured SV was as good a place as anywhere to post this and open up the doors for some body love to flow, lets talk about how proud we are without the shame of feeling conceited.. 🙂
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