If you are able to, get Veena's lessons here. she has a lesson on the pole sit, it was the only thing that helped me get it. Iwent to classes and never got it in class, Veena explains it so much better. I have only been poling a couple of months. First, this will be very painful on your skin , that is normal. I mean- really painful!! you will bruise and get pole burn. the good news- this will get better and it will no longer be painful. my thigh pain has gone to almost nothing in the 2 months I have been poling. I practice about as much as you. I just made myself hold the positions a little longer each time and practiced them several times each session then I would move on to another move that didnt involve my thighs. you will have to give yourself a day or two of rest in between session. For me, I needed 3 or 4 days if I was severly bruised. the pole should be relatively high on the thighs, on the meaty part. closer to the crotch not the knee, but not in the crotch. for me , it is the biggest part of my thighs about a hand's width below my crotch. it is different for different body types. cross one leg over the other and tilt hips down toward the crossed over leg to lock you into place. as far as letting go, that may take time. if you are locked into position and leaning a little forward toward the pole this helps me. I have to really lock my abdominal muscles. Again, I really suggest Veena's lesson she really breaks it down in a way that is easy to understand. if you cant let go yet dont do it. just keep working on your pole sit and locking yourself into place. you will know when your legs are holding you up and you dont need your hands.