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Pole dance teachers or instructors mentoring students
I am a pole dance student. I have been poling for three years now. I have performed three times solo and twice with a group at a large event. I had a question about professionalism and ethics when it comes to teaching or doing private lessons. I recently knew I didn’t have the stamina to make it the whole way until the end of my routine. This particular teacher got very angry and told me I was making excuses and told me to ” deal with it.” All the while never giving any positive criticism., Just a side note, there were many things going on in my life, that kept me from being able to finish the dance the entire way through. The day before the performance I spent two hours in tears after leaving her lesson. Instead of finding a solution, I felt like she became accusatory and launched a personal attack on my lifestyle.She was telling me that I don’t eat well, which I do. She had me in tears the day before the event. i dont think you ever inspire somone by launching a tirade on the reasons you believe they are having low stamina at the time.She made me feel just about as low as one can feel and then of course, the performance though I made it until the end, it lacked confidence. It was one of my worst performances ever. I was afraid and kept looking to her, to see her reaction. I dont understand why less then 24 hours before the performance she felt the need to tear me down about things unrelated to the performance. I felt as if I was so afraid to have her gripe and talk about me to other teachers and students that i went and performed against my better judgement.I compromised my own intuition..I have paid her a great deal of money to help teach and choreograph with me. As I write this I see the answer so clearly, no one should make you feel worse when they know your feeling unsure or under the weather. I’m so very lucky to have many other instructors at another studio that I attend who would never bully or accuse, rather utilize a solution to a problem. I think being part of being a good teacher is inspiring confidence, not fear.I even said to her lets have a back up plan, if I simply cannot make it for the five minute routine.She would not budge. My idea for a back up plan was to stop the music at a certain point.I just wanted to know any thoughts or ideas, as this Website has soo much talent and always maintains a kind respectful relationship with each other.i have much admiration for Studio Veena and all the Veneers. thank you for your help. I would like to know what you ladies would do especially instructors if someone came to you and had physical limitations for performing.
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4 Replies
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Hey Sunny,
Sorry to hear about suck a crappy experience! It’s really not your instructors place to judge what you may/may not occur out of class. It’s her job simply work with you (as you are) and be creative for ways to help & inspire- it sounds like she hindered instead. I don’t really think it is her place to judge/attack based on something you have going on privately. It also sounds like she took out a lot of her personal frustrations on you but I guess that doesn’t really need to be discussed!
As an instructor I would have done two things about the performance. The first, is simply asked if you still wanted to perform or if you wanted to wait until you increased your endurance & were able to get through the full thing (no judgement, either is fine).
If you still wanted to perform but didn’t feel confident doing the full song, I would have remixed a song truthfully. You can edit and adjust songs pretty easily now a days and it would have enabled you to chose how long you felt comfortable with dancing. Kind of the best of both worlds, you get something so unique but at the same time is custom for how long you feel confident dancing for.
I really am sorry to hear about your experience, I really hope you have someone else to look to for future help 🙂 keep at it
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Thank you. You sound like an inspiring teacher.i think what you said would have been the best choice and all the tears and bad feelings could have been avoided. Thank you for taking the time to respond. This isone of the reasons I love Studio Veena, such great pole members. Thanks again.
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Is this instructor always like this or was she freaking out over the event herself and lashing out an unprofessional way? A five minute routine is difficult for ANYONE, let alone someone who is under the weather. Was she really accusatory or were her words out of concern and delivered improperly? How close of a relationship did the two of you have prior to this training? Had you ever asked her for advice on eating/training/etc for pole? There is a lot of information missing here before I go and say she was totally out of line for the way she behaved. I say this because I have told people to suck it up, made comment on their diet or lack there of, and have been a general bitch when I see that is what they need to hear/be told as a means of trying to snap them out of cycle of their own doing. Depending on their emotional state at the time they are either appreciative for the reality check or they think I am the worst person on the planet.
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Just jumping in to say….I always recommend my students choose a song/edit a song that is between 2 1/2 and 4 minutes TOPS. I think a 5 min. song is WAY too long, and I do find it odd that she’d not suggest shortening your song.
Keep that in mind for the future–no more than 4 min!! Sorry about your bad experience. 🙁
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