-
Do you tell other people that you pole dance?
Hey everyone!
Generally I don’t really care what other people think and I am pretty open with others in my age group (20s) about pole dancing. My whole family is very conservative but my mom knows about my new obsession – she just doesn’t want my dad to find out, which is difficult for me because I am so excited about pole dancing and would like to share my stories and accomplishments with them both. I am not sure why she doesn’t want my dad to know (since I think he’d be understanding) other than she might not want him to be at all uncomfortable about it or get any weird images in his head whenever he thinks about it. I really want to tell him because I hate keeping secrets but she’d be angry if he found out. Unfortunately despite pole dancing’s rising popularity it is still a difficult subject to bring up, especially because all of the stereotypes – I feel like I have to come prepared with a video of Felix Cane or Becca Butcher or Karol Helms or Michelle Stanek before anybody gets the picture that the pole dancing I do is not about stripping, it’s a uniquely challenging sport that should be respected despite its sexiness. However, that part is also what makes pole dancing so much fun! It’s frustrating because while I don’t want anybody (especially my parents!) to have an image in their heads of me grinding naked against a pole, I also don’t want to strip pole dancing of its sexiness (and don’t believe I should have to just for the sake of other people’s opinions!) At the same time, there seems to be a line of "appropriateness" for some less open-minded people that shouldn’t be crossed, and I don’t want it getting back to the rest of my conservative family (and select others) that I pole dance – especially since they don’t have all of the facts.
How do you all handle stuff like this?
xo HollySatine
-
34 Replies
-
I’m wondering the same thing https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_scratch.gif perhaps where your family’s concerned you should strip it of its sexiness, at least at first. I don’t really know what your parents are like but that would at least remove that part of it, lol. Go for the athletic/artistic angle and just say it’s not about being sexy. They don’t have to know you enjoy that bit as well https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_wink.gif as for everyone else – the only problem I’m having with it is telling people I poledance and being seen as ‘easy’ https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_sad.gif I’ve not really started yet so I’ve only told a few friends that I’m thinking of trying it, but I’ve had a similar problem with telling people I’m bisexual. I’m a pretty open person so I don’t really keep secrets (especially considering that pretty much my entire circle of friends is gay, bisexual or at least bicurious) but I found that it seemed to attract a lot of guys… and obviously for the wrong reasons. I’m guessing it could be similar with poledancing; guys everywhere will think that means I’ll give them free naked lapdances and stuff ha. People have such predetermined ideas about everything >< bah.
So yeah I guess I haven’t quite figured out how to deal with the general public yet https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_question.gif apart from just keeping it secret somewhere being judged might have a direct effect on you (like at work or something – if it’s gonna cause you problems there’s not much point in saying it) and not caring what people think anywhere else lol. Or again, talk about all the competitions and things, all the strength and flexibility you need for standing on a vertical pole (which I certainly never thought was possible until I looked into pole properly) and all the naked ass-shaking that doesn’t get done https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_razz.gif then when people are interested you can go into the little sexy added bits, but even then it’s still on top of all the athleticism and gymnastics.
-
first of all i love that you referenced michelle stanek because she is one of my close buds! and i agree, she IS amazing and right up there with the best in the biz. so awesome to hear others give her props. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_cheers.gif
so, both of my parents know i pole. my mom, for the first two years that i poled, only knew that i took a "yoga" class. and when i introduced her to the idea of me actually pole dancing, i showed her videos of felix cane to give her an idea of the artistry and strength involved. and when i talked to her about it, i told her about how empowering it was, how great it was to be pole dancing for MYSELF and not for an audience, and how it was about understanding my own sexiness and being comfortable with a part of me that i hadn’t really dealt with for a long time. she got it right away, but not everyone will. my dad only was told about it after i started teaching. my dad tries to be supportive, and he is really cute about it, but he is also. so. awkward. and. clearrrrly. uncomfortable talking about it. the last time we were together we were watching a cirque du soleil video and i took pains to point out to him (during a chinese pole segment): i can do that. i can do THAT. and that trick right htere? i do that all the time. his eyes went: https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_eek.gif he had no idea. he loves me and was supportive without even really understanding. my mom has actually asked me to make a video that she can show him, because all my current vids are too… sexy. and i think i will!
your mom may be supportive of you– but are you sure that she really gets it? maybe she is supportive of you bc she’s your mom, but is worried that others will judge you and wants to protect you from that? or that others have more stereotypes about poling that they will not be able to see past? i have no idea what your relationship is, but i would tend to give moms the benefit of the doubt https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_smile.gif
while it’s nice to have support and encouragement from everyone in your life, i would think carefully about why you want to tell people. i don’t personally think that telling people you pole is like coming out of the closet: poling isn’t your identity, or an essential part of you that people HAVE to accept. pole, however obsessed you may be, is a hobby. until you start competing or teaching, it is something that CAN be private to you and your poling friends. it’s not something that you HAVE to tell people about, or should feel you are keeping a "secret"– if you went and started taking pilates classes would you feel you have to shout it from the rooftops?
i guess what i’m trying to say is that: you should figure out who you really want to tell and who you don’t, and how much you are going to tell each person. you revealing this part of yourself is a privilege to the listener, not a load that you need to get off your back. they are only told if they fit in your circle of trust. and when you DO tell people, make sure you are strong enough in your convictions of why YOU pole to be able to explain it to others. you don’t need to justify yourself, but you should have really thought about why YOU do it, and why YOU are passionate about it, because that strength in your beliefs will come through in your tone. a true friend, if they know you believe strongly in something, will respect that because they respect YOU.
-
Nice Topic! M y entire family knows i pole, even most of my coworkers. In fact, i got mom to take an intro class with me at the studio where i train. Since she could barely squat to sit the following day, she can appreciate the sheer strength poling requires. i tell anyone I have dealings with. It is my primary reason for not being free to hang out. ‘ I cant, im poling tonight!’ I refer the people that reply with snide comments to the youtube video of Jenyne Butterfly Wapps. That usually prompts questions that arent stripper related. Educating the dirty minded masses. I do practice as clothed as permissable when the family is around, just to solidify the sport connection in their minds.
-
Good topic!
My family and friends know I pole. I am a very honest person and I don’t believe in hiding things. From day one I let people know I was poling. I post about it on Facebook. I’ve run into some negativity from my mom and brother mainly. My dad was weird about it at first. He always use to reference Chris Rock’s joke about a father’s job is to keep his daughter off the pole. Once I showed him some pics and actually sent him a video of me poling, he realized that I wasn’t stripping and that it truly is an athletic activity. (I did send him a very non-sexy video of me basically just doing tricks and spins.) My mom was very nervous about it at first, but again after seeing a video and pictures she became accepting. The oldest of my two brothers has been the biggest challenge. He is 20 years old and he has a certain image of pole dancers. When I posted a few pictures on Facebook of me poling (first picture was of me doing a Peter Pan and the other was me just doing a pole sit) he immediately starting making negative comments on my album. I have confronted him and told him that I don’t strip, though I see nothing wrong with women who do. I explained that I do it for fitness. I told him to hit my mom up for the video, but he refused. I have sort of accepted that it makes him uncomfortable and that he’s not cool with it. I at least expect the negativity now, but I hope that one day he’ll come around.
I hate that everyone automatically thinks girls who pole are all strippers and "loose," because that’s just not the case. I’ve had luck getting a few family and friends to actually go to a beginners pole class with me to see what it’s about. With all cases, my guests have left looking for a place to pole back in their town or have signed up at the studio I go to. Once they realize it’s fun and not dirty, they love it!
-
My friends and family all know but my coworkers have no idea. I work with too many men and feel that I will get too much negative attention if they all find out. Even with my family I keep the sexy part out though, I don’t feel the need to talk about that side of it with them. My friends are a different story, they’re only interested in the sexy side of pole dancing and think its super cool that I’m sticking with it LOL
-
I am a pretty open and honest person right off the bat with people but at first, I wasn’t that open with people about my poling. Not because I was ashamed but because people can be complete assholes sometimes and I didn’t feel like the drama. But now that I have been poling awhile, I really don’t give a rats ass what people think. I even inserted a bit about loving pole into my twitter and facebook profiles. Nowdays almost everyone I deal with–family, friends etc know that I pole. Of course I don’t shove it in their faces all the time, but if the subject comes up, I rave about the pole whenever I can. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_smile.gif
-
Yep! everyone that knows me knows i pole dance – its something i love doing and im proud of what i have accomplished. My family and friends are very supportive and i really couldnt care less if people called me names for doing it or thought i was a stripper…i know im not and the people that matter to me know im not and the idiots out there that refuse to change their perceptions…well quite frankly i dont need them in my life.
I personally think be loud and proud about it! if people dont like it, thats their problem not yours, and if they cant accept it, move on from them and find people who are happy to see YOU happy
-
I didn’t have time to read through all the post so hopefully I’m not repeating what someone else has said. I like to use the term pole "fitness". Especially around people who do not yet understand what it is all about. If they say "oh, pole DANCING". I quickly say "NO pole FITNESS". Some people will never get it though! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_scratch.gif
-
– I didn't have time to read through all the post so hopefully I'm not repeating what someone else has said. I like to use the term pole "fitness". Especially around people who do not yet understand what it is all about. If they say "oh, pole DANCING". I quickly say "NO pole FITNESS". Some people will never get it though! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_scratch.gif
2 days, 15 hours ago from Nashville, Tennessee
I often say pole fitness too and then when people know more about it I start saying pole dancing as they then know thats it's not what they might think of initially at the mention of pole dancing.
Maybe you should talk to your mum and ask her why she doesn't want your dad to find out? I felt a bit weird about it at first because of the stigma that is attached to it but my family were very accepting and were amazed at some of the moves I could do when I showed them 😀
It's actually my mum that corrects people by saying "it's fitness, pole fitness!" when someone says I pole dance which I find quite funny! lol
To convince anyone that pole does not have be anything to do with "bumping and grinding" I just show them videos of people like Jenyne Butterfly and Zoroya Judd. They're soon convinced it's not always what they first thought!
I tell everyone now, I couldn't care less if they think it's just stripping…. I'll happily show them what its really all about for me!! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_flower.gif
-
most everybody in my family knows I pole dance. and they know for me it isn't just about the fitness it is about the sexy. the people at my husbands work know which is funny because he works as a civilian contractor for the army and has an office full of PHD's and the like. They think he is lucky lol. my dad seems ok with it, but we really don't talk about it much. my sister hates it but she is a closed minded prude.
My job not so much since I work with a bunch of dumb guys. they would never let the subject alone if they knew and it would make my ultra ultra conservative boss very uncomfortable knowing. although my days of keeping it a secret will come to an end when I open my studio.
-
only about 2 or 3 of my friends know i pole dance and none of my family.
=(
no one NO ONE in my life is the type of person that is supportive of any of my hobbies, so I just let all of my accomplishments out on this fabulous veena forum.
seriously- my friends and family have always discouraged me anytime i wanted to try something- from music lessons, to ballet lessons, to veganism, to jogging, running marathons, rollerderby, and firedancing. They usually make an ignorant, uneducated statement about how dangerous or unhealthy something is, or how it would be a waste of time and money…. It's a miracle i can do ANYTHING! Maybe that's what pushed me to actually do all of these things? I live in the south where some people can be lazy, closeminded, alcoholics, and drug abusers, and i am absolutely not at all like that. Sorry if I'm ranting! I'm just so fed up with feeling like an alien in my hometown. I'm seriously considering moving come 2012.
so yeah- i tell no one. they can all suck it.
much love to all the studio veena members xoxo
-
For the longest time most people knew except for my parents (super conservative). I finally told them and my mother has done way better than I expected accepting it. She sighed and was like "well as long as it isn't skanky and you're happy. You've always been an odd duck, so I'm not too surprised." Not sure what my Dad said.
She happened to mention it to my godparents and they weren't sure how to take it, but as this past new years party they asked my parents about it and in the course of things my dad (who apparently is always armed with his Ipad now that he has one) googles Felix cause she won MPD Australia which I went to, and they were most impressed with how acrobatic it was and not at all what they had imagined. Apparently if I had phrased it pole acrobatics they would have understood better.
Some extended family will prob never find out or if they do accept it, but I don't really care. They're family. I love them and respect them but we def don't have the same views about many things and that's cool. As long as they remain respectful we're fine.
-
I told my parents as soon as I knew I was totally hooked (after my 2nd pole class). My mom thought it was cool, pretty much immediately, and my dad was supportive but poked some fun at me. Both of them knew that I wasn't going to become a stripper, so they didn't even bring that up. I realize I am very… VERY… lucky. My brother though, unfortunately, has given me a little bit of grief about it. He always tells me he's glad I'm being active and that it makes me happy. He says that HE understands that it's not a "dirty" thing. His problem is that he gets ridiculously uncomfortable when I talk about it with other people in front of him. I also cannot even think about street poling around him. He's convinced that everyone who can see thinks I'm a complete heathen. I do not see how doing a knee hold on the side of a railing would make everyone around me think I'm a stripper… I just don't see that. They might think I'm into acrobatics or gymnastics maybe? And that's if they don't already know what pole dancing is! Bah! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_confused.gif
But I would like to share a nice story as well. Over Thanksgiving my father's side of the family had a little family reunion. It was great to see some of those people… haven't seen them since my grandmother's funeral 5 years ago. Most of that side of the family is fairly conservative, and since I knew I'd only be seeing them for a day I thought maybe I wouldn't flood the conversation with having to explain pole to everyone. However, that was not to be. I was approached by a family member who asked me about the pole dancing… and why? Because my FATHER told everyone about it! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_eek.gif I was so surprised! Really? Dad? Wow! Ok let's talk pole! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_biggrin.gif He actually told everyone how acrobatic it was and that I was "pretty advanced". They all wanted to see me flex! LoL! It was just an awesome thing to realize how supportive my father is about pole.
In general when I run into someone who is more closed-minded about it… I will explain that the tricks aren't very different from those seen on aerial silks and lyra. I guess that's de-sexifying it… but a lot of the time they just can't get the stripper image out of their head. So I have to take them away from the pole for a second, then re-introduce it. It is the means by which we can do the tricks, it does not dictate how we dance. Our mood, music, and bodies dictate that.
-
Just about everyone I contact with knows. The only person that may be behind on it is my dad. Hes not plugged in social networking so him stumbling across my YT is highly unlikely. I almost put the USPDF calendar in my office but I figured my boss would get a bit upset seeing it. My office is semi public viewing.
My mom is always plugging me and telling them where to find me on YT. She even told her Zumba instructor to check me out! My bff talks about me and my crazy YT fans at work. The funny thing is at my Bff's baby shower, one girl came up to me and said 'Your Lulu, arent you?" Yep, im even spotted at baby showers!
The person who gets creeped out is my brother. He views like everyone else – he thinks his big sister is a stripper. But I think he changed his view a little when he came to help me out. He helped me pick up the X Stages for my event and we were talking about Bad Azz being on The Doctors recently. We had a whole discussion about pole dancers and how were not strippers but were crazy talented artists.
-
How not to tell? i have hard time not tell the girl at the grocery. I had start to talk about it even before i took my first lesson. At first people laugh maybe because they don't how to react to it and they imagine me grinding on a polehttps://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_eek.gif.
My family are ok with it, they understand that it help me a lot and i feel way better with myself now (body and mind). My mom even ask me to show her my new video and picture. I have to say that inviting all my cousin at my place when some didn't know about the pole was fun, especially that it's almost the first thing you see when you get into my house, got some fun reaction lol.
The people i work with know about it to, one of the woman even consider trying it before long. But the funniest reaction was my boss (few years older than me), we're a really small team so he heard me talk about it and felt a little unconfortable with that. Then start to pick on me about the only pole dance he knew about was with butt naked girl. That he didn't see how i could get a bruise on my hip by doing stripper moves. A few weeks ago he came to me, saying he was doing homework with his daughter on internet and was seeing girl on the pole all the time…euh you watch what with your daughter? In fact the're was an advertisement for pole class on the side and he could see the girls doing crazy upside down stuff lol Yep he understand now how i get bruise and got a new respect for me and my sport.
I love to share my love for pole with as many person i can, so they know that it's not just a slutty thing. And maybe the next time they hear someone talking bad about pole dancing they can explain that it's not that. I have convince many girls around me to try and they talk to their friend about it….someday everybody will know about pole dance just like they know about golf.
Log in to reply.