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New to Pole and disappoint to the point of quitting!!
Hi everyone, my name is Lisandra. I’m new to pole, just started about 5 months ago and I love it. I wanted to get everyone’s opinion on a situation I was put on. I currently have a pole in my apartment, not too much space, but since I’m new I don’t think I need much space. I decided to visit a studio that’s about 20 minutes away, just to see how it was and pick up some tips, I was hoping to do a membership if I liked it, to my surprise the moment I walked through the doors I felt uncomfortable because I got some dirty looks. I decided to stay because I thought maybe it was my nerves or my imagination playing tricks on me. I approached the counter and I told the lady at the counter I wanted to sign up for their intro class, she gave me some paperwork to fill out and when I paid for the class, she asked me where I was from, I told her I was born in Mexico, she told me she knew I wasn’t American because I had an accent but her tone of voice was very nasty and she kinda rolled her eyes. I know I have a bad accent, but I’m proud to bilingual, well then she showed me to the pole room, I have to say it was beautiful. I met a couple of girls that were new to pole also. Class started and everything was going fine until we started practicing to invert, the instructor went around making sure we all were properly placed on the pole and we had the correct grip, everything was fine until some of the girls started to invert, I was impressed and I wanted to do it, I told the instructor if she could help me and she told me that I was to fat to invert, that I needed to lose some weight and then I was going to be able to invert properly, because of those “fat” girls that invert are doing it wrong and that no one in her class was going to invert the wrong way. I felt so embarrassed, I just walked away with tears in my eyes and didn’t even finish class. I went to tell the owner what had happened, and she told me that if I wanted to get injured I should go to another studio because her instructor are the best and that she was not at fault for anything, to take her comment as a challenge to lose weight! That she is sick of seeing all these over weight women saying that they can pole and making fools of themselves in the pole community. I asked her for a refund and she said NO, and that if I didn’t like their teaching technics, to look for another studio. So I feel that I was discriminated due to my race and being overweight. What should I do? I don’t want anyone else to go through what I went through, I spent 2 days crying and I wanted to quit pole, because this is not what I thought a pole community was all about, I thought everyone got along and helped each other out.
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32 Replies
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Hey Lisandra!
I’m really sorry to hear you had such a horrible experience. I would absolutely be offended if anyone said such things to me, or reacted like that! It’s absolutely not okay to make judgements about people’s weight or background.
While, yes, much of the Pole community is very welcoming and accepting (this place, for me, has been amazing for both of those), it is growing, and by growing it’s also having some pains. People who have very specific judgements of other people and what they do is one of the challenges that we have to accept is going to happen as pole dancing becomes more mainstream. There was recently some drama about a move that Felix Cane created (called the Spatchcock) which someone else in the pole community looked like a chicken. It wasn’t the best moment for the community, and seemed to divide people quite a lot (didn’t see much, if anything, here).So, I’m just going to put a couple of things down that we’ve seen around here. First, inverting during an introductory class sounds extremely dangerous to me! Most people begin inverting at around 6 months of very consistent pole work, and some do not master it for years. It doesn’t matter how skinny or fat you are, if you don’t have the muscle for it, and you don’t know how the move works, serious injury is extremely likely!
I’m sorry to hear that there are pole studios out there with such unsafe and discriminatory practices.
Second, pole dancing at home only is perfectly viable! The lessons here on Studio Veena are excellent, and I’ve been using them for years. I have not, granted, been very consistent with my practice of pole dancing, but I’m getting better, and through being more consistent at home, I’m getting stronger! I have no studios in my town for pole dancing, so this is my only option… and it works well!
Third, your weight has very little to do with your ability to pole dance. There are many women who are beautiful, graceful, and strong on the pole, and most would describe them as “fat.” There are also women who are very thin, but do not have the strength to execute many moves. Your weight has little to do with skill and strength. Larger people face different challenges, and smaller people also face different challenges!So, I would say that the pole studio you tried was not a great experience, and you probably should not go back to them. You tried, and I think you are very brave for doing so! But, they didn’t treat you properly and have obviously dangerous ideas of what we can do on the pole early on. Not safe, not nice!
But, please keep at it! We welcome EVERYONE here, and the support here for keeping up a steady practice, troubleshooting moves, and getting fit and strong are excellent. Veena is always around to answer any lesson questions and other things.
Even if you aren’t into online lessons here, I hope you keep pole dancing! -
Dear Lisandra
Please do not take notice of these ignorant people. Unfortunately, people like this exist world over and letting them upset you allows them to own your feelings.
Do they know how loved you are by your family and friends? Do they know what inspires and motivates you, makes you laugh or makes you mad? You may be artistic, or a writer or good at growing a garden. You may be great at making people giggle or be very kind and caring. They know none of the things that make you the individual person you are. They attack your body as fat or discriminate because your background is different, but can’t see the real you. Therefore, their ignorance reflects how they see themselves, a carefully constructed image with no substance behind it. Bullies are always insecure.
It’s your body and if you want to throw it upside down on a pole then you do so. The only one you need permission from is yourself. BTW.. I’m 1 person who thinks you can do it and will be waiting to hear how you are getting on.
Lots of love. -
For the life of me, I can’t understand how / why anyone would say something that stupid to you.
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This story is very disappointing to me. I can’t believe how rude some people can be. I would imagine after dealing with something like that that someone would have a difficult time going to try a different studio because of a fear of something like that happening again. It might be beneficial for you to try another studio or call ahead and see how their attitude is. I’m very sorry that this happened to you and that some people think they are so superior “we have the best trainers here”.
I’m sorry you dealt with racism as well. I feel the media has stirred the racial pot a bit and some people are being more open with their hatred. I’ve experienced some negative things as well.
Please don’t quit. It can be rewarding and you won’t experience that judgement here and veena has some great lessons.
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Definitely do not quit! Sorry to hear you had a bad studio experience because this is not the norm for the pole community. Inverting is hard and it takes a lot of time and a lot of strength. I have seen people of all sizes inverting, so don’t let that comment bother you at all! I think you should post an online review for the studio.
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Oh no! That’s no way to treat anyone! As everyone has said, that is not normal behavior in our community, so lease don’t let this studio stop you from enjoying all that pole can offer! I’m happy you found Studioveena, there are a lot of wonderful supportive members here they can help and encourage you!
Keep in mind that inverts take time and STRENGTH and CONDITIONING is what matters not SIZE! Build your strength and you’ll be well on your way to a healthy pole journey! If you have questions please feel free to ask!
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Wow what a disgusting way for that woman to behave. You deserve to be treated a whole lot better than that. She’s also just wrong about needing to lost weight to invert. You need to build up your strength, just like everyone else.
I’m sorry you encountered such a rotten instructor. I’d be horribly upset in your shoes too, but please stick with it and don’t let her atrocious behavior tear you down!
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That is absolutely terrible! No one should be treated that way. It’s one thing to say that you shouldn’t invert due to lack of strength but a totally different thing to say not to do it because of your weight. Girls of all shapes and sizes go to my studio, and they are all quite capable of inverting. There are some ignorant people in this world.
Have you reviewed the studio online? The first thing I would do is let the entire internet know that the instructors at this studio are racist fat shamers. Small businesses rely a lot on referrals, including online reviews. If I were searching the web for a local pole studio, this is certainly something I would want to know, and I would NOT want to take my business there. It sounds like they are not deserving of any new business. There’s no need to be spiteful about it. Just say exactly what happened, like you did here. You can write reviews on Google and yelp anonymously. If anyone can think of any other sites, please chime in.
If you would like any help with this, please let me know. It might not get your money back, but it’ll save a lot of people from having similar experiences.
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You do not deserve to be treated that way. Stick around here Studio Veena and you can learn everything you want from Veena. Do not rush learning an invert. I used to jump into them when I started poling and I actually injured my floating ribs more than once- very very painful and disruptive to life, in addition to being unkind to the body. Pole dance should be a celebration of our bodies and we (esp as polers) need to respect our bones and soft tissue!
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Thank you so much for your advise! I actually wrote a bad review on yelp but some how it’s not showing, I know I won’t be going back and I don’t mind letting everyone know the name of this studio because they are really unprofessional. The studio is called Bittersweet, and I hope no one else goes thru what I went through, I felt so ashamed and embarrassed, one of the reasons I stated to pole was because of the transformation I have seen online, being 5”4 and 200 lbs it’s really hard for me, also Im a breast cancer survivor, but I don’t want to do the breast reconstruction until I lose 50 lbs and I have days I can not even get out of bed, but I am pushing myself to be more active and eat healthier so I can be there for my two girls and show them that if you fall you get right back up and go for it stronger than before. As I read all your comments it brought tears to my eyes because I see that this site has a lot of amazing women!! I can’t wait to do a full membership and pole from my house. I would still love to try another studio, if anyone knows of one in Jacksonville plz let me know.
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Congrats on being a fighter and a survivor.
I’m horrified/disgusted that you were treated that way…
There you are, trying to better yourself and get stronger and learn some new things… And that’s just not ok. That’s just not a way to speak to someone. Anyone. Period.I don’t have any advice other than to keep your head up, they do not deserve your business!
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Lischacha91: Yelp has an algorithm that sorts reviews according to how many reviews one has written, whether one has a picture on their profile, put a location, etc in order to weed out fake reviews. Your review is probably there under “reviews not recommended” or something like that. If you scroll down the page the link to see the hidden reviews will be there. Not sure if this is the same in the app. If you eventually write more reviews for other things, this review will probably then show up on the main page. This has happened to me.
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Their behavior is a reflection of THEM…NOT you. As a woman of color myself, I can empathize with the pain and embarrassment that comes along with the preconceived notions of others.
But you must always remember not to allow their ignorance to shape how YOU behavior, or how you see yourself.I attended well-ranked university for undergrad, which I could only afford through grants, scholarships, and loans. I was surrounded by upper middle class and wealthy white people who made me feel poor for the first time in my life. To make matters worse, I also pursued two majors which were predominantly comprised of white males (philosophy and German). I constantly had my opinions challenged, my views mocked, I was talked over, ignored, condescended to, etc. I often couldn’t make a mistake without someone attributing it to my race or gender. I cried many times, and wanted to give up countless times. But I didn’t. I got my degrees and now I am pursuing law school. DO NOT LET OTHER PEOPLE STAND IN YOUR WAY…YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU SET YOUR MIND TO. I have seen plenty of videos of full-figured women who can pole dance circles around many snobbish thin women. I would leave them a very negative Yelp review, let others know how you were treated, and keep looking for a studio with teachers who have enough professional experience to work with all body types.
I remember one time I was hoop dancing in the park, and a couple of women walked by and sneered at me. They made mocking gestures and I could hear them laughing about how desperate I must have been for attention. That was not the first or last time a person judged me for my preferred form of dancing and self-expression. But you know…in a way I’m thankful for the negativity some people directed at me, because it helped to strengthen my ability to stay focused on my flow and my movements. I think that has a lot to do with how rapidly I improved. I credit these hard experiences with negative people with helping to strength me into the confident woman today.
And as far as your accent and language skills…you SHOULD be proud. You can speak TWO languages…and let me tell you, many Americans I have met can barely handle their native English.
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Dear Lisandra,
I’m extremely sorry to hear you had a bad experience with a studio but please don’t quit pole because of that. Pole is a wonderful sport, and I find that as a “heavier” girl, it’s extremely rewarding and the community at large is VERY supportive. I’m lucky I have a studio near my house, but I also use SV extensively and her lessons are AMAZING. I started poling a bit over a year ago and I can really see the transformation in my weight, body shape and strength. It takes a long time to invert and any studio who teaches it as part of a beginners class is doing something wrong. It took me almost 9 months to begin to invert and almost a year before I could do a chopper but it’s very individual. I’ve seen women who do it much sooner and women who take longer…I really recommend using Veena’s lessons. They build up from easier moves into more complex moves that build on each other and progression gets easier once you’ve started building strength. (If you’ll notice, she has inverts in the intermediate section, where it should be!) Also, get a good crash mat. Regardless of weight. I know I’m heavy, but I’m also accident prone, sweaty and can’t distinguish between left and right when I’m inverted and a good crash mat has provided me with more support than I’d like to remember… Also, when I am working on new moves, I try to use a spotter. I usually use hubby, although I’ve used friends, on occasion (if they drop by when I’m at the end of a workout…). I get them to watch Veena’s video with me, then watch as I perform a move, helping me understand what has to be where (I seriously lose all sense of orientation when my feet aren’t firmly on the ground, and more so when I’m inverted!), and in case I feel insecure in my grip, have them give me a hand so that I don’t crash. (*Hubby, who is my usual spotter, is a 98lb weakling who couldn’t lift me if his life depended on it. The helping hand is usually used to make sure my head is tucked in if I’m inverted or just to bring an additional appendage closer to the pole.)
If you want additional inspiration, you’ll find many bigger girls who pole. See Emma Haslam who is an amazing dancer wow audiences as she worked her way to the finals on “Britain’s Got Talent” [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqzUI5t9qJ4]. There’s also lots of extremely talented dancers here. 🙂
PS – Being bilingual rocks! (At the studio I go to being bilingual puts you in the minority as most of the girls are trilingual… I’d love to learn a third language!)
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That is awful! I’m sorry but what a BITCH. This seems to be the problem with pole, for every group of people who are wonderfully supportive and encouraging (like us Veeners!) there are mean sneery bitches who think pole is only for them and look down on others especially beginners (or are nasty cos they are jealous !). I remember how terrifying it was starting out, how self conscious i felt doing ANYTHING next to tiny skinny girls who just floated around the pole with no effort.and i will never forget how that felt, so i try always be encouraging to new polers.
i am much more confident now i have more experience under my belt and am happy to drop into random studios – i dont give a shit about ‘pole-itics’ anymore now i feel i can ‘hold my own’ sort-of-thing: ~ if you want to stand in the corner giving me evil eyes and whispering/laughing about me you go ahead, meanwhile ill be over here poling my arse off and improving myself – you just enjoy watching my baaadd self instead of actually putting any effort into your own practice 😉 But pole (at a studio) is a really daunting experience in the beginning, everything is embarrassing , it feels like everyone is looking at you and laughing (even if they aren’t!) Not helped by inconsiderate thoughtless people like that!
As others have said , if she had told you ‘you are not strong enough yet to invert’ and given you more drills to practice that would be a very different story, i would expect a teacher to say that to ANY student. But calling out your weight issue is appalling, and so unprofessional! That is hilarious to think of any other fitness instructor sending someone out of their class because ‘they were too fat!!’ surely that is why you go to fitness classes! you don’t magically get fit by looking in through the window!! your progress could have been that studio’s biggest success story; if only they weren’t too shallow and narrow-minded to see that. Its a shame the owner is similar; and cannot see how inappropriate it was to speak to you like that. They will surely find out the hard way… just goes to show it doesnt matter how good a pole dancer you are, not everyone is suited to teaching….
And the racism is bang out of order in any situation. ~ Bitch please; when you can speak 2 languages and have the balls to start a new life in a different country then you can sneer, til then keep your judgements to yourself and stop trying to bring others down. People like that drive me nuts. Positivity people!! it’s the only way to keep life bearable =)
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