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Need your opinions!
I’ll try to keep this to the point: In my "My December" video I mentioned being stressed and such and one of the reasons is fighting with the husband. And one of the things he’s upset about is me posting videos and pictures without him kinda sorta approving it first. He doesn’t like the idea of me posting videos of me half-dressed (or undressing) and dancing publicly on the internet. Granted, this isn’t YouTube, but he’s still squeemish about the idea.
I kinda see where he’s coming from, but the feedback from my videos is what helps me get better and the positive comments from everyone enjoying them is what inspires me to keep going. He doesn’t know about nearly all the videos on here now and I hate that disappointed look on his face because he feels like I’m doing something behind his back (which I kinda am). So I see it from both sides.
So this is what I’m going to propose: that I only leave up my videos temporarily. Meaning I’d take down all the ones I’ve posted and leave any new ones up for a few weeks or so. That way I get my feedback, people still get to see my progress, and it isn’t up forever and maybe that will be a good compromise with the husband. I haven’t run this idea by him yet, I’m just looking to see what you all think.
By the way, please don’t read too much into this about my husband… I’ve mentioned before in chat that he doesn’t like me on webcam either and that got some negative comments. He’s just nervous because it’s the internet and you never really know who’s out there, and he’s also kinda possessive of me in the sense that he doesn’t like the idea of other people seeing… um, skin (and combine that with the whole internet thing and there you go). I’m just trying to find a way to meet in the middle here… Thanks! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_smile.gif
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25 Replies
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I think if you have to do this in order to be able to post videos at all, then it’s better than not being able to. But honestly if youre self taught like I am, the best way to learn is by posting videos. I would have missed out on a lot of things if people like Veena deleted their videos since I learned from a lot of her things…and eventually when I got better I started getting messages from people saying they were learning from my videos. My ex boyfriend had a problem with me posting them but he was totally irrational in general. If it’s putting a ton of stress on your relationship then try to comprimise if that’s the best solution you can come to. Just the .2 of a single gal though https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_tongue.gif
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I have some similar issues with my husband……basically I just try to be careful in what I expose, and where I post it. I have a private blog so I can manage my readership, and I don’t post videos on YouTube. I feel very safe here on SV, maybe I’m being naive but I feel like this is such a serious pole dance community that the potential for weirdo’s is quite limited. I agree with Glitter and think you’ll do better with your goals if you leave your videos up. Your vids already seem to be mostly shot in darker lighting, maybe it would make your husband feel better if it was even a little darker so it’s more just your silhouette. I know – the internet is weird…..my husband is not even crazy about me having a FaceBook – he’s just like ‘I don’t get it!!’ WHY??? https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif I don’t ‘approve’ things with him, but we have an understanding of what we’re both comfortable with so I really try to respect him and our marriage. Overall I just don’t really bring it up but every once in a while if I’m excited about something I’ve posted I’ll show it to him…..he’s like ‘freaking rad babe’ https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif
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My husband too has issue with me posting videos or even pictures and none of them are "sexy" or revealing in my opinion. I try not to post to often because of this. He doesn’t want people we know (family, friends or work) to see them because he feels they’ll get the wrong idea.
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Ohhh I’m glad I’m not the only one! I was so worried I was going to get a bunch of replies saying "Screw him! You’re an adult and blah blah blah…" That’s true to some extent, but it’s not like he’s not trusting me; it’s the exposure. You know what I mean???
He didn’t care so much about the video I put up yesterday of the 5/16 practice, except he thought the outfit was too skimpy https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_confused.gif I thought I was covered very well considering how much skin you need showing! So I think we just need to sit down and discuss the parameters that he’d be comfortable with and such, too.
Sorry, started thinking out loud there for a minute. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_tongue.gif
Thanks for the input, girls, I’ll mull this over and figure out a way to approach the subject. Any other opinions would be greatly welcomed! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_cheers.gif
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I don’t know. I don’t mean to give the unwanted type of reply.. but also, I would like to give my opinion.
There are a LOT of crazies out there! Lots!
And there’s a LOT of skin out there.
There are a loooot of people wanting to mess with you for no good reason at all.Men can masturbate over just about anything. So if that’s his deal- maybe he should suggest you not post ANYTHING from photos to videos to even comments, because frankly- if there’s a pervert to witness it, there’s a pervert to enjoy it.
We could be scaredies and make sure to never throw out our feminine napkins with the regular trash- because some weirdo might sniff them. Or wear supersmocks outside (maybe a burqa?) because someone might find us sexy.
I respect my husband… when he’s not being an idiot. There are situations where he decides to "put his foot down", where he doesn’t make ANY damn sense. For instance, I am SUPPOSED to tell everyone at my new place of work that I pole dance. What?! WHY. Because of the bruises. I better come clean now, otherwise they’re going to think he beats me and maybe it’ll get back to his work and maybe he might have to deal with an inquiry. Mhm. Nevermind that the truth sets you free- but I’ll have to deal with that kind of ridiculous eye for coming clean in a place where I just barely started? I don’t need that kind of attention, it’s none of their business.
Were he concerned with my skin, or the crazies out there.. I’d feel the same way. I have a MUCH larger chance of a huge self esteem boost and great feedback on my work than I have a chance of some loony following me around because he somehow found out that Amcut is Areta Marie Cutler. And if the loony comes- let him be aware that I am six feet of well armed Texan.
I LOVE my husband, and I’m sure you LOVE your husband! As much as marriage includes humoring things that are harmless- you stand to gain SO MUCH from being here! So much! So for his negative feelings about posting to deny you the satisfaction you should be getting.. it’s not just harmless caring for him, respect, love, trust, whatever.. it’s him preventing you from getting what you need. So, in this case, my opinion is that your marital obligation is to tell him exactly what it means to you, exactly how scared you aren’t, because obliging him in this situation could stunt your personal growth! SO MUCH TO GAIN.
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Well I talked it over with my husband (well we actually got in a fight) and I took my older videos down. Same with most of my profile pictures.
He saw the picture of me in the black dress that I had for my default profile pic and he was mad because he thought that was something just for me and him. Kinda not as much fun for him knowing the rest of the world has seen it… So then he went on to say that he just wishes that I gave him a heads up about what I was posting (pics and vids). He said it wasn’t that he necessarily would tell me not to or anything though. He just wants to know what is going around of his wife on the internet.
This blew up plenty, but the end result is that I really should respect the fact he asked me to involve him in this process and I didn’t. I asked him what he did and didn’t have problems with in pics and vids and he said he didn’t mind our challenge videos (like this month is Amateur night, and as long as I’m not wearing a garter or something like that, he doesn’t care because it’s a theme and everyone is doing it) and he doesn’t mind the sports bra and shorts outfits. He doesn’t like the regular bra and undies and sexy outfits. He prefers those kind of things remain private, because after all, one of the perks of marriage is exclusive "enjoyment" of one another.
So I think I can handle that. I took down all the old practice videos. My more recent videos will stay up for maybe another week or so. The last video I posted of the 5/16 Practice will be the first one to stay up because that one was ok (the My December one is probably over the limit, but it’s my best dance yet and I don’t want to take it down yet…). I left the Why Peekaboo Sucks one up, though https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_tongue.gif
If anyone wants any of the videos, PM me and we’ll work something out.
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I’m not entirealy sure, if its that you feel (or he feels) that by posting or being in chat rooms will put you in danger? Or is it that he doesn’t want anyone to find out you pole dance?
If its for your safety, https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_scratch.gif then I would think, things like myspace, facebook and having a youtube account would be a no, no. If someone want to find you then there are plenty of ways to do it. I hate the fact that the media blows things out of proportion, telling us, our children will be kidnapped if we let them play at a park, we’ll all get swine flu https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_porc.gif your identity will be stolen if you buy online, and don’t for get…..the sky is falling too. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif Yes bad things happen, but I won’t stop living my life because something "could happen". This is coming from someone who used to be EXTREMELY paranoid, that bad things would happen all the time. There was a brief period of time where, I had panic attacks at the thought of driving in a car, among other things. I feel really sad when people let fear stop them from doing what they want.
If you or he are worried that someone will find out…. Well, my family doesn’t like the fact I dance….they are cool with it IF, I keep the wiggle out. LOL Fitness only! The first video I posted to youtube was my Brittany Spears video (the one of me in the tall boots). I felt awful, so I decided to try to loose the sexy, in a few vids after. I tried mostly moves, no dance (well no wiggle). It just wasn’t fun for me though…I express the music through my pole dance, and I was frustrated that if I expressed myself the way I wanted, (with wiggles) lol I would disappoint my family and look like a bad mom. BUT I became tired of doing things to please others…..so I brought sexy back. Well now my family really doesn’t care to talk about my business, but I have decided to no longer feel like I should hide what I do. We are sexual beings, and I don’t think pole dancing in a sensual way is wrong. Regardless of how I dance…I’m still a kind, respectful, loving person, even though I have sexy vids on the internet. Its sad that professionals, like teachers ect have to be so careful. Its annoying that if a woman was an exotic dancer, that some how we as a society can decide that, this woman isn’t fit to be a professional. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif
Your not weird or alone to feel worried, it’s how, we’ve been taught to feel. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_cry.gif
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Foxy I had a similar issue with my hubby when I first started pole dancing. He would fuss and moan and roll his eyes everytime I went to a class. He would make me feel bad and say that I wasn’t setting a good example for my daughters. That by going to classes out side of my home I was setting a bad example and teaching my kids that it’s alright to be a stripper or something (not that I have a problem with women stripping lol but he did). He really hit me in my soft spot and I stopped going although I wanted to soooo bad. Eventually I started sneaking, I would go during my lunch break or after work and tell him I was going to the gym. It felt so stupid to have to sneak to do something I liked and felt wasn’t a big deal for my kids to see. He would see me watching pole dance videos on youtube and tell me I shouldn’t let the kids see.
Eventually (for other reasons) we seperated. But had if I to do it over again I would have expressed how much it meant to me to do it and do whatever I could to improve. My hubby and I are now working on reconciling and one of the first orders of business was that I like to pole. It makes me happy and I’m going to do it. he finally accepted it and even bought my pole for me https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_biggrin.gif Finally! LOL
I do plan on posting videos to help me improve and I plan on showing him eveyrthing early on and letting him know so that he feels like it’s a group decision. I think you and your hubby are making a good compromise. Letting him feel like he has a say and that his opinion matters is a big part of helping him to get comfortable with it. Eventually this will probably resolve over time (you are still pretty new) and maybe he’ll even join you in a video one day LOL.
My hubby still rolls his eyes when I say it’s for fitness LOL, I guess he’ll never know till he trys and invert or a shoulder mount https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_wink.gif
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Men can masturbate over just about anything.
We could be scaredies and make sure to never throw out our feminine napkins with the regular trash- because some weirdo might sniff them.
Or wear supersmocks outside (maybe a burqa?) because someone might find us sexy.
I respect my husband… when he’s not being an idiot.
Amcut- you are f in HEElarious! First line made me LOL. The next one made me spray yogurt all over my desk. Third and fourth had me nodding in agreement and chuckling. Coworkers think I’m crazy! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/alien.gif
My husband has become insanely jealous at the thought of me posting videos. We’ve had several talks and gotten nowhere. I tried to reassure, said I’d only post "tricks", no "wiggle" and no heels and lingerie. But then this month’s challenge got me thinking and I really want to post it all. I want to show off my skills and I want feedback and criticism. I don’ want to sneak and do it, cuz I don’t do sneaky well and that makes things worse. So I’m printing this thread and leaving it for him to read. Wish me luck! I’ve got the perfect song for ametuer night!
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Foxy,
My husband felt the same way about me posting videos. I love AND respect my husband’s wishes, but at the end of the day I had to tell him that my pole dancing was NOT about him. Pole dancing is MY fitness choice, but it is also my therapy and a great deal of pride and fun for me. For example, his bowling with his boys is about him and even though I know a few of them cheat on their wives I don’t tell him he can’t hang out with him because of their bad habits. I totally trust my husband, but there is no way I’d ask him to give up something that gives him joy. In fact, it has strengthened our marriage and he’s been able to witness indirectly to the wayward men about the beauty of fidelity!
I also explained to him about the posting of videos to hep me grow in pole dancing. He understood and has been totally helpful and enjoys watching my videos on SV.
Mind you, my husband also doesn’t want anyone else to see me in lingerie so he’s OK with the dancer shorts, sports bras, etc. But he never told me that he doesn’t want me to wear them in a video. Personally, I’d have to say that there is a fine line when it comes to marriage and respect for the other spouse’s wishes and one’s personal needs & wants as an individual. Yes, we are to compromise, but at what point will your compromise mean total sacrifice of who you are and what makes you happy. At some point you may resent your husband for taking something from you that meant a great deal to you. In the end you mayrealize that your compromise wasn’t a compromise on both ends.
Just my 2 cents!
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Hey
To be honest and maybe I might sound a little old fashion. But If your husband is upset about you posting any vids or pics then you shouldnt. Its not right for him. I understand that you like the comments and reviews that friends leave, but lets be honest. Our husbands come first and we should respect them. I pole dance, and I get a lot of help from girls on youtube. My husband doesnt care I pole dance as long as I do not post any pics or vids of myself, and this hasnt stopped me from wanting to keep going. I have no one else to ask so when I achive a new move who better than to ask your hubby. Ill ask him to check me my new move out and he will cheer me on. Thats good enough for me. If I where you, I would honestly get a private channel and only let a few of the most closest girlfriend to view videos. there are a couple of places that will let you do just that. There is actually a place where is like a blog and channel and your friends can register to view. You can either accept them or not. I really hope that you take this advice, because in the end we didnt get married to ourselves. We owe our husbands some respect. There is nothing wrong with having pole dancing fun, just as l ong as your not hurting yourself or others. Hugs! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_wink.gif
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I give a big second to NEVER DO THINGS BEHIND HIS BACK! Foxy, have you tried making a video just for him as a surprise? He might really like that https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_biggrin.gif My hubby and I have an agreement, I don’t post any videos to youtube without him seeing it first. I can post whatever I please here though! I do special dances, and surprise vids just for him, he really appreciates it, (at least he seems to) A LOT of people get to see his wife, so I want to make sure he feels he gets my full attention sometimes too. I did Christina Aguilera "Aint no other man" for his first surprise vid. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_flower.gif Let him know that the other vids you do, are just for the girls….that’s why I love doing all types of vids on here, I don’t feel like I’m gonna get a bunch on guys criticizing or sending stupid emails to me. I get to dance for my girls!! Studio Veena is about supporting women, not entertaining men. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_geek.gif
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Oh you girls are great! Maybe I’ll just have him read this thread like untamedshrew and see what he thinks…
It’s hard because I don’t think he entirely understands the atmosphere here. And neither did I at first! I was in regular shorts and a long tank top in my first video. So maybe I should show him some videos (mine and others) and the comments they get and see if that expands some understanding, too.
I really do see this from all angles… part of it is this is my little venture and I need to be able to share it and get feedback and all. I think he needs to have a little more trust in me and all that. However, I agree with PinkKitty that this is marriage and we need to be in agreement about this and I shouldn’t do anything that upsets him. I just don’t want to resort to the extremes of not putting up videos at all or just doing it anyway. It’s hard because I agree with all of you 100% but that’s pretty much impossible!!!
Oi… let’s hope I’m very articulate when I go to have a more civil discussion with him about this…
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sorry i totally agree with amcut on this one. afterall it is something that realy makes you happy and is already an important part of your life. you´ve already had to give up other things in your life, not fair that you´d have to give up on this too. i can understand your hubby´s point of veiw, i´m scared of the net too, but here on the site its private and you use an alias…
besides, unless your thinking of becoming a politition in the future pole dancing isn´t going to ruin your image. and even if you do make that career choice by then it will be an olympic sport and noone will even think twice about it!
best of luck!
https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_flower.gif frida https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_flower.gif -
I guess it’s about time for a male perspective hehehe
To be honest, unless you are Hugh Jackman, all men are scared little boys!! I’m just gonna put the truth out there. All men have an intense fear that their woman is all of a sudden going to turn from an ugly duckling into a beautiful swan and feel that they want to move on to a prince charming. Us men are hugely insecure. Irrational even. It’s why we take such drastic dramatic steps to cover it up with something else. Granted there are a lot of crazies out there, and it is true what amcut said, "Men can masturbate to just about everything" https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif however, there is soooooooooooooo much sick perverse free porn material on the Internet, (I ran across a woman gettin banged by a great dane the other day!! yikes!!!) that the likelihood of men actually sitting on this site and filtering through all these videos that show absolutely zero nudity and attempt to fulfill any kind of fantasy is almost to the point of absurdity to be worried about. Hell we need tiny blue pills, penis pumps, and gals to stepping on own our crotches with heels to get it up for God sakes lol Men these days are hugely sexually desensitized. Eventhough the concern is legitimate, it’s really not all that serious.
At the same token, when you are married, one’s partner’s feelings should probably most definitely be considered as duty. Being jealous means that one is probably truly deeply in love. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_smile.gif And that’s a rare quality to find in this day and age. I know I don’t have much authority or experience to speak on marriages since I’ve never been married and I have been celibate 3 years, but I had to go through some jealousy issues in the past. Some partners of mine didn’t even want me to go to the club because they felt that I dance too sensual and drew too much attention. Eventhough they know that I hate dancing with people at the club (I only dance with myself unless you’re a steady partner) and that I’m the biggest prude in America https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif irrationality, insecurity, and fear makes you forget the real true character of the person you are with sometimes. So don’t take that too personal.
It is not unreasonable to sit down with your partner and discuss the issues calmly, honestly, plainly, and openly. You never know when there is a deeper underlining issue that could be at the root of the agitation. It’s also not unreasonable to set some ground rules and make basic compromises. That’s probably a good idea in this day and age with so many torbulent marriages. The Internet also is a great power, with the potential to be a help or hinderance. The miracle of technology can bring together friends and family who are overseas and expose us to a vast wealth of information that can further our education. It has just as much potential to bring someone a new secret lover. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_confused.gif I was a product of a broken marriage in a family in the sticks with no cable, Internet, or exercise equipment so I can definitely see how having a hot pole goddess for a wife/gf would make any man nervous. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif And honestly, no man likes other men checking out their woman. Even if they are parading them in public as a trophy.
Clearly, the easiest thing to do is to compromise because stroking a partner’s ego 24-7 would be too freakin exhausting for anyone to do. It doesn’t work longterm anyway. Trust me, I’ve tried https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif You might end up killing or losing yourself in the process. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif But don’t let guilt make you feel obligated to completely sacrifice your happiness and shun your voice. You are a person too with equal rights. Compromising and being controlled and oppressed are 2 different things. Just make sure you are considering yourself in this too. You’ve definitely come to far discovering yourself to lose yourself now. Regardless, what you do decide to do, you know we got your back and we support you in whatever decisions you decide to make. I love you and I’m praying for you. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_thumright.gif
Jungle Cat https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_cat.gif
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