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Am I overreacting? Feeling slightly upset/confused/discouraged
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You might be sensitive if you’re having a bad pole day, but that happens to absolutely every single pole dancer in the world sometimes.
As far as your instructor goes, it is never a good idea to compare students like that. Especially when one of them is struggling. She shouldn’t have done that.
Remember, though, that if you want to take her class, you’re paying her so don’t be afraid to speak up! You can say, “I don’t like being compared to others,” if she says something like that. Or just ask her, “Do you think it’s fair to compare me to others?” It’s not rude to point out that what she’s doing isn’t beneficial to you. She is there to help you get better and if she can’t do that, time to try another instructor.
Don’t worry about the handstand business. Everyone has their nemesis moves. It’s not the move you will never get, it is simply the move that may take you longer to get. Remember there is more than one way to be strong, maybe handstands are not your thing but another move is your bread and butter.
Focus on what you do well, limit how many nemesis moves you work on in one class.
Change your focus to flow or flexibility for a little while, maybe. Come back to strength work when your self image is a little more restored and you can tackle those difficult moves with some confidence.
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She did wrong in comparing you to the others in that situation, no question.
Could it be that some instructors (not sure if it goes for this one) turn to the strenght argument when they don’t know how to help their students with the technique?A pole handstand shouldn’t require much strength. Remember to push you shoulders away from your body if that makes sense. Kind of make your body longer. That’s where a lot of the stability comes from.
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I agree with Lina that pole handstands should not take that much strength. A lot of people are just really uncomfortable getting their hips over their shoulders, and that alignment is important for the efficiency/ease of the move. Someone earlier mentioned that there are lots of exercises that lead up to handstands that you could practice safely.
Regarding the instructor’s behavior I’m sorry… it does sound like she put you on the spot unnecessarily & didn’t really have answers for you. Instructors are just people, though… it doesn’t excuse it, but maybe she was having a terrible day too…? Traveling, tired, felt like an idiot because she couldn’t think of how to help you? Just a thought. In the US because of the popularity of pole, there are more and more people instructing & doing workshops that … are not particularly qualified with much background. Idk if this is the same there, but I never forget that instructors are just people and they may or may not have anything to teach you 🙂 Please don’t be discouraged by this one bad day/bad interaction!
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A butterfly leg position in a handstand requires a certain level of flexibility and balance sometimes a straddle is much easier. Were other leg positions taught or offered? Was she watching your hands to make sure they weren’t super far out from the pole and that they were lined up under your shoulders properly? The butterfly leg variation can feel very scary.
I don’t think it’s good to compare students as everyone has strengths and weaknesses and everyone struggles with something. Handstands came later for me because they always felt scary. There is a lot of technique to the handstand – not just strength. Seems like she could have been much more tactful than she was. In terms of strength I’ve seen seemingly strong students struggle with what some may consider to be basic things because it’s also a matter of muscle engagement. So you can be super strong and not be engaging your core or your arms/shoulders etc. I really feel a lot of variations should have been offered if they were not and she should be asking questions about what your are feeling and working through it with you.
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Lina made an important point that applies to this and many other similar posts. A bad instructor is one where when they are not able to teach you something so, they put the blame on the student.
Aren’t we all a “Work in progress?” -
Thanks very much for all your thoughts on this guys. I am no longer quite as discouraged, I went back to my usual class today and my usual (nice) teacher wasn’t there so we had someone else take over. She was really great, we did TONS of conditioning which was hard but has definitely given me some ideas for strength building in my arms and my core. Gonna try and fit in the conditioning exercises at the start of every practice and will continue to work to improve myself, no matter how slow the progress might be.
I feel like my inverts have gotten weaker over the past couple of weeks?! Although that could be all in my head, and also the studio doesn’t have air con yet so it’s CRAZY slippy in there which makes it tougher. But my regular butterfly is (still scary, but) getting a little better each time I try, I managed to do it twice today, and my climbs are improving too. I think I won’t go straight to level 5, but instead will take some stretching/abs/spinning pole classes for all round improvement before I move any higher.
The inverts workshop also came up in conversation with 2 other girls, one had been and hinted that she didn’t get on with the teacher I had and much preferred the other one (so good to know I’m not alone), and the other girl reassured me that she can aerial invert, brass monkey, shouldermount etc but still can’t handstand, and that I mustn’t let it get me down. She recommended coming to some practice classes to learn from the other girls and generally work on what we’ve learned in class, and also the choreography workshop. I’d love to take that but sadly it’s too early for me to get over there after work. So anyway I’m feeling better all round 🙂 Gonna be scouring the class timetables this evening to see what additional workshops I can sign up for! I know where my money’s going this month…
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I love how positive and resilient you are! It’s really inspirational. You are totally going to nail those handstands because of the effort you’ll put in, and it will be so well deserved. Go you!
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Thank you Anzia! I’ve just been brave and booked a crazy long session this weekend – it’s a combination class, 1.5 hours of pole practice followed by a 1 hr 45 minute stretch class :O God help me! But I think it’ll do me good. Onwards and upwards!
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Ok it looks like the times on the website are a typo and it’s 45 minutes stretching, not 1 hour 45…I thought that was a ridiculously long time to stretch!!
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I wish I could make my stretch class that long. We stretch for an hour but I can’t fit in everything I want to do! It usually slips to about 80 mins, but I’d still want to do more!
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My issue with the instructor is that she didn’t pull you aside to tell you these things out of reach of another student’s ears. Just because you can’t do handstands due to an aspect of fear of mental block does not mean you are not strong. I was doing dead lift shoulder mounts before I could do a simple handstand. If her issue was really your safety, I would question why she felt the need to say it right then and there. If I were someone whose income depended on people LIKING the way I teach, and not going to another studio, I would be courteous and cautious as to how I approached girls when it comes to telling them to work on conditioning. Comparing you to another student in a negative manner is never okay, and I would inform the studio owner that she risks losing money by having her instructor say such insensitive, personal things, publicly.
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I am going to be honest and say I did not read all the responses… so sorry if I’m repeating. I’ve been teaching for several years and most of my students struggle with the butterfly handstand. Finding the right balance is difficult, scary, and takes a lot of trust that you will be able to stabilize yourself. It’s not necessarily a strength issue…
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I think I know who u mean (pretty sure we go to the same studio 🙂 ) and I know several people that aren’t that comfortable with her teaching style so it’s not just u. I know it’s hard but if that ever happens again, try and say something. I hate handstands too, never do them and when I do, they look hideous! Despite currently being level 7 at that studio! And the cheating with grip? In that studio in summer, I use loads of grip every time I get on the pole as it gets so sweaty the floor is actually wet! I’m not ashamed of it either and will still use it regardless of what someone else thinks, if u want to use grip, u are entitled to it. I agree that under normal conditions, we should try using less but not when it’s dangerously sweaty! She can have her opinion but you decide! Luckily they are about to get air on units though so soon it’ll get better 🙂
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Oh gosh, I knew someone else on here also went to the same place as me but I couldn’t remember who! Thank you for letting me know I’m not alone, I really did wonder if I was the only one.
I can’t WAIT for the aircon! We worked on shouldermount prep this week and I was just so sweaty all over – hands, shoulders, feet – that I couldn’t lift at all! I was sliding around like Bambi on ice 😛
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