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Any tips for coping with a confidence crash
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I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I’ve definitely felt some of those feels. I too have what I call a “high sense of self-preservation”. I.e. I’m scared of many moves that put me upside down and hanging by a prayer! I’m two years into pole and I’m just starting to Ayesha with full support of my teacher holding my hips. Today I brought my legs off the pole for a nano second. All the girls in my studio have long lapped me on tricks. It’s tough. I’m not very flexible either. I don’t have my splits. I can’t do any of the stuff you said you can’t do. I’ve made it through my gymnastic slowness by focusing on what I’m good at. I’m good at the stuff you like: flow, choreo, heels. I spend a lot of time on that stuff which is probably why my tricks suffer:) but I get lots of girls wishing they could flow and come up with Choreo.
My point is that the grass is greener on the other side and we will always have something we can’t do… Yet. I’m sure you’ve heard all the usual mantras about your own pole journey, but I find that when I watch my own bobber I am happier. I always find one thing I can do or one thing I’m better at today and focus on that. It’s too easy to get dragged down otherwise. I can’t even do a cartwheel! Haha.
I know the culture of pole is trick heavy, but flow and true dancing are valued. I placed second in my division a couple months ago in a competition bc the judges value Dance and not just trickery. They will see people slam out amazing tricks all day, but they aren’t going to see many people put them together In a coherent piece of entertainment or art.
I hope this helps to know there are others out there like you killin it without doing insane shit. Hang in there and try and remember why you started pole:) xoxo.
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Briwi, it’s like you and I were having the same moment 🙂 I also have been having a few weeks where I was getting down on my pole abilities (or lack thereof), and haven’t been seeing progress as much as I’d like to.
I have been feeling older and more injury prone. I also don’t have a gymnastics background, and am relatively inflexible as my primary modes of fitness were more along the lines of weightlifting. Caterpillar is my nemesis, because I’ve fallen off a few times and scared the bejeesus out of myself. Leg hangs have been hard. Any split grip type move is hard. I don’t have a great straddle. My shoulders are like iron bars and are not flexible in the slightest. And I still feel EXTREMELY self conscious wearing pole shorts.
I was driving to my class yesterday, and I just told myself I’m not going to compare myself to anyone else’s pole journey anymore. I’m not going to pressure myself to be an any “point” on any “timeline.” I’m going to live to pole another day and not get myself injured by going too fast. I’m going to set limits for myself in class when we’re doing something I can’t get into safely, even when everyone else seems to be getting it just fine. Like I was in intermediate yesterday, and we were supposed to do a climb where you invert into chopper, go to jasmine, then invert again to go up. We were asked to do it at least three times up the pole on each side. I only did twice on each side. I literally was so scared to go up any higher and had a moment of SHEER panic when I was on my last one. I got a little stuck and was barely in jasmine, when the panic set it. I had to talk myself into staying calm and to keeping my points of contact on the pole instead of letting go and falling all the way off. I managed to get up and out, and then I got down off the pole. I wasn’t upset at myself, because I actually was able to overcome a moment of complete fear and be safe. YES, I didn’t do it all three times on each side, but for me two times was enough!
We did brass monkey yesterday and I was able to do it, barely. There’s another girl who started after me, who was not only able to do brass monkey, but she could deadlift herself into it, no problem. She could also do shoulder mount flips, easily. I tried on both sides and have no idea what it looked like, but I know it wasn’t even close to being what it was supposed to be. Another gal was next to me who looked like a graceful angel, not only doing all the things, but adding to them and creating this awesome flow I’ve never been able to do yet. Normally, the way my mood has been in the last few weeks, I’d be getting even more down on myself, but yesterday I was working my mantra of no comparisons, and it helped. I could appreciate their progress and their abilities and be proud of my own progress. It’s not easy, but I think actively reminding yourself of your own abilities and progress can help.
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@stacia we are two groovy peas in a far out pod! Haha. I’m only 28, but seem to be injury prone. I too come from weight lifting and I also don’t always do all the reps in pole class for safety’s sake. I’m so glad you’re doing things your way and working with a great attitude! We will turtle along together:) slow and steady wins the race!
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Gosh I am glad I wasn’t on that class because I would probably have left in tears. I would definitely have sat it out next to you. I can do a bunch of interesting things on a pole but I can’t handspring, cartwheel or flip and I can’t Ayesha or kick into handstand. I never feel at all secure in a caterpillar or actually, in a basic inverted crucifix and I am 45 years old and scared of breaking my neck. So there.
I am good at spin flow – and that is because I LOVE spin pole flow and my only interest in tricks is: will they look good as part of a flowing, dreamy, floating spinning pole dance. Because that’s what I want my pole story to be about. I want to amaze and captivate myself and my chosen audience (which is fellow polers) by seeming to float and fly in the air around the pole. I want to look at my videos (which use lights and filters galore) and see performance art, creative lyrical flow DANCE which makes me happy and proud. My dance, my way, telling my story.
That is literally all I care about.
I would like to be able to bust out a Phoenix one day because I think it looks beautiful in a dance – but there are a bunch of ways to fly up and invert on a pole without exploding my rotator cuffs. I don’t want to even go anywhere with twisted grip because for me, with hypermobility making my shoulder girdle permanently unstable it is just bloody dangerous. I would rather perfect the basics on aerial and spinning than bust tricks from the floor that risk seriously injuring me.
I don’t go to pole classes any more. I pole jam with friends, book the odd private, use Veena lessons and pick up tricks via online tutorials, do instagram challenges and attend a local yoga studio.
Talking to your instructor and trying some stuff out in a 1:1 sounds a great way to challenge yourself safely – and asking for a flow class, or switching levels to find a class where your style sparkles is gods advice.
Good luck! There is room in the pole world for us all! This isn’t gymnastics or ballet or figure skating!
Yet.
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Wow, such great honest answers, you’ve all made me feel better. Thank you all. Back training tomor so I will apply some of your wisdom. Much appreciated everyone.
Oh and veena, I would love your lessons but I had to take my home pole down due to lack of space. -
You could ask about/look up prep moves and progressions of what they are teaching, or moves that are similar but more stable/grounded or reverse the actions so you come down into it etc. Eg. If they’re kicking into handstands against the pole, you could do headstands against the wall to get used to being upside down. If they’re doing handsprings, you could work on your ayshas to stabilize the end position etc etc. Check out Veena’s lessons and hopefully your instructor can help 🙂 Deadlifts are all the rage here for Adv pole and going to workshops with super strong polers makes me want to cry especially when there aren’t any alternatives given or progressions talked about – I am tall and over-flexy, my joints are not stable enough to just lift like that even after years of pole. I am going slow and super steady with my strengthening and if I get there, cool, if not… *shrug* – there is so much more to pole than what I CAN’T yet do or maybe ever do but that’s totally ok because I can do amazing things already and have many more amazing things yet to learn. (I was amazing as a beginner too, and so are you! All pole is amazing!) The possibilities with pole are never ending so don’t let one move or class of moves stop you from being your awesome pole self!
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