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Being Inappropriate
Of the many things I don’t understand in the world, there is one that has bothered me long before I could even grasp the concept of it. My first experience was probably recognized at the vicious glares people sometimes cast in my mother’s direction for no apparent reason. As a teenager, I would grow to feel those same glares in the hallways at school for no apparent reason. It didn’t matter what I was wearing, it didn’t matter what I was doing, the simple fact that I existed seemed to be reason enough.
As I have become an adult woman, this has not improved much with the addition of unwanted catcalls and insults on a regular basis. Oh my, what am I wearing to induce such a reaction? It simply MUST be something I’m doing that brings about such negative attention, right? Idk, perhaps someone can explain it to me. This happens when I am wearing baggy jeans, a large t-shirt, and look like a total slob. It happens when I am dressed very professionally with a suit jacket and slacks. It happens when I wear a dress past my knees, down to my ankles, or dragging on the ground. It happens when I wear clothes that I see other women wear. It happens when I’m wearing an over-sized hoodie even if it’s eighty degrees outside. It happens when I’m smiling, it happens when I’m not smiling. It happens when I’m walking with somebody else and it happens when I’m alone. PLEASE, explain to me what the meaning of this is.
I know that not every girl has this happen to them. Believe me, I’ve heard more often than I care to admit the whole ridiculous “It’s a compliment.”, “I WISH men noticed me like that.”, and “You ought to appreciate it. You’re not going to be young forever.”-bullshit. I am probably one of the few women on Earth who actually looks forward to possibly going unnoticed or becoming an old crone someday if it means that people will keep their evil to themselves. I don’t want anyone’s jealousy (if that’s what it is and, for what, I don’t know), I don’t want any men to lust over me or whatever, and I honestly cannot wait for the day when I can go for a walk without being approached or harassed by people I don’t know and have no interest in knowing.
Perhaps this sounds a bit dramatic, and that’s not my intention. There are days that no one bothers me, but it is inconsistent as to why that is. If I knew the secret behind it I would do that every day to deter people from staring at/speaking to/or approaching me. I’ve had people tell me it’s my make-up, when I don’t wear make-up it’s my lack-thereof. I’ve had people tell me it’s my body language, but when I mimic someone else’s I get the same results. Of course, I’ve had relatives tell me “That’s the price of being attractive.” but I don’t honestly believe I’m any more or less attractive than most girls I see. I ain’t no Valentine, I’ve never worn a mini-skirt in public, I’ve had absolutely ZERO INTEREST in dating since I came of age, I don’t compete with other girls, I mostly prefer to be alone with my thoughts on any given day if deep conversation with someone else is not an option. Yes, I am a total introvert.
Then pole dance came into my life and brought something out of me. Dancing has probably been the only time I’ve let my sensual side show and, even better, it has mostly evoked a POSITIVE RESPONSE. Please, explain that part to me as well. Certainly there are still those people who cast their glares at me, catcalls, and insults but for the most part people are kind and appear to RESPECT my distance. I have not often had someone see me dance and then get in my face about it like, say, when I’m out for a walk fully clothed. It is the strangest phenomenon and while I may not be getting my point across effectively (clarity is not one of my strengths), I am sure I’m not the only one who has noticed this.
Please share your own thoughts and experiences. I will refrain from my usual 9,000 additional comments on my own post and just listen. lol
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4 Replies
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Well, I believe that every woman experienced this feeling once in life. Those “compliments” also bother me because there are invasive and it is a form of violence. Like says the song, it is a men’s world and every one learns very early that female body only exist to fullfil men’s needs. We hear this everywhere, on TV, songs, magazines, ads…
When I as a pre-teenager, I was considered fat and so I didn’t call the boys attention. But when I completed 15 years old, I started losing weight because of biological questions, I never had this need of losing weight. But at this time it all begin.. all this feeling you mentioned, I felt it too. I was already shy, after this, I shut myself in a shell.
I took me a long time to understand that IT WAS NOT MY FAULT! When I realised, something changed in me. And at the same time, I meet the pole dance!!!
I am dancing for myself. I am doing whatever I want with a body that belonged to me and no one else!
That’s what pole dance represents to me. It is something that I do with something that I own but it was taking from me long ago. Now, I am taking back. And the coolest thing is that I am taking it back through something requires grace, sexuality, flexibility and, most of all, strenght! Women are not allowed to be strong, but we, pole dancer, are! People can freak out!
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Serzi, I can relate to your feelings. And honestly, it pisses me off that I cant even go for a fucking jog without many different people doing or saying something that makes me feel uncomfortable or threatened. It enrages me that I cant walk into my grocery store without men feeling the need to be so open with their thoughts. I think this is just how women are treated and it sucks ass. it makes me angry. I just want to live my life. it is wrong that women cant even walk to their cars in a parking lot without being bothered. and even worse, if something happens to a woman. people will say- she shouldnt have been jogging by herself, she should have had someone walk to her car with her,etc. it’s bullshit. I think most women should be able to legally carry a concealed handgun in public, because our society doesnt do much to change things. I dont even like guns, but I always am wishing I had one whenver I try to go for a walk in the park or jogging around my neighborhood. Men dont have to worry about this stuff.
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Please note that I did not intend for this to strictly be about negative attention from men, although there is plenty of that. I get scowls and insults from other women too fairly often on a typical day when I’m not dressed “inappropriately” or doing anything in particular. Just walking from point A to point B or sitting in a public place minding my own business. Mostly teenage girls in a group, but sometimes ladies I would least expect it from. Why are people unpleasant to each other in general? What is it that brings about such nasty reactions sometimes to simply noticing another human being out and about? I’ve never had such an impulse, so I really do not understand it.
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I don’t know the answer to your questions, but I have some advice:
Keep your head up high, don’t try to act in any way to please / not upset others, do what you love without hesitation. And try to ignore / see through peoples reactions and don’t respond to them or if you can’t avoid it, do it in a very professional way. Kindness is what irritates most people, if they expected to upset you.That’s the way I do it, and, most of the time I get respected / being left alone. I practised this to a point where I don’t even notice these things anymore.
Wondering about these things just waste your precious time.
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