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Being called fat…by other “pole dancers”?!?!
So I had the unfortunate experience of some "pole dancer" on my facebook friends list that commented on an engagement photo of me and my fiance saying I looked fat!!! I have also gotten comments on my youtube videos from other pole dancers about my weight, being overweight, etc. It used to upset me at first but now I just laugh, however I am deeply disturbed by the fact someone would make such a comment on a photo that is celebrating an engagement, and that these women are possibly fellow pole dancers. We work sooooooooooooooooooooooo so so so hard to get rid of the stigmas and stereotypes and to encourage supportive and safe environments and then these dumb jerks have to say this sort of thing! In my mind, a pole dancer is not just about skill but someone who also helps encourage other women, never tears anyone else down and works toward the common goal we all have of acceptance of our sport. I feel other polers dont even have business saying such things, unless you are Jenyne Butterfly, who would never even say that!!
At first the facebook comment didnt upset me until I saw she came back to my page with a string of several comments that said "FAT FAT FAT FAT" "I hate when people say fat people are 'curvy', you arent curvy you're just fat" "I wish you and your husband a happy life together but will it be long?" Then I started getting upset!!! Because I know I am not the thinnest person. But I also know what I eat and that I exercise and pole. I am also going to do weight watchers again (lost 30 lbs the first time) so I have been a little sensitive about my weight lately. But then I remembered I went to the doctor about a month ago and he said to me over and over I am not overweight and don't need to lose but I might want to just lose a few lbs and/or tone up for my wedding so I look good in photos. That made me feel a lot better if my doctor said I am just fine! Apparently this lady thinks I am so overweight that my life is in jeopardy! LOL. I think if my life was at risk I would be too heavy to even lift myself up the pole…hahaha people are so silly!
has this happened to anyone else?! Not necessarily weight comments but other comments? There are so many awesome supportive ladies here that it always really throws me when a bad apple comes out of nowhere but I know there are some unhappy people out there. I also wonder if they truly are pole dancers or just say they are because if they really poled like we do they would be a lot happier I bet 😀
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48 Replies
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First of all, DELETE AND BLOCK. That is rude no matter who you are. Period. This is America and some people here look different, you see. We all were not made the same here. Odd concept. Pole ladies are just people too and I know plenty rude mean ones. The point is, you do not need that. None of us do. You are healthy if you can do what all you do! You excersise! More thsn half of Amwrica can say! We all get it though. I am very petite up top but very full on my bottom half. I have to get a M or L pole bottom and people have made comments about how I don't match u and my butt is taking over my videos and I will not wear certain shorts now. I personally feel my butt is getting a little out of controll and do not want that to be all ladies think when they see my videos. I do not take it personally. I think that commenting on your engagement pics like that was a slap for something. Like they meant to start it or wanted you to feel bad. I am sorry that people will do this stuff. But they do and it happens sll the time. We have to take it like a grain of salt and wonder WHY they feel a NEED to put us down. You know?
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Wow. What a rude woman. I can't imagine actually posting on someone's facebook that they were fat. Pole dancers come in all shapes and sizes, just like everyone else. I know really tall polers, I know really short polers. I know really voluptous polers, I know very thin polers. It sounds like perhaps she might be jealous if she was willing to escalate things like that. Obviously you are physically active and are happy, that's what matters.
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She went farther? I see she is no longer on FB (at least I cannot find her….maybe she was reported).
There have been a few "people" on FB posing as polers that create an account and then let it sit dormant for a few months and then start posting all sorts of lewd or nasty stuff on pages. Sadly you are not the first I have heard of crap like this happening to. I have gotten to the point of sending an email to any friend request asking "how do I know you?".
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Glitter, I'm sorry that you received such insensitive comments from someone. I've watched some of your videos, and I love the unique character that you bring to your art. You really carry your body well, and that wonderful attitude helps me realize that we don't have to be unhappy with our body shape, especially when we are exercising and being active. One of the things I've discovered about pole is that it helps me to be much more comfortable with my body. And one of the things about this site that I like is that I see so many other ladies of different shapes and sizes being comfortable with their bodies. I'm also very impressed with what you and many people here can do, be it flexibility, strength, flow, creativity. (Take your splits for example.) These things are so much more than how much the person weighs.
Perhaps the negative commentor will come to her senses. Maybe she's lashing out due to her own self criticism and insecurities. For yourself, know that you are a positive reinforcement and enthusiastic example for many of us here.
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Wow what a B! I don't normally run into too many fat-shaming pole dancers and that makes me wonder if this person was a fake or logged on to someone else's facebook account just to start things. Regardless, yeah I'd delete this person and report them.
However fat-shaming in the pole community is not unheard of. I recently heard it happening and I hope I never hear of it happening again.
Your bodyfat/body shape does not determine your worth, pole skill level and strength. I know lots of women with a little more body fat than me and they are a hell of a lot stronger and better than me in pole dancing!
Not to go off topic or anything but… DID YOU KNOW… that being heavier or overweight when you first start pole dancing gives you an advantage over all the thin people? Um yeah I wish I was over weight when I started pole.
When you are over weight and beginning to learn pole, your muscles learn to lift you at the weight that you are. As you continue with pole you will eventually loose some weight (given you are eating properly because pole burns the best amount of calories). Your muscles will always remember lifting your heavy weight even after loosing weight therefor making you a stronger pole dancer for your new leaner size. Lighter weight girls have to work harder to build the musucle to be able to life heavier than they are. Get it? 🙂
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There is always someone out there who will want to put down your body no matter if you are fat, thin, short, tall, average or pink with purple polka dots. Usually it is insecurity on their part and is a reflection on them, not on you.
I agree that they would need to be blocked and deleted, but i wouldnt let it upset you. Who cares what one person thinks anyways??? You are getting married, its you who is engaged, its you who will be lavished with attention and questions about the big day.
I get it on the other end with, "you are skinny all ready, why do you want to lose more", or, "arent you afraid you will get manly and your husband will leave you?" (talking about lifting weights). I just laugh it all off and tell them im into a healthy lifestyle, not about losing weight. In fact, i have been trying to gain weight, though most people dont understand that either, lol. I have been put down my entire life for one thing or another, eventually i figured out that people are going to criticize you no matter what, so might as well do your own thing and be happy.
Body shaming is somehow a big part of our society. If you are a bit heavier then you get the fat comments, if you are thin then you must be a bi-atch who starves herself or has an eating disorder, if you have muscles then you are gross, manly, and disqusting. Then you see all those endless pictures about "when did this become sexier than this", or "real women have curves/boobs/butt/bones showing/ or whatever".
It makes me laugh and at the same time sick that we all just cant accept that there is all kinds of bodies and all bodies are beautiful. We are all real women, at least i think most of us are not imaginary, but i guess you never know.
Point is, dont let them get you down. All that matters is what you and your lovely fiance think, screw the rest of the world.
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PHAT Pretty Hot And Tempting.
Strong is sexy! Strong is the new skinny.
Blah blah blah, Mean people suck.
I am grateful for coming into the pole community. I learned I wanted to be stronger and flexible, and happier with my body -because everyone one else around me was (or seemed to be) happy with their body. With the many shapes that were in the room no one was alike except they focused on the amazingness of 'pole dancing'.
You'll be stressed as it is with getting everything 'just perfect' for the wedding- it's normal for freak events like a rude insult throw you. GET BACK UP AND SMILE! You're in love, you get to finally express it, other things will occupy you soon.
If we could we would all FB attack this rude person (not only for you, but for the pole community) Hugs and hope to hear more updates about wedding!
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You already know how much I admire and love you!! I will say that when I was growing up I got teased mercilessly for how bony I was. Like abcollins said, people are going to criticize no matter what. I hope she did get reported as Chemmie stated. I also always ask who people are on FB if they friend me (ask azblanco!). Even if we have friends in common. I did that recently with someone. She turned out to be harmless, as she was just looking for pole buddies (I refferred her here), but I don't know her otherwise. Sounds like your "stalker" was just a rude bitch (or bastard!) who probably doesn't have any real friends. You on the other hand, have lots of true friends who love you no matter what! A glittery, cupcake, unicorn, beer drinkin', taco eating, bride-to-be, awesome poling maniac!! xoxoxoxoxoxo
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Wow I cnt belive some people can be so nasty. I just had a noisy at your pics and love them.and even more the confidence you have. I had some pictures took tonite in my new underwear to practice for my 1st pole shoot at weekend. And thought about putting them on fb. But changed my mind incase I get sum nasty comments. I’m very thin so get called a twig no boobs no bum and rnt very curvy. And didn’t want some one commenting nocking my confidece. I’m not very confident at feeling sexy so any nasty coments I wouldn’t of turned up for my shoot. I love pole and the fact that so many difrent women of shapes and sizes enjoy this togather. Hold your head high hunny. Id be very proud of my self if I was you 🙂 xxxx
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People are always going to have opinions and things on the way you look, no matter what you look like. However, what they think and say about you is, in fact, an expression of THEMSELVES, rather than an expression of you!
When I was younger, through my teens, I was called "anorexia" because I was very thin, and I was so uncomfortable with my body that I would wear ill-fitting clothes, like large sweaters and such. I tried desperately hard to hide the fact that I wasn't developing, becoming a woman, and I just made the issue worse.
Now, however, I've come into an hourglass figure with huge hips, and a large chest, and a few places that hold an inch or two of fat. Over the course of my adult life my body has reformatted a few times, made things move around a little more, and it seems only to accentuate my shape.
However, I hear the unconscious disapproval of our society. I'm not a size 2, I rarely fit into the "nice" shirts sold in stores, and pants are frighteningly hard to find. I have a 30" waist, and somehow, I'm considered "larger" than the "average" female.
I can also not shop at Plus sized stores, as I am smaller than their target audience. I'm not a size 14 and up. At my largest I was about a size 12. I am not able to join that group, either.
Nothing I have done with my body, and nothing it has done, has changed the judgement coming from people, just how the judgement has been expressed. Either I'm too big, or too little- too much something, not enough something else. I was once told that I was "pretty," but not "drop dead gorgeous" by another girl. It hurt.
But that's the thing… we need to learn to establish those boundaries of what is ours, and what is other people's.
I think it's awesome that you can laugh at them, Glitter! You are seriously beautiful (which, in case you were wondering, is indeed another judgement), and I hope you know that, too! -
I think you are a beautiful vibrant women with a beautiful vibrant smile to match. Something about your awesomeness must've hit a nerve if she actually needed to take time out of her day to try and bring you down. I really believe misery loves company. Congratulations on your engagement this is a special time in your life!
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I'm really sorry to hear what happened to you. As most posters have said – this rude angry womans attitude was nothing to do with you and everything to do with herself. Someone that would go so far as posting such nasty comments could very well be jealous of you – have you thought of that? I actually pity people like that as they need to tear down others to feel better about themselves. Please please please don't let her comments affect you. The worst thing you can do is let her comments affect you. You are a wonderful vibrant "polite" unique woman. Celebrate your uniqueness – there is only one of you and there will never be another! You can see by the comments everyone has left that this person was indeed very wrong and I hope you have blocked, deleted and will ignore them. Congratulations on your engagement!!!
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The one big thing I love about you most glitterhips, is the amount of confidence you exude in all your pictures and videos. You are beautiful to me because you are so comfortable in your own skin and you walk like you don't give a flying crap about what others think of you. It hurts me to see that someone could be so rude and so mean to a fellow pole dancer. I would think she's probably just jealous because she's probably like "I'm skinny and I look hot but yet I'm not married and wtf how is this hippo engaged blah blah blah blah blah". I would honestly just ignore her, just totally forget about all her nasty comments (even though it's probably super hard to pick yourself up after that and stand tall after those remarks). Everyone is different, we come in all shapes and sizes and I would never say anything mean to a fellow pole dancer, and it hurts to know that there are people who do bash other fellow pole dancers. Like a lot of the Veeners have mentioned, it's probably a poser with low self esteem just waiting for an opprotunity to bash someone.
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I'm sorry that you had to go through that. You should just ignore them, they are just attention seeking. It's quite obvious since they had to come back with a string unnecessary comments. Don't they have anything better to do with their lives other than try to make someone feel badly about themselves? Their comments may sting but in the end, what they say is insignificant as long as you are happy with yourself…and your husband! =] Take care!
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Ms glitterhips: you, my dear, are absolutely F*cking adorable! Nuff said 🙂
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