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Colleague “creeping” on FB – what do?
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The man involved never brought it to work. The first person to bring it to work will probably be considered the antagonist, man or woman.
Here is a sample from the Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM) which is International and does training, certification and study of Human Resources. Most HR people are members.
http://www.shrm.org/TemplatesTools/Samples/Policies/Pages/CMS_000537.aspx
While this is a sample it is based on SHRM recommended policies and is considered standard practice by many companies including my own. While somewhat subjective there are two things that if she approaches him at work would come into play:1) The Company prohibits employees from violating this right of their co-workers.
2) Therefore, the Company prohibits employees from harming or threatening to harm other employees, clients, vendors, visitors or property belonging to any of these parties.While he may have started the situation, it has not to this point been at the workplace. Although a specific workplace may or may not think that what he did already violated these rules. That is why it would be safer to speak with Human Resources rather than run the risk that She would be the violator and risk being fired. Human Resources will keep any conversation in confidence and be able to state what is the best way to deal with the situation.
It is not a question of who might be offended but the organizations policies if she brings it to work. -
Another way around this might be to tell him that he seems nice but for professional reasons you have a rule of not getting personally involved with any co-workers so you need him to stop sending messages to avoid complications.
You can tell him that you accept add requests in order to trade “likes” between you and your added contacts to help boost each other’s page – or word it however it makes sense (I don’t do facebook so I don’t know the proper terms hehe)
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PS: He might try and come back with a compromise in order to stay in touch but be firm and decline any suggestion of contact outside of work and just repeat your reason. If he becomes repetitive in asking for the same things ignore him and save any messages in case you need proof of his behaviour.
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The ‘I’d watch the game with you’ comment IS creepy! It’s a really lame come on. You know something about this guys temperament. He had multiple opportunities to interact with you in real life but chose the more passive route of hitting on you via fb. This means he’s self-conscious & afraid of rejection. So just go ahead and reject him (perhaps through FB? Just send whatever message does the job of saying ‘Back off’.) And you should probably block him, because he’s probably looking through your pictures perving out.
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Web junk, it’s pretty clear from the link that you provided that appropriate professional
Conduct is about respect and it specifically states that employees should not harass each other…European law is particularly strong regarding harassment and human rights.
Blocking FB access to a colleague who has made inappropriate remarks is not a violation of his rights or harassment, nor is reminding him at work that they are colleagues only a violation of his rights. What right to see her doing spits in brief shorts and major suggestive remarks does he have? What right to make her feel uncomfortable does he have?
None!There is no right to harass and no right to FB contact.
I would hate for Lina to think she ran the risk of being fired by telling a colleague to stay professional – it’s not the case at all in Europe that such a thing would happen. Perhaps the US is very different.
But even the link you provided opens with
‘It is this Company’s policy that employees maintain a working environment that encourages
mutual respect, promotes civil and congenial relationships among employees and
is free from all forms of harassment and violence. -
I’m not 100% sure of the laws here regarding confrontations at the work place and possible termination, but what I’m quite sure of is that if you do something which could be considered harrasments (like not stopping making sexual comments on colleagues when told to back off), it will still be a case for the company even if it happens on FB and not at work. The company has HR.
Me and him are not at the same site now so I don’t interact with him in person, he left 1-2 months ago and went back to where he permanently is based.
I’m positive that it was not a coincidence that his request came after he had left us and not before. He probably thinks that now that we’re not going to have more to do with each other anymore professionally (he’s not coming back from what I know, but no one can of course foresee what will happen in the future), he wants to proceed to/hoping for a personal relationship. I think the comment about him being afraid of rejection could be correct, since he has chosen to approach me in this way, over the internet.
I think that if he won’t listen and stop after the reply I’m planning to send him in the evening today (just want to figure out the right words), then I will probably have to say that I’ll be unfriending you since you’re a colleage and I’ve decided to keep private and professional separate.
I just hope he won’t get more “specific” in his way of expressing himself. “Sexy” could pass for now, but if it’s getting worse than that it will be bad for us both. -
Lina:
Even though HR is not at your location you could still call them and I still recommend doing that before hand. Phone calls are treated the same as an in-person meeting.Tropicalpole:
The HR company policies generally cover the workplace only and not the rest of the world. While it may be he waited to contact because he is afraid of rejection, it might also be a case that he is not doing anything at the workplace where he would be violating those company policies. If you run into a fellow worker at a bar and they hit on you, you probably can’t the next day complain at work as it was not at the workplace. If they broke a law you can contact the police but its rarely considered a work incident.
As for laws like European harassment laws for instance in the UK & Germany: there must be a fear of violence and the offender must know they are causing such fear. Stalking laws need to show a pattern as long as there was no reciprocation but adding him as a FB friend then it is not considered stalking.You also asked: “What right to see her doing spits in brief shorts and major suggestive remarks does he have?”
Actually laws all over the world have been tested in the past twenty years. I deal with this kind of things through my work. The decision EVERYWHERE I know of is that if you put something online, you have given away the rights to limit who views it. So as the saying goes, Do not post anything online that you do not want everyone to see.
Facebook specifically has a policy that states your information WILL BE PUBLIC and can be shared by other people to be made public even if you have limited through privacy settings. Especially in this case when he was added as a FB friend he has the right to view her FB posts. Going back to what I stated earlier, we should be more vigilant on whom we add as FB friends.Even on this website within the TOS https://www.studioveena.com/user_registrations/tos
it states:c. By posting any Content to the public areas of the Website, you hereby grant to StudioVeena.Com the non-exclusive, fully paid, worldwide license to use, publicly perform and display such Content on the Website. This license will terminate at the time you remove such Content from the Website.
https://www.studioveena.com/user_registrations/tosI do not see this website making any use of people’s postings anywhere but this reserves their right and is quite common and correct.
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There doesn’t need to be a fear of violence for a course of conduct to constitute harassment in the UK; it just needs to be a course of conduct (more than twice is a course if conduct) causing alarm and distress. We have 2 laws; Malicious Communications Act 1989 and The Protection from Harassment Act 2010. Both use European HR law. In both Acts the test is whether a reasonable person ought to have known the conduct was causing alarm or distress: a clear request to desist covers this and stopping FB contact.
However this isn’t currently criminal harassment: it is a work matter if a colleague is subjecting another colleague to unwelcome attention. So far he has not done so at work but blocking FB and reminding him that they are professional colleagues only is the professional thing to do, and if he causes any issues at work HR should get involved.
Yes anyone can view any public posts made, and images, we are at cross purposes here, sorry Web Junk. I meant as a colleague he has no right to expect FB access to her personal life and if she feels the fact they work together is preventing her from blocking him then that means it has already crossed over into her working life. Telling him they are just colleagues and confining all communication to work matters is appropriate and reasonable; work should support her in this and he can’t claim she is causing him any issues by reminding him of their professional relationship.
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It sounds like you are maybe quoting the law. I don’t have time right now to look it up as I pool sprang a major leak. But in practice when it goes to court they indeed look for a finding of fear of violence. The laws are often written in vague language on purpose. Especially in the UK a lot is left to a magistrate’s discretion.
My concern for Lina is first that the situation with this guy does not escalate. Second, that her position with her company is not jeopardized.
I do agree as a co-worker that itself does not give him a right to her PRIVATE FB postings only after she removes him as a FB friend. But anything that is public (which includes if a FB friend shares a Private post) is for the entire planet including him.
Cannot say what her work will think for any action taken unless you ask them (HR) BEFORE the action. Without knowing her company’s specific policies it is sheer speculation.We are disagreeing on direction but really along the same line. Looking out for a fellow poler. Thank You for thinking about us!
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In the large scheme of things, I think the best course is is what Sparrow does. You need 2 FB profiles. One for pole and one for personal. I am retired, but have to say that if I was still in the business realm, I would have definitely gone this route. Once you split them out, then you can post a status that you will have a new personal page and will be removing non-pole members from the current page. Unfriend him and decide if you want to send him a friend request under the new profile. You don’t even have to use it if you don’t want to, and you also don’t have to remove anyone else from the current profile but him. He will never know. If he questions you, then it is clear he’s a perv and it will be very clear what action needs to be taken.
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Delete him. It’s THAT simple 🙂
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I messaged back to him saying that I had understood he wanted to give me compliment but that it was coming out so to say creepy and that he should keep in mind that we are colleagues. Then I wished him a nice weekend. He replied right away with that he was sorry if I had found it annoying and that they were only compliments. I said that it was alright for this time but that if he wants to show his liking for some of my posts, then it’s more polite to use the button for it. He replies that he doesn’t have to press the button because he likes them all (followed by a 😉 ). I said it’s up to him about “like” but that now I had told him not to write flirty messages. He says they weren’t flirty (hmm…) but that he won’t write again. Then he wished me a good weekend.
He didn’t seem upset which is good, now I can just hope he really got it. Time will show. Let’s wish for the good and that I won’t have to block and talk to HR.
Thanks a lot for all the input and concern. I appreciate it a lot!
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Well done, let’s hope he stops making you feel uncomfortable.
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Ps. Web Junk and others, this is a great site with people being so thoughtful and helpful to fellow polers 🙂 ty
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Lina:
Hope the situation is resolved.These discussions on here are great even if we do not always agree, whether unfortunate topics like this or whether SS, Chrome, TG or powder coat is the best pole coating. (Its Chrome. No wait Powder coated. or maybe SS!) What I like is everything being discussed with yes All the different opinions. On Facebook you only get people clicking the Like button or extremely brief no-substance comments. It also seems that many on here divulge more about themselves than other sites including failures. Cannot explain how helpful it is to see others doing the same move mistakes as me and then the comments with corrections not to mention the confidence encouraged by everyone.
Thank You!
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