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Complements and Confidence
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GREAT discussion here! I struggle with confidence and feeling comfortable in my own skin. I have posted a few videos on here and it hasn't been easy! BUT I knew it was something I needed to do–I've been making pole videos in my head for a year now. LOL Part of the reason I got into pole dancing was that I was completely head over heels watching these amazing, confident, strong dancers! I wanted more than anything to have that for myself…its a work in progress, but I'm getting there (I hope!). I try very hard to not worry about what others think and do what makes me happy.
Pole hugs all around! LOL 😉
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Another one suffering with a distinct lack of self confidence here. I was at a point where I couldn't even look in the mirror before I started pole, it got a lot better then I ran afoul of a few of the ladies at the studio I go to and to make matters worse we had to take down my pole at home because we are renovating(I haven't practiced in almost 4 months only been to lessons). Everything went back almost to square one with the self confidence, and I was even considering switching pole studios because of it. I have a much better group in my class this term so that at least is better, but I am still having problems. In the studio where there are mirrors everywhere I have big problems because I really cannot look in a mirror much but I have developed a way to look and see the lines and what my body is doing without actually seeing 'me' if you know what I mean). I am most certainly NOT comfortable in my own skin right now, and I cannot even think about putting up a video for quite a while! The pics I have up are a challenge because every day I just feel like taking them down!
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I have certainly struggled with so many areas of my confidence for so long and it was actually pole dancing that FINALLY helped break me out of that cycle. But even now I still have a hard time accepting compliments. I used to be the kind of girl who would point out my own flaws first, just so someone couldn't ctach me off gaurd and hurt my feelings. So now when someone gives me a compliment I sometimes respond with :really because I thougth (lists 5 diffrent negative things) and then I change the subject.
Heres an example: My mom was watching a pole vid of me (she is super supportive) and was like Wow, thats so beautiful, your amazing! And I responded with really? I hate the way my stomach looked when I was inverting and you can totally tell my roots are growing in bad when I hang upside down (followed by a nervous laugh) and then a switch of conversation.
Now that was a while ago, I have thankfully overcome that in the past year, as I have gotten more and more confident. Sometimes saying things outloud helps and although it can make you appear cocky, if your saying it to the right person it will only help you believe in what your saying. If you find the things that you like the most about yourself and stop hyperfocusing on the few minor imperfections, you'll view yourself as a beautiful, strong, talented and creative woman. Truth is, if you don't believe it, your cheating yourself out of really getting to know the real you!
I can tell you that I can feel frumpy and tired, bloated, have a big red zit on my chin and no make up on but put on some good music and let me get on the pole and in front of my mirrors and I shock myself, I even end up posing for my camera and take picts of myself for no other reason then I feel damn sexy and can't believe its me looking that good. It really is like "take a picture it will last longer" lmao… b/c at that moment I am in my zone and i'm positioning my body in just the right way, in just the right lighting and feel so good about myself. I can't explain it except to say that while dancing I feel like the prima ballerina, the center of attention (even tho no one is around) I feel beautiful and that feeling has finally yet slowly leaked into even when I am not on the pole. But the key is stop thinking anything negative! We all have those certain body issues, but the truth is we some how end up distorting our image in our mind of what we really look like.
One other quick thing, I found something out about myself about a year ago (after I lost about 40 pounds) I used to try to look good when I would go to the store or whatever just in hopes of someone complimenting me, because it would somehow superficially help me believe I looked good. Than something snapped and I realised I dont care if some guy hoots and hollas at me, I dont NEED that kind of attention and nor do I want that, I know I am a good woman, a great mother, look darn good, especially for having three kids (okay Im still working on this one lmao) and any man who thinks he can turn me on by whislting while saying "dayyyum" is not only degrading but not anything that should serve as a measuring mark of my hottness.
Us girls need to unite on the fact that we are not better than eachother (thats just conceided and cocky) but instead lift eachother up and stop the jealously and idol envy of the "pretty girls" because we ALL are the pretty girls. We are each so diffrent in so many ways that there doesnt need to be anyone trying to be like someone else, we need to love our unique flaws, admire our stregth, amaze ourselves at our own abilities and talents and love who we are, caring enough about ourself to stop verbally abusing ourselves!
I noticed when I make time for myself by making sure my eyebrowns are tweezed, nail polish on point, toes looking cute, a lil make up, some body spray, my fav jeans and a cute shirt I literally FEEL 100x's better about myself, as if to say ok whew, I can look good if i wanted to lmao. Its so important to make time for ourselves ladies!!
Okay sorry, I know I didn't exactly answer your questions but i certainly had a lil speech to share, hope you take it to heart sweetie and everyone else who, like me, has struggled or still struggles with these issues, know that confiendense and humilty can go hand in hand and only make you carry yourself with more poise and dignity, as long as you know your worth and never forget it https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_mrgreen.gif So love your sexy self as in Veena's video, which by the way, i LOVE https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_heart1.gif
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Hey everyone!
Sorry it took me so long to reply! The computer needed a reformatting, took all night!
I really appreciate everyone's replies. And, yes, I have seen What Not To Wear! I haven't had television for about 5 years now, but when at my mom's place, or before I moved out, it was one of my favourite shows! Unfortunately, I find that most of my shopping is done more "for the now" than planning ahead, buying good (see: Expensive) stuff, because often the only reason I can justify buying clothes is when I'm completely running out…or, in the case of bras, when I'm in constant pain!
I find it really interesting that so many of you have hit the nail so firmly on the head: I tend to connect my self worth by what others think of me, and (to make it a little convoluted) what *I* think others think of me. Curiously, it doesn't seem to matter how many complements I get from others, I still brush it off…I think they're "just being nice," or that they don't really mean it, whereas with negative comments, it hits me really hard, and I don't ever brush that off.
So, I appreciate everyone's comments, as they throw into stark contrast how skewed my view is! It should be more about what I think of myself, and less about other people. It's much like my theory on how people like to dump their…uh, problems, on others, and how you don't have to take it. You don't necessarily need to put your self-esteem, good or bad, on others…just so long as you are happy with it.
So, I have to say, thank you. A very big lesson has been had here, and I really thank everyone for their contribution. I will endeavour to remove my self-esteem from everyone else's opinions, and make it more of my own.
And I'll start posting more videos, because they're fun.
And I'm going to be very careful about my clothes…because I really want to be happy with those, too.
And take more time to make myself happy with the way I look, rather than just forgetting it.
It might sound like a lot, but I think I can do it! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_flower.gif
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I LOVE THIS TOPIC!
I touched on it briefly in an article on my blog (How to accept a compliment: a lesson in manners http://heartofpole.net/life-and-pole/tips/how-to-accept-a-compliment.html ), when I said "Too often people feel embarrassed, nervous or guilty when they receive a compliment. Many try to brush it off as nothing, or deflect the praise to someone else."
This is an issue I would really like to explore further, especially within the context of pole dancing.
If any of you girls are interested in being part of my research for a future article (the research will just be informal, over email, and you can remain anonymous if you like), please email me ( fern at heartofpole.net ) or send me a private message on this site! xx
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OMG, I just saw an old Mary Tyler Moore episode yesterday on this exact subject called "Rhoda the Beautiful"! Rhoda loses twenty pounds, but still makes fun of herself, so Mary tries to show her that she's amazing. I won't give away the ending, but it's perfect! Check it out if you can!
Talk about synchronicity!
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