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Considering Working in a Strip Club
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Serzi, like I said, you aren’t often put in a place where you’re able to see it coming- that’s part of how objectification and sexual assault works. Usually, we only get a chance to react to what has already happened, rather than to act before it comes up.
Feeling a level of control, however, is something that permeates a larger part of life, and indicates (to me) some deeper issues that you may want to look into. I’m not saying that you’re “screwed up” or anything, because you aren’t! However, considering what has happened to you before, and the way you speak when you talk about these things, I think that dealing with these deeper problems will help you much more than simply diving into “I might as well be paid for being objectified.”
You clearly do not like being objectified. Would monetary compensation really make you feel better about it? Or would you prefer to feel more in control, more able to deal with these circumstances when they come up?
And then, when you DO feel more in control and capable, you could totally go try stripping out and see if it fits you anyways!
But, doing it because you don’t feel like you have any control over it… seems like money would be poor compensation for what you’re feeling. -
That is very true, poleisnewtome, and is a huge reason why I never tried stripping when I was younger, fitter, and single. I know it takes a very strong woman to handle that line of work. Still, please take into account all that I’m saying. I think it’s pretty fucked up that I’m fully clothed (BAGGY UNIFORM, don’t worry I’m in no way sending cues that I’m “asking for it”), married, faithful, working my ass off at a so-called somewhat respectable business, barely surviving off my pay, and constantly having to tolerate or confront people who touch me without much consequence. I find it ironic that at a club I could dance completely naked on a stranger’s lap (or not, if I so choose simply because I DON’T WANT TO), be compensated at the arranged price, and have the douche thrown out if he touches me. I can’t expect or regulate that in an immediately effective way at a regular job…so…yeah, wtf, life? lol
And I understand sometimes clubs are extremely dangerous. It’s a trade-off for sure, and I may not be fit enough in more ways than one to handle it. Still, I’m not handling this and I don’t exactly have the time or money to embark on a journey of education and self-discovery until I find out how to make it in this world. I have a family. They depend on me. I gotta do something.
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What I’ve found is that the journey of self-discovery is HOW you make it in the world. I wouldn’t be able to work, or have the relationship I have, or anything else, without that self-discovery.
Yes, your family is counting on you… but you must also count on them! -
Runemist, yes, I’m damaged goods. That really is no surprise, I have to live with that fact every day of my life. I accept it, but I don’t understand what to do about it. I can’t afford counseling, I have no one to take care of me, I have had to suck it up and go out there and make money. I don’t really know what else I’m supposed to do to improve my situation. Maybe I couldn’t be a stripper for more reasons than the obvious. I’m just saying, it’s an option I consider because it sure seems more worthwhile and do-able than any of the others available to me.
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Who cares what others think no one is i. Your shoes. You want fast money go for iT.You want to get paid for ppl to look
Talk amd touch you go ahead.make your money and save. But be aware you will get robbed druged and beat so be a safe and have a body guard with you at all times, clearly you want to strip you have a desire to do it than do it f all the bs excuses you have and go ahead ad strip .if you want something in life dont talk about it do it. Talking about it is really changing your mind and slowing you down. Do it for a night and see how it goes -
Serzi, I figured you were dealing with some awful people and not just friendly touching. I’m sorry you’re in that environment currently. I hope you get some thoughtful advice from this thread that can help you sort this out.
Honestly, why not just try it? It sounds like you’ve made up your mind anyway. I would not recommend quitting your current job until you have found a better one. You don’t know if stripping will be better until you’ve given it a shift or two (or more). You might hate it! You might love it! You will never know until you try it, and none of the advice we give you will change that. So I say just try it for one night before you quit your current job. Also, I would say to think about a backup plan, because you can’t do that work forever. It is very difficult to budget on tips alone, and if you have a family especially it may be difficult to budget for job training that will move you into a career where you don’t have to deal with any of the bs you’re dealing with now and that hopefully you enjoy somewhat and can support a family on. I realize it’s very hard to see the long term when the present is so shitty. I hope that at least gives you something else to consider. Things will get better. Just figure out where you actually DO want to realistically be in five years, and make the choices now that are most likely to lead you in that direction. It may include stripping. It may not.
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jennjen, the advice you just gave is what makes rape culture work. I’m actually shocked that I read that on this forum. We will have to agree to vociferously disagree on that point. I am troubled to hear that you feel you have to change the way you dress so much that you have to dress like a man in order to be free from sexual harassment. For most pole dancers, simply being a physically strong and all around confident woman should suffice in everyday life. (In a strip club you can’t expect the same respect, unfortunately.)
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@PolarGirl and I hate when people say “guys are visual creatures,” like that is some excuse for not having control over their behavior. Give me a break. Besides, HUMANS are visual creatures, men and women.
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Thank you to every one of you who responded to this realistically. (which is almost all of you) I appreciate your suggestions and this supportive feedback has really helped me consider this from a variety of ways I hadn’t. I don’t know exactly what I’m going to do yet, but I will likely keep you all updated at some point in the future.
And, I apologize if I’m wrong, but jennjen appears to be a troll. No info or activity prior to this that I’m aware of. If not, well, why do you have these opinions on clothing and male entitlement if you’re on a pole dancing website?
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Haven’t read the whole thing, but you probably won’t find out if Stripping is for you if you don’t try.
I mean, you can read books about it (and that’s a thing I would definetly do) but you won’t be able to really tell what it’s like if you don’t try.
So maybe just do an Amateur night or go and audition, then you still can decide if it’s for you or not.
And I strongly disagree on the clothing issue!!! Might help if you dress up as a tomboy, but that would to me feel like giving in, if you know what I mean. Men need to behave no matter what we wear! And some show us that they are truly able to, if they want to, so wearing “skimy” clothes is not an excuse for the “weak” gender to touch us!
I don’t want to have to wear a burka if I want to be safe. Just my two cents. -
I haven’t read this whole thread, but I can reply with some experience on your post. When I started dancing we were in Wichita, Kansas and I didn’t know anyone at all. My daughter had just turned a year old and I was being a good wife and following another one of my now ex-husband’s ideas. At any rate, we had run out of money and my little girl needed to eat, I was 20 years old and the only thing I had ever really done was waitress. I had never even touched a pole. At any rate, I got a job (somehow) at a club. Most people were nice and to tell you the truth, I guess I had a different experience. You see, I never felt objectified. I think the only way you can feel that way is if you allow it. Sure, there were guys that I knew only wanted to see my boobs, so what! He was giving me money to see them.
One thing I can say is that dancing did help me realize that I had been battling with low self-esteem, still do, but dancing helped me learn how to handle it. You are NOT worthless, no matter what. That is the first thing that you need to realize. Secondly, guys are guys, they will try to grab you. It is kind of like a 2 year old testing their limits with their mom. But, you Do Not ever have to put up with it, you just have to find your way to handle it. Throw them off guard with words… making a guy think kind of takes the wind right out of their sails and redirects their course.
Dancing can provide you with a good income, however there are pitfalls to be wary of. First off, if you have children, what are you going to tell them? Also, if you are married it can be hard. I met my husband in a club and he said, “I don’t think I will ever ask you to quit, the money is just too good.” I said, “I give it 3 months.” He asked me to quit in 2. Guys have a hard time with other guys looking at their wives naked. Period. It is how they are made. Second off, you will be working in a bar, don’t lose yourself or your goals to the vices that are easily found there. It is easy to just have one drink and the next thing you know you don’t have any money left because you had “just one drink”. Your morals and your limits are your own. Only you know them, but just remember they will be tested if you do this.
And one last point I want to make if you will let me. The dancers that make money have good attitudes. Basically it is sales. If you don’t like people looking at you or touching you, well, this may not be the job for you. You have to be able to be in a good mood, not mind when someone touches you even if they are smelly and they are only giving you a dollar. And by touching I am talking about, on the arm, on the back, on the leg…that sort of thing. You can’t walk around mad or sad or just blah…no one will tip you. The guys that go into the clubs want a fantasy, if they wanted to see someone mad they would probably just go home and irritate their wives. Not saying that this is what you would do, but it is something to think about.
Sorry for the long post, but I hope it helps you. You know, the waitresses in the clubs make awesome money too. Maybe that could be an option. -
Serzi, you are NOT damaged goods lady! seriously, let that thought go. there is nothing wrong with you. let that thought go NOW. And Jenjenn is a f*&king idiot, trying to make us mad.
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There has been such an overwhelming response to this thread, both on it and through personal messages sent to me. For everyone that is telling me their honest opinion without trying to drag me down or devalue what I have to say with comparisons, I thank you.
Ultimately, I know I walk this path alone but it is helpful to stop and ask directions sometimes before I set out down a new one. I never intended for this to result in scolding personal messages mentioning everything from Jesus to how hard other people have it in their lives and that I pretty much should just stfu about my own. That truly is not helping anything and is extremely uncalled for but, hey, my own mistake for posting to an open forum discussion regarding my own struggle to make ends meet. Like I said, my shoes don’t need anymore holes.
I don’t exactly know what I’m going to do, but I think I may try amateur night (with my husband’s blessing, of course) just to see how it goes and so I can stop wondering about it. If nothing else, I do have a job for the time being. It ain’t great, but it’s something and that’s more than I’ve had at times in the past. I don’t want anyone thinking that I believe I’m too good for a specific job, I’ve worked some of the most underpaid and dirty jobs imaginable. I would, however, like to have the basic respect or safety EVERYONE deserves at work. Not the least of which being that it’s not necessary, encouraged, or condoned to grab someone else without consent or consequence or compensation. You can probably see why I’ve considered becoming a stripper, I obviously have something about me that may be a marketable asset and I’d like to be compensated for it on occasion rather that people just helping themselves. I ain’t no damn soup kitchen, although I have worked in one before.
Once again, thanks to all of you who have offered such enlightening opinions and encouragement. I cannot thank you enough. ♥♥♥
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Hi There,
I am sorry for my english, its not my native language, but i thoght this subject is important that i will be afraid to say what i think.
I can understand what you’re going through, it was happening to me also.
But to work as a stripper it’s the easy way …. Well we all like the easy way …
I change my work few times, until i find the one that pay good, and nobudy touch me.
You know we all have some limits in us, for me it was the touching and the way they speak and few more.
Do you really want to be a stripper? Think waht it will do to your limits, what your heart will think, imagine your life as a stripper? And if you 100 percent sure this is the right choice for you do it.
Wish you the best and love
Liat
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I don’t believe stripping is “the easy way”, but it is an option that I consider because it may compensate me better for something I already somewhat deal with while fully clothed in a supposedly “professional work environment” that does not even pay enough to cover all my bills or basic needs. I really don’t look down on strippers for what they do or feel that it would destroy me or whatever the moral excuse may be. My only concern regarding anyone’s personal feelings on the subject would be my husband’s. As far as my own, well, don’t touch the merchandise unless you arrange payment with me in advance. My body is worth far more than minimum wage EVEN AT age 30, I at least have that much self-respect.
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