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Dancing with a new partner
For our upcoming show, my teacher has built a small dance routine without a pole for three couples. In the routine, we have to do some acrobatic stuff (my partner lifts me up, I lay backwords, then he swings me onto his back where I do a "superman" like pose and roll to the floor).
It is my first time dancing with a partner, we are both new to this, and we struggled with it when we tried it for the first time. When I took a break and went to the bathroom, I heard him tell the teacher that I am too heavy for him, and my teacher said it has nothing to do with my weight and is all about proper technique. Then I dancing with the other guy, who has more experience, and he said I am not holding my body (and I got the impression he thought I'm heavy too).
Now, the other two girls don't have any problem. One is a professional dancer who has done this many times, the other is tiny, has been practicing these moves for several months with my teacher, and is dancing this part with my teacher. We can't switch partners because this dance has a story behind it.
I know this kind of acrobatics is new to us both and that we both need to learn, but now I am extremely self-conscious about my body. I am ashamed of it, of how I look and of how I hold it and use it.
When I learn a new pole trick I basically work with myself. There is no embaressment involved (not any more) – If I'm doing something wrong, I am not hurting anyone but myself. I am the only one who has to feel and forgive my failing body. I am the only one who has to be compassionate towards myself.
But working with a partner feels so intimate and exposed. It's almost like being naked with someone new for the first time. You have to trust your partner, not only on an physical level, but also emotionally. This feeds all my insecurities.
I know that dancing is a journy, and I think that learning this routine and dancing it on stage is going to be a wonderful experience, but I am just so terrified right now.
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2 Replies
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It always takes a while to find a grove when working withe someone new, so don't be discouraged by stepping your way through that process. A more experienced partner might be more easily able to communicate what that person is feeling or believes might be helpful in executing lifts.
Also know that your body mass is NOT, by a long shot, the prime determining factor in how "heavy" you feel to your lifting partner. I've had the pleasure of partnering ladies who weigh 50% more than some and they are just a joy to work. One of the big factors is how you energize your frame. It's not about "lifting your body up" as much as "pressing down" and elongating. The work we do while poling, in terms of engaging the traps and dropping our shoulder blades, is a helpful quality to keep while bing lifted.
A good choreographer and partner will help you discover all of this. Just remember it's not your body mass that determines success here.
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Thanks 🙂
We've practiced several times since I posted this and I feel that it's starting to come together…
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