-
Feel silly when trying to be sexy
So I am not typically a ‘sexy’ type person. I am awkward and I just don’t have moves. I just got my pole about a month ago and have been having a blast training on it and just feel amazing at how much stronger I’ve already gotten. I have one problem though, I just feel silly when I try to be ‘sexy’ at it. I haven’t tried to actually do any kind of floor work or try doing a routine, I just like spinning and the strength aspect of it, but would like to be able to dance also without feeling like a total dork lol. Does anybody else have this problem? Just feeling awkward and silly doing body rolls and other provocative moves?
-
11 Replies
-
But you ARE sexy. Instead of thinking about acting “sexy” try doing a body wave and thinking about how good it feels – loosening your spine, feeling your arms and legs as your muscles work and then release. When you spin, take pleasure in pointing your toes and how wonderful it feels when your leg muscles engage. Concentrate on how yummy you feel and it will translate into amazing ssssexiness as you move on the pole or on the floor. Remember, this pole journey is for your pleasure. When you enjoy that wonderful feeling, you are sexy!
-
Don’t force it. Pole doesn’t have to be sexy for everybody. Some people take it as a workout, in a gymnastic or acrobatic style and there is nothing wrong with that. Over time, you may gain confidence and maybe feel up to adding some sexiness. Or not, if that is not your style. Some people are more into bodywaves and other more into cartwheels! Be yourself.
-
Kiley, I feel with you. I have been athlete all my life (skier, soccer, weights, tennis player…) and no dance or gymnastics or “girly” training. I am a pole beginner too and at 6 feet and 160 lbs I really feel clumsy when moving around it. I took a few videos of myself and I think “gee… it ain’t like Veena” 😉 ha ha.
Anyway, I really like what Polegramma suggested. Rather than analyzing my moves, if I’ll try to feel how great it feels to point my toes (well, I do have to think about it because it does not feel natural) or do the body wave, and it probably will make a huge difference. I will try to do that. And I suspect (and hope) that with time, all this will feel natural and sexy.
-
Hey there!
I think there are a lot of underlying things to this, which might be helpful to look at a little closer.
First of all, the question of “What is sexy”? I mean, for many of us, sexiness is often playing to the social image of sexy- usually a lot of flowing hair and long legs and low tops, graceful moves, and not a whole lot of smiling or “fun.” Personally, while I absolutely love to see this type of “sexy” (many of my favourite dancers are russian, who do this style SO WELL), it doesn’t have to be everyone’s kind of sexy. Out here, the pole dance studio usually has it’s “sexy” style informed by a lot of sass and cheekiness! The women are encourages to have fun, to tease and play with their “audience” (even if you don’t have one) and to slap their own butts, because why not?
In other words… Sexy can be created in so many ways, with so many different influences! I often “find my sexiness” by taking my time, slowing things down, and simply enjoying how my body feels and looks. Sometimes, it’s just putting on moisturizer after shaving my legs. I’ve been running for two years, my legs have drastically shifted shape, and I love them. That’s all it really takes.
Secondly, and sometimes more importantly… ARE YOU COMPARING YOURSELF?!
In all caps because it’s very, very important to think about!!
I actually learned this lesson here, on Studio Veena, and I am reminded of it every single day, doing almost every single thing in my life. Yoga? Yes, even though I do it at home with Youtube videos. Running? Hell yes. Work? Yep. Dancing? You betcha! Writing? Sometimes too much.
So, let me put this very directly: Please, do NOT compare yourself, to ANYONE. EVER.
There are so many dancers out there, and none of them are like each other. Veena doesn’t dance like Alethea Austin, and Eva Bembo doesn’t dance like Dirdy Birdy. They are all beautiful, wonderful, sexy, and alive women with their own strengths, and their own styles. If they compared themselves to any of the others, though… Well, maybe they would see themselves come up short! But, that kind of behaviour could be true, all the way around the circle. It could just be one big demoralizing circle of comparison.
Instead, set your bar against yourself. Did you do better today than you did yesterday? Did you achieve a particular goal, such as feeling really good about how sexy that one angle of your leg looked that one time, and see a glimpse of what could be? Did you get up and do the thing you intended to do today, whether that be dancing and working hard, or having an awesome rest day and stretching out those sore, abused muscles?You are incomparable to any other person. You are beautiful simply because you are you. And, the more YOU that you can be, the more awesome and sexy you will be.
No, you can’t be Veena. Just the same as I can’t be Felix Cane. But, we can look up to them and feel like we want to emulate them, and then just… modify things to be more “us” instead of so “them.”And finally, yes, practicing movements that are super foreign to you can feel very, very silly. It’s a lot like suddenly trying to get into affirmations if all you ever do is tell yourself bad things: it feels weird, and insincere. Just keep at it, and eventually, it will become your new “normal”!
-
Wow! It was great to see so many supportive responses! Thank you ladies! I am thinking perhaps I’m probably focusing too much on comparing myself to other ‘sexy’ style dancers. One of you mentioned Eva Bembo. Dang that girls got some fluid moves! Be yourself was probably the best advice. Sometimes you just get carried away and forget…
Thanks!!
-
I’m glad you feel better now, isn’t everyone here awesome!!?
I want to add that if you DO want to work towards your own style of sexy then practice, practice and practice some more! Even sexy pole requires hours of improving flow, movement of the hips and connecting moves. If you’re interested you’ll find a sexy beginner routine to work with here, and a bunch of transitions, floor work and a flowmotion routine that you might find helpful in releasing your inner vixen!
Oh, and the Chair dance section will be helpful too!
-
Yes, they are! I’m glad I came across the site! I will definitely be taking a look around, thanks 🙂
-
Its just going to take practice. Women who look sexy on the pole typically have been pole dancing a long time, or have experience with other things that give the body awareness such as other types of dance or modeling. Keep practicing, don’t give up, and eventually you will find your flow.
-
Totally agree with veena practice will help your style whether it be sexy or graceful or both I used to feel awkward doing sexy. Your confidence will grow with practice videoing helps too.. I feel a lot more confident now even though I’m not the best at sexy I won’t give up. 😊😊 key doing what your doing things will get better.
-
I find that I’m too much in my own head when I’m “trying” to be sexy. If I can just forget about trying so hard and find a song I really like and just go with it I do a lot better. A lot of people seem to dance to really heavy and emotional songs and it works great for them. But for me to really let go I crank some country (loving Chase Rice right now) and let lose. It does not mean that I’m graceful or have flow through my movements but I feel more sexy and confident.
-
I don’t do sexy… I feel weird too. And I never used to… but I gained weight and have some mobility issues too. I don’t go dancing anywhere anymore and feel awkward. I’m not be venue in the pole right now… so me and sexy are like former lovers… I know them intimately but I we just don’t feel right together. Haha!
Maybe someday. But I’m not going to push it or feel bad about it. Just not feeling it at the moment. So I do strength and tricks when I’m on the pole. And for now, that’s enough. I know I’ll have to learn that aspect and practice it to make it natural looking. Again…someday. Don’t feel you have to be sexy. Do what makes you happy. 😊💖
Log in to reply.