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Frustrations Ahoy!
This is a RANT.
So.
I own a platinum stages multipiece! And I have LOVED IT. I loved it through it’s double coupler defect. When it was loose, didn’t catch on the ceiling despite the MASSIVE top-plate and I fell with it. I loved it through winter when I had to use candle wax just to be able to use it.
So.
I decide since my husband is gone, I’m going to move my pole into the living room and experience carpeted falls. I haven’t lubed the pole up in a bit, so I’ll do that too. DAMN THING is stuck. Gah gah gah. Strapwrench time, right? I strap wrench and beat and freeze and lube then plastic wrap, then heat, then beat, then strapwrench again. It takes me three days to frickin’ take the pole apart. I broke THREE strapwrenches. I cried. I called PS customer service three times during the three days. I cried during one phone call. Sorry gay-ish guy I haven’t spoken with before. WHATEVER. Suckers apart, right? Except for one piece, and that’s fine. I don’t freaking care because it’s the six inch piece and I’ll ALWAYS USE IT, OK.MMMPH. So I’m like, "Well, lets put you back together, except I want to put the 4 footer on top of the 3 footer. It’s only one foot and I’ll get the chance to break in the bottom part of the pole so I can actually use it without instances of rapid slide down, right, right? NO. You put the four on top of the three, and the freaking SIX doesn’t fit. So I’m like… FINE, I’ll strap wrench it on. I don’t care, the pole doesn’t EVER HAVE TO BE TAKEN APART, RIGHT, I DON’T CARE. (of course, I’m MAD CRAZY at this point, because I haven’t poled in 3 days, yet I’ve spent SO MUCH TIME AND ENERGY WITH THE POLE). So I strap wrench the top piece on… maybe 6 threads in, but it wont go ANY FURTHER. So I call, crying, PS Customer Support. He tells me I need to tell him which piece is wrong so he can send me another because I have ONE MONTH of bad pole support left. So I have to remove it.
I BREAK ANOTHER STRAP WRENCH. My second to last. This is tedious. these 6 threads are torturous to get through. I have to use my rubber mallet with every 3 inches the strap wrench moves. Rubber mallet, rubber mallet, strapwrench, rubber mallet. I go to sears, get another strap wrench set. I don’t have to pay another 12 stinking dollars because they’re crafstman, but they don’t have enough strap wrenches to replace ALL MY BROKEN ONES. Just one set. One big one, one tiny one the pole breaks just by looking at it.
I get home, with my new strap wrench, and I’m ALMOST TO THE FINISH. Seriously, I think maybe 1.7 thread left. STRAP WRENCH BREAKS.
AHAGHGHGHGHGHGH. AGHGHGHGHGHHG.
WHY IS MY POLE THE MOST BROKEN DOWN POLE IN THE UNIVERSE. I know it’s just mine. I KNEW when my threads were leaving slivers of metal that it was going to come to haunt me. I knew when Kim told me I was overtightening she was talking out of her tiny butt. I KNEW.
And now, one month before my year warranty I CANNOT TELL THEM WHICH SIDE IS BROKEN BECAUSE I HAVE TO WAIT FOR MORE STRAP WRENCHES TO COME IN. I am frantic. I must order them online. RIGHT NOW.
wah-wah-wah-cry-cry-cry-wah-wah-wah
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