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Getting a divorce
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There is nothing that I can add to whatever else has been said, but I just want you to remember that you’re a strong woman and you can get through this. Please vent on this site whenever you want, you’ve got over a thousand SV members willing to help you through this xoxox
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Cali omg honey, i’m so sorry! everyone here gave such AMAZING advice and support, i agree 100% with what everyone has already said, so i’ll keep this short and simple.. it sounds to me like you’ve been taken advantage of, and taken for granted of, to the extreme- so much that you even got used to it! Trying to work things out is almost always the best thing to do before accepting to divorce, but just know that some behaviors and attitudes are very difficult to change. and it seems like he’s pretty much made up his mind. I know this may sound a bit harsh, but i’m trying to be realistic. It definately won’t be easy at first, so be prepared for a bit of a rough time, but you WILL survive, and you will come out of this STRONGER, and it WILL BE TO YOUR BENEFIT in the end, because you don’t deserve that kind of treatment!
It’s hard to see this now, but it’s better that this happens now rather than later on.. You’re so young and you have 2 kids, and that’s what makes this sooo hard, but soon enough you will find someone who respects you and takes care of you, and that is when you will truly realize that all that you’re going through now was worth it. I know this can’t make you feel any better at the moment, and i really can’t help you with the practical issues either (i don’t live in the US so i’m not familiar with housing programs and support groups).. just remember what everyone else here told you, and that we all care and will support you in any way we can! stay strong sweetie!
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cali Ive always tried not to takes sides in this kind of situation. That being said, I know you love your husband but he sounds very immature and quite selfish. I dont mean to be mean but if he’s not willing to work on your marriage then he’s not worth it. You shouldnt have to put up with someone repeatedly cheating on you! That’s awful! You are so young, you have your whole life ahead of you and your kid’s lives too I might add. It will be extremely hard at first but you will get through it. Your husband cant just come and go as he pleases and expect you or your kids to be okay with it. If he wants to go, let him go, you shouldnt have to beg him to stay for you or your kids. Foxy-Rei is right, try not to argue in front of your children. My parents split up when I was 12 but they should have slpit up long before that. They argued constantly infront of my brothers and I and we hated it! I wanted my parents to split up beacuse I knew if they did at least they wouldnt be living together 24/7 and fighting all the time!
Im sorry if Ive offended you by speaking ill of your husband but from what you’ve said about him I dont know if a beautiful, kind, caring girl like you should have to put up with that kind of treatment. -
Oh Cali, so sorry you’re going through this.
I agree with what everyone’s been saying. If he is an addict, there’s not much you can do about it except enable him to continue to be that way. He’s got to be the one to clean himself up and he’s got to do it for reasons that are strong enough to carry him through to sobriety. And you deserve to be adored and to be treated better than what he’s been dishing out. And your children deserve more, too, much more.
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I’ve just found this thread Cali, sorry I missed it earlier. I have nothing useful to say and my thoughts are the same as everyone before me, so just wanted to add my cyber-arms to the group hug here xox
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Cali…I echo pretty much what everyone else has said…my 1st marriage was like that, I thought I would die without him. I didn’t…I didn’t understand any of it until I became a practicing alcoholic/addict myself after we were separated and divorced(That’s how I dealt with it!). It wasn’t until I sobered up and got clean that it became very clear to me what he was doing to me and the behavior you have described is addictive behavior! You can not fix it or him and IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT!!! There is life after divorce! I got clean and met my present husband….I have been clean and sober for 28 years now..over half my life, and I have been married now for 27 years…The support groups that have been mentioned are absolutely wonderful…they helped me (AL-ANON) put the responsibility where it belonged, it helped me rid myself of guilt that wasn’t mine…most importantly it helped me heal, mentally, emotionally and spiritually…because what he’s doing to you breaks you down and takes your strength and power from you, so TAKE IT BACK…you can with support! There is rainbow at the end of a storm, there is a pot of gold at the end of that rainbow!! Many HUGZ to your and your children!!! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_flower.gif
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Cali, I am also so sorry you’re going through this – I have also been divorced and of course my story is it’s own kind of nightmare…..I know how stressful and painful it is. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_sad.gif I agree with SO much of what’s been said, especially about going to counseling and support groups on your own if you have to. I hope the best for you, and am so glad you’re getting to talk things out here.
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