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How Do You Fit Pole IN Your Day?
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I'm glad you started this thread, Luvlee https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_heart1.gif because I feel exactly the same way.
I really liked what Veena wrote.. because it made me see that I actually DO make myself feel guilty, if I don't push myself to practice when I don't feel like it, or if I have a bad practice, or if I get tired after only a half hour (which happens alot!). I promised myself I wouldn't use my age as an excuse, but at the same time I don't expect to be able to progress like a 25 year old. I have about half of the energy I had then, LOL. I guess we have to find a happy medium – between pushing ourselves really hard, to just poling to have fun and get some exercise. But the reality is, if we want those advanced tricks, there is alot of work and practice involved, and pole is not easy! So give yourself some credit, girl, you should be proud of yourself!!!!
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oops, sorry Luvlee, forgot to answer your question! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_geek.gif What has really helped me is to have regular practice days, and do some stretching after every pole session, if possible. I also use DVD's alot, and Skype once a week on saturdays.. it gives me something to look forward to during the week..
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Right now, I can onlt practice for half an hour. I get so tired, weak, and sweaty. I use to go for an hour, so I expect I will be able to again soon. I keep saying I will set up Skype and really need to. I just sit in chat while I practice on here alone. LOL!!!!
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don't worry, you will definitely get your stamina back.. and I hope you get to try skype soon!
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Luvlee, I agree with others that you are way too hard on yourself and are tearing yourself down for no reason. And the common thread I seem to see in your comments is that you keep comparing yourself – your strength, your dance, your tricks, your flexibility, your stamina – to others, and especially to yourself in the past. You get stuck in this cycle of "I used to be able to _____ and now I can't and I fear I'll never be able to and that's not good enough for me."
I'm telling you, woman: That needs to stop NOW.
I feel into a similar trap with my writing. When I was a young teen, I could write ficiton for hours on end and I never got bored, or frustrated, or annoyed, or ran out of creative juice. It was fantastic; it felt so good. Then, whaddaya know, Life got in the way. I went to college, got a degree in creative writing, and promptly stopped writing. At first I said I was just resting after the marathon of my senior project, but then rest turned into vacation turned into just plain not writing. I still got inspired to write, but every time I actually sat down and tried, I felt like my creative muscles were stiff and cramped, the words wouldn't come, every idea sounded cliched and boring. And I kept thinking back to 14-year-old me, the aspiring author who wrote novels on her summer vacation, and envying her and thinking Boy, it came so easy back then and felt so good, why won't it do that anymore, what's wrong with me, will I ever write fiction again? And this thought pattern prevented me from writing for YEARS. I've only recently picked it back up – and I graduated college in 2008.
You can't go back in time. You can't pull resources (a studio, money for lessons, pole friends, time) out of thin air. You're behaving as though you think these things will happen if you just try hard enough. But it's never enough, because these things can't happen, and because it's never enough you end up frustrated and sad and discouraged and angry at yourself. Perfectionism is a powerful demon to carry on your back.
So, stop looking in the rearview mirror while fearing what lies ahead (32). Stop comparing yourself to what you could once do, whether it be hourlong practices, advanced tricks, pretty spins, poling every day, whatever. And don't compare yourself to others, either. You are the best dancer you can be right now – you are the only thing you can be right now.
Whatever you can get done in a practice, in a day, in a week – IT IS ENOUGH. I want you to repeat this to yourself. And while you're at it, it helps to have very small, realistic goals, goals you can reach without hours and hours of stretching and practice first. Like with your back flexibility, you already know your back is not naturally very flexy. That's a limitation you have to live with; you can't force yourself to be flexy. A flexy Scorpion pose is a very, very, very difficult thing to achieve, even for people who do yoga every day. Certainly you can work on stretching and contorting, but be realistic about what kind of progress you can expect to make – and accept that, because of your anataomy, you just might never get there – AND THAT'S OK. It doesn't make you a failure and you can't let yourself feel that way.
(I am that way about anything splits-related. My right hip was dislocated when I was born so it's always been a little weaker and less flexible, and it complains big time when I try to stretch it. I've accepted that the splits are not a realistic goal for me. It might mean I'll never have straight lines in certain moves, but working towards a solid splits is too painful. I'm not going to put myself through it just to be frustrated when I hit the wall of what I can achieve.)
We joke around here a lot about how life-consuming pole can be, thinking about it all the time, wanting to practice all the time, watching videos every day, putting combos together in our heads, etc. We're all here because we just absolutely love pole. But what sometimes helps me when I'm getting discouraged is to remind myself, It's Just Pole. Really. It's not a magic wand or a fairy godmother. I had a life before pole, and while it has certainly helped me change my life for the better, my life does not depend on how often I practice or what tricks I can do. More importantly, my HAPPINESS does not depend on pole. Happiness comes from within, it is a state of mind we cultivate by showing ourselves love and gratitude.
So when you feel like beating yourself up over a move you can't do, or a practice cut short by fatigue, or skipping a scheduled practice, or whatever – STOP. Stop and remind yourself that you love yourself no matter what. Practice or no practice. Tricks or no tricks. Pole or no pole. Go get a hug from Bob or Elle if it makes you feel better. Just don't let yourself spiraling into despair.
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@luvlee – I want to reply to your post by relating to some of the individual things said. Please don't feel like I'm trying to take it apart or anything, I'm just trying to answer all the points that jumped out at me, without forgetting any.
It would make ME so happy if I could watch one of my videos and actually like it. I think we all feel like this. Making and sharing videos is a good thing, but you should be careful about caring more about what's in the video than what you actually accomplished on the pole- that's a one way ticket to unhappytown, because 1) we all look a little wonkier on the pole than we feel, and 2) there's always someone's better video to wind up comparing yourself to.
I want to do a flexy scorpion pose. It opens a world of new moves up for pole too. I would have to stretch at least every other day to accomplish this. Having goals and working towards them is great, but it's important that they're realistic goals. I would love to do a rainbow marchenko, but it's never, ever going to happen for me because I don't have the back flexiblity. It's also important to have a realistic idea in mind of how long it's going to take to accomplish a goal, so that you don't get frustrated. It took me a year to get my splits, roughly three times as long as I anticipated. During that time there was a lot of frustration, tears, and nearly giving up. If I had know going in how long it was going to take, I think it would have been easier to deal with the slow progress. So, if you want a deep backbend pose and you don't have natural back flexibility, set your expectations low- it's going to take a while.
I want more strength so I can fly and it looks effortless like Shellectra comes to my mind. I probably don't even have to say this, but comparing yourself to others is a guaranteed way to make yourself unhappy. There's always someone more flexible, stronger, or more coordinated than you. That's just life. I made the mistake in July of taking a Chinese pole lesson with someone who is so good at pole she later went on to compete in the APFA and Midwest competitions. During the lesson, she was so far ahead of me I was crushed. Afterwards, I couldn't get over it- I really wanted to be as good as her, but it had been made painfully clear to me how far I was from that level. This caused me to nearly stop poling through August and September, put on more weight, and set myself back three months. Don't let this happen to you- comparing yourself to others is psychologically toxic.
I use to be happy after dancng and want to do it more. It was easy for me. Now, it has gotten harder and I leave my sessions almost in tears sometimes. I get frustrated and why would I want to do it again? It's important to think about why this is happening. I had the same thing happen, and for me it was because when I started, I advanced so quickly I had some *ahem* delusions of grandeur that maybe I would be REALLY good at this. As my progress slowed, I had to accept my body's limitations, and re-adjust my goals to be more realistic. This process was painful, but less painful than constantly beating myself up because I wasn't doing as well as I wanted to be.
I see myself gsining weight and this is new for me also. I turn 32 this coming March and it is all catching up w me. I hear you. I'm 31. For some reason, in the first six months I poled I lost twenty pounds. Over the next year, I then proceeded to pole more, but put back on at least half of that (and no, it isn't all muscle). I know in my case I'm not getting enough cardio, and I eat too much. I don't know what the case is for you, but figuring it out and stopping the weight gain will probably go a long way to making you feel better about pole in general. (I know I got to a point where I almost stopped making videos, I was so ashamed of myself- feeling like that'll suck the fun right out of poling)
Well, I hope some of that was helpful. I couldn't help but hear so many familiar things in your post: the longing to be really, really good at this, the frustration, the anxiety. It's a fine line between pushing yourself to get better in a healthy way, and just beating yourself up for not being as good as you want to. Try to stay on the happier side of that line.
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Ah, having a life. I remember when I used to have that! Both my computer (I'm a gamer, so not having a computer is MORE crushing to me than not being able to pole) and my car have died on me, so I have NOTHING to do but train for pole right now. And work when I can. But that's not fun and there's no way I'm ever going to be cut-throat about making money and I've accepted that. ANYWAY.
A lot of the girls here have touched base with you and not being so down about yourself. I want to answer the initial question: HOW does one fit pole in their day? What do you do when you don't have a lot of money or time to invest in pole, but still want to do it, be good at it, and ultimately feel good about doing it?
Here are some tips of things I used to do to get pole training in:
1.) Stretch while you watch TV. If you have a tv show you watch with your family, it's a great time to get in some stretching. For me, stretching is reaallllyyyyy reallllyyy boring. It takes forever. I count 30s and it's actually only been like, 7. There's a clock mounted into our cable box, so when I start a pose I hold it for one scene. When that scene is over, I look at the clock, note what time it was when I started/ended so I can estimate the time of that pose, and do that pose on the other side for the same amount of time. You can also just watch tv and glance at the clock every couple of seconds, but I have ADD and I have to take small breaks (scene changes) to remind myself I'm doing two things at once. You can also lift weights, or if you have a coffee table infront of your tv, do wrist mobility exercises. I like doing those as well, because I can watch a show and do as many reps and sets as possible without ever seriously noticing (you DO feel the burn after about half an hour, won't lie.)
2.) Make a checklist. I get super excited when I get to cross things off of a checklist. I'm also kinda arts and crafts, so when I make a checklist I go into photoshop and make a mofo checklist (#swag). Anyway, my suggestion is to NOT just write down with a pen and ugly yellow legal pad a list of things you want to do. That paper is not motivational. It reminds you of work, and sadness…well, it does for me LOL. It's also something easily lost. Sit down when you have about half an hour to an hour, and photoshop yourself a pretty background to print a checklist onto. Something that will stand out to you. If you don't know your way around photoshop, you can just use a pretty or inspiring photo you found, and paste it into paint and just write the list there with the text tool. If you want to be more eco friendly and not waste paper, you could also buy a whiteboard and decorate it with some pole dance charms, old worn out shoes, and of course, glitter. This also helps with motivation. If you're struggling with pole-ups that day, skip it and go to pole sit-ups, and come back later.
3.) MAKE FRANDS! Okay, so this might be a little hard for those of you on the east coast or if you are a maple neighbor of the north, being that it's winter. But when winter is over, or if it isn't cold enough to be forced to stay inside where you are, go walk your dogs! If you have a dog park, meet someone who is also walking their dog, and make a fitness friend. This is also easier if you have a gym membership, but I don't have one and I've mad fitness friends this way. Having someone to work out with seriously boosts your desire to work out. They don't need to pole dance, but that is a serious plus and you can always convert them later (it's every pole dancer's master plan anyway :] ) As you and other's have pointed out, you can even have fitness jams with people here on SV.
4.) Free stuff? Check nearby community centers to see if they are offering any free sample classes. The Rec center here is constantly offering awesome asian fusion cardio (juijitsu, tai-bo, etc) and things like zumba, and sometimes they're free or half off! Even if you're pinching pennies, if a class is less than $10 I'm likely to try it out. This mixes up your regular conditioning/cardio schedule and also is a great way to STEP 3 MAKE FRANDS. I mean, why do some women start pole dancing? Because they were bored with their regular workout. If you have a friend who teaches a fitness class of any sort, check in and see if you can get in for free or half off. Even if you hate it. I have a friend who teaches zumba and I had to drag myself into one of her classes. I did not have fun, but I did get a workout :> Check out dance classes, too!
5.) Keep a log book. I use Fitocracy. Someone said something about My Fitness Pal but I've never tried it. I like Fitocracy because there's a pole dance community (although it's pretty dead) and it's almost like going to studio veena where you can be like, YEAAHHH, I WORKED OUT TODAY! And complete strangers get excited and support you because they know how hard it is, too. It's definitely not nearly as supportive as SV, but that's pretty hard to do. I find that I use it more because it's like social networking, instead of a sad little notebook where only I can track my progress. But if you're more of a private person, a notebook works well too. I feel like this is different from posting flexy pics progress and videos because you can see your tolerance increase workout to workout. This week, 60s plank. Next week? 120s plank. My body still looks the same to me right now, but apparently it's preforming better and seeing that is a huge motivation boost!
6.) Rewards. It seems pretty self explanatory, but rewards can get pretty complicated! When I nail a new move I've been trying to get for months, (Roxy, I'm looking at you) it opens up a world of new things I haven't been able to do before, but that in and of itself is a reward! I would love to live in a world where every workout made me feel like the very first time I got a shoulder mount, or an invert, or what I like to call, "the new move high". Unfortunately, we all have blah workouts. Sometimes it feels like the blah workouts are more frequent than the breakthrough workouts, but it's important to remind yourself that you're awesome and you gave yourself the kick in the ass to actually work out. A lot of people DON'T. So make a list of things you would be okay (and you can use ugly paper for this if you want LOL) with treating yourself with for completing a workout. For instance, I can't just eat ONE candy bar…so rewarding myself with a candy bar isn't something that I can do. But what I would instead do is take out a dollar for every ten minutes that I worked out, and put it into a pole jar. No, you don't get to count breaks 🙁 You can make up your own little rewards…I'm all about food and money, so it's hard for me to get in a reward mindset for anything else 😛 Get your spouse to help you. Example: I love making smoothies, but there is no such thing as a clean friendly blender. I normally just rinse and throw in the dishwasher, but I feel bad for taking up so much space. So if I had a boyfriend, I would ask him to help me reach my fitness goals, by asking him to clean the blender IF I worked out. And then I would trade him a favor, like opening beer and bringing it to him during a game or something.
7.) Try poleing first. I too would go to work, or be stuck in a class, or at an airport, and see a pole and think "MY GOD, WHEN I GET HOME, I MUST POLE!" This was a thought that magically vanished as soon as I lugged my tired ass through the door, ate some ice cream, and immediate sat down for my vice of choice (for me it was the computer.) I don't really have any tips for that one. If you are already home, and you have this thought, don't stop and say, "when I'm done with laundry." Drop whatever you are doing and go pole. Freestyle for 20m. Choreograph a routine if you aren't feeling super amazing flow sauce that day. Work on perfecting a move you're really good at, or try learning a new one if you feel uber amazing. The goal is to get you to feel good about poleing. When you think, "I have to pole, I really want to pole today" it's because you're trying to catch up with that feeling of feeling…well, AMAZING. Having FUN. So have FUN. Don't try to reward yourself with pole as it is an activity; you might get down on yourself for not having as much energy because you kept pushing it back all day. That's just how I work, though, and everyone is different.
8.) Make an inspiration folder. This could be a physical folder, or a favorites folder in your internet browser or just a file folder on your computer. I like the physical folder because more glitter is better and I'm a visual learner, but that's just me. Take the time to collect things that inspire you to pole, and find a quote that you like. Or several. I have a few printed pictures of pole idols with inspiring things they've said tagged under them. If you have a pole space (I don't) you could hang them up. If not, and you are planning on making a weekly schedule and keeping to it, look at this before you work out. Maybe you could tie this into #7 and do it on your way home, while you fill up gas, etc to get you to actually do it when you walk in the door? Also, actual inspirational phrases (having a brain fart on the real term) might help you. There was a common saying at every studio I've ever been to; "If it hurts, you're know you're doing it right." While I don't like repeating phrases, this might be helpful to others. If you feel the burn in your workout, you know you're doing it right. You can pick other non-pole related quotes. Apparently they're called "exercise mantras". Here's a list of some if you want to look through a few. I like the one about hours in the week and how many are being asked for, it really puts things in perspective and it's not something I've heard six thousand and eight times. http://www.pbfingers.com/2011/01/19/exercise-mantras/
ALSO; set aside some space in your closet for workout clothes. I feel more inclined to work out if I dress out in spandex and hooker heels, polefit bras, leg warmers. Do your makeup ultra sultry if it helps! I personally feel like it helps me to have cute pole clothes. Even if I'm not recording that day, dressing for the part really helps motivate me to work out. "I've gone through all this trouble to get ready, there's no way I can quit before I start" is the mindset I get.
And then the usual "(re) decorate your pole space". I'm broke, so that's not always an option…but you can move furniture around, and clean up your area….I pole in the garage, so I have a lot of work to do before I could consider my pole area acceptable.
9.) Sneak in mini-workouts for conditioning outside of home. Do you have to go to the store? Work in an office? My zumba teaching friend recommended jogging ** through the store or briskly walking when doing mundane errands like grocery shopping. And, it makes sense. You warm up your muscles while jogging through the store. When you get in line, you can do preacher walks or lunges or whatever standing exercise you want. On the way back to the car, find a stop sign or pole of choice and bust out a flag or two. For the office, you can always buy a balance ball and replace your office chair, then sneak in an ab workout during lunch. Run up and down the stairs for warm up.
**My zumba pal also informed me that most people run and speed walk incorrectly. I personally didn't know you could "run wrong" but most people do, and I was definitely guilty of that. You shouldn't hear your feet pounding when you run. That's where the joint pressure comes from. And don't flex your toes when you speed walk to avoid shin splints.
I wish there was a number ten because I hate odd numbers, but those are all of the suggestions I have. I hope this helps. :3
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Ok – here it is – I SUCK at pole. Yep, it's true, but, I am getting better. If we can, I leave the pole up and catch a spin or a hold as I am going by it. Sometimes, that is my only poling of the day. 4 kids and a full time career have a nasty habit of leaving me little time to pole. However, each little spin, hold, booty-up, body wave makes me smile, because it's a moment of doing something I love. Another secret – I dance in my cubicle at work – so far, I haven't been caught. Mostly fluid movement, reflective of bellydance, but it's still fun.
The reason I'm giving up secrets here is to point out that I pole for me. I'm not going to look like anyone other than myself, even though I may want to look like Rixi in those rocking skates, or you, luvlee in that awesome gold bikini, I'm still going to look like me. My time on pole, be it 5 minutes or 55, is for me. One of the few things I choose to give myself.
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I am overwhelmed by the responses I am getting here and I have to say thank you for ALL of them. It is good to know I am not alone in this feeling sometimes. I think the problem I am having was motivation. I have the time to stretch and pole. But after the medical stuff I would rather sit and feel sorry for myself BUT I decided yesterday to set goals. I have set some short term AND long term. The scorpion is long term for me. I know that it may take over a year. That is ok. I Did this pose on top of a human triangle in high school so I think Iay be able to do it again but it will take mass time. These things won’t come out I thin air and that is why I set goals. I wrote practice days on the calendar too. I like the scrap book of pole moves I want. I have a iPhone but am still a paper list person. Lol! Thank you again for all these ideas and responses.
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