-
I Am Not Your Blow-Up Doll
This may be TMI, but I'm just frustrated and need to vent, and I'm also curious if any of you ladies have or have had a similar issue with your SO.
Without going into too much detail, in an effort to keep this from being TOO TMI, my boyfriend and I are pretty regular with the, shall we say, boot knocking. 😉 We don't live together so we don't see each other that much on weekdays (though we do talk on the phone pretty much every night,) but we pretty much always get together on weekends and wind up engaging in aforementioned boot knocking. We don't mess around during my time of the month because we both find it gross and messy. I know some people have a problem with it, but neither of us has been all that interested in doing anything during that particular time.
Well, this weekend marks an entire month without any boot knocking. This is extremely rare for us–in fact, I don't think we've ever gone this long without doing anything before. The most we've really gone is two weeks. The reason why is because I sometimes have breakthrough bleeding before my period, which always lasts about a week, and always takes place right before my period, so it's basically like having one really long period. This doesn't happen all the time, but it does happen occasionally. So that basically rules out two weekends in a row. Now, for the last couple of weeks, I've been pretty under the weather. I hardly ever get sick, but I have gone this long one other time feeling crappy, and I have the sneaking suspicion it's due to allergies, because that's what it was before, and when I described to my mom how I've been feeling, she instantly said the same thing. (She's a nurse and has dealt with allergies herself, so she's probably correct.) So obviously, for the last couple of weekends, I just have not felt up to anything. My boyfriend is starting to get pretty snarky about this–he's acting like I'm just faking to get out of sex. He's been with me for five years now–he knows I'm a very honest person. If I just wasn't in the mood, I would tell him, not make up some excuse. And Monday I actually took the day off work, which I don't do unless I'm feeling pretty damn crappy, and he knows that.
He's been checking up with me all week via text and phone calls, asking how I'm feeling, but I know this is not because he's actually concerned–he only wants to know if he's going to be able to get some, which REALLY irritates me. He does this pretty much every time I say I have a headache or I'm not feeling well–like I'm specifically doing it just to deprive him. Well, I'm sorry, but last time I checked, when was anyone in the mood to get it on when their head feels like they've got an entire orchestra in there all playing as loudly as they can? The last thing I want to do is get jarred around, but of course a headache is 'just an excuse women use to get out of sex.' Or…maybe I actually have a migraine?! Ever consider that?
Sometimes I really feel like I'm supposed to be his personal blow-up doll or something, as though this is my purpose in life, and if I dare to upset the balance, then I'm a jerk. I'm not a piece of meat. But I literally can't walk past him without him slapping my ass or grabbing it, and we can't just lay down on the couch and watch a movie without him trying to unbutton my pants and feel me up. It's like, ok, I get it, you're a man and you want sex, but every single time we're sitting down together? You can't keep your hands to yourself occasionally? Especially when I've made it clear I'm not feeling up to it? I know this is better than him never touching me or not feeling attracted to me anymore, but it's still frustrating in its own way.
I'm pretty sure I've talked to him about this before because I'm not exactly one to keep my opinion under wraps, but I'm going to give him an earful today about what an asshole he's being about this. It's not like I've wanted to feel cruddy for two weeks. I'm not doing this to punish him or piss him off. Argh!! Does anyone else deal with this?
-
17 Replies
-
I would be frustrated too. As you mentioned, he treats you like a piece of meat. Wheres the respect? I am married to a wonderful man. We were very active in cycling, romance etc. Shortly after getting married I contracted Lyme disease. There may be weeks were I am not up for any action. Not once had he made me feel guilty. He knows I am ill and respects that, and still makes me feel wonderful emotionally! There are other ways of showing love without having sex. Maybe you need to tell your SO that. Hope things get better for you no matter what the case. hugs
-
This totally rings a bell for me! I also have a fantastic husband, but if I have a long period or feel like crap for extended perios of time, he's been known to get snarky. I don't really have much advice except trying to explain how it makes you feel. At least you know you're not the only one this happens to!
For me, the most annoying is when I'm sick, there's this expectation that I continue to cook/clean/"boot knock" but when he's sick? Forget it! Call the ambulance, the man is down for the count! He can't get up let alone be productive at anything! We call it the "man cold" because of this great video I found ages ago: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbmbMSrsZVQ
-
I'm glad to hear I'm not alone, Deesse Jesse. Honestly, my BF is a good guy overall, but it really, really ticks me off when he acts like this.
I did talk to him and flat out told him I thought he was acting like an asshole about the whole subject, and he apologized and said he was joking around and did not realize that I was taking him seriously. In his defense, while I can usually recognize his sarcasm, having been with him for five years now, sometimes he does have a very deadpan delivery and it even slips by me. (I've had to explain to people before that he's only joking about something because they're offended, and he's just oblivious and doesn't even realize they don't get that he's screwing around.) However, I tried explaining to him that it wasn't just what he was saying, it was the way he acted sometimes, and I'm not sure he totally understood, but I guess at least I spoke my mind about it.
The problem is, I think most men are a teeny bit possessive when it comes to their wives or girlfriends–not in the creepy, over-possessive way of an abusive boyfriend or husband, but even the best of them have a little bit of the 'this is mine' mindset. But actually, my body is MINE, not his, and I can do whatever I want with it. He doesn't have the same freedom. And like I said, I am not an at-his-convenience blow-up doll.
Lyme Lyte, I'm sorry to hear about your Lyme disease. My sister contracted it a long time ago, but luckily was treated very shortly afterward and never ended up with any lingering issues. It can have some quite nasty side effects, from what I know of it.
-
Oh, and that video was absolutely hilarious, and so true! LMAO
-
Glad u had a chance to talk w ur BF. Sometime the communication is all you need. 🙂
Also I am glad ur sister was treated properly for her Lyme. I wasnt and therefore have long term symptoms. Have a great night! -
Yes, communication is really what it comes down to, but God, men are so HARD sometimes to actually communicate with, you know? I mean, seriously, where's the manual?
-
You are not alone. I work swing shift and sometimes double shifts. I come home beat after a 8-16 hour shift and he expects early morning “some”. So not cool for me cause I end up playing dead, just get done, let me sleep. I feel for you.
-
I'm also glad you guys had a chance to talk it out. And ya, sometimes communicating is really shitty. But it kind of forces you to lay things on the table that you might not have otherwise which is usually for the best.
I've had my fair share over the past 8 years. My husband has what I would call…anger issues. And I have what I call…baggage hahaha So it's stil a learning curve for me to say when something is bothering me and talk it out. Although sometimes bitching to your friends feels really really good!!
Oh, and the protective man thing? I totally get it. Mine openly admits to glaring at men he thinks are checking me out.
-
Yeah, my boyfriend likes to glare at men looking at me. I don't even notice them, but he sure does! I don't really get it–I always point out to him that if he finds me attractive, doesn't he think there's a chance other guys will too?
Ginger, I hate the 'just get it over with and let me go to sleep' feeling, but I also hate the pouty attitude that's probably going to take its place if they don't get any. I guess it's the wounded sort of 'oh, what, you don't want me?' vibe. Sometimes, I'm just too tired/run down/whatever, you know? It seems like men take it as a personal affront or something. I'm not trying to reject him, I just need some rest. I mean, I wouldn't be upset if he told me he was feeling really shitty and just wanted to roll over and go to sleep.
-
The pouting and crying is what I don’t like dealing with. I’m much happier and more ready if I wake up naturally and have a chance to shower off the morning fuzzies. They only think about their needs. I guess they will never grow up.
-
im in a similar situation. only i work two jobs and am usually just too dam tired. he’s layer off in the winter so as soon as i come home its constant nagging about sex and nasty comments when i say i would just like to relax a little. he’s constanly grabbing at me and making the most disgusting comments which turn me off even more. he’s even progressed to getting mad at me because i won’t do my pole practice naked and let him take pictures and continues to grab at me almost making me fall off the pole. im very uncomfortable with having naked pictures taken of me but he doesn’t care. men can be real jerks the question is how much are you really willing to put up with? im honestly at the end of my rope!
-
im in a similar situation. only i work two jobs and am usually just too dam tired. he’s layer off in the winter so as soon as i come home its constant nagging about sex and nasty comments when i say i would just like to relax a little. he’s constanly grabbing at me and making the most disgusting comments which turn me off even more. he’s even progressed to getting mad at me because i won’t do my pole practice naked and let him take pictures and continues to grab at me almost making me fall off the pole. im very uncomfortable with having naked pictures taken of me but he doesn’t care. men can be real jerks the question is how much are you really willing to put up with? im honestly at the end of my rope!
-
Betsyevil, he's being very disrespectful, not to mention unsafe if he's grabbing at you like that while you're on the pole. He shouldn't be doing anything that makes you uncomfortable–while my BF ticks me off sometimes with his attitude toward sex, he never tries to make me do stuff I'm uncomfortable with. I think the naked pictures are crossing a line–it's perfectly normal for you to not be comfortable having those taken (I mean, how many times does stuff like that wind up on the internet?) and he shouldn't be getting mad at you for refusing to practice pole in a way that you're not comfortable with. Pole is your thing–I doubt you got it for him, and it shouldn't be made into something that's awkward and uncomfortable for you.
Honestly, the grabbing at you while you're on the pole thing really concerns me. He could actually injure you if you fall while you're in an awkward position, or even if he causes you to slip–I have to deal with sweaty hands, so I know all about slipping, and I've just narrowly avoiding straining muscles a couple of times from the abrupt jerking motions that can come with it. Pole should be your me time unless you've made the decision to dance for him, and I don't think he should be interfering in it like that. Have you tried talking to him about it at all? Is he aware how uncomfortable he's making you and the potential safety hazards of trying to grab you while you're practicing?
-
talking to him is like talking to a brick wall. he doesn’t seem to care when he makes me uncomfortable. I’ve started locking the door now while i practice.
-
Whining about sex is one thing–ignoring your feelings entirely when you try to bring up his disrespectful attitude is another altogether. You said in your previous post 'the question is how much are you really willing to put up with? I'm at the end of my rope!'
I don't know how long you guys have been together, but this complete lack of respect in regards to your feelings is concerning. It's one thing for a guy to not realize how you feel–they can be pretty oblivious creatures, but for him to completely ignore it when you bring it up with him…like you said, how much are you willing to put up with? I would assume (and maybe I'm wrong) but I would assume that those respect issues are probably bleeding over into other parts of your relationship as well.
Log in to reply.