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I find myself not wanting to pole
I find myself not wanting to pole because of my lack of flexibility. I hate the way some of my moves look. My friends and family say I'm being way to hard on myself and Honestly I know I am but after I practice and I go back and watch my video I start beating myself up about just about everything.Ugh I just don't know what to do. I don't want to 100% just focus on flexibility and loose my strenghth but I find myself not wanting to get up there and disappoint myself I guess. I know it's silly but I just make myself so mad. Anyone else feel like this?
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26 Replies
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My back is just bad. It prevents me from doing quite a bit. I have a pinched nerve so it hurts to even begin a cobra. I feel your pain. I do.
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See the post above yours. A member can't believe how far she has come since starting. Look back at your very first videos and you will be amamzed. Your not going to hit new moves every practice, it just isn't possible. And yes you are being to hard on yourself. Have fun with pole. Heck, I am pushing 50, and am proud of what I can do. If I compare myself to the 20 year olds, I would be depressed. But yet there are 20 year olds that although they practice a lot may never be "great" as some people would think. This is a journey for all of us. We all learn at different rates, have differnt styles etc. Be proud of what YOU have done!!!!!!!!! Now I am going to watch one of your videos…………
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OK, saw this picture:
https://www.studioveena.com/photos/view_photo/5091e66f-6384-4dee-a69d-13600ac37250
That is an amazing move. You look great! I wish I could get that back flexy like that, but I can't and probably never will. You have amazing lines!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Oh yeah!! My bridge looks like a banana. Not even kidding.
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Ha, I can't even reach the pole with my arms in a CAR or CKR! Do I win the "most unflexible back" award? https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_biggrin.gif
Though I think it's normal that once you start with inverted tricks and are putting several together in combos there will be a point where you feel that your lack of flexiblity is hindering your progress and makes everything look "bad". At least for me it was this way.
I think it's worth it to focus the training more on flexibility if being more flexible is what you want. It doesn't have to be 100% flexibility and losing your strength – what about 50-50? 🙂
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Thank you ladies I'm going to go home today warm up and get to it or put forth the effort to.
@ Lyme Lyte I only have one video up because I'm so hard on myself but I will put up my latest practice video. landed a couple moves that got me a little excited but I sat on my computer criticizing myself the hole time.
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Ummm…I cannot even bridge because I lack the flexibility in my shoulders to get my arms back there.
There are SOOOOOOOOO many moves that do not require flexibility. If you know that this is your weak spot then work on moves that suit your body type. I have a short waist which makes a lot of moves pretty much impossible. Add to that my tight shoulders, tight hamstrings and limited back mobility and you have knocked off so many moves that I think are pretty but I realize I won't be able to do. BUT the moves that I CAN do are MINE.
It all comes back to us being our worst critic. Both Charley and Amy wrote blogs about this recently. Theye are both excellent reads:
https://www.studioveena.com/blogs/view/Class_It_Up_20121112120255
http://aerialamy.com/blog/2012/10/25/for-the-love-of-pole/
There are many here that get discouraged at some point or another….I don't think ANY of us have not felt the way you do. I guess I am trying to say you are not alone and you will get past this.
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I think if you put videos up, it will help make you feel good! You will give a lot of positive comments and that is always a good thing for our self esteem! That's why I put up a lot of videos….not so much latley, but I do like to post them. I will be anxiously waiting your next video! 🙂
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…you will GET……
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I agree that the shoulders are actually a big problem for most and they think it is their back. I am working on my shoulders. They will come around eventually on their own time. I am ever so slowly working on my back, but it has to be SLOW for me with that pinched nerve. If it is something you want, work on it slowly. If not, work on what makes you happy!
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This is my practice video from last week. I'm trying to upload it to the site but it's taking a really long time so I'll link it here
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@ aroulette – Instead of being hard on yourself, come up with a realistic flexiblity plan and stick to it. Even if you're only stretching for splits/back flexiblity once a week, it will make a difference over time. Be patient. Everyone is different, but it took me a year of practicing a few times a week to get my splits. But I got there. You will too.
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One of the biggest pieces of advice I ever received when it came to art… don't look at it immediately after it's done! Give it a week. A month. However long it takes!
When you look at your video right away after making it, I think you're still so attached to the dancing itself that, when you critisize, you're really hurting yourself. You can't look at it in a clear and unbiased way. Your criticism hurts you more than it helps, and you'll feel hopeless, sad and unmotivated the next time… because you'll know that your "reward" for your effort will be a bunch of "I didn't do that right!"So let those videos sit a bit. Give yourself a backlog, dance like you're perfect, and DON'T look at those videos for a while! Allow yourself the happy afterglow of a good workout.
Looking at how your flexibility is going every day may not be so good, either. I've noticed that, for me, I tend to get very discouraged looking at my flexibility every day. I don't progress very quickly, as I'm not used to being flexible… so, I'm trying not to measure it, just to enjoy it (not my favourite part of the workout, if I'm honest) and let it come.
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@Runemist34 That is great advice. I can honestly say I was happier before I started recording myself lol.I just find it so hard not to look, But if that advice worked for you I'm going to try it. Thank you
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I like Runemist's idea – I am SOOO guilty of going straight to the video after a practice, I sometimes even forget to cool down properly because I just wanna watch my footage (usually because I did something cool and want to see it!).
You also might try to make a deliberate effort that when you are watching your footage and feel yourself starting to get overly critical, stop and compliment yourself. Find something about your dance you can compliment. Maybe your Jade isn't straight, but you can do awesome pirouettes. Maybe your curves aren't as deep as they could be, but you're really good at keeping your toes pointed. Or you rock the floorwork. Or whatever! There's gotta be something you like to balance out that which you're not satisfied.
I'm lucky to have a very bendy back – like chemgoddess, I have a short waist/torso and can fold pretty easily along my waistline. But my legs? PFFFFFFT. No splits, front or center, not even close. So moves like Jade and Chopsticks, or anything with a wide V (like in the StudioVeena logo), I already know that's not gonna happen for me. I can't do a Jade yet but feel like I will be able to pretty soon (need to work on basic hip holds a bit first, get more secure with those), and when I learn, I'm not going to stress out about getting it straight – it will be an utter TRIUMPH just to do it at all! And The Duchess variation, with one knee still bent, is also very very pretty.
So focus on what you CAN do, and work slowly (and patiently) towards improving the moves you're not satisfied with yet. Don't expect too much of yourself, and definitely don't compare yourself to others, everyone's anatomy is different.
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