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I’m back……….
I have been absent from this and the pole lately. Last month my Aunt passed and its taken me longer than expected to finally be able to start to heal. I don't think I will ever fully heal. Her death broke me. I never really mourned her because I needed to be strong for my grandma and my kids. It hurts so much to know she wont be around to watch my kids grow up. Celebrate holidays. To see my wedding day which is this upcoming year. She was a really important person in my life. She saved me when I needed her the most and had no one. My parents left me with my infant son in a condemed home with a 1000 dollar cilco bill. I was only 19 and they abandoned me when I needed them. My Aunt came to my rescue.Thats only one reason of why her death has had such a big effect on me. She was my only support for so long and my angel. I'm trying to cope with my sadness by crying and getting back into poling. I appreciate anyone who reads this for taking time. I just needed to vent because I think its helping me cope. You all are so wonderful, supportive and inspiring. Thanks for listening.
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4 Replies
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Welcome back! Your aunt reminds me of mine; it means so much for someone to care so deeply and show that kind of love. My aunt also passed about three years ago and I still find myself about to ask her a question or tell her about something new when I remember she died. A few ladies on here have made really beautiful pole videos to honor loved ones that have passed; maybe that would help you a little.
Congratulations on being the strong woman your aunt must have been so proud of–not many can come back from the kind of treatment you received. It's okay for you to feel broken right now and I wish you all the best in getting back to your pole journey. 🙂
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Of course, after I hit "save" I found the video I was going to post: http://youtu.be/-H2wMgF3W8g I saw this last week and admired her dancing as usual. It hit me when I was shopping and they played this song; I almost broke down right in the middle of the hardware store. It was hearing that phrase "I want you to stay" that did me in.
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https://www.studioveena.com/users/view/500e246f-3d7c-4f03-bf15-36130ac37250: I'm sorry about your Aunt as well. Thank you for your post. I was considering doing one I just want to find the right song. If I hear certain songs or think about her I do cry. Its hard to allow myself to grieve because my parents told me when I was younger its not ok to cry. It showed weakness. So right now I feel super vulnerable. Thanks for taking time to post a comment. Your words gave me comfort.
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Just wanted to say big hugs hun. So sorry to hear of your loss, cant imagine the pain you must be going through loosing someone so close and special. Sounds like your breaking down some big barriers though, if you've been brought up being taught its not ok to cry, but are now allowing yourself to start to mourn and cry. I hope you can slowly begin to build up more and more strength. Thinking of you x
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