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In Need of Some Support
So I started Pole in Jan ’13. There are only two studios in the county, and one is a gym that only offers one beginning pole class. The Studio that I live a block away from teaches a combination of Yoga and Pole Fit. The program is VERY structured. Each level is 8 weeks, lvl 1 you learn spins, lvl 2 climbing, lvl 3 inversions, etc. (This means you dont learn to invert until month 4…)Her highest level is 7 which is aerial combinations, and you need instructor approval to enter it. I like some of the yoga principles taught in class, but I am really there to learn pole, which has become a problem. Yogic principle is apparently a large part of the class and is not optional. Following is detail on a situation which has transpired over the last 2 weeks. Let me know your thoughts.
I just finished level 6 and was looking for instructor approval to enter 7. Because I missed out on some material during my honeymoon and because I still struggle with some moves (Handstands and handsprings), the owner suggested I take a couple of private lessons with her to catchup and gain lvl 7 approval.
During my first private lesson, she insisted that I keep my hair down during the entire workout. Normally it is the studio policy that your hair has to be down during the warm-up, it signifies a readiness to relax. I unhappily obliged and put my hair up through the workout portion of the class, and then addressed it with the owner after. She once again explained the yoga principle, when I told her I was uncomfortable with my hair down (especially since I was pouring sweat), she told me that perhaps the lesson for me was that I need to be OK being uncomfortable. I felt this was unsolicited advice. When I stated that I had my own emotional tasks I was progressing on, she basically told me to go home and think long and hard about why this bothered me so much (like there is something seriously wrong with me!). Part of it was because I am paying quite a bit of money for a private class where I am forced to do what I don’t want to do.
So later I emailed her and told her that I trusted her to push me physically, but that as we did not know each other long, and no trust was established, I did not want to discuss my “inner journey” with her. She wrote back and basically told me that it was part of her program and the two could not be separated.
I have written back to her and let her know I would like to cancel my private lessons with her. I am comfortable with the other instructors who don’t feel the need to cram yogic wisdom down your throat, so I hope she won’t ban me from the studio or anything crazy like that. I would have quit going ages ago, but aside from my twice a week pole practice at home, I had no where to pole and learn new material (I suck at learning from videos). Going to the pole expo opened my eyes up to how friendly the entire pole community is and made this whole issues even worse for me. Now my goal is to try and learn as much as I can online and also visit other studios as often as I can when I am out of town. I already scheduled a private with Amber Wolf for when I am in So Cal in Nov! I eventually want to become a certified instructor, but I feel like I have so far to go and not having a place locally to progress sucks.
Thoughts, encouragements, anything would be appreciated right now. Thanks ladies!
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26 Replies
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I am so incredibly sorry you had this negative experience.
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That posted before I could finish because I was multitasking and eating dinner… Sorry! But I commend you for sticking with yourself and canceling those lessons. It’s hard to go against what someone is telling you, especially when that person is supposed to be someone you look to for support or help. I personally would have done the same thing. Every persons pole journey is their own, and for some it is deeply personal and private. While she has the right to teach what she wants in her studio (especially in a group lesson), I don’t think she had the right to make you feel as if the way you express yourself was wrong, especially when you are paying to have a one on one with her… To me, a one on one means I am paying to have you tailor something to my specific needs. And something as petty as she wants you to have your hair a certain way? Seems very out of bounds to me. Please keep us updated. If you’d like to pole jam (I don’t tend a studio and practice only at home) I’d be more than happy to do one, sometimes it’s easier to practice at home when you aren’t all by yourself! Again I’m so sorry you had this negative experience and I hope it doesn’t dampen your view on the community as a whole!
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That lady has a problem, I would not go to her classes, she does not understand what pole and yoga is all about.
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I might also suggest befriending local pole dancers and maybe getting together with them to pole jam? Sure, they can’t instruct you, but you’d have the benefit of a spotter and a cheerleader when you learned from those videos. I do okay learning from videos, but it only gets me so far.. Sometimes I’ll need my boyfriend to watch and tell me if it looks right or spot me! Best of luck, and if you’d like to chat things over I’m all ears!
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Thank you both of you. I actually have a great core group of friends that I pole jam with two nights a week. I very rarely practice on my own. They are both very aware of the situation, and have had other issues with the owner as well. In fact, 90% of the gals I have talked to at the studio have an issue with the way her program is run, but they are a) afraid to mention it, and B) know that the owner is unwilling to change the program. The program is very successful, so I doubt she will ever care that her way of teaching is causing others discomfort until it financially effects her.
Sierra, I have never done a pole jam via Skype, but I suppose it would be worth trying out! I am going to try to start videoing myself and posting more often too.
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It’s shocking to hear that the discomfort is so widespread and nothing has been done. May I suggest seeing who else has this issue and perhaps addressing it? Is it worth staying silent and being uncomfortable or is it worth the risk to speak up as a group and face the possible consequences? Perhaps you can all stop attending things run directly by her, an have others do the same of they feel the same. Actions speak louder than words, you know! No one deserves to feel uncomfortable when they are paying to grow and learn. I’m glad you have pole buddies both hear and locally to lean on about this though.
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It sounds like this woman is trying to put her own personal ideas and concepts of “yoga,” “comfort,” and “relaxation,” on you! How silly! I’m so surprised at the terrible stories of studio owners/weirdos on here. I never would have thought! Good for you for sticking to your guns and cancelling. I believe her rules are unacceptable. The best instructors are those who work with you and what your comfort level is. She’s not a licensed therapist, correct? To my understanding she is there to instruct pole and fitness and not to be a personal therapist to you or anyone else. I’m disappointed to hear this story and feel for you. Glad you are moving on!
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I agree with everyone else. She’s trying to force her personal ideas about life on you. Your pole journey is your pole journey and it’s different than everyone else’s. Her inability to see that doesn’t make her a good teacher in my opinion. And, it sounds like her program is successful because everyone else is afraid to speak up. If everyone stands up then maybe she won’t be so successful and will be forced to make changes. As for staying silent and letting her dictate what your pole journey should look like, you have to decide if your discomfort is worth it. Maybe try other options. It sounds weird, but I’ve actually had successful pole lessons via skype so it can be done. There are tons of Veeners that would skype with you (including myself). Whatever you decide, us Veeners are here for you!
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wowwwwww….. yeah that’s pretty much the opposite of what yoga should be about (and pole!) – yoga is about listening to your body and DOING WHAT FEELS COMFORTABLE FOR YOU! and I can barely do anything on the pole with my hair down, i just get even hotter & sweatier than usual so it doesnt make you relaxed and comfortable quite the opposite, it makes you irritable and frustrated because you cant do anything!! She sounds like a real piece of work, not someone you could look up to and admire. I’m sorry you have such limited access to hands-on teaching where you are; you mentioned another gym which only did beginner classes, would there be any way of contacting instructors or students there to find out what they do when they progress past the offered lessons…? xox
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I personally take private classes at my local studio. My studio vocuses on the “sexy” side of pole and I have no interest in sexy, rather strength. For that reason, I decided to take private classes that are structured around what I want to learn.
I’m sorry to hear that you had such a negative experience. Unfortunately, this owner sounds like she is too focused on one thing rather than appealing to the general population. Not trying to be rude but it sounds like she needs to educate herself on how to run a business.
I hope that you find the right soluto that works for you 🙂
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I’m no expert yogi… In fact I’ve only really attended free yoga at Lulu Lemon. But the great part of that is there is a different host studio each month (and they usually send different teachers each week) so you get exposed to a ton of different yoga styles.
The one thing that is common throughout… Is they tell you “this is your practice” right up front. They explain it’s your time. And if you want to spend it in child’s pose or just meditating that is fine. If you want to move through the poses that’s great too. It’s very centered around what YOU want and what makes you comfortable.
The idea of them making you keep your hair down is ludicrous to me. I could see if they wanted you to pull your hair UP for safety reasons or something… But down to relax?! Forget it. I probably would have made some smart ass comment about meeting her halfway and putting my hair half up.
It’s a shame that she seems so rigid, because the idea of a yoga/pole combo sounds nice to me…. But I’d also want other classes available like choreo or something sexy that didn’t involve yoga.
And like others have mentioned, a private lesson is really your time. Granted she is still responsible for teaching you what she thinks is safe and within your level… But really it’s your time.
Sounds disappointing. I’m sorry. 🙁
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I am playing Devils advocate here because I really don’t see a whole lot that she did that has gotten you so worked up. I am speaking this from when I used to be an instructor.
1. Have you not been uncomfortable in the year+ at any time during your pole classes? Yes, we ALL need to get out of our comfort zones. Sometimes all it takes is letting your hair down. For some it is wearing shoes. For others it is dimming the lights. These are the things that help us get out of our heads and push past that plateau.
2. Why *are* you so adamant about getting into level 7? I see these people all the time who place their “pole worth” on a level number.
3. I don’t care who you are, pole is a journey and to have an instructor/owner recognize that and state that the two are not able to be separated is speaking the truth. What you wrote that she said is not out of the ordinary. She asked you to think about your journey and your *need* to be in level 7. From what you wrote she did not ask you to share that information.Honestly I think this is just a clash of personalities and not something that she did horribly wrong.
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What is she trying to do, create an army of hair flicking yogic pole clones??? We all have our own journeys: she sounds bonkers.
Glad you saw the supportive empowered side of pole at Expo (and of course on here)
Good luck with your own road – your own dance – your own sweet way.
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I also see what Chem is saying. It’s always good to hear all sides.
I just think that insisting someone does something is anti-yoga… And just how you wear your hair is such a silly thing to argue over!
But I also know that when I feel like someone pushes a certain button or I feel like they are implying something about me or my life… I have a very emotional response. And can sour on someone very quickly. So I feel where you are coming from. Even of possibly it wasn’t meant to imply something is wrong with you because you want your hair up.
Chem has great points about pushing people out of their comfort zones… But I feel like if you’ve expressed that that’s not what you want the issue should be dropped.
The thing is she is only human too. Maybe when she was able to let her hair down she felt liberated… And she wants to share that with you.. But that’s not going to be everyone’s experience, and everyone does things at their own time.
My guess is this is a feeling that you’ve had for a while with the studio… And after meeting everyone at expo these things are more apparent and more frustrating and this is just one example.
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This instructor has a very specific method for her courses, and that’s her prerogative. It’s also her prerogative to teach in a style that’s true to her. I find that her style of insisting hair to be down is ridiculous though.
Of course there is a certain amount of discomfort associated with learning anything new. You’re obviously fine with that or you wouldn’t have come so far in pole dance already. It’s a little nuts of an instructor to insist on a method of discomfort (hair down) that will ultimately make no difference in whether or not you master the techniques or acquire the strength to move on to the next level.
A good instructor would not be so controlling as to inflict something like a hair preference on a student unless it was a safety issue, especially not in a private lesson, even if it is part of her “method”. If she has a legitimate problem with you moving on to Level 7 she should say so directly, give a concrete reason why, and give you relevant things to work on instead of attributing your preference for wearing hair up to a mental block. I’d be reluctant to trust her as well.
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