StudioVeena.com Forums Discussions Its Become An Obsession

  • ShonaLancs

    Member
    May 4, 2013 at 6:39 am

    SilverRae, you are suitable for a relationship. Both my boyfriend and I have sports as our passions and we both work full time and different hours. My boyfriend supports me in my pole and I him in his MMA. We don’t spend loads of time together but make sure the time we do spend together is just for us!
    Relationships require work to make them work but they shouldn’t be hard work! Also, they should support you in something that makes you healthy and happy!
    If you love them and pole you will want to share time between the two. If all you want to do is spend time on your pole then he/she probably isn’t the right person…IMO.
    Life is too short to be with someone who does not support you in something that will keep you healthy and make you happy!

  • Amiloo

    Member
    May 4, 2013 at 7:29 am

    Just had another flick over these posts and noticed how many people play WoW!! I used to LOVE this game, me and my boyfriend at the time wasted our lives away playing that when we were in college! Great fun but theres a time you just have to move on because well…its not real! Its cool to see Im not the only Ex wowhead!! Nice to have even more things in common

  • HotelChick

    Member
    May 4, 2013 at 8:30 am

    I think there’s a big difference between yourhappy significant other supporting what you do and flat out telling you, “you can’t do that.” I mean, if everyone in our “real” lives supported us in pole and listened to us obsess about it, this forum would have far fewer users.
    I think it’s great if your guy/gal watches you pole, listens to all your pole stories, and helps you get a new trick. I think it’s equally OK if he/she just plain doesn’t care or understand your obsession. That’s what Veeners are for 🙂
    I’ve been with my husband for 22 years. We don’t know everything about one another. We don’t cheerlead for one another. We don’t tell each other, “you can’t.” We don’t beg for one another’s attention. If one of us needs something, we go out and get it. If I need my husband, I tell him so and he’s there. And, if he needs me, he asks and I’m there.
    I guess, to me, needing someone’s permission or support or encouragement for a hobby is just a little needy. On the other hand, if someone were harassing me because I pole, I would expect my husband to have my back.

  • HellOnHeelsNH

    Member
    May 4, 2013 at 12:44 pm

    I have to reply lol: hi my name is Michelle and I’m a Pole addict and I’m also a WoW addict! Double trouble…somehow i still find time for Work, school my pets and my man… Its all about balence… The guys who are giving their ladies a hard time need to find their own hobby or a girl not brave enough to Pole… Just sayin

  • Amiloo

    Member
    May 4, 2013 at 2:02 pm

    Just wanted to say in response to hotelchick that I dont expect my partner to get involved with my pole etc its just nice he pays an interest but theres no way I would take him giving me hassle about it lying down! Im just lucky Im not in that situation and hes quite happy for me to have pole as my hobby!

  • sexciScorpio

    Member
    May 4, 2013 at 4:17 pm

    I thought my Husband would have Loved the Fact we have a pole at The house. (I kind of envisioned That He could go to His friends and say “my wife Pole Dances and i dont Even Have To tip Her”). But he Dont care For It. He Says im Obsessed because all i talk about is Poling. My Husband makes beats and all the Time he Is talking to me about his Music Making Software And music And the equipment He Wants one day. *sighs* men….

  • chipandchar

    Member
    May 4, 2013 at 4:50 pm

    I know it isn't funny, but this kind of made me giggle because he seems almost jealous! I don't have kids, but I'm 27 years old, and the way I look at it is…it IS clearly a hobby but its a hobby that keeps me fit and healthy and I believe it's good for the soul as well. If I had children, I would see this as a huge plus. You are of no benefit to anyone else anyway if you are always miserable with no passion and poor health. Sometimes it kind of annoys me if my boyfriend acts like the pole hobby is silly, but I try to keep it in perspective. I try not to take it personal or spend too much time thinking about it. However in your case, it seems like there may be a deeper issue, that he feels neglected. You don't have to take every little thing he says to heart, but I would consider his feelings even if he may not be going about communicating the right way. He's not going to say "darling I need attention!" Ha it sounds like he is trying to make you feel guilty about it so you will stop. I would just call him out and say something like "you don't need to worry that any hobby would ever come before our family…this is just who I am and it's how I take care of myself so that I can be a better mother and wife…if you want to (insert family activity here), we should do that." But you shouldn't have to give up what you love over something silly. In my experience, men respect women who "have a life" more than women who follow them around like puppies! Haha so don't let that make you unhappy.  But I would try to see his point of view also and see it for what it is, but not let it get me down. Guys have feelings too! They just don't want to look vulnerable, so they act out. and you probably had no intention of doing anything wrong! But yeah, I think he is just jealous and acting out. Good luck! 🙂 

  • SpyralBound

    Member
    May 4, 2013 at 5:39 pm

    ShonaLancs, interesting that you bring up MMA. That is something I could never support my spouse in doing because I just can’t see anything in it but violence and overblown machismo. Just like some men can’t get past the stripper mentality, I would struggle to get past my feelings on MMA and be supportive of it. I would probably complain about the time he spent doing it and make nasty comments, even if it did make him happy and fit. So maybe before we whoop our husbands/bfs for not “getting” our obsession, we should examine our own biases and be compassionate. Not to say you all would hate MMA but surely there’s something you wouldn’t be thrilled about if HE became obsessed.

  • ShonaLancs

    Member
    May 4, 2013 at 6:11 pm

    I thought the same about MMA until I got into it and watched it for a couple of shows, now I appreciate the skill and technique in the same way I appreciate it in pole. But if you don't know how difficult it is to do mixed martial arts (I tried jui jitsu for a few weeks) and fight for that length of time then you do just see it as violence and machismo.

    My fella is one of the least aggresive men I know and has never even had a fight with anyone ouside of the MMA ring. 

    I am a pretty open minded person, so unless my fella decided to go Dexter on me I think I would be ok with anything…

    As for the pole thing, I dont think the stripper thing is a valid excuse for partners because if you see anyone do pole, unless they are overtly sexy in their manner you can see quite clearly that it is not stripping and is not remotely sexy when you are learning. Bruises, swetaing and gallumping up a pole is not what I would call sexy lol…

    I just think that basically anyone who wants to pull you away from your passion doesnt have a passion so doesnt understand how important it is to you. If they aren't willing to get on board to at least try to be involved / understand why you are so passionate etc then I wouldnt waste my time with them personally. But I am very black and white in my tolerance of others…

  • vickiezoo

    Member
    May 5, 2013 at 2:56 am

    A couple of years ago my boyf then now husband also had me in tears saying i was more interested in pole than him. It really does becone an obsession! but he was just going through a tough time at work and vented it on me. Everything is fine, i still pole 2-3 times a week sometimes less, i also perform with fire which means i need rehearsal time for that too, i always make sure we have time together.

  • JBStarryEyedGirl

    Member
    May 6, 2013 at 12:26 am

    *Update from 2010 – fast forward to 2013:

    My boyfriend is now my hubby. =) I finally got good enough to become a competition finalist, and he not only came to support me, but drove me to practice the night before, gave me great pep talks, and even brought a guy friend to cheer me on too. After all the hours and dedication and love I poured into, he learned to love it for me. And he is the most incredible partner, encouraging and supportive, he is my partner in our new pole studio. Maybe now I can get him to do some private classes with me! 

    Lesson learned, what you love becomes part of your relationship. Your actions and reactions will determine what direction you decide to go, whether is it alone or together.

    The main issues are a simple matter of love and respect, just because you don't "like / enjoy / understand / care about" your significant others choices doesn't mean you can't "let them enjoy it / be supportive / be encouraging". 

    If something is important to you, it will be important to them because it is important to you. 
     

    *Side note: also an ex WOW player =) 

Page 4 of 4

Log in to reply.

46 of 56 replies May 2013
Now