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Just Venting
So I’m really frustrated right now and I know you gals/guys won’t mind if I vent a bit.
My pole is in my garage which is unheated so during the winter I can’t practice and I have no spare rooms in my house to put my pole in so I thought hey why not get an xstage that I can put in my great room which has super high ceilings. So after thinking about it for a while I decided to ask my husband if I could do this and let him know I could take it down twice a month when my stepdaugher is staying with us so she can’t see it.
Well my husband said no, not because of cost but because he doesn’t want to have to see the pole everyday and be reminded that I’m poling. I’m so freaking mad. I totally don’t understand why he has a problem with me poling. I’ve been poling for over 1.5 years now. I’d think he’d be happy I found something that has kept my interest this long and that keeps me in shape. When I ask him why he doesn’t like me poling he says because of the sexual ties it has to strip clubs, etc. I don’t go to strip clubs myself and never plan to, I’m simply doing this to keep in shape.
I get that he doesn’t want his daughter to know I do it because that will just cause a fight with his ex wife but don’t understand why else he would have a problem with it even if I do put on shoes to dance in.
So I think I’m going to tell him that I’m going to compromise instead of just flat out disregarding his feelings to take our spare bedroom which only gets used twice a year when my folks visit and move the pole into that room. When they come to visit I’ll just take the pole down and set the bed back up.
Anyone else have a partner that doesn’t like them poling to keep in shape. How do you deal with it. Most men I would think would be thrilled if they heard their partner was poling.
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9 Replies
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Yeah, my hub has mixed feelings about it. When I’ve been working really hard to get a new move all the way until I get it, he’ll realize how excited I am and he’ll encourage me. When I first got the pole and started to go to classes, he was nervous about it but so excited that he ended up bragging to all of his buddies. He recognizes how hard some of the moves are and is proud of me.
But then, out of the blue, if I come home from work and decide to pole when he wants to spend time with me instead, he’ll say how much he hates the pole. I mentioned that it would be cool to have a girl from pole class to come practice with me at the house since she was selling her house and had taken her pole down and I thought he was going to implode! And, I’m really easy about how I mention that I’m going to watch a pole comp or go to a class that’s out of town. When I said it’d be cool to go to the US pole finals in NY, he distorted it into "You want to go hang out with strangers in another state! That sounds dangerous!"
I’ve gotta take the pole down when my stepkids come too. Oh well.
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Hi Jeng,
Like I told you in chat last night (or at least I think I did) that I know where you’re coming from because I had the same problem with my hubby when I first started. He even told me I was going to "stripper" school when I took classes and that I was being a bad influence on our daughters by poling. We had other issues in our relationship and once we got to the bottom of those , my poling wasn’t such a big deal and he learned to accept it for what it is. Me poling in my room with no men throwing dollars at me. Just me doing it for myself and feeling good about myself and what I was able to accomplish.1.5 years is a long time for him to still have issues with you poling. It’s true that pole dancing has stigmas and ties attached to it to an industry that most men wouldnt want their woman involved in but….maybe he could narrow his focus down some to see what it is for you and what you’re doing with it. Have you asked him, aside from it’s ties to stripping, what his problem is with you, Jeng, doing it? I think your compromise is very adequate considering that he doesn’t even want to see the pole. Is there something he does that you don’t necessaily care for (no matter the reason) that you allow him to do because he thoroughly enjoys it? Maybe you can try a comparison to help him understand?
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I will agree with Sissy that there is something else there that is bothering him and he is using you poling as an excuse. There is nothing wrong with poling nor with a child seeing it. If anything it may make them more open minded when they get older. The two of you really need to talk, rationally and calmly, and try to find and resolve the problem.
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I’d have to agree that there is something else going on here…though I do see how someone has a difficult time accepting pole dancing. Not that I AGREE with that perspective – just that I understand where it comes from.
I can even understand how from SOME people’s perspective they would prefer to limit their chidlren’s exposure to pole dancing – even for fitness. Again, I don’t agree, I just understand it.
The confusing part is that, from what I understand, he didn’t tell you about his feelings until now? That sounds like there is another issue at hand. Has he ever watched you pole dance or encouraged you in any way? Or has he always been against it or just ignored it?
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I’m with the other ladies on this one too, there maybe something else bothering him. I also think that trying to work out a compromise might be the way to go for now. I hope you get your pole space soon! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_cheers.gif https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_cheers.gif
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When I initially told him I wanted to take a pole dance class over 2 years ago he didn’t seem to mind. I think he thought I’d just take the class then move onto the next thing. But after my 2nd class I was hooked then bought my pole and put it in my garage. He’s never really felt comfortable with me poling, but to some degree was supportive since he has spotted me when I was learning the Aysha split grip after I had fallen off the pole and hurt my arm last year.
He’s agreed to compromise with me and allow me to put the pole in our spare room now so that is good. He is going to get a lock for the room though cause he doesn’t want his daughter going into the bedroom accidentally and seeing the pole. I told him at some point she’s going to find out and told him if you make a big deal out of it will be a big deal. I understand though his ex wife might not like it but thats just too bad. I’m not poling infront of her or encouraging her to do it. She’s only 6 years old right now.
So hopefully by next weekend my pole will be moved into its new space. I already took the bed apart and cleared out the room. Finally I’ll be able to practice again.
Thanks for all your feedback ladies. This site is truely a blessing!
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ughh…i know this is frustrating for you. have you thought about maybe showing some video footage of when pole dancing was featured on Oprah? (s factor has a clip on their page) or maybe veena doing the interview with jennyne butterfly? just some kind of footage showing how pole dancing has affected women from a health perspective…just wondering if he sees everyday women talking about how this has helped them (lose weight,increase self-confidence,etc….) maybe he will see it from a different standpoint. i would just really stress the health benefits.
i am a nurse and our country has serious weight issues that ends up affecting our health. heart disease is the number one killer for women. prevention is always the key to a healthy life (and cheaper). so when i am dealing with people who don’t’ understand or disagree with what i do i present these types of facts to them and it really helps them to understand better or at least develop some tolerance to it.
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I told someone once that after I take pole class, I feel like I could walk the Victoria Secret Fashion Show. Eventhough I do not have to body to compete w/them I sure as hell have the confidence w/them.
To me it all about the empowerment. Will has been ok w/the pole stuff. He does plug me every now and then and it comes up during company parties (too bad there isnt a pole present during those times LOL). What bothers him more than anything is the guys that are the creepy guys that subscribe to my YT channel. I dont care b/c Im not going home w/them.
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I actually have the oposite problem. My fiance liked the idea of me taking classes when i mentioned it and he’s been supportive, but he actually WANTS me to strip. He said I would make a ton of money so that would make it ok with him. He has mentioned himself getting a job at a male strip club whenever he gets back into shape. Personally I don’t want to strip. Even if I was 100% happy with my body, my upbringing would make me feel guilty everytime I’d get on stage. Its just not my thing. I love the art of pole dancing…the fitness is a bonus. =)
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