Hey Nyxed!
I also have anxiety, and sometimes, I have chronic pain, too. It sucks! And I’m so glad you managed to push yourself through this first part of the pole journey, and found that it clicks for you!
Interestingly, we always talk about “goals,” like they’re something that PULLS you forward- as in, something that is ahead of you in time, that makes you work toward it.
However, it sounds like you experienced something different. The PUSH, which I think of when we get curious and “see what we can do.” Instead of looking toward the awesome future, we’re instead looking back and comparing our progress to what we could (or could not) do before, and finding that a positive experience.
To accomplish things, I believe we need both. The push and pull of a lifestyle, even if it isn’t every day or everything you think about, is the thing that keeps us going back.
When I was training for my 10k run the first time, it was the Push to get better than I was doing before, and the Pull of my actual event coming up! They worked together to keep me going, and that is probably the ONLY reason I actually did the thing.
As for pole goals, I would encourage you to think about what you like looking at when you seek out other pole dancers, and also, why you like looking at it! If you love to watch that slow, slinky, sexy stuff, then why? Are you amazed by their movements, their flow, their bodies? Is it the control they have when they do actually execute those big “power moves”?
Or, do you love watching the tricksters? Is it because they are so strong? Do you love the flips, the flags, and the feats of strength? Do you love how they just throw themselves in and out of so many moves, and it all seems crazy, but you know they’ve worked on it for months?
I find that what I like to look at is what I would like to see in myself. Knowing the why of something gives you a really great direction. If you love the control, the strength, and the flow, then you can work on those things! If you love the flips, get into flips! If you love all the booty shakin, then do some booty and don’t mind all the new Instagram trend wandering around!
Good luck!
And don’t forget… you can change your mind, if you want, too 😉