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Pain and emotion poll – please vote!
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I read your novel 🙂 and wanted to respond because it sounds like we grew up with a similar understanding of pain and tolerance. I’m so glad you’re finding the Pilates helpful. I dealt with a rediculous amount of back pain for years before I discovered how strengthening and stretching my abs and back relieved my pain. Of course, I didn’t need to suffer that pain in the first place. I fell down drunk at the age of 19 and fractured my tailbone. Of course, I didn’t know I had fractured it until some time later because I never visited a doc or chiropractor. I lived with my pain. Pain, to me, was just a normal part of everyday life. It’s “what you get” when you make bad choices. So, I’ve suffered broken ribs from a horse trampling me (my fault for riding her on the road before she was ready) and a few other breaks and countless sprains without seeing a doc because I grew up with a belief that you should “live and learn” from your mistakes and “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
Now that I am older, and hopefully a bit wiser than my former self and the two very proud but impoverished parents who raised me (God bless them), I try very hard to care for this one body I was given. I have daily aches and pains that result from years of misuse, years of working on my feet, carrying more than I should just to prove that I could, years of bad choices that I now must “live with”. But, alas, I have learned 🙂
There is no shame in admitting and treating your pain my dear. You want to live in that gorgeous body for 80+ years. Take care of it and make good choices for you so those years can be joyful and rich with amazing experiences. I guarantee you, you will not regret caring for yourself when you have amazing memories of the places you’ve been and the experiences you’ve enjoyed because you were ABLE.
As for the emotional pain, I’ve experienced plenty of that myself as well. For me, it’s more debilitating than the physical pain. I’ve found it takes me more strength to admit and treat emotional pain than it does physical aches and pains, but it’s equally important. I can’t work on the physical if I haven’t managed the emotional.
Good luck to you. It sounds like you have a hubby who wants you well. Let him help you. -
Hi Cinara,
There are two things you mentioned besides pain that caught my eye. Subluxations and hypermobility. Have you been checked for Ehlers-Danlos (hypermobility type)? Hypermobile joints, subluxations, and frequent pain are hallmarks of the syndrome. I have it but was not diagnosed until 40 because many doctors do not know about it. It took many many doctor visits to get to that diagnosis. I finally had to seek out a world expert at Johns Hopkins to be told that my pain was part of the syndrome and that my POTS, IBS, tendonitis, migraines, trigger points, fatigue, orthostatic intolerance, and varicose veins were all additional symptoms of the disorder. The source of the problem is irregular collagen which makes up your muscles, veins, cartilage etc. When your joints are hypermobile, your muscles have to work harder to keep the joints in their proper range of motion, so the go into spasm causing pain. I live with pain each and every day. I get so fatigued at times, I walk around like a zombie. The joint pain migrates from joint to joint. One month its my hip, the next my knee. Luckily my doctor understands that and recommends a lot of medications (that I avoid as much as possible). Sorry to ramble on, but if anyone out there reads this, it may help them if they are hypermobile struggle with pain. There is a simple test that can help lead to a diagnosis called the beighton scale.
PS, I'm so very sorry that you hurt as a child and you weren't given help. That is totally unfair and I wish your complaints would have been treated with respect and care.
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Hi Angel,
Funnily enough, I'm actually asking my Dr about Ehler-Danlos type III today! It's kind of hard to say.
On the one hand, I have hypermobility in my ankles, knees, hips, elbows, and also my back and shoulders as a child, along with jount pain, injuries, very easy bruising and soft skin. Plus, these traits seem to run in my family in a way consistent with an autosomal dominant pattern. (My brother, my Mum, her Mum – who could perform contortion tricks as a kid without training!)
But, on the other hand (quite literally!) my wrists and fingers have average to below average mobility, and while I've read you don't need hypermobility in every joint to meet diagnostic criteria, there seems to be a lot of focus on fingers and wrists in the beighton scale. Also, I don't have a lot of dysautonomic issues like orthostatic hypotension, but when I looked at it, I wondered if I had some milder dysautonomic symptoms, and maybe I don't notice like with pain? Also I do tend to get tired easily, and especially my muscles tend to fatigue quickly (I mostly notice in warm-ups), so who knows?
I'm happy you finally had a diagnosis, and even if there's not a whole lot that can be done about EDS, at least you can know what's going on and get help to manage it. It's also cool to see your pic with a strong-looking jacknife – it gives me hope that maybe I'll still be doing that at 40, 🙂
Thank you everyone else as well for your responses. It brought a tear to my eye last night. It's great to go to Veeners for help https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_cheers.gif
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Memphis, Thank you for sharing your history with addiction. Your openness can only help others who may be suffering in silence!
Cinara, I was shocked to learn I had POTS! The tachycardia didn't register with me consciously, even though it was happening every time I stood up. Weird! The test for it is simple, it's called a tilt-table test. I think when you experience something your whole life (pain, subluxations, lax joints, etc.) you just think it's normal! Keep us updated on your progress!
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I had somewhat the same upbringing, only with illness, not with pain. My parents didn't object to giving me Tylenol, TUMS (antacid, for heartburn/sick tummy) or nasty nasty Chloroseptic (spray for a sore throat – it's gross!) if I whined enough for it. But in general my family was not one to go running off to the doctor every time we came down with something. Bedrest, toast and hot tea were the go-to remedies in my home. (My parents are also very frugal so some of it might have been financially motivated.)
I didn't even really notice this until I started dating. My boyfriend's family definitely liked their medicine and would get antibiotics, painkillers, etc. for almost everything. This struck me as odd, but then made me wonder if maybe MY family were the odd ones.
I still have most of my parents' attitudes towards healthcare, but sometimes I do worry that by not being more medically responsive to my illnesses and pain, I might put myself in danger. There is some risk to my healthcare habits, which is why I really try to pay attention to what my body is telling me so I can separate "normal" (by my own standards, not by society's) from "serious."
I'll echo what others have said – recognizing your pain and stopping to pay attention to it is NOT weakness. And if pain is getting in the way of your life, you absolutely have every right to seek treatment for it. You're doing what's right for yourself and your health; that matters much more than the possiblity of anyone seeing you as "weak."
It's a pity there's so much shame around crying. I think women AND men should be able to cry in front of others without being judged for it – in a way, we have it lucky as women, that crying kinda comes with the territory and is more socially acceptable for us than for men.
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