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Pole As A Hobby In The “Real World”
Do you ever find yourself not wanting to go anywhere in the real world because they just do not understand it? I find myself dreading work because most of them just don't get it. They will ask the same questions over and over or make a woo woo noise every time I pass them. (Mature)
I love doing hair, but for the past year or 2, I have found myself thinking of pole the whole time I am there and just wanting to get that last one done so I can go home and dance or teach a class! I have poled for 5 years. The first 3 years were just casual poling in home for fun, but I love it so much, it is more now. Like a hobby I have goals for.
I do not tell majority of my clients about my hobby. Some, I feel out and tell, but most think I am a hard core yoga person. I feel like it is just to much to tell most of them. I am in it hard core. I have replaced my old cheerleading, drill team, gymnastics, and ballet classes and competitions with pole!
When I do choose to tell someone about what I do, their response is usually positive but still naive. They will say, " Oh, I hear it is a good workout." " Or my sister in law had a pole party once." Ok. That is nice, but there is a whole world out there of pole! People who have gone beyond the workout thing and live, sleep, and dream it. People who have it as a hobby. People who love dance and strive to do that perfect performance or competition routine.
The outside world nows NOTHING about the pole competitions. NOTHING. If I ever mention friends in a competition or wanting to train for one, here is what I get. "What bar do they do this at??""" Or "I hope they do not make you take off your cloths if you want to leave them on at least." Or " I wouldn't feel comfortable displaying my talent and strength to dirty men like that." You get the idea. Honestly, I feel to overwhelmed to even start to explain real competitions to them. I usually just show them a video. It is not their fault, but I feel like there is so much to tell them and I couldn't possibly tell them all of it in one hair session, so I don't. LOL!
When I refer to the pole community, or SV, I get responses like " Oh yeah! I bet there are at least 100 people on there…. Yes. There are thousands!!!!!! From ALL OVER the WORLD.
People who do not understand pole really do not get why I have 2 poles in my home. They think I am the only person ever to have a pole in my home. They think we are partiers. ( Couldn't be further from the truth) They think I have the poles for Bob. (The poles get in his way) Or they are just original and think I am a stripper. ( Never have or will) ( Personal choice for myself only and I will not judge others)
I guess this all had really been bothering me because I get this every time I leave my house and it is not for a pole event or class. I get tired of having to explain it when they still really won't get it.
I would love a real job in pole at a studio. There are several local places. I choose not to attend them for various reasons. I did start going to studios but they are a good drive from me. One is over an hour one way. I have heard there is not a lot of money in working at a pole studio and my job doing hair is quite lucrative, so I could not give that up unless I had pay to match. I think most people have pole jobs as a part time thing anyway. Am I right? I have dreamed of a studio I could work in coming closer to me for about 2 years now. I feel like it is where I need to be. When I was there, I would want to be there and not thinking about somewhere else all the time.
I hope some of you can relate to this. It does feel good just to get it out there. Thanks if you actually read the whole thing. Happy poling!!!
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13 Replies
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I agree with everything you said! I don't like explaining how I can pour my heart and soul into poling, and I pursue it with goals… only to get. "Your boyfriend must be so lucky, hur hur." I have so many people that I want to tell, because pole is such an amazing journey, and I think everyone I want to tell would be just as passionate about it. I don't like that feeling of having to explain, because I know exactly how the conversation will go, but at the same time I want to share my passion with the people around me. It's almost like I'm forced to keep it a secret, when pole is such a big part of my life. I think you would feel more comfortable definitely working at a studio because It'll give you a chance to spend time with other dedicated polers too ! They have goals of their own, and they understand what it feels like when you get that move you've been trying for weeks! That's why we have such a wonderful community on SV ! We're dedicated and we all understand ! You'd make a great instructor though! You can still do hair too, I would try to make both work out because they're so flexible.
I love business, and it's another hobby of mine that I blab about all the time, just like I would blab about pole if people understood…! I'm starting another business for pole apparel, pole room decor, etc. Mostly things that haven't been done before, there's already so many sites that offer dvds, and grip aids. I've already gotten approval and I'm going to be a retailer for pole shorts from poledanceplayground.com. The website is going to be called Polecessities, so, http://www.polecessities.com and it should be up and stocked in about 2-3 months or so, I'd love to send you some things when I get them in and it would be wonderful if you could do a review about them on your vlog! (:
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I know what you mean. I feel really awkward when my family asks what I’ve Been up to this past week & my biggest highlight happens to be something to do with pole & I can’t think of any thing else at the moment & I’ll just say nothing really, same old same old, or just exercising. I don’t feel they’ed understand & thefirst thing that comes to mind for them will be “fun in the room” not hobby, exercise, challenging.
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OMG I totally understand how you feel. I really could talk about pole for hours and hours. It wouldn’t be challenging. Even people who are interested in trying it get tired of listening to me blab. My latest video for instance; I am so super proud of trying and succeeding at 2 advanced moves and I just want to tell everyone I see. But these people don’t even know what the moves are when I say superman drop or shouldermount flip let alone have any understanding of how much time and effort have gone into it. Or how much more will go into them before I’m happy. Or the PAIN associated with learning a new trick lol.
Oh well. It’s a hard world for us out there isn’t it. 🙂 -
Can I ask why you feel compelled to be a Pole Ambassador if it stresses you out so much? Why do you feel like it's your job to educate people?
Not everybody understands, because pole (as we know it) is still kind of underground. And even if you do exhaust yourself explaining it, there will still be people who don't understand, or who could have all the information in front of them and still have a biased view.
If they say "Oh I've heard that's a great workout," why correct them on that? It IS a great workout! And if that's the lens they want to see it through, that's still worlds better than "Ew." If they say "Oh my SIL had a pole party once," that's great! No problem there. People are exposed to pole in different ways. They're not trying to say "I know all about that," they're just finding a way to relate to it.
Put the shoe on the other foot and imagine that you're talking to a stranger or casual acquaintance (or maybe in your case, a client), and they mention that they're into something that you don't really know a whole ton about… let's say they're really into scuba diving. And you're like "Oh cool, I've heard that's really fun! My sister-in-law went scuba diving on her honeymoon. And of course I've always been curious about snorkeling." And then that person goes into a speech telling you all the things you DON'T know about scuba diving and how snorkeling is not at all the same, they are not a snorkeler, they're a DIVER. And then they tell you about all these amazing dives they've been on in places you've never heard of, and start talking about equipment and safety and technicalities you know nothing about. Every time you try to re-enter the conversation with a comment or observation, they push back with MORE to tell you how uninformed you are. Maybe they even pull up their phone and start showing you images or videos from their dives. And imagine they get frustrated that you're just nodding and smiling and not as INTO it as they are.
But you didn't sign up for a lecture on scuba diving. You were just making small talk, trying to find a way to relate to this person, being friendly. How did their speech just make you feel? Bored? Embarrassed? Irritated? And what do you think of that person now? They're obsessed, pushy, boring, only know how to talk about one thing? And are you any more or less interested in scuba diving now than you were before they started talking?
I'm not trying to be critical, I do understand why you're frustrated by a feeling that you can't share your passion, I'm just encouraging you to look at it from the other side before writing people off as judgmental or ignorant. Sure, it would be grand if everyone were as excited about pole as about Monday Night Football or Dancing with the Stars or the new Batman movie or whatever, but just like I'm allowed to not give a crap about DWTS and not want to know more about it, people are allowed to not give a crap about pole beyond what they already know, even if that knowledge is shallow and incomplete.
Now, if they do start going into the stereotypes or being all judgey, it's your choice whether you want to drop some knowledge on them. "I'm not a stripper, I'm an athlete. I don't dance at clubs or for tips. The competitions I'm entering aren't stripping competitions, they judge us on tricks and skill." I mean really, that's all the farther you need to go. If they keep asking questions, great, keep answering. Or you can just ignore them and talk about the weather instead.
Personally, I usually let the other person guide the conversation when I bring up pole. If all they have to say is "Oh that's nice," then great, move on to something else. If they have questions, I'm happy to answer. If they make assumptions, I might correct them, might not, depending on my relationship to that person and how long a conversation I want to have.
I've actually found that when I tell women about it, the response is usually either "Oh cool, I've always wanted to try that" or "I envy you, I could never do that." Most of the men I mention it to don't really ask many followup questions. They might comment like "Oh I bet your husband really likes that" or something, and depending on the person, I might tell them "Well, I've been at it for X years so the novelty has worn off, but he does love how fit and confident it's made me." Or I might just wink and nod and let them draw their own conclusions. What's so wrong with that?
I kinda liken it to how I used to be obsessed with correcting people's grammar. I'd stop them mid-sentence to fix a verb or their pronunciation of a word or using the wrong word. I'd go on angry rants online because I found a typo on a website. I'd self-righteously shake my fist and proclaim that "people just don't know how to speak/write English anymore, they're so uneducated and careless!" Over time I came to accept that grammar isn't everything, that most people can't help what kind of education they got growing up, and that they probably don't appreciate being corrected or made to feel stupid and I'm actually making myself look like an ass by insisting on there being only one correct way to communicate. So now, unless they ask me to edit something for them, I don't correct people anymore, saving myself a lot of frustration and energy. Sure, maybe I wince a little bit, I encountered a woman last week who used "her" instead of "she" (Her will be OK, her just has a little injury) and it irked me, but it's SO not my responsibility to educate her.
I say, go on living happy and secure in yourself as a rockstar, hardcore pole dancer, and let people think what they will, because they will anyway. Your energy is better spent on the pole than on lectures about pole! 🙂
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Great post Pankake! Whatever hobby or interest you have will be personal to you and you have to realise and understand that very few other people will ‘get you’ I’ve had people defriend me on Facebook because of my posting lots of pics of my gorgeous whippets cos they don’t understand, now I’ve started poling I’ve has a couple more defriends lol I will now only share hobby conversations with people who I know are interested, the rest can just believe I’m reserved and slightly enegmatic 😉
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I don't generally talk about pole unless it's with people who 'get it'. I don't feel compelled to talk about it, I figure 'what is the point?'. It would be like a martial artist trying to engage me in what they do and why they love it. My eyes might glaze over b/c I don't really care. 😉
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Also…I have quite a few hoop and pole fb friends, and while my fb pole profile is pretty much ALL POLE (I created it specifically for me to geek out about pole with those who get it), I do find myself annoyed with those hoop friends/acquaintances who ONLY talk about hoop on their regular page. I mean, they relate everything to the hoop. I actually used to do that, now I figure everyone knows what I do and they'll bring it up to me if they're interested. 🙂
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Good points, sparrow and trinity, it all comes down to the same thing: you can't expect everyone to be as excited or informed about things as you are. I've hidden friends from my FB feed for all kinds of crap, talking too much about TV shows I don't watch, stirring up drama, oversharing WAY too much or too frequently, inviting me relentlessly to apps and games and events, posting too many photos of their kids… Hell, I even hid my own mother in law because she goes on sharing binges and shares 14 stupid joke memes in a row.
Ain't nobody got time for that!
That said, I re-read my post above and realize I might have sounded a little harsh, and that wasn't my intention. I respect you, luvlee, and respect your feelings. I am a little touchy about any kind of "evangelizing-like" behavior and I think that's what got triggered in me when I wrote it.
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Maybe it is my age or maybe it is my attitude but seriously I keep a ton of my personal life just that, personal. I have learned the hard way of mixing my personal life with my work life and I just try not to do it any more. There is a rare occasion when I find a person that I work with that I can relate to that conversations get different. Case in point, my new job….been there going on a month and I have not mentioned pole to a single person. It is none of their business. I don't feel a need to share my personal life with people that don't matter to me….they are just acquaintances; they are not my friends.
As a side note, the ladies at work know they are getting a rise out of you so they will continue to do it. Either blow it off and eventually it will end or man up and get in their face. However you are the one who created this situation by sharing your hobby with them. As my husband always says, don't shit where you sleep.
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I am not sure how my post came off to you Pancake, but you completely missed my point. That is ok. Also, your whole scuba diving analogy, that happens with every client I do actually. Different hobby or sport. I do listen and don’t get bored. It comes with the territory. Stylists are therapists as well. I know lots of info about random things. I don’t feel it is my job to “preach” pole. I just don’t feel like saying I do pole fitness covers it with me but I typically leave it there for lack of energy. Then they will go in with their hobby or pet the rest of the time and that is fine with me.
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And as for the last comment I have to day that I actually never told anyone at work what I do. I work with a personal friend of mine who blabbed it. It happens. I have never really reacted to them. I won’t. I work in a professional setting. I ignore it. Still. Never seems to get old.
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i love pole, i love how its changed me and i love telling people all about my interesting hobby because i know they will want to know more, i never stop talking about it to anyone who will listen. I dont care what their reaction is, if im asked what i do or what im interested in i preach 🙂 sometimes ill even flex my muscles to show why i pole haha https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_queen.gif https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_rambo.gif
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yes, definitely annoying! that's why it is so important to have lots of pole friends! <3 they make everything better!
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