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Pole Rage. Help Me!
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Great responses here ladies, some of them I had never thought of using before when defending our sport & probably will now.
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Thanks for all of your input, friends! I have made a post in Notes on Facebook to discuss this issue and point out the double standards.
Thank you, Kyrsten, for sharing the Michelle Shimmy quote, since I used it in my post!
Here's the link, if you'd care to read 🙂
https://www.facebook.com/notes/jolene-frid/naked-or-nearly-naked/10151461742179961
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Great Note-post! The pics you found are perfect examples. I am tired of the double-standard, but I don’t want to say that any sport is more entitled to sexy/sensual/revealing than another. In my household, though, must be 18 to pole. That is personal precaution due to horror-stories I’ve heard of CPS, not necessarily what I believe should be enforced.
It does make me angry, though, how parents can parade their daughters around like painted porcelain dolls on TV; have them bounce around in mini-skirts and spanks at school; let them wear bikinis and such at the beach; AND how some girls are forced to train in dance/gymnastic competitions since they could walk. (I NEVER want pole dancing to become like that. I would completely wash my hands of any ties to professional pole if that happens.) But I do not believe in body shaming, I just do not appreciate the double-standard or the accusation that pole dancing is sexualizing or corrupting people. Perverts will find children/women sexy no matter what you dress them in. The argument against provoking/enticing them not only shames the victims and almost excuses the perv as though he’s not entirely responsible for his own actions, but if that were true then how come all these other objectifying hobbies/sports/arts/activities are considered socially acceptable. Catholic school-girl uniforms, HELLO! Probably the most over-used sexual fantasy costume of all time!
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I enjoyed reading your note Jolene, I've always thought that about volleyball etc. I 'liked' it, so if you have a like from a randomer, tis me. 🙂
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I really liked your response. I thought it was mature. It's disappointing that your friends would react like that, even if they were joking.
Maybe it's time to flood your FB friend list with supportive pole friends?
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I shouldn't have read this thread. I read your facebook post and thought it was very tasteful. I would like to share it on my wall, but my facebook consists of;
1) Other pole dancers. Obviously very supportive of pole
2) Gamers, who, while they're trolls and know I'm a stripper, are very understanding that I love the art of pole. Not the "money" in it.
3) Girls from high school who were former ballet/tap/jazz, so when they see one pole video, they understand the aerial DANCE aspect of it. I've never had anyone say anything rude on my facebook.That being said, I want to punch your friend Christa in the face. She should definitely go on the "Delete" list because to me it sounds like she (a) doesn't get it and (b) is somehow making the topic about her by talking down to you numerous times.
1) " But I would ask if you would feel comfortable doing it in front of your dad, brother, or Jesus?"
Poledanceforjesus. I kid you not it's a thing. An AMAZING thing. People get closer to God through dance all the time, it's your fault for trying to sexualize a plain, inanimate object. These people don't. Just saying.
http://abcnews.go.com/US/hallelujah-christians-pole-dance-jesus-texas/story?id=13194891#.UXNxuLUWJso
2.) " As far as those other pictures are concerned, clothing has been beyond ridiculously scant for many years now inside and outside of "sports".
I'm sorry. Was she just trying to call you out for wearing shorts or something? And then she goes onto say, " could almost argue that women who dress seductively might have the problem as they obviously want attention to fill some sort of heart hole."
So…first she complains about someone unmentioned not dressing to fit HER standards, then says that person in question is lonely and has a self-image problem?
Gonna have to go to the ER later. My eyes are about to fall out of my head from all the rolling they're doing.
Sorry, I hate to sound like a grade A bitch. But this girl. Sounds like she doesn't WANT to get it. And just wrote a really wrong, long, and poorly written (use the damn enter key, there's this magical thing called paragraphs) just because she had an opinion, not because she wanted to understand what her friend was going through. I have no idea who this woman is, and I could be 100% wrong. That's just the impression that she made public to me through the internet.
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CapFeb… you’re awesome, first of all. Glad I added you on FB. Second, yes, it does sound as though she is filled with “Rightness.”
I try to be gracious with people and educate them, but I think pole is definitely going to weed folks out of my life. Or at least off my FB list. I can see what Pixie, meant about creating a separate FB, but I also share her opinion that we should be able to be ourselves and not worry about it. I’ve chosen to take the latter approach.
The negativity is already draining and it only started yesterday! And I do mean draining! I’ve been reading this stuff to my husband and he’s quite surprised and agrees that it’s not necessary to have to deal with it.
I’m a firm believer in authenticity and really don’t want to ‘edit’ who I am for the benefit of someone’s ignorance.
Can I say you all are outstanding? I appreciate each and every one of you ladies. Thanks for being in my life, even if merely through words. -
To be honest, I think this Christa chick is just expressing her preferred tastes w/out respecting that of others.
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And I am proud to be an openly sensual-style poler. My husband is proud of me. I don’t do it just for him or for others. I do it because I know that I enjoy celebrating this body I was given and expressing myself however I choose to. Flaunt it while you got it, you won’t have it forever! 😉
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“Adam and Eve were naked and innocent in the garden of Eden. It was when they sinned that they first put on clothes.” -Bettie Page
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Bettie Page makes a good point.
I just had it out with my mom's cousin over pole. She truly. Doesn't. Get it. She was even saying that a pole resembles a man's penis, according to her husband, which is why they're used in strip clubs to lure men in. WOW. Yes, IN STRIP CLUBS they can be used that way! She really and truly believes that pole equals sex. Period. There was no reasoning with her.
How do I get to the point of complete calm when dealing with this ignorance? Does it come with time? I am amazed at how outraged and genuinely hurt I am over this. I guess because this cousin is an older lady, and so sweet, and I love her to pieces, and she's really been there for me in hard times. I just took it very personally.
She apologized, said she didn't want a fight, and that she would never comment about it again. I'm just sad that when I tried opening her eyes a little she refused.
How do I get to the place where I take this stuff in stride?
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So a pole is an offensive thing just because it's upright? (Oops!…..pause while I slap myself on the wrist…..) and a pole if it's horizontal, doesn't resemble a man's penis? What if said man is lying down? I'm sorry, but your Mom's cousin's argument just doesn't cut it. Hopefully she can "agree to disagree" with you over this.
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When you finally know, deep down, that you’re right. With or w/out validation from others. You know there’s nothing wrong w/ what you’re doing, right? No one can change your mind on that. Well, let ’em have their ignorance if that’s what they want. It doesn’t change YOU or make you wrong. They are the ones missing out on something truly extraordinary. Be open for them to come to you if they are curious or decide they may have been too judgmental. Don’t force or coerce because that is something only insecure people do. We are all, however, entitled to our own opinion. Free will, it is a bitch as much as it is a blessing. 😉
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It's sad that there will always be people who feel this. They do have the right to have their personal opinion..just ask them to keep it to themselves. I talk about pole with all my pole geek friends and my husband. My poor husband is not mesmerized by poling…he seen all the epic fails and knows how challenging it. I post very mainstream stuff with "famous people" supporting pole fitness. ( like Elian Degenerous had Ms Butterfly on her show)
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When I read " But I would ask if you would feel comfortable doing it in front of your dad, brother, or Jesus?" I was immediately reminded of the fact that one of our friends here on SV had a pole performance at her grandfather's birthday party. I thought that was pretty cute, and obviously it was not a weird thing to do:).
It seems like your FB-friend Christa doesn't know really what she wants :). She thinks pole is an amazing sport but she would personally only want her husband to watch her if she trained herself. Full of contradictions…​
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