Pole Rage. Help Me!
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Bettie Page makes a good point. I just had it out with my mom's cousin over pole. She truly. Doesn't. Get it. She was even saying that a pole resembles a man's penis, according to her husband, which is why they're used in strip clubs to lure men in. WOW. Yes, IN STRIP CLUBS they can be used that way! She really and truly believes that pole equals sex. Period. There was no reasoning with her. How do I get to the point of complete calm when dealing with this ignorance? Does it come with time? I am amazed at how outraged and genuinely hurt I am over this. I guess because this cousin is an older lady, and so sweet, and I love her to pieces, and she's really been there for me in hard times. I just took it very personally. She apologized, said she didn't want a fight, and that she would never comment about it again. I'm just sad that when I tried opening her eyes a little she refused. How do I get to the place where I take this stuff in stride?
So a pole is an offensive thing just because it's upright? (Oops!.....pause while I slap myself on the wrist.....) and a pole if it's horizontal, doesn't resemble a man's penis? What if said man is lying down? I'm sorry, but your Mom's cousin's argument just doesn't cut it. Hopefully she can "agree to disagree" with you over this.
When you finally know, deep down, that you're right. With or w/out validation from others. You know there's nothing wrong w/ what you're doing, right? No one can change your mind on that. Well, let 'em have their ignorance if that's what they want. It doesn't change YOU or make you wrong. They are the ones missing out on something truly extraordinary. Be open for them to come to you if they are curious or decide they may have been too judgmental. Don't force or coerce because that is something only insecure people do. We are all, however, entitled to our own opinion. Free will, it is a bitch as much as it is a blessing. ;)
It's sad that there will always be people who feel this. They do have the right to have their personal opinion..just ask them to keep it to themselves. I talk about pole with all my pole geek friends and my husband. My poor husband is not mesmerized by poling...he seen all the epic fails and knows how challenging it. I post very mainstream stuff with "famous people" supporting pole fitness. ( like Elian Degenerous had Ms Butterfly on her show)
When I read " But I would ask if you would feel comfortable doing it in front of your dad, brother, or Jesus?" I was immediately reminded of the fact that one of our friends here on SV had a pole performance at her grandfather's birthday party. I thought that was pretty cute, and obviously it was not a weird thing to do:). It seems like your FB-friend Christa doesn't know really what she wants :). She thinks pole is an amazing sport but she would personally only want her husband to watch her if she trained herself. Full of contradictions...
LOL. I would ask that rotten commenter if she would feel comfortable having sex with her husband or even just chatting with her female friends in front of her dad or brother. Probably not. Doesn't make it wrong. How ridiculous...it irks me to no end when people try to reduce complex moral issues down to weird adages/standards like that which NO ONE would meet 100% of the time and then go spouting that nonsense to anyone they don't agree with. Sigh. Lol.
fascinating thread. I liked your post a lot. How do you get to the place where you take it in stride? Just do what you do. No one has to 'get it', but those that DO 'get it' are in your circle. I have a separate fb account, because dammit, I want to geek out about pole with people who get it. :) I post occassional pole stuff on my regular account, but I don't try to change people's minds or debate it. I'm just being me, doing what I love. The dissenters have no power over me. :)
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jLbegsoS7g0/UB3ATyonfwI/AAAAAAAAAqM/L8Q429nYloI/s1600/Michael+Phelps+Body+Pic+2012+01.jpg This however is perfectly acceptable athletic wear ;)
Stay strong ladies! Keep fighting sexism, misogyny and patriarchy! One day we will be equal to men!
I just have to join in on this discussion. Obviously I think your post was great and I too cannot believe the comments your friend is making. She clearly has some issues of her own. It's especially interesting to read as I just 'came out' about my poling on FB this week by posting three pictures of me on the pole. I was actually half expecting some of the same comments you got but I have had nothing but love and support. One of the reasons for this might be that my FB is full of Swedes as I'm originally from Sweden (now living in London) and as a country we are quite a bit more relaxed about nudity and sexuality than a lot of other places. We even dance around a giant polethat looks like a penis with balls for midsummers (google midsommarstang!) so maybe that gives us a natural acceptance of pole! Part of me was actually hoping for some ignorant comments as I am very outspoken and would have loved to bring whoever said anything down a pegg! I'm way too stubborn to have a separate account where pole is permitted though. If people don't like it, they are more than welcome to remove me as a friend. Don't let it bring you down! Some people are just always going to have opinions we simply cannot understand. Trying to change the mind of someone like that is probably as pointless as trying to argue with a homophobe or a racist. If she is bringing you more grief than joy, perhaps it's better to cut the ties with her? Life's too short to deal with ignorant people!
My ex certainly didn't 'get it' he even threatened to cut my X pole up with an angle grinder if I continued to use it,😮 needless to say he didn't last very long in my life!😀 Luckily my wonderful fiance thinks it's great, he's even had a go himself. My motto these days is simple: Love me, love my pole!
I really like this girls early comment about so many newbies posting their "skills." (Yes, she put it in quotes). Seriously? Someone works hard, and they get put down for showing it? No one starts with amazing tricks and grace, so let those newbies be happy they're on the road to greatness! I saw a thing on Pinterest that said "No matter how slow you learn pole, you're still climbing higher than everyone on the couch." I know that's not the real point of the discussion, but just a line that rubbed me the wrong way. i think the clothing argument is ridiculous. These women are serious athletes and have worked hard for their bodies. Let them be proud and show it off! I'd be in midriff tops all the time if I had those abs! People who are this judgmental over pole dancing are probably this close minded over all new things in life. Get pissed, have a great session then have a moment of sadness for them when you realize all the things they're going to miss out on life, because they're too scared to try anything new.
Honestly, I don't really get the actual outrage over what we wear to pole. A pair of booty shorts and a sports bra covers more than any bikini I own, and no one bats an eye at the pool. I used to get really defensive about pole dancing, but I don't feel the need to defend myself any more because I am living a better life due to the benefits of pole dance. I am in great shape, I'm happy, and I love what I do! I've finally just come to terms with the fact that I freakin love pole dancing. And I will continue to pole regardless of what people think or say. Hold your head up, smile and ignore those who try to talk down about pole. They are the ones missing out on a amazing community of fabulous and talented people!
I'm very open with pole on fb. I post pics and statuses etc. I told my list they could lick my stainless steel flavoured arse crack if they didn't like if. I use my Facebook as a platform to educate. In a way I try to provoke response and get somebody somebody asking questions about the "nudity" etc so I can explain. This also deals with the issue of the Aunt that doesn't want to hear our side of the arguement. If its on fb, bet she reads it!
My school of thought re: Facebook is I keep it separate b/c I don't think, in general, people really get it. Just like I don't 'get it' when friends post about their football team or their swim or run, or why I should do/like/be x, y or z. I gloss over those types of posts, personally. I also teach pole and so have a lot of students friend me.. I like to communicate with them on my pole profile. Plus, I am mortified at the thought of my dad seeing me pole! :)
"But I would ask if you would feel comfortable doing it in front of your dad, brother, or Jesus?" Um... Yup, I would feel comfortable doing it in front of my dad. In fact, I have done it in front of my dad. Twice. He said I had the sexiest style of all the girls in the show, and that he is very proud of me. Your move.
Lillybilly, I so agree with you! My parents are coming for a visit in 2 weeks and I'm dying to show them both my moves!! They're both on fb so they see everything I post anyway :)
I delete people who use the temptation for men excuse for our rape culture. These people are just making it easier for women being considered the lesser gender. That being said, I'm a jerk. I don't think people like this are worth time and effort.
Serzi & Crystabel - Having been part of both the cheer and pole community, I just wanted to follow up on your points about cheerleading. Just like pole, cheerleading has that stigma attached to it. I was a competitive cheerleader for 6 years - although there are some "cheerleading" teams that wear skimpy clothing and dance suggestively, most cheerleading teams perform routines that include difficult stunts and tumbling that show a great deal of strength and flexibility. Honestly, not very different from pole. The cheerleading community gets just as much shit from ignorant people as the pole community and it's important for both communities to be accepting of each other 🙂
Exactly my point. Cheerleading is not that different from pole and is usually an amazing display of agility/athleticism. However, it is considered socially acceptable. Such that it is a time honored tradition to have cheerleading squads as early as middle school. My point is this: If seeing upskirt shots of underage girls performing cartwheels/backflips and such can be disregarded for the sake of their athleticism, then what is it about pole that is such a danger to society? Not a damn thing.
Serzi - Oh ok, I see your point now. Yes, yes I completely agree. You're right - cheerleading has come a very long way and it is FINALLY becoming mainstream and more socially acceptable for the most part. I only hope that the same thing happens with pole dancing in the near future!
And, yes, if you detected a tinge of bitterness then you are correct. I got into an argument w/ a cheerleader bitching about pole shorts vs. spanks and I am still rather pissed off. But I don't hate cheerleaders, I just hate double standards and hypocrisy. lol
Lol. Spanks are just as revealing, if not more, than pole shorts. But pole shorts are much much cuter hehe ;)
My sentiments exactly, THANK YOU. lmao
