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Rape and PTSD
I have a wonderful friend named Gabby. I met her my first year of undergrad, and we were more or less inseparable through those four years. Even when she studied abroad, we would barrage each other with emails. And in my first year of grad school, when she was having issues with her father, she came to stay with me for a little while. Then, she disappeared. Her cell phone would ring and ring, then finally was disconnected. No answer to my emails. Weeks turned months, and the months eventually became a full year. Nothing. Then one day I found a package on my door step. Thinking it was more pole shoes I eagerly snatched it up. As it would turn out it was a long letter from Gabby apologizing for avoiding me for a year and explaining her motivations for pushing everyone away. As it would turn out, her father (pastor of their local church I might add) had been having sex with her since she was a little girl and at that point her and her brother were in the process of moving out and levying formal charges. Unfortunately, she has had to do most of this alone, as her mother does not believe her and is “wondering why her daughter has become so hateful” Since that letter arrived last November, she has not really gone into much detail about the effects of such a trauma until now. She is writing a blog detailing her experiences and the effects they have and will continue to have on her life. I would really appreciate if you guys could check it out. She is a very private person and I think her expressing herself in such a manner and laying her soul bare is an important part of the healing process. Its an ugly topic that all too often people shy away from, but I think exposure is good and will pave the way to some sense of wholeness and understanding.
http://www.ellaascending.com/
Thank you guys! -
25 Replies
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Its hard for someone to open up about past abusive experiences. I will read her blog and show support. I believe that is a great step in healing.
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Thank you so much!!! I’m sure that will mean the world to her!!
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I am so sorry that happened to you 🙁 Its an experience that no on should have to go through. Thank you so much for taking the time to read it! Some people’s receptions to this have been less than favorable
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I’m so sorry this happened to your friend. I’ll read her story and try to show support. I’ve also been raped by someone close to me. It’s always surprising and sad (for me) to see the rapist is usually someone the victim knew or trusted. She’s not alone in the healing process, and she’s lucky to have a supportive friend!
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Thank you so much! And I’m sorry that happened to you. I appreciate your support and bravery! it means the world to us!
In an unrelated vein. I see you reside in Mountian View! That’s too cool. I just moved to Cupertino -
Welcome to the Bay Area! 🙂 I recently moved here myself about 6 months ago.
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Why thank you! What brought you here? I’ve been here since October
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I wish Gabby all the best in healing. I have started to read her blog and will read more tonight. Writing about PTSD can be a hugely powerful force for recovery and reclamation and reintegration of pieces that feel broken: as one rape and PTSD survivor to another I say to her – never feel that you should be silent when you need to speak your truth – and tell your story as often as you need to and be assured that you deserve to be heard, and heard, and heard. Justice starts with truth, and truth starts with telling.
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That literally completely grounded me! Thank you do much for your sentiments!! It’s nice to hear something so beautiful and true about such an ugly thing!
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This Lady Gaga song Till It Happens to You is about sexual assault and some of the proceeds go to help survivors. I’m lucky enough not to be a survivor but this topic is near and dear to my heart. I have worked as a Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner and done some teaching on sexual assault, and I regularly attend and assist with women’s self defense classes in hopes of preventing sexual assault.
I’m not a super dancer nor terribly creative but I would love to see some of the soulful beautiful SV dancers dance to this song if it speaks to them. The video is powerful too.
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I have seen the video!!! A bunch of buffoons on youtube didn’t like it and were saying some nonsense about how it’s fear mongering. Sigh -_-idiots behind their computer screens. But anyway I think it’s a lovely song and I only have it on Spotify but I will see if I can get a download of it and send it to you! OOOH we could each do a short freestyle to it!! THEN MAKE A MONTAGE TO THE SONG!!! THEN SEND IT TO GAGA…sorry dork moment
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I’m glad some of you would like to give a dance to that song a go.
I know all about the people who say that speaking up about sexual assault is fear mongering. I do not wish to start a debate or argument but I have no patience with the agenda of those who think the accounts of sexual assault are made up or that the statistics are inflated. I suspect most statistic on sexual assault are low. People just don’t get it, don’t understand the devastation.
Carry on strong, creative, lovely ladies. And special love to all the bad-ass survivors.
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Too right ! I worked as a sexual assault counselor during undergrad and it is way more common than people want to acknowledge. Way more common. The stats I was quoted during that time was 3 in 4 woman will experience sexual assault or rape in their lifetime. And only one of my female friends has not been assaulted by a significant other. But alas people instead of confronting the reality before them are content to shame the survivors and fictionalize their experiences. For example the maintenence guy in my crap campus apartment instead of fixing the problem took his shirt off shut my door and starting telling me I was beautiful and asking me about my xpole. And when I told people the story they said “Dang where do you find these guys?”…..because I’m the issue. because apparently submitting a maintenance request means that I’m the one looking for trouble….yeah our society needs work.
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I’m so sorry vicioush. After I read the book Missoula, I’m not sure I would go to court if it happened to me and I was a freaking SANE nurse. The way victims are treated is APPALLING and utterly shameful.
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That is one of the more messed up things ive heard. That is APPALLING. Shame shame shame on a society and judicial system that not only fails to punish the crime but then turns on the victims. Even the retoric we use is absurd. “She/he got raped” No someone raped her/him. I’m so sorry to hear that. Absolutely tragic and ridiculous.
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