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Sexuality & Confidence
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So, I have this issue a lot. I was not very much into makeup and dressing up as a little kid, and I would get made fun of a lot. Now I’m trying to do pole, and in the back of my mind, all I can do is compare. Like how I have cellulite and so and so doesn’t, how my hair is shitty in comparison to someone elses, etc, etc. I started doing Lyra, and I begin to feel sexier. Partially because I get to hide my thighs (which I have a love/hate relationship with) and partially because I am strong enough to do many of the basic tricks and my body cannot sweat me off of a hoop like it can from a pole.
Anyways, I got a picture taken of me on the Lyra. I loved it. I shared it around. But then the more I looked at the picture, the more I started to nit-pick it. My body isn’t curved enough. I’m not pointing the toes enough. It was horrible. I mentioned it to my teacher at one point. She was appalled that I felt that way about myself. This past week, before class, one of the instructors brought makeup and hair products and gave me a mini makeover before pole. It was… I felt pretty. I looked pretty, I felt pretty, and I felt a little more free to just flow. I ended up being able to do a superwoman from a invert to a Jasmine. I’ve never even managed to hold the superwoman from the floor before!
This weekend I went out and I bought some makeup and clothes that I really like myself in. I’m hoping that if I can recreate what my friends gave to me, it will really help. It’s hard though. But maybe you just need the one moment where your imperfections are just hidden and your best parts brought to the forefront. And just because you don’t normally see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Good luck! I’m still working on it myself.
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Everyone can feel unsexy… I never felt anything like sexy until I got older… I never liked that my boobs never really developed and I still have occasional down times feeling like my tummy sticks out more than my boobs. As women, there are times we don’t look best- period (yep meaning full-stop and that menstrual cycle). But I am trying to rewire my way of thinking, and in a way thankful that my boobies are small because it means I do stand up straighter than the majority of my age, and have none of that extra weight I actually don’t need to drag me down. I still love to have bigger boobs and appreciate curvy bodies, but I am happy with mine too… mostly. I try to dress to my advantage, and I don’t do makeup either… possibly only a dozen times or so in my entire life!
I am actually quite pissed off too about some fitness magazines I see online these days… how it keeps drumming on about bikini bodies and if you just do these… you can get there to look like it. I think it is a bit of an illusion and it doesn’t help the majority of us… but this is another thing altogether. I am just saying so we realise and don’t get too bothered by the glossiness of the magazines these days, even the fitness ones.
Finally, don’t compare with others… it’s not a competition!
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I really think a lot of the problems women run into are a result of viewing their body from a third person perspective. You are not outside your body, you live in it. So why would you judge it based on how someone else sees it? That doesn’t make any sense to me.
Body awareness is something pole can bring to women to empower them and it is one of the things I love about it. I encourage anyone who isn’t getting that benefit from pole to freestyle dance. Don’t do any tricks if you don’t want to. Don’t judge your movements from a technical aspect! FEEL what you’re doing. Feel yours muscles move, don’t anticipate the next dance step, just put on a song you love and keep moving! Run your hands on your body if you want to. When you can turn off your brain and be present in your body, I think that’s the first step toward appreciating it.
Look at all the things your body does for you. Breathing, stretching, walking, sleeping, healing itself through injury and sickness. How could you ever look at an amazing machine like that and hate it because it has stretch marks?!
I have stretch marks. I see them in the mirror and I don’t care. They don’t define me. And yours don’t define you. A healthy body is an amazing body. Period.
And as for magazines…why are you reading that trash? Do you know these models personally? Or fashion designers? Or celebrities? Are they your close personal friends who see you for you really are? No!
These are people you’ve never met who aren’t even aware that you exist. They have nothing to do with you. Why would you let them tell you how to look or what to wear or who to be? That’s a lot of power to give to someone you’ve never even seen in person.
Take your power back, ladies 😉 -
Jumping right with you girls, when I first start poling i was unconfortable with my body that if i had to leave to bathroom when i was ready to get in the shower i had to put a huge towel around me…even if i was alone in the house. I could wear tight outfit and look confortable being sexy around people but i wasn’t at all.
We all get through that, find me a girl who doesn’t(come on find me a bitch like that and i’ll break both of her legs for being such a liar). As the other girls said it’s all about that self confidence, finding what make you feel good. Of course we’re all critics about our body, we just need to focus more on what we like about ourself (physicaly and mentaly) and go in that direction. Maybe it’s wearing your hair down, maybe it’s wearing heels or maybe it’s as stupid and wearing sexy undies under your everyday clothes. Try this one, going to the grocery when you know that under this too big sweater is the cutest bra ever will make you change your attitude and people will notice that. Then maybe you will realise that looking hot and sexy and feeling sexy is 2 things completely different.
A while ago I spend a lot of time looking a some pole dancer video (Alethea, Michelle Shimmy…) I had to stop, honestly it was a bad idea, trying to find my inner sex kitten while comparing myself with those girls, that was a disaster. As Veena said, get a nice music put the light down (even better get yourself some stripper lights, those are great 🙂 And just try let go. I had the chance to take 2 classes of Liquid Motion, Jeni showed us how to let go and really learn to feel sexy from the inside. I would say that feeling sexy with 10 others girls, that you don’t know, in the room might sound crazy but at the end of it we realise that it’s more about what’s inside then the moves you’ll make. Do it your way and if it feels sexy to you, it probably is 😉
As for the therapy side of SV, oh well we’ve got that a lot too so don’t hesitate to come to us when something bugs you.
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