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Showing off?
So I just started piling regularly a month ago in the beginners class. I’ve had 14 years of competitive dance experience but it’s been about 3 years since I’ve done anything. Still the beginners tricks come easier to me than others & they moved me up to intermediate already. I started poling as a way to get out if the house & meet new people while exercising because i literally have no friends but all the people in the classes make it seem like I’m showing off whenever I do a new move I haven’t tried & get it on the 1st or 2nd try. I get eye rolls & whispers behind my back. So much so that I bought my own pole at home & cut back on classes so I could practice on my own with out getting glared at. But this isn’t what I want. I wanted to have fun and make friends while doing something I finally like doing. I follow a lot of great pole dancers on instagram and they have become my inspiration, almost like I know them personally even though they have no idea I exist. Bottom line, I don’t know what to do or how to interact with other people when they think I’m stuck up & a teachers pet just because I can do moves easier than someone with no dance experience. I haven’t started intermediate class yet because I’m scared of the same thing happening but I want to get better & learn new things.
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16 Replies
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I’m so sorry to hear that’s happening to you. Are there other studios in your area? Maybe it’s just something about the people in that studio. At my studio, there are people who improved quicker than others, but they just get claps, asked if they have a pointer that may help, and are seen as inspirations rather than competitions. (This is generally true).
Honestly, it seems like it could be a presentation thing. I don’t know how your classes are taught, and I don’t know your body language when you do moves. It could be something as simple as trying not to be so serious, or making an light toned comment when you get a move that has similarities to former dance moves like “oh, this is a form of that”. Maybe that will get the people thinking less that you know what you are doing with pole, and more that there are similarities to dance and gymnastics in case they show interest towards that as well.
I would still say go to intermediate classes. I progressed quickly out of Beginners classes as well, with no dance experience, but that was due to the fact that I was already fitter than most people in class, and I used to love to swing around poles as a kid. I also was able to climb the pole first day. Intermediate was much harder for me though. You may have less of the issue in a harder class.
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I’m also really sorry to hear that this is happening- it’s really hard when there’s competition that you simply don’t want to participate in!
I would also recommend going for the intermediate classes- you never know. There will likely be new people, new challenges, and if nothing else, you’ll get better and stronger at what you love to do.
When it comes to people whispering and eye-rolling, the unfortunate thing is that you probably don’t want to be friends with those people at all… but I understand you want to be friends with SOME people!
If there are any other studios nearby, you can always try those, as well. I find that much of the competitive nature is either nurtured or destroyed by the atmosphere of the studio itself. Some of them might not notice or care, and if there are people creating that unfortunate precedent, it’s not going to go away with that group, because by omitting any kind of discouragement, they are being “encouraged” to act that way. Other studios will talk about competition, and the fact that some people have different backgrounds, different journey’s, and that we’re all equal, and all have something to give to the others.The latter is what I see here on SV very often, and it’s wonderful that it has continued for so long. I hope you can find a place in person that is similar 🙂
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I’m sorry this is happening to you but this is unfortunately VERY common at some studios. I have run into it myself & I just move on to a different studio. Not all studios are like that though, you just have to keep trying different places until you find one where you are comfortable.
I like studio classes (in moderation) but I also like poling at home at my own pace. What I’ve been doing the last 2 years, which has been a nice balance is I pole at home 1-2x a week, go to studio classes 1-2x a month & I go to workshops a few times a year…that keeps me motivated & it’s just enough to keep me hip & up to date on new pole tricks & combos too
🙂I know a few people who pole at home 2-3x a week & then get a private lesson at a studio 1-2x a month to get help on moves that they are stuck on or help with more advanced moves that they want spotting on. You have to figure out what works for you…as long as you’re happy that’s all that matters.
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Oh & SV lessons are great if you decide to just forgo the studio altogether & just learn solely at home!
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Sorry you are experiencing that! If there isn’t another studio around, do try the intermediate classes. As you progress, there will likely be things that won’t come as easily or that will be easier for other polers. Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses and will progress faster with certain types of moves.
I was also lucky enough to progress quickly at pole, being one of those “fortunate” ladies who easily gets giant man biceps, and having also had a childhood love of monkey bars and hanging upside down from my knees. Being both strong and insufficiently afraid of falling on my head helped a lot, but I started off comically graceless and unable to follow simple choreography. You can try encouraging a more supportive environment in your classes by complimenting your classmates on their strengths and being quick to laugh at yourself for the things you can’t do as well. Luckily, the girls in my studio are very supportive and encouraging of each other’s progress. But whenever one of them does start to get discouraged at not getting some of the strength moves as quickly, I just remind them how much I admire their grace, dance skills, flexibility, ability to hang in any position from one elbow pit, etc. Everyone has their unique talents.
I hope you find a place you feel more welcome. In the meantime, don’t let the environment get you down. Be proud of what you can do, and keep at it!
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I haven’t read all the responses yet, so I’ll probably have more to add later… Hopefully I’m not repeating so much. But…
I’m the slow learner in a class with a very fast learner (it’s usually just us 2, or maybe 1 other person) and she is a very sweet person who also happens to be a yoga instructor (probably why she picks up so easy) and I love that she cheers me on… She encourages me and offers to grab a pic when she thinks I did something pretty.
I realize this might be very hard if you’re shy and feeling judged… But I’d start the new class with that in mind. People just want to feel like you’re on their team, then they realize it’s not a competition.
Ultimately if they feel like are jealous of you it’s their problem, not yours… But I know what you mean about making friends. That’s why I started yoga and some other activities too. 🙂
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I’ve noticed at my studio, If one person claps for another person in class, the whole class then becomes very supportive and joyous. we will clap for each others attempts whether they nail it or not. It literally on takes one person to stop and clap for someone else then others join in. it is the positive version of “mob mentality” when people are in a group they will usually do what the group does. it is very easy to get the group being more positive. I swear to god. try it. next time one of them jealous bitches attempts a trick , give a little clap and cheer them on. everyone else will join in and they will be doing it for you too. it usually shuts up any negativity. it’s amazing. I love my studio and the supportiveness we give each other. people are usually just a little shy to give that first cheer but once someone sets that atmosphere in motion it becomes almost expected and natural. do it!
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Thanks for the input everyone! I’m a very humble person & never want to put others down because they don’t have the same experience. I always cheer everyone on & give pointers when asked. I never even mentioned my prior dance experience until the instructor noticed because I naturally point my toes. There was even a time where a girl walked out of the class early in tears because she was used to being the ‘star student’. I’m not a competitive person! I just want to learn & have fun. There are other studios around that are a lot more expensive but maybe it will be worth it to hopefully find a better environment for me.
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that’s really weird to walk out of class for that reason. I would think when you are in a higher level class it will be a more even playing field and no one will care. if not, then say , “F*&k it!” go in there and be amazing! you paid money to learn and practice not humble yourself to make others happy. they will have to grow the f*&k up and get over it or they can cry and be jealous. that is stupid. dont worry about. just be you and do some amazing pole work and be proud. and if other students are making comments then maybe your instructor needs to have a little talk with the other students about being supportive and keeping their own insecurity in check. sounds like maybe the instructor needs to remind the whole class about no negativity during class anyways.
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It definitely sounds like your class mates are just super insecure and insecure people love to bond over their shared dislike of someone else.
However, if it really bothers you, it can’t hurt to go out of your way to be extra nice to them. Smile, say hi, make eye contact. It really is their problem and not yours BUT if you want to make friends you have to show them that you’re friendly. If you’re quiet and keep to yourself and a great student, a lot of unhappy people will interpret this as “bitchy.”
But if they’re acting like such small people, why would you want to be friends with them anyway?
I picked up beginner moves quickly because of my background in dance. Dancers have body awareness that an untrained person doesn’t have. But once we got off the ground and started climbing and doing aerial poses…then my progress slowed down a bit. Dance didn’t prepare me as much for that.
Maybe you’ll be happier with the intermediate students, maybe they’re more secure.
At the end of the day, it’s your pole journey alone and you have to do what’s best for you 🙂 -
I would go to the intermediate class and keep in mind that it can take several weeks to get to know and “gel” with a new group of people. As others have mentioned, try and be a leader for cheering each other on and getting to know the other students. I also started pole with many years of dance background and found that coordination for beginner moves came easily. As I started working on moves that require pole-specific strength there was less advantage and I didn’t get things on the first try any more. I think it’s okay to let people know that you have a background that gives you an advantage so they know there’s a reason why it seems easier for you. For example, when my classmates comment on my flexibility I remind them that I’ve been stretching for 30 years already so they shouldn’t feel discouraged if they’ve only been at it for 6 months. We are all on our own journey.
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Do you go to Athena Vertical Dance? I also go there, but I broke my wrist last August so I haven’t been there for a pole class since then. I’m currently doing the lyra six week course, and everyone seems to be super supportive. I seriously thought I was going to be the worst in the class coming back from an injury and having lost a lot of core strength. But all of us have individual areas that we are better at than others. I’d cheer your progress if I was in a class with you. I was taking the level 3/4 pole class, and the ladies in that class were quite nice. I’m not a super fast progresser, but I do like to cheer on the people who get things faster than me or seem to exhibit an inclination for what they’re doing.
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Instructors would be helpful if they would remind students that outside experience, strength, and fitness will preload some students. I had a young man in my studio with zero pole experience but 15 years of classical ballet. His kinesthetic awareness, body control, and dance training made translating movement to the pole rather easy. But what made a HUGE difference was his upper body strength. Men naturally tend to far greater upper body strength than women. If you have a more developed upper body and core use that knowledge to encourage your classmates to continue working! Building that strength makes a difference. That means their progress is in their control, it’s not that you are special (although you might be!) It’s that you have skills that you have developed that they can too.
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I’m sure you have heard it from everyone hear but it is common. Sad but common. I think we all experienced this in one way or form. I know I did. First, you must have thick skin whether you know a trick or not someone is always going to say something. Don’t let that stop you… GO TO CLASS!! This will only make you stronger. I did the same thing but then I was like “who cares! I love this and nothing is going to stop me”. I then started meeting a lot of nice ladies and you will too. Just give it a chance. You’ll know who to talk too. =)
~Yayo
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I’m sorry you feel that way in class, that really sucks. I see you’re in Tacoma! You should come down to Envy-Fit in Bremerton! It’s probably about a 40 minute drive, but it’s a great studio and the owner is awesome. All the girls there are super-nice too, including me! 😉
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