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Significant other unimpressed by pole activity?
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I think the most important thing is to communicate with him and find out WHY he feels this way.
He may say something that really surprises you (he feels unimportant to you, he feels like you ditch him for pole, maybe he feels like you never supported his passion?) or he may not even know why he feels this way… but this might surprise him, and make him consider how he feels. Have you ever heard of the Wet Monkey Theory. Sometimes people (or monkeys) act a certain way, without even knowing why. (http://www.patheos.com/blogs/unreasonablefaith/2009/08/wet-monkey-theory/)
But the point is… he may not be a bad guy, he may have very valid reasons for feeling this way…
Usually when someone (provided they are someone I respect and I feel like are a rational and nice person) has issue with something I do, usually there is a middle ground… Usually each person is right and wrong to a degree.
Yes, he should probably support you more… but maybe you should plan pole free days, where you don’t talk about pole, or check pole videos, and just do something you both enjoy and reconnect.
It’s very easy for us to sit in judgement of him not knowing his side of the story… but I think if you came on and were saying “All my BF does is Golf and I feel like he never pays any attention to me… I HATE GOLF!” We’d all be saying how he needs to make time for you. Ya know?
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sorry the link didnt work: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/unreasonablefaith/2009/08/wet-monkey-theory/
The point of me sharing that link, is just to say sometimes people have just been conditioned to feel a certain way… Maybe he wasn’t getting sprayed like the monkeys.. but maybe he’s see friend’s/parent’s/etc. marriages dissolve over difference in hobbies, or the woman finding a new passion. Maybe he doesn’t know why, but its triggering a response!
ANyway, Im sorry I’m so foggy. Like i said, I’m full of boogers 😛
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It is really saddening to read the stories and how many of you dont get the support and admire this big part of your (our) lives. I thought to share you my story. When I started poling a year ago my long time husband really didnt get it. He opposed having a pole in the house, I ordered it secretly and when it arrived, had to assemble alone. He didnt want to hear or see anything pole related. But recently it has changed. It turned out that he has told to his colleagues, neighbors, friends about my hobby :-). SO he is been around and bragging. when we had heart to heart talk about this, then he said that at first he was intimidated and thought it is silly and just a new whim that would pass and he also felt uncomfortable, and was afraid of my health and also bruises didnt look particularly pretty on me. Now he has realised how much it has changed my body for the better and built confidence. Also how demanding the hobby is and how strong ive become and how crazy tricks I can do. He is really impressed and proud of me, but sort of failed to tell it to me. I dont know, mens thing… As for talking about it, he said that he didnt feel good talking about something he didnt know about and didnt have anything to say. Well… I said that the same applies for me listening to his running stories, competition times, lap times, VOmax etc. So now we made a deal that we both fake the interest 🙂 and at least try to understand each others passions. In conclusion, just talking helped us to understand a bit of the reasons
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My husband has a completely opposite view of pole. Not only is he supportive, he is very enthusiastic! He spots me, he knows who “dirdybirdy” is and loves her cat videos, he’s installed a pole in our living room and when searching for a new apartment “room for pole” is on the list of requirements. He used to be a gymnast, though, and loves physically challenging activities, so I think his appreciation for pole stems from how physically challenging it is, while still making it look pretty and effortless. He tries some moves with me and eagerly asks me what I learned in class this week. Aaaaah! He is like the perfect pole husband. He loves that I love it so much, and gets excited at how I excited I get when I learn something new or figure something out. He also encouraged me to get a SV subscription. 🙂
I don’t know what it is about him exactly that makes him this way, but I like to think that being a feminist husband has a lot to do with it. He doesn’t think of it as slutty and provocative, and he doesn’t think that sexuality/sensuality should be “for his eyes only.” He likes that I have my own things that I’m into, and loves that I found a workout that I enjoy. We do enjoy going to the gym together as well and though we don’t always do the same workouts I think he’s just really happy that we have about the same level of dedication to fitness pursuits, and we’re not both “letting ourselves go.”
I would like to say that I show the same amount of enthusiasm and support for him and his pursuits. I encourage him to go to poker nights, ask about his Crossfit workouts, and find him a gymnastics gym when we’re in a country that has one of those things. I guess this mutual support thing is baked into our relationship contract w/o really discussing it. Got lucky in that regard!
PS This is my first time posting on SV, whee! 🙂
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When I started, my boyfriend was pretty excited about it and loved it when I danced for him. This has definetly worn out since then.
He once in a while tried a move on the pole and sometimes we trained together.But now, as I own a studio and teach classes, he’s in my advanced class and also comes to my strong & flexi class and is doing pretty well. He even tries dance moves like pirouettes and spins; his latest achievement is a floor body wave which is kinda hilarious 😀
I’m really proud of him and would like do do a doubles routine with him some day 🙂I also now though, that he is sometimes upset when I, having two jobs, don’t find the time to do a lot of housekeeping, so it’s up to him. I’m trying to do as much as I can though. Also, him being a gamer, I try to play with him once in a while and listen to his telling me about Championships and such.
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