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What are your thoughts
I was browsing on what seems like a predominantly male website but theres funny things on there. I noticed a very pregnant Cleo the Hurricane and story done about her recent blog. I also noticed she has a lot of dislikes, the comments were pretty mean too. It upset me because like Veena, myself and many other pole dancers with children or having them theres this shaming I see that happens. Its like women arent allowed to be sexy anymore once they have kids? I hate these double standards in society. Anyways just wanted to share and vent
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15 Replies
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they can eat a dick. That’s what I think about those people.
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And, yet, “Kelly Rohrbach is Baywatch’s New Pamela Anderson” gets 1230 likes. lmao Fuckboys much?
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What Phoenix said….but I need to rant some more.
Modern society is still designed to shame women. We think we are empowered because we can choose to post photos of ourselves being “sexy” and we are in control of that. However, we are still being constantly judged because of it. To some Cleo is no longer sexy because in their fantasy mind she is now unavailable and belongs to some other man that knocked her up. Yeah and what sort of man let’s his pregnant partner act like that huh?
I know now that whatever we do or look like we can’t win. We’re either too old, too frumpy, too sexy, too frigid, too outspoken, too shy, too fat, too skinny, too self absorbed, too feminist, too smart, too stupid etc etc. Frankly, I’m too jaded to try anymore and I only wish I figured this crap out when I was a younger girl, pretending to be dumb so I didn’t make guys feel uncomfortable and worrying too much about how I looked.
As women we can just pull together to not give a crap about how we are judged and do what the hell we want. My 14 year old son jokingly called me a feminazi recently when he made a comment about his girlfriend wearing makeup that I pulled him up on. I asked him how mass genocide compared with wanting equality for women? I do my best to change my sons perceptions of the women that they are spoon fed in the media. I try to point out that female singers are expected to be sexy yet male artists aren’t. I like men as a gender but I hate that they think women are equal in society when we are clearly not.
I could go on but rant over.
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Good stuff here. I poled (in heels!) until I was nine months pregnant last year (there’s a video still up on my profile), and it really is sad how much women are shamed for trying to keep some semblance of normalcy in their lives while pregnant.
I mostly was concern-trolled for continuing to wear heels when I danced, even though I’d stopped inverting as soon as I found out I was pregnant and stopped climbing once my belly got in the way. By the end, I was only doing very light spins and floorwork. I went from wearing my usual 8-10 inch heels to 5-inch heels, and I felt incredibly safe in them. If I’d ever felt wobbly for a moment, I would have stopped wearing them, but I didn’t.
Some people felt the need to tell me to “slow down, be careful, it’s only 9 months,” etc. We all make choices while pregnant, and people should just stuff it, whether they agree or not. You don’t have to make the same choices I make, and whether I agree with the choices you make, I won’t open my mouth about it. I think that’s what it comes down to–for whatever reason, people feel that women’s bodies and choices are open for discussion, while men are often seen (in my experience) as the masters of their little universes.
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I had to create a new YouTube account when I contributed to post vids while pregnant! It was fellow polers who flagged my vids and wrote me emails about how horrible I was and that I was a terrible example for pole. I expected it from the public be not from people I thought were in my “tribe” it hurt.
Now on to sexuality, I have sexuality and pole as a mom, listed as one of my scope topics for this week!!!!! Women can be sexy however they choose and it shouldn’t matter if they have kids!
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Continued * auto correct
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Veena, can’t wait to see your scope on this. Sexuality in pole is one of the areas I’m struggling with as a mom now. I’m hoping it will get easier once I finish breastfeeding in a couple of months!
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Yes Veena, I saw other polers commenting on cleos Facebook posts to – take it easy, quit doing crazy stuff already, etc. it pissed me off that this was coming from other pole dancers. I can’t imagine the bullshit you had to put up with…
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I just wrote a blog about being shamed by a long time friend this morning. I was so fired up over this. http://poleharmony.blogspot.com/2016/03/rape-culture-and-pole-fitness.html
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A lot of this “take it easy” stuff comes from some very old thinking about pregnant women, way back when we weren’t sure why women and their babies were dying of childbirth, and when there was absolutely no research or understanding of women’s health.
Way back, we used to not even go for walks when we were pregnant. Obviously, this was mostly the upper and middle class, as the lower class couldn’t afford to sit around (and were, unfortunately, subject to higher death rates). They wouldn’t go for walks, wouldn’t cook or clean, nothing. They wouldn’t even touch animals. Suddenly, you went from some activity to NOTHING.
We still have a pretty loose understanding of women’s health, especially during pregnancy. I’m not sure why, exactly, but our healthcare continues to be fairly male-centric in how things work with our bodies and brains, so pregnancy becomes a mystery in that world. We have a BETTER understanding of it, and mother/infant death rates are at an all-time low, but still… we have holdovers from those times.
The idea, I think, is that when we are pregnant, all of our energy (especially physically) is going to creating the baby, and that we are suddenly supposed to become entirely encompassed in this. Getting also into the psychological world, I think it is seen as selfish, somehow, that a woman who is to be a mother (or, a mother) would still be doing the things that SHE loves, rather than focusing all of her energy entirely into the baby or child she has.
We put a serious amount of stress and expectation on mothers in our society- I know that, in the US, there isn’t any kind of paid maternity leave, even if the expecting mother is in dire need (perhaps a high risk, or suddenly requiring medical attention). We expect them to be constantly happy about the baby, constantly excited, as if emotions are somehow going to work to our will. We still expect them to care for their household and their partners (if any), and to be glowing and serene. Once the baby comes, they are simply supposed to pick their lives up immediately where they “left off” since becoming pregnant, with the addition of caring for another human being. And, also supposed to “drop all that baby weight,” among other things.Like I said, there is very little known about how women’s bodies work, in the medical world, and especially in the normal world.
These people are simply ignorant, and working off of old assumptions and beliefs.
I think that, if you can exercise, pole dance, go for walks or runs, anything… do it. If it keeps you happy and healthy, do it. Be kind to yourself. The best way to model for your child how they should take care of themselves is for you to take care of yourself. Simply dropping that for 9 months is going to put a fairly lengthy damper on that self-care. -
My son is 16 and does pole tricks with me. I used to be a stripper. I am no longer but I still pole. Funny, I danced up to 38 weeks pregnant with my son (only 24 weeks poling bc my balance became shakey) No wonder he’s a natural. I don’t like it that my family and friends connect it with stripping. Its not. It never really was. It just started there. I appreciate communities like this that squash so many stigmas. I have gained weight and it is harder than before but I still love it. And seeing him do it is just great.
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Does anyone know why my name is showing up as Sabrina Janger? My name is Sarah Bennett. I tried to fix it and ad a photo but its not showing up.
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Sarah you might want to contact webmaster about this, he should be able to help..if no one else can.
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Sarah, it appears your account was made using a facebook login. Perhaps the computer was logged in as someone else?
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Webmaster, I’m sorry I missed this. My computer is only used by me. I have no idea why its being janky. I cant sign in under anything but facebook bc it wont accept my password which may be wrong. Im going to try resetting it. Any other advice is great. Thanks so much for your response.
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