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When You Video…
Hey ladies (and gents if you're out there),
What is the hardest part for you when watching yourself or when you video yourself poling? Yeah we're supposed to do it for feedback and all but at the end of the day when watching my videos I can't help but stare at my "body" versus the performance itself. I consider myself to have medium-high on esteem.. especially to put a video out there to be judged by anybody lol- what do you catch yourself doing often when you video your session.
I have dead arm syndrome at times, I'm always fixing my clothes and I've got a big ol' pooch. LOL next.https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_biggrin.gif
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19 Replies
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I look at my body alot to see the parts I want to work on and also my feet and legs cause thats the big thing I'm working on this month is my toe point and when I swing I'm not putting all my weight on it if you no what I mean.
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I usually don't like to video myself (though I've been trying!) because I always think "Oh god I look huge!" And, in particular, my rear. It's not like "Dat ass!" kind of thing, it's a bit more like "Lookit it! It's HUGE!" And then I don't want to EVER wiggle myself or do anything else. Just try to minimize the look…though, I will admit, my rear is one of my husbands favourite parts of me 😛
And, it's never going away. I have big hips, and thus big rear and thundering thighs, so…that's the way it is.
Anyways, I also generally judge myself against other people, so I'm always looking at the flaws in my moves, the fact that there seems to be a long of hanging off the pole, not much for lifting or prettiness, in my mind. However, I do this with pretty much all my artistic endeavours, and end up disappointed every time…because I judge myself against the best, whether I am in their league or not. I'm aware of it now, so I'm just trying to judge myself against myself, instead.
However, some things really surprise me for the better when I watch myself dance. It always surprises me how much fun I have, or how nice my feet look, or how much stronger I've gotten since the last time I watched my own dancing! I often like my little improvisations, and move combos that I suddenly come up with, too!
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I've struggled with BDD (Body Dismorphic Disorder) most of my life, and it's only in recent years that I've started to conquer that, but I still see my legs in my videos and hate hate *hate* them. It doesn't help that they're so damned pale I probably shouldn't be allowed outside in shorts on sunny days for fear of causing a traffic accident! (They reflect light, figured the glare could blind, lol).
I'm also bothered by how red in the face I go when inverting, and as I found when I videod, also my upper back! I really hope that diminishes as I get fitter and used to being upside-down.
I felt so down the other day after videoing and watching it back… But I know it's the best way to see what you're doing wrong, so I'll be continuing, and hopefully I'll be focussed on the things I'm improving and the new moves I'm learning, in the future.
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I make sure that my lights are very dim when I video myself dancing. My legs are flabby but look fabulous when I dim the lights. I guess that’s my way of cheating a little bit lol.
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When I video myself I'm usually looking at how funny my butt looks in certain bottoms. And I wonder why nobody ever told me bikini bottoms look so funny on me! I also look to see if my tatas are getting any bigger. I'm 31 but I'm still hoping for more! lol (My body has changed alot of the past year because of Rx)
On another note, I know what it's like not be able to walk from my bed to the door because of pain. So I try to avoid saying I hate anything about my body because I am blessed that my body works. I know for alot of ppl its hard not to be hard on yourself, but I just hate to hear anyone say they hate some part of their body.
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I can't stand looking at myself in video or pictures because of my posture. Wish I could stand up straighter but my shoulders are internally roatated so even if I try to puff out my chest a bit, it still looks as though I'm slouching. Also. I am terrible about not pointing my toes and my legs never seem to extend fully in moves. Even with my knees locked out, it still looks like they are slightly bent.
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I know the feeling…people think because I'm on the "thin" side I don't have issues, but I'm 55 yrs old and have the menopausal stomach pooch most of the time. I also am a stiff person and it shows when poling, and constantly wiping my hands on my butt, even if it's not sweaty (bad habit now). Slouching is also something I need to work on.
And when I got a better digital camera for recording practices, it's clearer than my old one and shows more of my face AGH! I told my husband, now I really look like in my 50's!! 🙂
Oh, and what really drives me nuts is I don't have "poling hair!" I always look like I have an ugly mop on my head!!
Thanks for sharing and giving us the opportunity to be open with each other 🙂
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To be honest, I don't really have any body issues–I've always been pretty comfortable with myself and the way I look, but watching my videos back is always depressing for me. I've been really frustrated with my grip, and it has caused issues to the point that individual moves look really nice–strong, graceful, etc., but they look horrible when I try to link them into a routine because my pole is so slippy and I sweat a lot. So I get to watch a bunch of graceless struggling to just climb the pole and get into an air invert, which ticks me off–I mean, I could flag without jumping into it the first day I started pole, I can do all my inverts without any jumping at all, so I know I have the strength, my damn hands just slip and I can't pull myself up. Moves look a lot clunkier than they should because I have to struggle so much to get into them because of the slipping and sliding. I finally just decided screw it, just wipe the pole down in the middle of a routine if you have to…the problem is that now half my videos consist of me wiping the stupid pole, so I don't think that's much better.
I'm getting a TG X-pole soon, so I am really hoping the TG will react much better with my body chemistry than my stainless steel Lil Mynx. I'm also excited to try spinny mode, since mine is static only, so hopefully I'll finally be able to post some videos I'm proud of.
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For me the hardest part is watching how certain moves "disfigure" the flab on my belly lol. I used to be about 40 piunds heavier, plus have three kids and stretchmarks all over, so the skin on my belly looks flat and smooth one minute and then saggy and fat the next…it's a huge eye catcher for me when I watch myself. But I have to admit, I love recording myself just so I can SEE what I look like dancing and in the right lighting it can be a total self esteem booster (when it hides the flaws)
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OMG, horsecrazy, you will see a huge difference between lil mynx ss and titanium grip. I switched a year ago (after using lil mynx for 2 years) and that's when I began to accomplish more. In fact it was so different, my body got "beat up" at first till I got used to it. Can't wait for you to get yours! Will you be getting a 45 or 50? I have a 50 and am hoping for a 45 in the future.
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hooked–I am sooo relieved to hear you say that; I saw you mention in an older post that you'd switched from a ss Lil Mynx to a TG and was wondering how you were getting along with it. I'm getting a 45, btw–I was originally just going to go with a 50, since that's what my Lil Mynx is, but I was kind of curious about the 45s, and I happened to see a post on here from a member who was selling her almost brand new TG 45 X-pole; I could get it a little cheaper than a brand new X so I decided to just jump on. She said she's only put it up once and been on it about 5 times but just doesn't have the time or space for it, so it's basically brand new. I should be getting it soon; we're just waiting for Paypal to verify her account right now so I can send her the money. I am so freaking excited–there will be so much high school girl squealing from this 24 year old tomboy when it arrives. I have a feeling I'm going to feel like a rockstar on it after my ss, but maybe that's just hopeful thinking.
I will definitely post pictures and video when it's here, and I'll let you know how I get on with the 45 after switching over from a 50. I'm very interested to see how it will feel.
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It's really nice and disheartening to read this thread. It makes me sad to know that other people deal with the same body issues and yet nice to know that I am not the only one. I struggle with my body all the time. Even when I was at my most thin I still struggled with my body image. I video taped my dance the other day and I just wanted to crawl into a hole after watching it. I felt so sexy, happy, confident, and awesome on the pole but watching the video back I felt disgusted. I tear apart my body, the way it moves, the faces I make, etc. It's terrible. I need to keep taping though because one day when I get better I will want those videos to remind me how far I've come. Anyway, thanks for letting me know I am not alone!
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Well i mostly focus on how smooth the dance looks. since i started videoing myself, i've noticed that i need to focus more on pointing my toes and making my aerial inverts look smoother. i also watch how much i hesitate between moves. it's hard cuz if i hurry, the move won't look as smooth but if i stop to fix my clothes or blow on my hands, i feel like there's too much down time. i also noticed that i did some weird shit with my arms before that looked goofy so i cut it out lol…
as for body issues, i've noticed that posture, the way you move and the positions you put yourself in during the dance/polework will determine how good your body looks. as an exotic dancer, i'm always conscious of the way i'm standing or positioning yourself because you want to make yourself look as hot as you can when you're dancing. so i try to stick my butt out and keep good posture
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i do the same thing, lexi. i'm short of confidence, very self critical and i know i tense up when someone's watching me or i'm filming myself. and i don't have mirrors so i have to film to see what i'm doing right/wrong.
i can only dance like no one's watching when nobody is watching though so, periodically, i tell the boyfriend to scram, put the camera away and pretend i AM amazingly fluid and sexy. i flick my hair and i exaggerate everything as much as i can without worrying that i'll look silly. when i goof up, i just keep going as if i executed the failed move perfectly haha. it probably sounds daft but it helps me loosen me up and reminds me that poling is something i love because it's fun!
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I'll be honest, I have pretty severe issues with my body image. I look at myself in the mirror and all I can see is wide expanses of fat, saggy skin and cellulite. I tend to look at myself in the mirror/onfilm and think: ''you will never be sexy/beautiful/toned/not have cellulite and saggy skin and it is your fault. You were a fat lazy teenager.'' I try not to talk about it much because generally, my concerns/issues are just irritating to everyone. But now and again I have to vent somewhere, and at the moment it is generally here (Sorry).
At the moment I am really struggling, I feel enormous because I have put on a little weight and clothes are feeling tight on me, if I return to my disorder I know it will be the end of my relationship with my bf. I have stopped filming and mostly stopped looking in the mirror, this doesn't help how I feel about myself but at least reduces the time I spend putting myself down.
All I can say is it's the times when I am poling and feel strong sexy, even if Iook like a wobbly hippo, are happy moments.
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