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When you have No one to Dance for :0(
Hey veena girls! Just NEED some Advice!
I bought my xpole roughly a month ago and in a nut shell ive learned some new tricks which i was VERY happy and proud of myself mini milestone since my self esteem is usually low and this has helped a GREAT deal anyways my hubby who is supportive and went to the pole convention with me helped put my pole up etc.. but everytime i talk about it he doesnt seem intrested and sometimes ive said " hey i learned a new trick today" :0) hoping he will say that he'd want to see it but it just says that cool and pretty much stands there i have NO motivation to want to dance for him NOW i mean im sorry but if i was a guy i'd freakin LOVE if my wife had a pole and cooks dinner while dancing on a pole haha! anyways i GET that its not his thing i REALLY do but the lack of intrest in me and my pole is really starting to piss me off more than make me sad any advice ps i tried talking to him before not about the pole but about paying me more attention and things he aggrees but nothing ever changes
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19 Replies
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Darling, unfortunately you can't really make someone excited about something that doesn't terribly interest them. I know it's tough to take, but really, if he's not into it, he's just not!
My husband isn't really interested in it either- he likes the fact that I feel strongly about it, but otherwise, he doesn't really feel the need to watch. I get a lot of "Wow, your husband must LOVE that!" when I talk about poling at home…and usually I explain that I don't really pole when he's home!
I pole dance for me, plain and simple. My sexuality is my own, first and foremost, and I like to explore and enjoy it. I also enjoy the fact that I'm gaining strength and flexibility, and can do more things in my everyday life, as well as achieving things on the pole!
As for getting more attention from him…well, unfortunately I can't help you there 😉 It depends on what's going on with you guys, and what he might be distracted with!
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Same here Girly. My hubby doesn’t really seem interested. Only supports me because it is something I am so passionate about. I don’t wanna dance formhim either. But my hubby is young and I believe he doenst know what he has 🙁 now I’m all venting lol and tearing up.
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Same here Girly. My hubby doesn’t really seem interested. Only supports me because it is something I am so passionate about. I don’t wanna dance formhim either. But my hubby is young and I believe he doenst know what he has 🙁 now I’m all venting lol and tearing up.
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We all have eachother though! That is why this forum is here. Upload videos and we all will appreciate it!
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I pole dance for myself… here's something I've noticed. My learning of new tricks is met with support, interest to the point that he's excited for my accomplishments, etc. — he doesn't necessarily want to watch me do those things.
BUT–when I dance for him, and I mean get down with my pole dancing bad self and dance for my man? He's riveted. Mesmerized. Lustfully appreciative, lol.
All that said, post videos here and you'll have a whole host of peeps to dance for! 🙂
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Lexi… as a very old woman.. who's been married and relationships MORE than I like to admit.. here's MY take on it and (maybe) what to do.
1) Ignore his ass! THEN a) if he doesn't 'come around', you can likely assume he's either having an affiar, needs viagra, or is just an ass hole. 😉
2) Divorce, depending on 1, a b, etc. lol OR…
3) Go on with your own life whlie he goes on with his. IF he does love you he really will eventually take notice. Just don't fall all over him or pressure in ANY WAY. That's how they are (turds). 🙂 BUT.. listen…
You can always read a WONDERFUL book: "Why Men Love Bitches". :):) It's pretty informative, but then.. I guess it just came natural to me.. only.. reading the book HELPED me remember who I was and the power I had by Just Being a WOMAN. tee hee.
Sometimes, in life.. we just choose the wrong ppl to couple with. A hard sad truth. I hope for ALL my Veener girls that they (eventually?) find "HIM"!!! (I mean..NONE of them are perfect.. but the right one will ALWAYS be INTERESTED!!!!
(This is a little tongue in cheek.. but I really do mean it all! :):)
Good Luck… but really… Ignore him for a while. It'll do you BOTH a world of good!! :):)
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Oh yeah.. and what Polergirl said! Absolutely!! It's a very UNmanly man who doesn't get excited in SOME way watchin a routine that's 'just for him'!! *grin*
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Hey, Dance for yourself. Embrace your sensuality and your womanhood. I dance for myself and I don't care if its sexy or not. I have fun and love the community of women that I have met through pole fitness.
And yeah, if he can't appreciate this, well, then the heck with him.
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I'm sorry but…I just can't leave this one alone.
A man is not a two dimensional creature- they don't just want sex and food. Men are human, and as we fight for equality in this world, as women, we should be remembering that. We want them to treat us as multifacited human beings, and we should be doing the same to them. Lead by example.
First of all, there are some women out there that enjoy the idea of two men having sex. Many of you will cringe and go "Eeew!" So, why do we simply accept that men want to see two women having sex? Just because our society has latched on to that and decided it was socially acceptable, doesn't mean everyone wants it, or should want it. The same goes for feet, or pole dancing, or pornography. Not everyone finds it sexy or interesting!
People have many wants and needs in life, but one thing remains constant: We want and need to feel happy, and loved. This is why we find companions, why we get married, and why we have friends. Instead of deciding your man is cheating or ignoring him entirely and seeing if he comes running, why not just be nice to him, and talk to him like he's an adult? You aren't his mom, you're his wife; mutual partners in a relationship, sharing their lives together. You share yours, he shares his, and sometimes you do things apart from each other.
I'm sure everyone here who has a husband or boyfriend (or girlfiriend or wife) can find one hobby or interest that they do not share with their significant other. I know this is the case with my husband and I. This is why I am comfortable hooping or pole dancing without his watching me or being always there going "That's so sexy!" all the time. I do it for myself. Same as he likes cars and computers, and I'm not sitting there going "That's totally awesome!" all the time.
You've got a whole community of pole-interested people to share with here. And, if you really want him to see what you've been working on, I'm sure that Polergirl's suggestion would at least be appreciated by him! Even if he doesn't find it sexy, he can appreciate it, I'm sure of that.
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Rune..you're so sweet. I know my statements sound harsh.. so let me at least 'clean up' one of them:
Do you remember John Grey who wrote "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus'?
Essentially, many agree that SOMETIMES it's just best to leave the men to their 'cave'. No pressure. They spring back in your direction like a 'rubber band'.
That's basically all I was saying. I've experimented TOO MANY TIMES. It DOES work. (And also… Ignoring?? Not rude, not mean… just let HIM come to YOU about everything for a while. Men DO like to make the first moves. Sorry if you disagree.) And like it or not.. there are some 'generalizations' about the sexes that just plain TRUE. 😉
Men are cool. As long as you understand the instruction manual! :):) Luv YA!
Oh.. and on the other book mentioned re: 'bitches"… the author CLEARLY states her intended definition of such. Not mean, or crabby, or stuck up. Just confident, clear, somewhat 'aloof', but ALWAYS Kind! 😉
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Lexistarr, have you asked to show him your new tricks? You may want to show them off, but maybe he doesn't want to force you to make your pole dancing about him and so is just showing you support (and he's shown a lot of great support, some aren't so encouraging) and letting you decide what things you will and won't share with him. I know it's not as fun when you have to ask for things you want, but since mindreading is a very rare talent, it's kinda a fact of relationships.
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Diva, you are amazing! I love your philosophy on life!
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LoneStar, I'm sorry if I came off a bit strong…I've heard similar arguements from people who REALLY mean "bitches," the mean, catty, horrible kind. And yes, I can kind of agree with letting guys go to their caves…though I know I need my cave time, too! lol
For me, it's a give-and-take…I go to him, he comes to me, and we're happy. There doesn't need to be this tension of who's going where!
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I think, when you're working on a trick and really in a fitness mode, there can be a time when pole isn't that sexy. I definitely consider it a sport workout about 80 – 90% of the time. My hubs and I talk about pole usually in the same conversations we have about his jiu jitsu practices – it's comparing sport progress…
But sometimes, usually after a few cocktails… he makes a playlist, and I put on something skimpy, and we have a *different* kind of pole session. And my brain is in a totally different space. And so is his.
The two are completely separate – with the former he's supportive but relatively uninvolved… and with the latter, well… he really likes it (and so do I.) https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_wink.gif
I know it's not like this for everyone, but this is how it works for me; sometimes giving a performance for your S.O., and not thinking about tricks or form or anything but just finding your inner sex goddess can help get them involved… Just my two cents.
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sigh….. I had to pick myself off the floor with this one… Lonestardiva: your post brought me to tears… anyway Lexistarr, my bf is the same… supportive yes, but totally uninterested… At first he was not happy with the idea, i guess for months he was hoping I would get tired of it, now he knows that's not going to happen and he's ok with it. However every millestone have been a struggle, from getting a new pole in the living room, telling everyone what i was doing or when started uploading videos… he didnt like any of those, didnt say anything, just gave "the look"… but he accepted my decision. He helps me everytime i ask for, when trying a new trick or setting up the poles and he listens to my pole ramblings…he is always there for me so i know he loves me. That beeing said… I dance for myself and my dogs. he never asked me for a dance, he does not even look at me while i'm poling. It's funny, like runemist said, people often assume he would be the happiest guy, many of my friends thought he bought me the pole and we must be having a blast in the evenings… oh well, I know this is common, I wonder why many of us, who feel so passionatly about this sport/art end up with men who couldn't care less… hmm food for thought….
A friend of mine told me other day that indiference kills affection… well not sure if its the case, but it definately kills your spirit…
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