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Don’t want my friends & family to watch me perform
Hi,
So in a month and a half I will be doing my first pole performance. It’s a showcase that my studio have organised and it is being held in a club in my city.
My friends and family all know that I’ve been training for this and have expressed wanting to come. However the tickets have just gone on sale and I’m finding myself hesitant to tell them because I’m starting to have second thoughts about having anyone who isn’t a friend from my pole studio there.
With my family the reasons are more obvious – they’ve always made jokes about me training to become a stripper (which btw, I have nothing against strippers as I know they created this art form, but it’s more to do with the derogatory intent behind their words as if they’re making fun of it).
However with my friends it’s a bit more nuanced. I just feel like I won’t be able to perform my best if I have non-pole people in my life watching. I don’t think I’d be able to commit to the performance the same way and that I’d feel self-conscious and embarrassed performing certain dance moves. The whole thing makes me feel like a kid having their parents come watch a school performance which feels a bit infantilising.
I casually mentioned not asking people in my life to come watch me perform today after class and the instructor and some of the students looked at me in horror, with some of their words being “are you fucking kidding me?” And “you should let them come support you, only you will know if anything goes wrong and they’ll just enjoy being at a show”. Which is why I have come to this forum as my mind was made up until I saw their reactions. My boyfriend has said that if I wanted him to come he would, but if I didn’t want him there he would also respect my wishes.
So what should I do? The thought of having closer people in my life in the audience is really putting me off, but I also know if I sneakily went and did the show and they found out later they’d be disappointed.
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3 Replies
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is it possible to share with them that you are not comfortable with them attending because it would make you super nervous being it’s your first time performing.
I’ve learned to say less is always better. There really isn’t a need to over explain. If they continue to ask you for more information just keep going back to saying your nervous with friends and you don’t want to screw up your performance.
Hopefully, it will be enough for them to respect your boundaries. But I also know how people can be very difficult in respecting boundaries.
Hope you are able to search within for the best answer that gives you peace 💕
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I’d say it’s not uncommon to feel this way. I grew up in a religious home so I don’t talk too much about my job. They all know, I’ve never hidden it, but most of them are not too interested in hearing about it, so out of respect for them I don’t push it.
Here are my thoughts, if you don’t think they’ll be offended and you really do want to share with them, go for it. However, only if you’re routine is not too sexual. If you’re leaning towards exotic pole work, then I feel it’s something to keep between you and close friends who are into that kinda thing, Otherwise you’re just going to make family uncomfortable. There are absolutely dances I don’t want my family to watch, and others I have proudly shared with them.
If you’re routine is not sexual then inviting them could be a great way to show the different sides of pole dance. I’m sure they would be amazed at your skills.
P.S. I loathe performing in front of other pole dancers, but I LOVE dancing for “muggles” because they have no idea if you mess up! They think tricks like climbing and a pole sit are magic so don’t shy away from sharing just because you feel you’re skills aren’t good enough. For non pole folks, everything on the pole looks cool.
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<div>I don’t blame you – I would NOT want family coming to a pole performance lol. Only if it were not remotely sexual, but even so, they’d prob watch other performances that were and I would feel second-hand cringe. I’ve realized that it doesn’t really matter WHY I feel the way I do – I just do. I just wouldn’t want them there, and that’s that. I don’t need an explanation for it. You don’t have to prove anything to them or even yourself – if you’re uncomfortable with certain people being there, don’t invite them. As time goes on, your feelings may change, but, for right now – they are what they are! One of the most helpful things I ever learned in therapy was to “accept that I can’t accept” – literally, accept that I’m just not able to accept something as it is. It sounds strange but accepting that can’t accept something yet is helpful in just “letting it be”.</div>
I hope that, whatever you choose, your performance is stellar and you have fun while you’re there 🙂 That’s what’s most important.
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