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feeling discourage and want to quit pole
ive gotten back into pole been going for two months 4x a week havent master a single move on top of that im 180pounds and im always 160. i go to.pole and i try and never show any signs of frustration or discouragement. honestly im about to be over it and buy a gym membership. i do pole because its a challenge but now it feels impossible.ive been poling since 2012 and i suck. ugh
does any one feel the way i do?? i wont even watch pole videos post videos of myself or go on this site because im to discourage -
10 Replies
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Noooo, don’t say that 🙁
You sound like me. I’ve been poling for almost 3 years and I’m still a beginner and I feel I suck too. But, Veena said there’s nothing wrong with staying in whatever level you’re on. You’re not competing with anyone. You need to remember why you started and why you love it. Go back to the moves you enjoy and don’t focus on what anyone else is doing.
Hugs friend, I hope you get back to a positive place. xoxo -
thank you
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Yes, I feel the way you do, and yes, I understand your complaints and your frustration.
HOWEVER:
I have been poling for 6ish years (maybe 7, I can’t remember?) and I haven’t mastered the basic invert. I’ve been poling that long and still struggle with a thigh rest. I have been poling that long and have little muscle from pole, little change, and a whole lot of crushing self-defeat.
And, that’s the truth of it. I defeat myself, I put myself down, I don’t celebrate ANY victory. Ever. I don’t trust my body and I don’t try new things very much. I am often “On hiatus” these days.
I know these things are MY fault because I have been running for a year and a half. I started to see changes, after about 3-4 months. Changes in my knees, changes in how my legs move, changes in my stamina and ability. But, it was very consistent, slow, aggravating work. And I just kept at it.
Most people, after a year and a half, would be running well past 10k by now. Most can get to a half marathon (24ish miles), if not a full marathon.
I am only running 4 kilometres, working on 5. In a year and a half.
But I’m proud of my progress, and it taught me something. No matter how hard the work or how horrible you feel, you’ll always feel better after you do it. No matter how much you think you suck, you’re always working forward. Consistency is the only thing that will bring you results, and it’s the only thing that will really make you feel good about what you’re doing.
You will only get good at that Fireman spin after you’ve done it so many times you don’t even have to think about it anymore.As for your other complaint, of weight:
When I reached adulthood, my normal weight was around 160lbs. That is where I stayed for years. That was my non-training, relatively sedentary lifestyle weight.
Now, with running, I am 200lbs.
I am 200 pounds because I traded in my body fat for a bunch of muscle. My calves are half again (at least) the size they used to be, and are powerhouses. My thighs are showing more muscle, and a bit less fat. My core is tougher, stronger.
I am NOT 200lbs because I’m fat. Or because I’m doing something wrong. Or because I eat wrong. Or whatever other thing people want to tell me. I am not unhealthy at 200lbs.
In fact, I am the healthiest I have ever been in my life, and I expect that to continue for a long time.
If I see more than 200lbs I’ll know it’s because I need that weight- and that muscle- to get my goals. I need it to make sure I can do the basic invert, and maybe even an Iron X one day.There’s this stupid idea somewhere in society that if you are “fit,” you weigh less. It’s not true at all. Your weight on the scale and what you look like are completely removed from each other (well, perhaps not completely, but in a much larger way than most people think), and your weight has nothing to do with your health.
It sounds to me like you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself to progress, to be something specific, to see certain changes that may be unrealistic.
It also sounds like you’re comparing yourself to other people, and you’re finding yourself “coming up short” by your own standard.
Do not compare your blooper reels, or your life, to someone else’s highlights. Don’t ever think that the images on Instagram are anything but the best of what people want to show.
Whatever you think an artist does their art like is actually only 10% of what they do. The other 90% is the sketchbook, the messed up sentences over and over, the dropped stories that fizzled out and went nowhere, the pages and pages of drawn ears, the hours and hours and HOURS of doing one move over and over till they just can’t fathom not doing that move every single time they come to dance.
What you’re seeing is the culmination, the top of mount Everest. You didn’t get to see them climb every single stupid other mountain to get to Everest, or even the climb of Everest itself.Your journey, in essence, is incomparable to anything else you see. Your journey is yours alone, and comparing it to someone else’s yardstick, someone else’s successes, is selling yourself short. It’s doing you a disservice.
You’re awesome, and you’ve gotta keep being awesome on that pole until one day you tell someone “Oh, Look what I can do!” And show them how awesome you are. -
That post by Runemist is awesome!
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We’ve all felt like you feel at some point or another so know that you are not alone! But hang in there. For me, the problem was comparing myself with others & trying to keep up with all the new crazy moves that were coming out many of which I wasn’t ready for but I wanted so badly to be able to do all the cool stuff that everyone else was doing. I have had many many times where I have almost quit pole too. But I am so happy I never did.
We all learn pole at different rates and that’s OK. You have to go at your pace…this is YOUR journey. Remember why you got into pole & embrace the tricks & spins that make you happy. Perfect those moves, learn them on both sides, explore different ways to get in and out of those moves etc. That’s all that matters. The more complicated tricks will come when your body is ready. DON’T give up. Hang in there!
As for your weight loss frustration, that’s another battle a lot of us have dealt with as well, you are not alone there either. Are you eating healthy? Are you just doing pole or any cardio as well? Are you dealing with a lot of stress right now? Dealing with any health issues? Many things could be attributing to your weight plateau. Once you pinpoint what the issue(s) may be, then you’ll probably be able to lose the weight.
Feel free to pm me if you need to talk or support!
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I’ve been poling on and off for over four years. All the girls I started with are mega advanced and I feel so behind now. I’m a lot happier since realising everybody is different. They can do some great tricks but they may not be the nicest looking. I might be playing around with pirouettes, chair spins and intermediate moves but they are PERFECTED. My freestyle is of a much higher standard too. Praise yourself for what you can do rather than what you can’t. I couldn’t care less about new tricks anymore.
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I’ve been there. Multiple times. It feels terrible. I hope you are able to move past this feeling soon.
That said, for me at least, Runemist hit the nail on the head with “I defeat myself, I put myself down, I don’t celebrate ANY victory. Ever.” The problem isn’t that I suck at pole, the problem is that I *think* I suck at pole, or that I’m not progressive fast enough, or whatever. Part of my problem is that I compare myself to others, and part of my problem is that I’m just way too hard on myself. Sometimes I have to sit myself down and remind myself that my progress is just that, mine, and it has nothing to do with anyone else. I try to point out to myself what has gotten better. If I’ve lost tricks I worked hard to get before, instead of beating myself up about it I try to remind myself that I worked hard before, and I’ll do it again.
You mention you took a break, I’ve had to take a number of breaks over the years I’ve been poling, and what I have learned is that pole is not forgiving of breaks. Coming back can be hard because you want to compare yourself to you before the break, but it’s just not a fair comparison. So you might not have mastered any new moves in 2 months, but have you regained strength since coming back? This is important, necessary, and worth celebrating. Also, have have you gotten better at the tricks you can do?
As others have said, remind yourself why you fell in love with pole, and focus on that. And try to be kinder to yourself.
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I hear you. I’ve been poling for over 10 years but for the last few years I’ve been very ill and lost so much strength. It was horrific to go to class and actually see how much worse I’ve become. Even worse, losing friends because I couldn’t pole in their class. Having spots becoming just plain lifting me onto the pole :-(. It was devastating. I couldn’t do classes last year and started poling more at home. That made a difference, especially sites like this ;-). I have a lot of days where I try to pole, I want to, but my body turns to sand beneath me even as I walk to it. Instead of poling like I learned as a beginner or trying to invert or anything, I just move around the pole. I stretch against it, make shapes around it, remember why I loved it in the first place. Did I mention I stacked on weight too? That didn’t help either, but I can still makes shapes on the pole and play. I work on flex too – the added weight actually helps with that! 🙂 If I could give any advice, it would be enjoy how the pole moves, swing around it – use your arms or your legs, or your head, just enjoy the shapes. Play with it like you’re a kid and remember the fun.
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I have a quote in my pole room on the wall, that I have to read all the time.
“It’s not who you are that holds you back
It’s who you think your not”And another one is “When the world says to give up
Hope whispers, try it one more time….
These help me, I hope they help you. -
I know exactly how you feel!!! I am at the very very beginning of my pole journey. I bought a pole back in October or November I believe. I still can’t even hold myself up on the thing! Since I’m at the very beginning and I’m super hard headed I’ve had to learn how to keep at it in a different way. So I took it upon myself to just have fun. That’s it! I’m not pressuring myself to do or become anything, I’m just playing! I weighed 272lbs. At thanksgiving, I’ve since then gotten down to 255lbs. I still have a long time to go before I build the muscle to lift that much body weight off the ground. So in the meantime of the long time it takes to lose the weight I’m wanting to lose, I’m building strength through yoga and using my body weight to build slowly. Not to mention the amount of time it will take to get flexible enough to use my body in the ways I need it to be used and moved. So I am literally starting from square one! Trust me I know how you must feel. You are most definitely not alone! I just try to take it a day at a time and focus. If I think beyond that it’s almost like I get overwhelmed at all the things I can’t do yet and have to somehow build up to and then PRESSURE AHHH! So I always have to remind myself to step back and just have fun. Have a set goal in mind for that day to slowly build to the overall goal… And focus on your daily task. That way you can feel good about accomplishing the daily task. One day at a time and I just am putting a lot of faith into the idea that what I’m doing will get me to where I want to go eventually, and have it in my mind that I don’t have a set date to “be good at pole” but that one day I will be pleasantly surprised and say OMG I’ve never been able to do that before!!!! And it will happen over and over again the more time I put into it.
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