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how to excuse your hubby from your pole sessions
Okay, so having my husband in the room when I practice is horrible. I feel really self conscious and I just don’t like it. I think I look awkward and I can’t get into the music while he’s there. I don’t know if this is common..if it is please let me know. Anyway, I would really like to set some boundaries around this hobby like, I want to un-invite him from my sessions unless It is specifically for him. Maybe I’m being greedy because I want this time to myself, but I just don’t wanna worry about trivial things while I am trying practice and relax. You know It’s not all sexy and I am not sure he gets that. Okay, he hasn’t said anything about it, but I just feel uncomfortable. How should I tell him I don’t want him in there without offending him?
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28 Replies
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tell him that you really want to refine your moves and make a routine for him and you want it to be a surprise! make it a good idea to him too to sit out. that way when you show him something, it’s special and it’s his little surprise.
you can’t blame him for being interested!
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I feel exactly the same. I don’t mind working on like pole sits or spins, but I can’t just dance and do floorwork and sexy stuff while he’s around, unless it’s for him as you say. I’m lucky in a way because my boyfriend works abroad so I have the place to myself half the time. And I find when he’s playing playstation (most childish 26 yr old?) he’s really uninterested! But yeah I save the ‘sexy’ stuff until he’s gone.
I don’t think he’d mind leaving the room. I guess it depends on how many rooms you have in your house.. like we’re in a 1 bed apt, so sending bf out of the living room might be cruel! Maybe you can do your floorwork and dancing when he’s not around.. at work or something? And just work on perfecting moves when he’s there.. that way he’s there to spot you should you need it https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_smile.gif
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Just explain that it him, it sounds perfectly reasonable. After all, why shoudn’t you want your own time, to do anything?
Just say "Hey I know it sound stupid but sometimes I get a little self conscious when I’m practicing pole in the same room as you, because I’m a beginner…I’d love to dance for you but I’d prefer to dance for you when I am experienced and happy with my performance and skills…but I need to have a little alone time to get used to it on my own."
Say it in a breezy way to make it clear to him its not a big deal, its not HIM that makes you uncomfortable but the fact that you’re a beginner and explain to him it takes a lot of getting used to dancing confidently round a vertical pole!
I think he should understand, maybe emphasize to him how much it is simply part of your exercise routine, as opposed to sexy time https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_razz.gif. For example, if you were doing an aerobics dvd or whatever, you might not necessarily wanna do it in front of him. (I don’t like doing exercise dvds/etc in front of anyone…especially my bf and ESPECIALLY when I’m starting something new and feel unfit and I’m sweaty and gasping for breath and …ew)
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My hubby lost interest quite quickly and just sits there and lets me get on with it. It isn’t sexy when your other half is, as has been said, puffing and panting and struggling with a steel pole, and once they realise that you’re not twirling and cavorting for their benefit they lose interest. Now I have to ask him to watch when I want him to, lol https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_biggrin.gif I think the other girls have given good advice. Oh and Audball, mine sits playing xbox while I pole!!
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Phew! Not the only one. Yeah when i record myself, I have to put music over it to hide the shooting sounds in the background https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_razz.gif
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LOL I don’t bother covering up the shooting/chatter, you can hear it quite clearly! I tend to run my videos through a program to make them smaller so that degrades the quality a bit anyhow. I think there’s one on YouTube where you can hear me telling him to look because I got a new move https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_biggrin.gif
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Haha, yeah on my headstand clip on the first part of my video, as i land on the floor i’m smiling, because he was telling me to spin on my head! He was totally serious too.. talk about unrealistic expectations! I did scream at him when I did a pole sit, but by the time he’d paused the game, i’d pretty much slid down. Needless to say he was unimpressed!
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I am not polite at all. When I’m seriously poling, the living room is a strict no go zone, and he has to stay in his computer room or the bedroom. He usually does that naturally anyway though (he’s a big computer/science geek)… unless there’s food going (I swear he can smell it with the door closed), we’re watching DVDs together or he catches me in spin mode while heading to the fridge and takes a detour to spin me faster and faster like I’m a toy. The deal is: I give him space when he’s concentrating and gaming, he gives me space when I’m poling (unless he’s invited).
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My boyfriend plays Xbox and acts totally disinterested! Sometimes though, when I’m working on a new move, he’ll look up and ask me if I need him to spot me… and that’s so adorable. It’s as though he’s giving me space but he’s also sort of paying attention. I usually schedule my poling sessions when no one is home, and then when he gets home I have something special prepared! https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_smile.gif
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I told my bf to leave the room the 1st time he tried just sitting on the couch "working on the computer" (he so wasn’t, it was a terrible attempt). It was awkward for me because I felt like I had to explain what I was going or verbalize various things (mess ups etc.) because someone was there and I couldn’t just focus on what I was trying to do. I hate doing workout-y things aroudn people, not sure why but it is awkward for me unless they are doing it with me. He understands and now will plan on doing other things (most often taking a bath cause he loves those) while I practice.
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I pole when he isn’t here when i really want to get into the music and just let go. Unless I’m dancing for him https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_twisted.gif however I like having him when I’m working on new moves. He is great at reminding me to point my toes, or if working on something I saw on a dvd "she put her hand up higher" or spotting me when I’m trying something tricky. Up until a few weeks ago there was no studio near me so his visuals have been very helpful to me. But he also knows the difference between helping me practice and when he is invited to watch me play.
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Maybe suggest he go off and do something he loves while you practice. Just be honest about your needing some alone time to practice, its hard learning new moves! If he say’s he wants to watch, then let him know you’ll dance for him sometime, sexy or not. Whatever you are comfortable with. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_flower.gif
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This has been an interesting thread to read through. Nice to know I am not crazy!
I have been poling for 2 years and hubby(whom I married in 1991) has not seen much of it at all. This bugs the living crap out of him. He wants the "private" show and I won’t play~~ We have actually had major blow out arguments over it.
I know it is all my own issues, and I am working on coming out of my shell~ I have no inhibitions anywhere else in my life…………just with the pole~~I think what it may boil down to is I am of the opinion that I will be compared to all the strippers he and I have both seen over the years~ I may not measure up. I am 38 for starters……In fairly good shape, but I am by no means a "hot bod" anymore. Starting to notice all sorts of age indicators……lol
Anyway~ I can consciously tell myself that he will not be comparing me to others, but my subconscious just can’t get over it. It is getting better though…………Now that I am teaching clients, I have had no choice but to get outside of my comfort zone… https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/alien.gif
All of my friends think I am a lunatic(hubby included in that group)……….I could dance for a group of complete strangers but I can’t for my hubby of 20 some odd years………..
My answer~~Cuz I could care less what anyone else thinks, but I really care what he thinks!!
If I bail half way through a trick, or screw up coming out of a spin…………I can "fake" it. (Something I learned as a gymnast!!) but I have a real tough time faking anything with him because he is my soul mate……….he knows me better than I know myself sometimes. Hard to fake anything when he can look right into me…..lolAnyhoo………I just thought I would chime in here and thank everyone else for assuring me I am not alone in this thought process~ heehee
Nice to find other birds of a feather….Huge healthy hugs to all!!
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I am in the same boat. I’ve only just come out in the last few weeks that I have been pole dancing – when I bought the pole (a bit hard to explain) however the family knew i was going to "dance class" but didn’t exactly know what that was. Then the pole arrives….Hmmmm. I cannot dance when there are people in the room watching. I am terrible at it. Anyhow pressure eased a bit cause my son has taken to playing on the pole and showing off in front of us. Its become a boy thing. I usually steal time when everyone is out. I am considering moving the pole into the barn/stables to get some more time on the pole once I figure out the roof height.
Maybe if I get better I will pole in front of them? I’m so bad at it is embarrassing! Its fun though! Good luck – I will read other’s comments on this subject with interest. xx https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif -
https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif I’m not sure I could pole in front of the horses https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_surprised.gif ! I orginally thought about using one of the empty stalls here as a "pole room" but changed my mind.
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