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new body plan :)
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I was always fascinated by exotic pole dancers and thought it was strong and beautiful. So when I finally found a studio and actually gave it a go, it was pure bliss. BUT….that love got real twisted real quick due to the studio’s environment. I was always pushed to “keep up”. I constantly searched for ways to stand out and I became someone overtime that I deeply regret. I became hyper competitive, jealous, and flat out mean. If you were a “trickster” I was even meaner and cold. I simply craved the teachers attention and classmates admiration more than pole itself. Fast forward to a year and half of this and it suddenly hit me one day. I was friendless, bored, the teacher basically ignored me and I decided to take a break. I wasn’t in love anymore. I didn’t like who I was.
So I was without pole for a year and I never not thought about it. I loved it. Missed it. Dreamed about it. Got my own pole 2 months ago and it took a while to unwire those studio ways. I learned to pole for myself now. My daughter and husband, my only audience beside IG, watches me with admiration even if it’s just an inverted V. I now crave the way my body feels when I do it and the burn/bruises after. I love the way my body has changed since I’ve started again. Yes, I get over excited when I nail a new trick or see a combos I can try. I get annoyed and upset when I fail or see things that seem so far away. But I don’t feel that NEED to be better cause well…its me! I have nothing but time. Its not going away. There’s no levels anymore. Lesson learned was I’m someone who doesn’t do good in a studio environment and I think that’s what can help or hinder a pole dancer.
(This felt like a ramble….sorry. But I sooooo know how this all feels.)
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I loved reading your story RaspberryAlice 🙂
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I have never been in a studio.. I could see how the competition would be unreal, I always had a vision that studios were full of loving women motivating each other from a pure place of sister space. But the competitiveness is what we’ve been taught from a young age. Be the best. Do the best. Proove yourself. So yes in learning lessons !! Glad you found a juicy space with your pole now:)
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RaspberryAlice, i always relate so much to your posts. I was thinking about it today and I came to the conclusion that I cant do any tricks class in a studio right now. I get too nervous, I feel pressure, I dont feel safe. some of that is environment related some of it comes from within. I just learn tricks better on my own and maybe when I’m ready and more comfortable I could have an instructor help me out. but I dont feel that way about taking choreo/pole classes. I dont feel that same stress as I do when I’m trying to do tricks in class. Shoog, I keep feeling pain after I invert and do inverted tricks. I’m really having to evaluate how I do things and take care of myself. Im glad you shared your story, I need to take care of these things now so i dont really injure myself. Inverts just seem so easy for some people, but they are not easy at all and really can do a number on your body. I’ve been working on handstands and I feel I’ve gained alot of strength from that and its fun. 🙂 its helping me with pole too.
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Recently I started yoga and I am really loving it. I realized that my breath is horrible. I realized how much anxiety exist inside me. It began as a way to gain force and flexibility for pole and it helped to understand to respect my body. I also like doing headstand and handstand as a way to prepare my body for other things.
And about your stories with studios, I am feeling truly blessed. I had the luck to find a studio with such a good environment. It is a very small studio and we are only 14 girls at this moment, including the two instructors. And I can say that we are friends, we all know each other, even the ones who is not in the same schedule. My studio it not the better place, we don’t have a large space, the floor it’s not the better to do floorwork, I find it really expensive… but I really don’t care because I realize that I have fun in class. I do it on saturdays and I wait the whole week for this moment. And I don’t think it would be the same in a different place.
And we are very supportive with each other. Every time when I see someone achieving a move that I can’t do and feel bad about it, someone point out something that I can do and how much I improved. And we are also compreensives. There is no rush, there is no pressure. What I feel is a incentive to give the best of me. And because of this, I am now feeling different about the whole pole experience.
And most important. A while ago I was very frustrated for not be able to invert. But recently I realized that my instructor don’t really force me into it. When she wants me to do some move that requires an invert, she helps me to do it properly so I don’t have to jump into it. So I realized that the rush was always in my head!!
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Inverts are a big deal… Breath seems to Be just a big!! I always remember Veena saying.. Now remember to breath! But if you don’t have a connection To your breath trying to regulate breath can be next time impossible. I didn’t realize how shallow of a breather I was until my yoga practice began. Yoga teaches me what I had no idea I was missing. Yoga taught me true breath. Interesting Phoenix- similar to me. No pain while doing it but the next day these rhomboids ouch! I’m glad this post is helping whoever it may!
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