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not having children
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I am 34, married, and will most likely never have children. I find the personal, internal drive to create more people a fascinating thing, and it seems to be very powerful seeing as most people do have kids.
I myself have never felt a burning desire for children, but every once in a great while I ask myself, “Will I regret this when I’m old and need a family to take care of me?” If that is as much as I think about having kids, then that to me seems like a good reason not to have them.
I am of the opinion that you shouldn’t have children unless you very actively want them. I also feel that people should procreate responsibly. The world already has too many people, and there are significant world issues that go along with overpopulation.
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Veena, I can relate to the whole ‘being too young’ comments. I got with my partner when I was 19 and we got engaged when I was 20. I got comments about how I was still young. Not by my family but by strangers. We’ve been together almost 5 years now, whilst not married yet, we definately still flirt with each other and tell each other everyday that we love each other.
I also got a lot of unwelcome comments when I had a miscarriage ‘oh you’re still a baby, you have plenty of time’. Well regardless, it doesn’t change the fact that I want kids.
As you said, with anything, people will make unwarranted comments like this.. Whether you are too young, too old, too big, too skinny. We are dealing with a bunch of goldilocks where everything has to be ‘just right’.
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Interestingly, my husband tells me that when he tells people we don’t have kids and didn’t want any, he fairly often gets the reaction from other men that they wish they didn’t have kids–not in a nasty way but an honest way. I suspect some women feel the same but can’t say it.
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a very interesting talk … I ask myself the same questions in time. I have a studio that runs great. I never wanted a child but there 7 monts i met my man, the one who deserves to be the father. Only it already has a child he sees 3 times a year. He is afraid that seems to happened. But he never talks to me. We consulted and decided to give us time. Only, I have no more time; I’ll have 42 years! I wait for months but he never talks to me. His silence said everything. I feel hurt and I feel that I disrespect. I do not want a child at all costs, in fact, seeing him in this new light, I do not want children from him. I feel hurt and humiliated because he told me that it’s my attitude last days by confronting that has reduced. Absolutely not being able to live with the fact that it makes me sad, it defers all on me. It’s ugly and small.I do not know at all what to do …
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Oh, 409, I’m sorry to hear this! You shouldn’t be pressured into having kids and a man who truly cares for you will not punish or threaten to leave you if you don’t. It has to be something you both want! Big hugs 💜💜💜
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409, I am in complete agreement with what Veena has said. You should never be made to feel that the you should do anything that doesn’t feel right for you; especially when children are or may be involved. The partners we choose to be with or marry may be the right person for us but even marriage does not necessarily mean that having a child is the right decision.
Based on the limited information you have shared, and I may be wrong, but It doesn’t sound like this man has offered much in the way of long term commitment or given you any indication that he would be the type of father you would want for your child even if you wanted to have children. Given the pressure he is putting on you, he doesn’t sound like the type of man you deserve in your life.
My heart goes out to you as I know this situation is very disconcerting. As hard as it may be, it sounds like you should follow your instincts that may be leading you to a decision to find someone else. I know how difficult it is to spend any length of time with someone when you feel like your time is limited to find what will make you happy. I understand how difficult it is to curb feelings of fleeting time and desperation for happiness but please know that you are special and that there are plenty of people out there that will value you and give you the respect that you deserve.
Over the years I have watched many of your videos and from where I am sitting I can clearly see that you are a funny, witty, creative and beautiful person that enjoys life and has so much to offer! Follow your instincts and be true to yourself! Only you know what is right for you!
If you ever need to talk we will always be here. You are welcome to PM me anytime. I may not always have the ability to give the best advice but I am certainly able to listen. Sometimes, that’s all we need to find some centeredness or at the very least, comfort. Remember to love yourself and good things will come. Sending big hugs!
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I’m 33 years old and I don’t, nor have I ever wanted, to have kids. I have known from a young age that I didn’t have the maternal instinct. I’m not drawn to children or babies at all. My husband is also “cheerfully childfree”. I do LOVE animals though 🙂 We have 5 dogs and a cat that are our furry children. I have some close friends with kids and they are always exhausted and stressed out. I’m sure it’s different for everyone, but that lifestyle does not appeal to me at all.
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I’m a mother of two adult children. I didn’t get into pole dancing until I was 50. So my kids were grown when I started. I had children because I wanted children deep within my soul, and, furthermore, I’m glad I had children. I’m glad I have kids and a husband who love me. ~~~ Now that my children are grown, I can do whatever the hell I want to do. However, it wasn’t like I was in some sort of jail when my children were young. ~~~ People who don’t have children always feel sorry for people who do have children. One word – DON’T. Trust me, some of us are just fine and always have been.
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Veena, I forgot to thank you for helping to erase the myth that mothers are overweight, stressed out and not getting any sex. LOL! I had fun erasing that myth when my kids were young and I would walk around in bikinis on the beach. 🙂
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Just my two cents. If you don’t feel that strong “need” of “I must have a child” then dont have one. I’ve seen too many people have children because they were afraid they couldn’t later on or like they’d regret it later if they didn’t. It’s a lifelong commitment and you should be serious about wanting it. If later on down the road you want one and can’t have one from age… adopt.
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Have a child only if you are in a relationship based on love. I made the mistake to think I should have gotten married and have a child. I ended up to travel for work, work jealousy ruined my marriage and now I am divorced and my daughter does not want to see me. If I could go back in time I would never even go close to my ex husband and if I really wanted I would have a chid by myself. I would be so much happier than all the rejection I received.
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Hey I’m 38 soon and I have 3 kids, and I’m poling almost everyday, and zumba instructur and salsa dancer and doing jogging and working a full time job… You can do it! Just need the supportive husband, prepare to sleep less and get out of your comfort zone! I would have never done things different!! My kids are following me in my sport, and they love to pole and handstands and stuff. This is so much fun
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