Okay as someone that has been through not one but TWO self-esteem crushing abusive relationships, I think you need to remember Wendy’s book and reread the parts about what a sex kitten you are! Any guy that has a girl squirming around on his lap doesn’t even care what you’re doing, you could probably be knitting a sweater and he’d still be drooling over the cute girl stripping out of the fireman costume! I’m sure it will help to have at least a loosely planned out routine so you can have something to follow if you do get nervous but honestly I think you’ll do just fine. Just remember you are the sexiest thing alive and he is LUCKY to have you giving him a lap dance! I know it’s hard to think that after coming out of a relationship with someone that was shitty to you but guys love confident women. I’ve been to strip clubs and the dancers making the most money weren’t the prettiest or the skinniest, they were the ones that walked around like they were the hottest thing ever and acted like guys were lucky to be able to pay them for a dance hehe. And also you can think about what your stupid asshole ex is missing out on, not like he would have appreciated it anyway :-p