[Aviva]

I do the board.  It's a really good idea for all the reasons already listed.

[Aviva]

 

Initial reaction: GTFO!  Your fiancé sounds like a jerk.  However, a couple of questions do come to mind.  They are, do you fight often (I consider often more than once a month)?  What’s he like when you guys are not fighting? 
I do know from personal experience that fights can get particularly nasty.  My fiancé and I have said some things to each other that were really vicious and vile and never would have been said if we were not enraged (read: had really f*ing hurt feelings) and there were times when I considered leaving the relationship. 

We are still strong and I am pretty happy (very happy with him, myself being unemployed not so much hence the “pretty” qualifier) but we are both older and have been through a bit on our own before we got together and I think the experience has told us both that we really do want to be together and are willing to do what we need to for our relationship. 

People don’t change so “you have to learn to live with what you can’t rise above.”  Or like I first said, get out.  Love is great but love without respect is fraught with drama and heartache.  Unfortunately love and respect are not interchangeable because some people don’t have enough respect for themselves so they can’t respect others either. 

I do think that any couple who has been together for a while will question their relationship and whether they are going to stay together during rough spots I think that’s normal.  You have to decide for yourself if it’s abuse or angry hurt lashing out.   One is constant and ongoing and the other is happening occasionally but isn’t everyday life. 

You two do need to sit down preferably not in the earshot of anyone else and hash it out.  Some things have to be worked out before marriage.  (((((Glitter)))))  I hope you feel some peace of mind soon.

[Aviva]

When I was 26 I could not touch my toes.  I'm 38 now.  I'd say I've come pretty far.  3" from 6' is AWESOME!  Keep it up, you will get there.  Don't push too hard, listen to your body.

[Aviva]

 

Oh boy, shoulders.  They are temperamental buggers aren’t they?  I can’t tell you what you might have done, not a doc, but what I can tell you is, listen to your body.  If it hurts don’t do it.  If it feels funny like it could be doing damage, don’t do it.  Give yourself adequate rest and when ready proceed with extreme caution.  Move slowly and deliberately the whole time paying attention for funny twinges, clicks or anything else that might seem out of order.  Some things can be pushed through, some things must be rested, you will only know the difference by paying microscopic attention to your body.

[Aviva]

 

I am a fitness specialist.  I taught pole for 5 years and would love to be teaching again.

I have a BS in exercise science/personal fitness

After getting my degree and being at a fulltime corporate fitness job my car engine blew the head gasket.  I couldn’t afford to fix it or buy a new car as my full time job was paying me little more enough to pay the rent and my student loan bill.  I knew someone who was a dancer and she supported me through my initial break-in phase when I couldn’t even touch my toes.  I felt like my choices at the time were to marry a man I didn’t love (he made plenty of money for us both) move back in with my parents (never!) or strip for money.  I kept jobs in the health facility on and off until I started teaching pole over six years ago.  For the first time fitness made sense and being that I was a stripper and had an extensive education in fitness this was the perfect job for me.  I loved it. 

I regret not being better at managing money.  I regret allowing myself to live on credit.  I miss teaching terribly and really wish I had another gig.  Until something shifts I am continuing to train and hoping for a better future. And writing a business plan.

@MrsNaughtywed, nice to “meet” you.  I thought I was the only one in the world who started stripping after they got a Bachelor’s. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_biggrin.gif

@darlingdearest, there are way more details I don't necessarily think are appropriate for a public forum but if you have questions feel free to PM me.  

[Aviva]

Damn, can't spell.  Sorry.  Aerial is what I meant to type..

[Aviva]

Ariel I think you may be right about brass sweat but I swear my chrome did the same thing to me 🙁  So weird I wish some mythbusters-type would do a video on gripp-yness of materials.  There seem to be a lot of factors.

[Aviva]

She's glad I'm not stripping anymore.  She also said she thought it (stripping) might have been the only way to get to where I am with fitness and skill level b/c she knows how closed minded I was about it until about 6 months before I became a stripper.  She very proudly shows people the video of the showcase I was in that I invited her and my father to and they showed up for.  It's a vehicle, get's you to happy https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_biggrin.gif

[Aviva]

Just watched them both.  Must say those ladies kicked ass!!!!!  They were great, they had an answer for everything, every objection they have a justification for.  As it should be.  They kept their cool and made their points.  Some people will always be threatened by anything having to do with sexy so of course the pole will make them cringe.  That's their problem.  For those of us who've been saved we'll keep on poling and to answer AC's question about where's it gonna go when they are 15, um, have you seen the insanity that is some of these back bend-y contortionist people on the pole?  Yeah, there'll be even more moves to learn and master in 10 years.  Can't wait.  Keep poling https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_biggrin.gif

[Aviva]

 

OMG the clouds have parted and the angels are singing, finally!  X pole makes a finish I can stick to!  So psyched!  When I first heard they were coming out with a brass I was like ‘okay, now I might be able to get behind this,’ because I cannot stick to chrome or TG, for me I think it has to do with the fact that they are coats and not a “bare” metal.  But when I heard that both the SS and brass were matte finish I was so mad.  I almost took that personally I was so mad.  I like X pole.  I like the design, the fact that you can get extensions and the portability of it.  But I hate that I cannot stick to one and vowed never to buy one.  (Mine was donated to me by my client whom I convinced to get a smaller TG pole.)  Now, now it’s on!  Gotta save some ducketts because I really want a thin grip stage pole and I’m going to have to believe that by the time I get the money together they will have a brass shiny finish 40mm for the stage lite https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_biggrin.gif

[Aviva]

But if it is the supporting arm then I am not sure how it could be the twisted grip as that is on top….Do you do any rotator cuff strengthening exercises? 

[Aviva]

https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_mrgreen.gif  Greta Pontarelli  OMG!

[Aviva]

 I had been lifting weights since I was 22 but I never stretched.  I was pretty strong because of it and eventually decided I could teach people about fitness and getting into shape.  I got my BS. In Kinesiology in 2000.   I had been a certified personal trainer for 3 years when I got my degree and hoped the higher education would help me advance my career.  It didn't.

 I started dancing over 11 years ago.  When I first started I couldn't even touch my toes.  I heard about “the pole Olympics they have in Vegas” and I thought to myself, “No way will I ever be able to do that stuff”.  The first time I did a CAR I swore I’d never do it again.  I had a customer “spotting” me and it hurt my legs so bad I’m still amazed I didn't fall on my head.  It was 18 months after that I got it for the first time. 

I never got the chance to practice much at work because by the time I was working I was too old and tired to be any more than an on again off again dancer.   I tried to work four nights in a week once.  Once.  I was exhausted to the point where I didn't even care if I made any money.  I stuck to three nights and then only two.   I hated it and when I got engaged I quit.  My engagement however, was not to last and I started again to get away from him.  And that’s when my self-esteem began the climb.  Leaving that disaster was the best thing that I ever did for myself.  Six months later I met my current and very loving fiancé, we've been together for 8 years now.  I was done with the business but still drawn to the fact that people were teaching pole as fitness. 

I was meeting a friend for lunch one day and she was late as usual.  It turned out the place we were meeting was a bar next to Xpose fitness.  I walked in and told the front desk girl that I was a stripper with a degree in fitness and I wondered who would learn more from who, me or them.  Turns out the answer was not so simple.  Xpose was opening a location in my town so I got a job there.  Because we were a new studio in the area there really wasn't anyone around who had more pole skills than I did at the time.  (If I had worked at the established studio instead of a brand new one they woulda kicked my butt.)   I was left to learn stuff from youtube but because I have a degree in the study of movement I never questioned my ability to teach myself from video nor my ability to teach others what I knew. 

I researched stretching to learn as much as possible and hopefully make the quickest gains. My classes always began with a shoes-off long warm up and long cool down which consisted of stretching.  Eventually my boss gave me a stretch class and then two to teach for my schedule.  My flexibility greatly improved though I suffered a few injuries that set me back I also learned how to rehab them.  All of the flexibility I have acquired has been in my 30’s and I would say about 60% has been in the last 4 years.   I can learn from anyone but I have never had the opportunity to take a workshop or go to a convention.  I am not teaching anymore because our studio location closed and I moved out of state but until I find another gig I am still trying to train 3 times a week and point my toes!

 

[Aviva]

OMG the day I get my middle split, like really really get my middle split I will throw a party.  I’ve been working on middle split for years now.  Must admit probably not with the same intensity as I worked for my front ones, but maybe not.  It’s hard to say without video from years ago. 

The stretch you described, are you face down and balancing on your hands or arms?  Have you tried lying on your back with your legs open in straddle letting gravity pull them down? 

When lying on your back with your legs in straddle it would be advantageous to point your feet towards your head which will give you a really deep hamstring stretch.  It would also be good to then point your feet towards the wall you would see in front of you if you “crunched up”.  You will feel the stretch in your adductors which is what needs to stretch for middle splits.  

When trying for the actual split after I’ve done all the warm up and presplit stretching I always use the pole to hold on to while I slide down as far as I can go into split position (which in middle split is still at least four inches off the ground).  This helps keep the form correct and helps to prevent injuries.

 

[Aviva]

Dayna

There are varying degrees of torn but since you were “taken off all activity” and put into PT I’m figuring it’s pretty serious.  I have injured my hamstring but without health insurance and an MRI I have no idea how bad it was.  All I know is I couldn’t walk without limping for a couple weeks and it took me months to get back to where I was before it hurt myself. 

Some injuries are worse than others.  I am nursing an angry hamstring now but it’s not like it was when it took 6 months to heal. 

Your PT may be able to give you more information about how long it will take to heal.  The worst thing you could do would be to stretch it and make it worse.  At first any light stretches are going to hurt so just take it easy.  When you get to a point where it doesn’t hurt quite so bad you can start to push your stretches a little more but not too much.  You want to stop just as it’s going to hurt.  Don’t let it hurt, back it off before then.   

As far as pole goes, there are many many things that can be done on pole they don’t all have to involve some crazy whatnot that gets your hammie involved.  I know you feel like there’s a lot you can’t do right now but I bet there is a lot you still can.  Focus on getting that flowing or focus on pointing your toes doing everything or focus on making new combos out of stuff you’ve done a gazillion times.  There is always something to do on the pole.

And yep like you said in your OP, all suggestions. https://www.studioveena.com/img/smilies/icon_e_biggrin.gif Hope you heal soon.