CapFeb
Forum Replies Created
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I get first dibs, then :p
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– I want a car that doesn’t break every three months. I’ve paid $5000 since March in repairs, and I still don’t have a car. It’s been three weeks.
– a 45 brass x-pole. Let me know if you need someone to take one off your hands for free :p
– a free gift that I would like better than both of those is the people living with me to gtfo. They’re gotten way too comfortable, expecting me to do their laundry when they don’t even pay rent. -
Whenever I have guys interested in pole, I show them Vlad. He’s definitely one of my favs, I would pay bookoo bucks for a private. Plus, he’s super hot
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Dear Glitter;
I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but it will get better. I had a very similar situation last August. We had been together for three years, engaged, living with my parents rent free. I was unemployed but never asked to go out to dinner, cleaned the house on days I wasn't severly depressed, and never asked for anything to be purchased for me.
I put up with a phrase that I absolutely hate hearing; "No, you're stupid." No, you're stupid. We're adults, you shouldn't fall back on should a childish immature response. And it was never because I said something stupid (which, we all do.) It was because I had a different opionion!
One day I said something at a get together with friends (they were on the team he was captain of) and he pulled me aside and said, "Why the F*** did you say that?" And I told him it was because that was how I really felt. And then he said, "that's fine, but you can't say things like that in front of my friends. You can't disagree with me. If I don't have control over my relationship, how can I have control over my team?" This rubbed me the wrong way, as I have never assumed that I've "controlled" my fiance and that he's never tried to control me. The relationship seemed to slowly die after that.
I held on for a really long time, waiting for him to change. Whenever we talked it was always me expressing what made me feel bad, and suggestions on how to fix it. When I asked for his input it was always, "you're right, dear." Just because he didn't want to be stuck in an arguement, not because he actually agreed.
The painful part is that he was my best friend, and I knew that. There isn't a person on this planet who had my back more, or loved me more, not even my parents. He made a lot of sacrifices that I appreciated, but when I look back they really weren't sacrifices. An example would be the whole reason he moved in. He moved in from east detroit where he stocked magazines for $11 an hour. He only worked 15-20 hours a week. That's about $800 a month. That's not including taxes, gas (he was spending $150 a month on gas just to get to work, that's not even including personal gas use) a $400 a month check to pay off school loans. And $100 to pay his mom's cellphone bill. That didn't leave him with a lot of spending money. And he was a serious fast food junkie. So really, he was only saving about $40 a month.
When he moved here he immediately picked up a job within a month. Wanna guess how much money he was making? $2000 a month, not including bonuses! We were happy for a while, but apparently this was a huge sacrifice, as he was now putting $800 a month into his savings account.
That was a tangent. Point was, when things happen they seem like one person is at fault, but at the end of it and in retrospect, more times than none ONE person was right.
Anyway. Eventually it got to a point where he was seeing a woman online (never in person) behind my back and I knew every little detail about it. And I knew that something had to be done. I had asked him once to pick between her and me, and he told me that famous phrase, "No, you're stupid. You can't pick my friends for me."
So here's what I did. I made myself answer some questions. Relationships aren't black and white, or pros and cons, but this really put things in perspective for me.
What do I lose by breaking up with him? I thought I would lose a lot of abuse (and believe me, I did) and be super happy. I would lose my life partner. I met a lot of friends through him that I would probably lose. (at this point I imagined our breakup would be nice…and it was for the first two days…then it wasn't |: )
What will I do afterwords that will make me happy? I was so far past happy it wasn't funny. I woke up for three weeks miserable. I barely ate, I cried all day, I stopped looking for a job for while. Happy was a word that was now outside of my vocabulary. I just didn't want to be miserable anymore. Will it make you happy? OR, NOT miserable?
If proposed, what would he have to say to make me reconsider breaking it off: This one might sound a little strange. But there were things I knew I could not live with. And asking him to change these things would NOT change him as a person. I never asked for that or expected that. But he needed to stop telling me I was stupid for having opinions, and stop talking to the woman who e-mailed and said, word for word, "If I break you two up and end up with him, then it will all be worth it." He didn't say yes to either, so we broke up.
Finally I made a list of all the things I felt he did "right" or that made me feel like I was super lucky to have him around. A lot of the time when we complain about our spouses to others, we never tell people the "good" unless we're trying to brag. I appreciated that he always tried to talk to me when I was upset. Whenever I had a bad day he would come home with an ice cream cone for me. He always rubbed my shoulders when I was stressed. He would not leave my side if I was still crying (doesn't mean he was happy about it, he was just super stubborn 😛 )
At first we were friends…that lasted two days. Then I found out that she was flying out here and they were in a relationship not 10 days after his three year relationship ended. I cut all ties. Found out that apparently, for the last TEN YEARS she's been doing the same routine; finding guys who were in relationships, breaking them up, and moving in with them so she never had to get a job. I found out later that they broke up 3 times in six months, she never did get a job, she forced him onto food stamps, blah blah, sob story sob story. It's been one year. Think she has a job yet? Nope. They remedied their food stamp situation by having on of his friends move in with them from the other side of the country.
And those first six months without him were really hard. It was like every day someone was sawing off one of my fingers. With a chainsaw. Really slowly. I would have nightmares where he came back and suddenly everything was okay (which made waking up really dreadful.) But the second I found a job, I was like, "Alright, I got this." And everything started to get a lot better. I think it was because I was forcebly distracted. It was a good thing. I got me into a way of thinking that every thought WASN'T of him, which was much healthier. I no longer had days where I was like, "Well…I'm not depressed today…that's good." I had days where I was actually happy. And all the while he'd been hinting he wanted to get back together and I just kept saying, "No. We can be friends. I miss my best friend. But I'm not dating you because I realize you just aren't capable of change. You don't see anything wrong with trying to own a relationship. That works for your submissive POS current girlfriend, but that won't fly with me. I'm worth so much more than that." I gained so much self respect and grew as a person. And sometimes, unfortunately, even when you love someone. You just have to grow up seperately as people. After I came to that realization, I began to do pole, so that probably also helped.
Today I'm still single, and I still have those days where I wake up in the morning wondering what it would be like to not have one side of my bed empty. Sometimes I have dreams about him, but they're never about us getting back together; they're always reminding me why we aren't best friends. But I learned a lot about what I look for in a partner and what doesn't work for me at all. I'm okay with being single for a year, a few years, more than half a decade if at the end of it, I meet the person who's right for me and I'm not just settling and staying together because love has become the only thing we have in common.
This was just my personal experience, and I'm not at all saying you should break up with him because you'll be happy. It's a lot to think about. It took me 6 months to finally say, "I've had enough." I just hope whatever decision you come to, it will be a lot easier for you to make and stick to than it was for me.
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Ah, having a life. I remember when I used to have that! Both my computer (I'm a gamer, so not having a computer is MORE crushing to me than not being able to pole) and my car have died on me, so I have NOTHING to do but train for pole right now. And work when I can. But that's not fun and there's no way I'm ever going to be cut-throat about making money and I've accepted that. ANYWAY.
A lot of the girls here have touched base with you and not being so down about yourself. I want to answer the initial question: HOW does one fit pole in their day? What do you do when you don't have a lot of money or time to invest in pole, but still want to do it, be good at it, and ultimately feel good about doing it?
Here are some tips of things I used to do to get pole training in:
1.) Stretch while you watch TV. If you have a tv show you watch with your family, it's a great time to get in some stretching. For me, stretching is reaallllyyyyy reallllyyy boring. It takes forever. I count 30s and it's actually only been like, 7. There's a clock mounted into our cable box, so when I start a pose I hold it for one scene. When that scene is over, I look at the clock, note what time it was when I started/ended so I can estimate the time of that pose, and do that pose on the other side for the same amount of time. You can also just watch tv and glance at the clock every couple of seconds, but I have ADD and I have to take small breaks (scene changes) to remind myself I'm doing two things at once. You can also lift weights, or if you have a coffee table infront of your tv, do wrist mobility exercises. I like doing those as well, because I can watch a show and do as many reps and sets as possible without ever seriously noticing (you DO feel the burn after about half an hour, won't lie.)
2.) Make a checklist. I get super excited when I get to cross things off of a checklist. I'm also kinda arts and crafts, so when I make a checklist I go into photoshop and make a mofo checklist (#swag). Anyway, my suggestion is to NOT just write down with a pen and ugly yellow legal pad a list of things you want to do. That paper is not motivational. It reminds you of work, and sadness…well, it does for me LOL. It's also something easily lost. Sit down when you have about half an hour to an hour, and photoshop yourself a pretty background to print a checklist onto. Something that will stand out to you. If you don't know your way around photoshop, you can just use a pretty or inspiring photo you found, and paste it into paint and just write the list there with the text tool. If you want to be more eco friendly and not waste paper, you could also buy a whiteboard and decorate it with some pole dance charms, old worn out shoes, and of course, glitter. This also helps with motivation. If you're struggling with pole-ups that day, skip it and go to pole sit-ups, and come back later.
3.) MAKE FRANDS! Okay, so this might be a little hard for those of you on the east coast or if you are a maple neighbor of the north, being that it's winter. But when winter is over, or if it isn't cold enough to be forced to stay inside where you are, go walk your dogs! If you have a dog park, meet someone who is also walking their dog, and make a fitness friend. This is also easier if you have a gym membership, but I don't have one and I've mad fitness friends this way. Having someone to work out with seriously boosts your desire to work out. They don't need to pole dance, but that is a serious plus and you can always convert them later (it's every pole dancer's master plan anyway :] ) As you and other's have pointed out, you can even have fitness jams with people here on SV.
4.) Free stuff? Check nearby community centers to see if they are offering any free sample classes. The Rec center here is constantly offering awesome asian fusion cardio (juijitsu, tai-bo, etc) and things like zumba, and sometimes they're free or half off! Even if you're pinching pennies, if a class is less than $10 I'm likely to try it out. This mixes up your regular conditioning/cardio schedule and also is a great way to STEP 3 MAKE FRANDS. I mean, why do some women start pole dancing? Because they were bored with their regular workout. If you have a friend who teaches a fitness class of any sort, check in and see if you can get in for free or half off. Even if you hate it. I have a friend who teaches zumba and I had to drag myself into one of her classes. I did not have fun, but I did get a workout :> Check out dance classes, too!
5.) Keep a log book. I use Fitocracy. Someone said something about My Fitness Pal but I've never tried it. I like Fitocracy because there's a pole dance community (although it's pretty dead) and it's almost like going to studio veena where you can be like, YEAAHHH, I WORKED OUT TODAY! And complete strangers get excited and support you because they know how hard it is, too. It's definitely not nearly as supportive as SV, but that's pretty hard to do. I find that I use it more because it's like social networking, instead of a sad little notebook where only I can track my progress. But if you're more of a private person, a notebook works well too. I feel like this is different from posting flexy pics progress and videos because you can see your tolerance increase workout to workout. This week, 60s plank. Next week? 120s plank. My body still looks the same to me right now, but apparently it's preforming better and seeing that is a huge motivation boost!
6.) Rewards. It seems pretty self explanatory, but rewards can get pretty complicated! When I nail a new move I've been trying to get for months, (Roxy, I'm looking at you) it opens up a world of new things I haven't been able to do before, but that in and of itself is a reward! I would love to live in a world where every workout made me feel like the very first time I got a shoulder mount, or an invert, or what I like to call, "the new move high". Unfortunately, we all have blah workouts. Sometimes it feels like the blah workouts are more frequent than the breakthrough workouts, but it's important to remind yourself that you're awesome and you gave yourself the kick in the ass to actually work out. A lot of people DON'T. So make a list of things you would be okay (and you can use ugly paper for this if you want LOL) with treating yourself with for completing a workout. For instance, I can't just eat ONE candy bar…so rewarding myself with a candy bar isn't something that I can do. But what I would instead do is take out a dollar for every ten minutes that I worked out, and put it into a pole jar. No, you don't get to count breaks 🙁 You can make up your own little rewards…I'm all about food and money, so it's hard for me to get in a reward mindset for anything else 😛 Get your spouse to help you. Example: I love making smoothies, but there is no such thing as a clean friendly blender. I normally just rinse and throw in the dishwasher, but I feel bad for taking up so much space. So if I had a boyfriend, I would ask him to help me reach my fitness goals, by asking him to clean the blender IF I worked out. And then I would trade him a favor, like opening beer and bringing it to him during a game or something.
7.) Try poleing first. I too would go to work, or be stuck in a class, or at an airport, and see a pole and think "MY GOD, WHEN I GET HOME, I MUST POLE!" This was a thought that magically vanished as soon as I lugged my tired ass through the door, ate some ice cream, and immediate sat down for my vice of choice (for me it was the computer.) I don't really have any tips for that one. If you are already home, and you have this thought, don't stop and say, "when I'm done with laundry." Drop whatever you are doing and go pole. Freestyle for 20m. Choreograph a routine if you aren't feeling super amazing flow sauce that day. Work on perfecting a move you're really good at, or try learning a new one if you feel uber amazing. The goal is to get you to feel good about poleing. When you think, "I have to pole, I really want to pole today" it's because you're trying to catch up with that feeling of feeling…well, AMAZING. Having FUN. So have FUN. Don't try to reward yourself with pole as it is an activity; you might get down on yourself for not having as much energy because you kept pushing it back all day. That's just how I work, though, and everyone is different.
8.) Make an inspiration folder. This could be a physical folder, or a favorites folder in your internet browser or just a file folder on your computer. I like the physical folder because more glitter is better and I'm a visual learner, but that's just me. Take the time to collect things that inspire you to pole, and find a quote that you like. Or several. I have a few printed pictures of pole idols with inspiring things they've said tagged under them. If you have a pole space (I don't) you could hang them up. If not, and you are planning on making a weekly schedule and keeping to it, look at this before you work out. Maybe you could tie this into #7 and do it on your way home, while you fill up gas, etc to get you to actually do it when you walk in the door? Also, actual inspirational phrases (having a brain fart on the real term) might help you. There was a common saying at every studio I've ever been to; "If it hurts, you're know you're doing it right." While I don't like repeating phrases, this might be helpful to others. If you feel the burn in your workout, you know you're doing it right. You can pick other non-pole related quotes. Apparently they're called "exercise mantras". Here's a list of some if you want to look through a few. I like the one about hours in the week and how many are being asked for, it really puts things in perspective and it's not something I've heard six thousand and eight times. http://www.pbfingers.com/2011/01/19/exercise-mantras/
ALSO; set aside some space in your closet for workout clothes. I feel more inclined to work out if I dress out in spandex and hooker heels, polefit bras, leg warmers. Do your makeup ultra sultry if it helps! I personally feel like it helps me to have cute pole clothes. Even if I'm not recording that day, dressing for the part really helps motivate me to work out. "I've gone through all this trouble to get ready, there's no way I can quit before I start" is the mindset I get.
And then the usual "(re) decorate your pole space". I'm broke, so that's not always an option…but you can move furniture around, and clean up your area….I pole in the garage, so I have a lot of work to do before I could consider my pole area acceptable.
9.) Sneak in mini-workouts for conditioning outside of home. Do you have to go to the store? Work in an office? My zumba teaching friend recommended jogging ** through the store or briskly walking when doing mundane errands like grocery shopping. And, it makes sense. You warm up your muscles while jogging through the store. When you get in line, you can do preacher walks or lunges or whatever standing exercise you want. On the way back to the car, find a stop sign or pole of choice and bust out a flag or two. For the office, you can always buy a balance ball and replace your office chair, then sneak in an ab workout during lunch. Run up and down the stairs for warm up.
**My zumba pal also informed me that most people run and speed walk incorrectly. I personally didn't know you could "run wrong" but most people do, and I was definitely guilty of that. You shouldn't hear your feet pounding when you run. That's where the joint pressure comes from. And don't flex your toes when you speed walk to avoid shin splints.
I wish there was a number ten because I hate odd numbers, but those are all of the suggestions I have. I hope this helps. :3
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turning a profit*** watching a discovery show on the mayan calender while typing this @_@
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When you think about whether or not torrenting is stealing, you should think about it this way:
The internet, in a way, is like a museum. For all intents and purposes, you walk in, browse around. When you like a picture you see, you right click and save the file. You aren't physically taking the file off of the page. You aren't destroying the poster's reputation by saving it. And you aren't paying for it. If they aren't asking money for it, no harm no foul.
When you torrent, it's a lot different. Torrenting would be like your friend walking into an ACTUAL museum, buying a Da Vinci painting, and putting it up in his home. This would cost him quite a bit of money. But because he's a nice guy, he puts the one of a kind painting in his super amazing "reproducer machine" and gives you a copy of it. So not only is the museum not making money off of that copy, but the artist did not create it officially and did not give the rights for someone else to make a copy. It would be like if someone cloned your daughter and started walking around and using her for their own purposes. You went through all of the trouble of raising her, why should someone who didn't pay for her (financially throwing supporting growth, or psychologically) get to adopt your child? But it's not adopting since you would still have your kid. There's just a copy of her running around doing God knows what being used for whatever purpose you could think of. And that's why there's such a big issue on torrenting.
So when you torrent Jamilla's, or Felix, or Alethea's dvds, you are stealing money from them. You might not be stealing the product, but you are stealing the money that would be going into their pockets as you are not paying for it. Not only is this rude to a fellow dancer, but it also encourages them to STOP making DVD's since they aren't turning a prophet. Pole isn't that huge of a sport in comparison to gymnastics, football, soccer, tennis, etc. We all come from various corners of the world, and I'm sure you know many dancer's here who don't have a studio within an hour's distance of them, maybe some as far as two. Some of us will never meet a pole artist due to the fact that there ARE no pole studios near by, or we don't make enough money to go to conventions and meet them. Those DVD's are there to help us. And also to help the instructors, who may have given up their real jobs just to teach people like you and me. I'm sure that when you charge $150 for a private, you're thinking that they might make bank. But think of how small of a pond they're swimming in.
In a way it's like exotic dance. Just because I work at Christie's and our only VIP option is $100 for three dances does not garentee that I will be making $100 or more that day. It's an OPTION, and us, or any other performer, athlete, human being, interacting with us is just as much their right and privledge.
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@AG SO. MANY. RHINESTOOONEEESS! Sparklegasms @_@ They're all really cute, though
@echo I hate pink, but those shoes are adorable and I would totally purchase those.
So I was at work last night…and I do this thing where I lay on my back, raise my left leg, then roll on my right side into the splits. And I do this pretty often….but last night I did it, and it RIPPED a hole in the vinyl from the stage and my shoe sliding too fast. I just bought these shoes a month ago after mine broke on stage. So I guess I'll try to win a free pair of shoes for work.
http://howcool.com/product/ellie-shoes/EL-850-VANITY?listing_page=3&cPath=25&brands=12 I don't really want to go back to skyhigh heels, but at the same time, I feel anything below 6 hinders my ability to do the splits and also heel slides. Also, since I switched to 4's, I no longer have the ability to slam my shoes on stage when people are looking at something other than me, which makes me pretty sad.
http://howcool.com/product/ellie-shoes/EL-PH711-NAOMI?listing_page=10&cPath=25&brands=12 <—- I'd prefer 7's. And the little bows are cute +_+
http://howcool.com/product/ellie-shoes/EL-711-LANCE?listing_page=16&cPath=25&brands=12 <— I'm not actually sure how I feel about these…but there looks like there's lateral support from the lacing?
http://howcool.com/product/highest-heel/HH-STARLITE-11?listing_page=1&cPath=25&brands=16&collection=17 <—- SPARKLEGASMS.
http://howcool.com/product/anthonys-by-tony-shoes/TS-A-700?listing_page=1&cPath=25&brands=76 <— really basic 7's. My pleaser's lasted me like, 8 months? They looked like these.
http://howcool.com/product/pleaser-shoes/PL-LIGHTNING-702?listing_page=10&cPath=25&brands=19 <— THESE SHOES CONTAIN LIGHTENING. Because nothing says stripper ninja like "My shoes are electric. No, really. They are."
http://howcool.com/product/pleaser-shoes/PL-DELIGHT-5000?listing_page=14&cPath=25&brands=19 <— chap boots. 'Nuff said.
http://howcool.com/product/pleaser-shoes/PL-ADORE-3063?listing_page=14&cPath=25&brands=19 <— Long and tall, just how I like my…..Iced tea? I have no witty comments. They're just lace up vinyls.
http://howcool.com/product/pleaser-shoes/PL-SKY-330?listing_page=27&cPath=25&brands=19 <— I actually prefer these to the ellie's
In case anyone was wondering what my non-work shoe preferences would be…here are some I saw and I was like, THOSE ARE SO BADASS. IF I FIND $100 BILL ON THE STREET, I WILL CONSIDER PURCHASE. Also, I will not work in shoes that don't have an ankle strap. I'll dance at home to shoes without them, or at the studio. But I feel like work is way too dark and there are too many people to consider the risk
http://howcool.com/product/ellie-shoes/EL-608-BARB?listing_page=7&cPath=25&brands=12 <— Remind me of Alethea
http://howcool.com/product/reflection-shoes/RFS-SP306?listing_page=1&cPath=25&brands=302 <— these are SO unbelievably elegant.
http://howcool.com/product/tuk/TUK-A8134L?listing_page=1&cPath=25&brands=14 <— this would be a greed purchase. I'm a sucker for double straps and bows when I'm out and about
http://howcool.com/product/tuk/TUK-A7883L?listing_page=2&cPath=25&brands=14 <— when I hear "wedge" I think summer. These scream "winter wedge", though…
http://howcool.com/product/tuk/TUK-A7878L?listing_page=2&cPath=25&brands=14 <— these are too cute. I don't know where I could possibly get away with wearing them other than work, and they aren't what I look for in a work shoe.
So yeah, one hour later….I guess I'll go out and buy some work essentials now, LOL. Damn shoes always distracting me…
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Definitely going to order some from that site. I could rhinestone so many shoes +_+ Thank you so much fo the suggestions! I order from HK/China/Korea relatively often for special use items (bb cream, for example) so I’m used to the waiting period. :3 I’m so excited to finally finish mah shoooeees
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I think I might actually try a full on marchenko at my next class. I did bendy diva dive and it was a lot easier than I thought it would be…but then again, my back mobility is like, non-existent. So maybe I’ll hold off since this is the only move other than kamikaze where I feel like I will fall and bust mychin
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@chem
When I went to hobby lobby I got a sale associate to show me where the flatbacks were. They were, as you said, in a case. But there was only one row of flatbacks in that case, and they were all white/clear :/ and also 50% more expensive than anywhere else I’d been that day. Joanne’s and Michaels little baggies were $7 ish an HL was charging $12 for the same exact bag with less color range. -
I could NOT for the life of me find the non-hotfix rhinestones in stock anywhere. I wanted mine in black and grey, so I kinda needed to see the color first. I’m not sure what kind of store I’m supposed to be shopping in? I checked all of the big chain craft stores (Michaels, Joanne’s,Hobby Lobby) And they didn’t have any what so ever in black. Only clear and some rainbow colors (nothing exotic like peridot or amythest, just your basic blue, basic red, basic emerald, etc). Suggestions other than ordering online?
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In the Phoenix area, there is a huge difference between strippers, dancers, and entertainer.Every club I’ve been to has explained it to me this way:
Strippers are stereotypical strippers. It’s pretty much an insult around to.
Dancers are girls who are neither stereotypical strippers or entertainers.
Entertainers are girls who go all out. Costumes, wigs, routines, tricks. Everything. As cirq as you can get in the industry.
How much money you make on stage also depends on the club. It wasn’t uncommon for me to make $20-$70 a stage at the last club I was at. I make like, nothing at this one :p
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http://www.shoeclips.biz/view_all_styles.aspx
That’s not the site I used, but you get the gist of it.
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One of the stripper websites I visit has clip on bows so you can customize what your shoes look like that night. I want to say it’s Bad Kitty, but it might be discount stripper…I will try to find it when I’m not getting called to surprise stage @_@
also; there are rhinestone bows :3