[Runemist34]

Hey there!

It sounds like you’re being given a lot of social reasons not to want bruises- things like your husband’s fears, and being afraid of people pointing them out, and such.
So, my suggestion would be to deal with those, first. If you aren’t worried about what will happen if you have bruises, you’ll be less likely to try to avoid them, and potentially put yourself into a place where you can’t progress… or even worse, do something even more dangerous for your body!

So, the first thing: Your husband’s fears are *his* fears, and they are, of course, quite unfounded (I mean, I certainly hope so!). So, it’s more of something in your husband, than in other people. It would be good to talk to him about why he has those fears, as well as reassure him that people won’t think such a thing, and perhaps give you both a game-plan in case someone actually does this.
Having that game plan can also help when it comes to people pointing out bruises. It could be the same way you get away from any prying or insinuations personally, or together.
The best one, to me, is to simply tell people “I’ve started a new exercise plan,” or something like that. Most exercise will result in bruises! I lift weights, and do yoga, AND I run, and who’s to say those bruises are from any one of those, or from pole dancing?
I’m also crazy clumsy (It comes with the territory of having ADHD, especially untreated) so, any particularly “weird” bruises I can explain that way, too.

Beyond that… I suppose just reminding yourself that you are fine, you’re doing something good for yourself, and that bruising is inevitable. You don’t need to be afraid of it, and you don’t need to be afraid of other people.

[Runemist34]

Hey!
Some people do have very strong opinions on brands, but personally, I don’t. I’ve only ever used Lil Mynx at home, and mostly X-pole in studios. They’re fine.
My current home pole is powder coated, and I really love it. The grip is, obviously, different from the ones in the studio (which are all stainless steel), but I find I second-guess my grip a lot less at home, and once it’s warm, it’s like… grip for days. I live in a fairly humid climate, and I have dry skin, so… it works out for me 🙂
Good luck!

[Runemist34]

Hey, I just wanted to follow up and say… your post really made me think about my own experiences. The replies here made me wonder if perhaps I should also take a step back and re-evaluate. I’ve also been taking a Level 1 class with a friend of mine, and seeing her joy and excitement getting these early tricks has been so… different from my own experiences with tricks I’ve been working on, that it’s made me wonder… am I really happy with what I’m working on? Why am I taking pole classes? Am I happy?
So… I’m going to also be changing my focus. My studio puts on Exotic pole classes each week, though they don’t have the same progressions as the regular pole classes, you do learn a choreographed dance, complete with spins and floor work and tricks that I generally already know. They are often what really make me feel good, so I’m going to try to take more of those, and perhaps work on them at home. I also just… want to dance more at home.
So, thank you for also encouraging me to turn this on myself, too 🙂

[Runemist34]

Hey LatinPoler, I really liked your response- that’s a good point, and I know I’ve been struggling with the “tricks” focus on training, rather than combos and dance. My studio DOES have some dance aspects, in other classes, and I’ve been considering going to those…
But, for the case of me and the OP, there is some fear taking the bulk of pole dance into the home. What would you say is the biggest thing that kept you coming back, time after time, having no actual class to be held accountable? How did you motivate yourself to get up and do it? Is there some way you built it into your day?

[Runemist34]

Hey Strangefox, I’m actually really glad you asked this stuff. It’s one of those things I think a lot of people like to brush away, like “Just don’t compare yourself to others,” which to me, is similar to “Just smile and think positive!” when you have depression. It doesn’t work. It’s just some placation that’s meant to minimize your experience so that others don’t need to deal with it.
That said, WE DO need to deal with it… and I go through this very often. So, I’ll take you through a bit of my own process.
First… I’ve taken a lot of classes. I’ve trained really hard some times, and very not hard other times. I work on the things I’m told to, I’ve done all the cross training I can think of. Seriously. I’ve been through level 3 at my studio (somewhere around inversions, inside/outside leg hangs, and the like) about three or four times now. My invert is always, always the worst one in class. I have to set myself up, psyche myself up, and hope I managed to hook that foot every single time I try it. Everyone else? Graceful, long legs, beautiful deadlift inversions, no problem there. They’re all nailing moves and moving on, while I stay here, stuck and… sometimes, yeah, defeated, deflated. No one else is pointing fingers or asking “Hmm, why is this so hard for YOU?” but, I still feel like I’m just not part of the group.
Further from that, I’m always different from everyone else by way of stature. I’m either shorter than the tall, long-legged beauties that somehow make everything look like they’re being done by a ballerina, or I’m taller than the little people who are slamming out moves like it’s not a challenge. I’m always stockier than everyone else. I often wonder if it’s just how I’m built, if it’s ME that isn’t able to do these things, no matter how hard I try.
But, those thoughts don’t help me.
So, what’s the difference between good and bad discomfort? What’s the difference between repression and salvation? Honestly… it’s you.
Good discomfort is when you keep your head up, and keep fighting, even when it sucks, because you believe in yourself, still. Repression is when you take those doubts and fail to look at them, to hear them, and you let them eat away at your doubt because they aren’t being fed what they really want. Salvation is when you give yourself the time, the peace, and the love to look at what is happening and understand that you are just YOU, and that it’s the way you are best. Bad discomfort is when you feel buried under it all, and you’re not seeing the incredibly vast person you really are.
The trick here is that everyone has a limit. It’s not a hard limit, it’s not a forever limit. We’re not driving cars that just run out of gas and have to be abandoned in the middle of the desert. We’re not limited things that simply give up and move on *forever* because stuff got rough.

In essence, what it sounds like to me is that you’re not giving yourself the credit you truly deserve for all of the work, time, and effort you have put in to your dancing. It sounds like you have self-doubt, and that it’s coming from somewhere that isn’t about all the other people around you. It’s about your own judgement, it’s about your beliefs. Those things, you can change!
If you judge yourself not working hard enough, then a proper evaluation is needed. What is “enough”? What do you define this as? Are you looking only at results, and not at the actual effort applied? How can you measure this thing in a better way?
If you believe you should be progressing faster, then why? What is “progress”? Why do you need it? Can you, instead, be content here, where you are, instead of placing yet more pressure on yourself?

Proper examination is ultimately necessary, and difficult. Many people don’t want to. They shy away, and I understand. It sucks, it’s hard, and sometimes, it just feels like too much.

Sometimes, we’re just too tired to go on. That’s okay, too. That’s when you know you need a break, when you feel burnt out, like this thing cannot give you joy anymore. Take a break, do some other physical activity. Lift some heavy stuff, go for a bunch of runs, set yourself a good three month “Not thinking about pole dance” time. We all need breaks from stuff, be it our spouses, or the hobbies we know we love. I’ve had breaks from writing, despite it being my life and my breath. Breaks are good.

And, if you need a break but don’t want to stop pole dance, then do your own thing. Maybe at the studio, maybe not. Work on the moves you’ve learned that you love, or work on some exotic floor f*cking, or even just get really weird with it. Give yourself a little more space to explore and have FUN, to PLAY, because those are truly the reasons we have these hobbies. If stuff gets too serious, I know for me… I check out. Bye bye hobby, you got too serious for me! This is why I’m not a baker 😉

It’s definitely up to you what you do… and I don’t think you should beat yourself up for it. Pole will always be here for you, and no decision you make has to be permanent. Even for a day.

Good luck 🙂

[Runemist34]

They don’t sell poles here, and as far as I know, they never really did. A long time ago, Veena did a collab with Lil Mynx to make a customized pole… they were a limited run, though!
You can always check out Lil Mynx on their website, as well as Xpole and possibly Platinum Stages for reputable, safe poles to have in your home 🙂

[Runemist34]

Hi Pixie! Welcome!
I know how hard it is to make your own pole dance plans- I didn’t have a studio nearby for a long while, and though there is one now, I can’t always afford it. Having a community here is really nice! Lots of good tips and tricks that you can’t always get from somewhere else.
Try not to judge your progress too harshly- pole is a demanding, and even scary thing to work on, so remember that any progress is still good progress!
I’ve been on and off from pole for the last 9-ish years, and I’m only just starting to get my basic invert a little more comfortable 😉 Everyone progresses differently, so don’t let the elite’s out there in the pole world get you down!
Hope you have lots of fun!

[Runemist34]

I struggle a lot with this, as well.
Some conditioning tips I have are to work on your fan kick, as the movement is similar (and a nice, high fan kick can look frigging awesome).
There are also holds, in which you simply hold the pole as if to invert, your hips in front, pick up your legs, and see if you can bring your shins parallel with the floor. It’s quite difficult, but it works a lot of similar muscles as well.
A lot of core conditioning, of almost any kind, would be super useful, as well as anything that works your shoulders, arms, and especially your lats (the muscles you use to pull your shoulders down, away from your ears).
Otherwise… frankly anything you do for strength and practice will help. I mean, one-handed spins will help, since it works your shoulders. Fan kicks, as I said. Floorwork, because that’s a lot of core!
And don’t be afraid to practice your inverts as conditioning for better inverts. The best way to get better at a skill is to practice that skill often!
Best of luck 🙂

[Runemist34]

Hey!
If you’re specifically missing out on the strength, I can certainly say that weight lifting and rock climbing are both excellent for pole dance. Most climbers find pole to be something they can get into easily, so that’s definitely a lot of strength and skill that crosses over well.
Otherwise, it’s important to remember that pole dance is a lot of *skills*, not just strength or flexibility. You could be incredibly strong, but still struggle to do certain moves gracefully, or at all. Being able to do a Superman isn’t just about how well you hold on to the pole, but also how much pain tolerance you have, whether you can transition into it (meaning, the other moves you know), and the actual ability to understand the move you are doing.
Definitely understand the fear around being aerial or inverted without a spotter, but as more difficult moves become easier over time, you might find yourself being more comfortable with them, and not need a spotter as much.
However, if you’re specifically wanting to get better at Pole, I would add more Pole to your routine.
If you want to explore in a more broad sense, with other aerial arts, you could always try Lyra and see how that goes, and if you like it. 🙂

[Runemist34]

There are a couple of ways…
One would be to use a cable to plug your phone into your TV, though I’m not sure what kinds of ports your television has to accept a phone screen signal. It is possible, though.
The other is to pair your phone and television together, and hopefully be able to project the video from your phone to your TV.

Though, you could also potentially skip the phone, if you’re using the website here, and log in to the website on your TV, and play them that way. Most smart TV’s will accept input from a keyboard and mouse, to make it easier, but often your remote will work, too.

A lot of this kind of stuff depends on what kind of TV and it’s capabilities, and what kind of phone, and it’s capabilities… and then what kinds of video providers, what kinds of internet connections… it’s complicated lol!

[Runemist34]

Generally, we just stick to the ones we learn first, or the ones we prefer.
Since there’s no real regulatory body, or nothing watching over Pole Dance in general (like, say for a sport, or for things like ballet or classical music), the names of moves have no standard. What I know as a “Swing dip” is now being taught as a “Step around,” and some people even know it as other names, a half spin, even just a transition move with no name at all!
I *prefer* descriptional names, like “Outside Leg hang,” instead of trying to figure out which one is Scorpio and which one is Gemini (hint: It’s both, depending on where you’re from). It makes more sense to me, since I get the description right in the name, and everyone has that easy way of knowing what it is!
Also, there is no straight list of moves! I have moves here in my town I’ve never seen anyone have move names for, and I’ve seen different lists of different moves based on where I’m looking, where that place is on the planet, and even the kinds of pole they’re teaching!

So, my suggestion is to be aware of the different names as much as you can, and to search broadly for different types of moves. Don’t be afraid to come up with your own idea as to what “Level” the moves go in, and also to search broadly for that, too. For me, I learned to climb, plank, and even Cross Knee Release (aka one of the types of layback) fairly early on, but anything that involves a Basic Invert, or holding my body with my arms, has come very slowly, and I have had to learn it over and over. At my studio, CKR/Laybacks are a Level 5 move (out of 5 levels), where you learn Basic Invert at level 3ish.

And, don’t bog yourself down with trying to learn every move out there. There are so many, perfection of them is… basically impossible. It would take you years just to get off the ground!
Take the things you love, and work on those. Keep having fun and playing 🙂

[Runemist34]

Intended workout schedule: Yoga erryday, weight lifting M/W/F, running Tues/Thurs/Sat, and then Pole from Monday to Saturday for like an hour.
ACTUAL current workout schedule: Weight lifting M/W/F (mostly), running twice a week if it’s not too hot out, and pole once a week at class.
I have a lot to work on, tbh, and yes, I know that it seems like a lot of physical activity! But, yoga is great for my back, and can be scaled for my needs if I’m very sore or tired, or if I want to kick it up a bit. Running is awesome for my knees, and usually helps with a lot of muscle soreness. Weights are something I don’t go super hard on, and I find the routine to be very good for me.
Pole… well, I have a really hard time self-motivating, and a lot of activities take a lot of planning and prioritizing, as well as many other things my ADHD brain is really bad at.
So, I’m working on it. It’s hard to keep going back, especially when mostly it’s just boring and the same thing over and over. It’s hard to do alone, too.
But, I have a lot of notes on what I would like to be working on! Mostly, I’d like to learn a new exotic dance each month, and I have 3-4 moves to work on at home. My classes are almost like a different world lol 😉

[Runemist34]

Veena- I’m happy to hear that the lessons have evolved over time. The knees-to-chest thing is what I am being taught as a conditioning move right now, but I suspect that my instructor *may* be jumping the gun a little bit, based on the skills of the people around me. I might talk to my friend (the owner of the studio) about how she teaches inverts, instead. I remember her having a different way of doing it, but I don’t get to have her as an instructor very often.
Also, I totally realize that controlled momentum can look beautiful, it’s just that it doesn’t look lovely right now, when I’m doing it. More like… trying to flip a cat who doesn’t want to do that :/ Just a lot of struggle. The indications I’m getting from people when I ask about improvement are, well, as described above.
And, while I would love to get your lessons, even with the app, I’m still struggling to get everything in my life in order. I don’t want to spend the money and then just not use it, because I can’t initiate myself to pole dance at home right now. I’m working on it, and when it comes to ADHD, that can be a difficult and confusing road. But, I do intend to eventually try your app and see if it works for me.

AllysonKendal- That post was actually really helpful, and I agree with you! I don’t know what is supposed to be happening with the elbows- I even confirmed with my instructor, there should be *no* movement!! I was like, how?? I’ve even seen her invert, and I’m pretty sure there is some extension through the arms. I wonder if she is meaning for us to not think of it like just letting our arms go fully extended, but to concentrate on keeping our muscles engaged? But there is still movement? I’m not sure. She’s… sometimes not great with explaining stuff. It confuses me!
But I’m gonna keep that article around, and re-read it when I need help. It explains a lot more, and I feel like there’s stuff in there I may have forgotten over time (I came across this article years and years ago, and totally forgot about it!)

Tara- I have literally NEVER heard of this, and it looks amazing! I’m going to have to try it. I suppose eventually you could straighten it out till it’s going straight back, over time?

Anyways, thank you all for your help. I’ve been so frustrated (sometimes irrationally so) over so many years about this, and getting so much different information! It’s so hard to be left behind, over and over again, in classes, despite my very best efforts. It feels just like everything else in my life- try my very best, and still not as good as everyone else. It’s a horrible feeling!
I try to remember that I can still do things that others can’t, and I am still comfortable with moves that other people are not. I’m a lot stronger these days than I ever have been! It’s just hard, when all I’m ever working on is this one thing I can’t ever seem to get.
So, thank you for putting up with my frustration, and still trying to help me. It means a lot!

[Runemist34]

I should also say… I am instructed not to have my elbows move at all during this move. Like, if I was going to get my crotch to my pole, wouldn’t my arms extend, even a little bit? How do you “commit to leaning back” without your arms moving? In what way are you leaning back that would bring your hips upward, and not your head downward?

[Runemist34]

Thanks everyone!
I am currently using “controlled momentum” to invert, but it’s really not nice looking. Even when doing that, my hips barely reach parallel with my shoulders, if they do even reach that point.
I am getting *better* with the pole crunches, and can do more of them on either side, but they are still very hard. I work on core three times a week, every time I’m at the gym, so it’s a little frustrating that I’m not seeing very much progress at all.
I recognize I’m looking to do something that is fairly difficult and may take me some time, but to indicate that my extremely heavy hips will somehow tip from being well below my shoulders or head to somehow being above both of those “on a fulcrum” like it is somehow easy does not make sense to me.
My hips, when doing a pole crunch, barely move from where they are if I’m standing. My knees reach up to my chest, but my hips are not involved. This is how I see everyone doing this move, this is how I am taught this move and have always been taught this move… even on this very website. Knees to chest, that is all.
So, if I’m missing something, if somehow the crotch-to-pole mechanism requires more, then please, someone tell me.
Tell me the muscles I need to engage. Tell me if I should be pulling harder or working on some other thing than just “knees to chest, and then tilt back.” Because, based on the physics that I am experiencing, that is not a feasible thing. If I was to create a model on how this works for me, there would be no see-saw action, just a great big heavy thing on the bottom, keeping it all down.