[Runemist34]

I had looked into the DragonFly brand as well, but unfortunately I’ve got issues with their sizing, as well as the straps.
Most of the bras seem to have strappy backs, and while that is nice for those who sweat on the back a lot, it’s not nice for the boobs, or for those things pressing really hard into the skin. Not really going to provide much support there for making sure things are, as my sister says, “locked and loaded.”
And, for the sizes, you need to remember that these bras are not adjustable, there are no hooks, it’s all just elastic. Going up to an XL because of your bust size is going to bring the band underneath up in size as well, so it likely won’t help you for any kind of support. And, if by some miracle you find one that supports and fits under the bust… it’s gonna be HELLA hard to get off. I’ve tried, seriously. It’s a struggle for like, 15 minutes.
I have honestly never had any luck with those kinds of sports bras. I need something fitted to my actual bra size.
I understand the wish for something that matches, but it may be easier to find shorts that match your sports bras, rather than the other way around!

[Runemist34]

Hey there!
I did actually make a huge post about women with larger breasts, and the needs of them, when poling, but sadly I can’t find it right now (argh!)
When it comes to ladies like us (I wear a 34 I or a 36 H, depending on the bra), we really need those things locked in, and most “pole bras” or sport tops are NOT going to do it. They aren’t made for ladies like us, especially those in the small-ribcage, big-boobs range. Frustrating, I know!
Best recommendation would be to find a sports bra that you like. As you’re in the UK, you have access to some of the brands that I’ve only dreamed of, out here in Canada, so take advantage of that! Sports bras can be found with both wires, and unwired varieties, as well as multiple colours, and black, and white…
There are options for us, they just… may not look quite the same as for ladies with itty bitty bits.

[Runemist34]

Hey there!
So, “finish” is what the pole is made out of. These will affect your grip, as well as the way the pole looks (titanium gold being a gold colour, brass being… well, brass coloured).
Grip, unfortunately, depends on both you and your climate, as well as the pole. Certain poles work well for some people, like those who get dry skin, but have a wetter climate, may find a pole made of stainless or chrome easier to work with. Those who sweat more, I think, prefer brass or titanium gold (don’t quote me on this, I have a different pole than any of these, so I don’t have a lot of experience with them).

I’m sure some of the ladies on here would be able to tell their tales of woe as well as wonder when it comes to pole finishes!

[Runemist34]

Hey there!
Recognizing that a failed business is bothering you is really important- if that business was something you put a lot of time and energy into, you may actually be mourning it’s loss, so give yourself the time and space to do that.
I suffered from depression since I was about 8 years old, until I was around 22- at that point, I found that my depression stemmed from anxiety, and even now, when my anxiety becomes unmanageable, I still slip into depression as a “safety feature.” It’s not a great fallback, but at least I know what I’m doing when I’m depressed. (I realize that sounds pretty sad, but it’s a part of life for me, so I’m not overly sad about it)

I also dealt with my depression without medication, and I even continue to deal with my anxiety without medication. It’s not an easy road, and for a very long time, I kept being told that I should have medication… and that I was “not taking my depression seriously” by refusing their suggestions of medication, and only medication. I generally couldn’t get the help I needed, so I had to find my own way.
So, first off, I’m going to tell you something that one of my best, and most brief, counsellors told me: What if you just had it over to visit, and let it stay, instead of fighting it?
The emotion will be here whether you like it or not, and… you’re still around! So, why not let yourself be depressed instead of constantly fighting it? Just relax, and it’ll move on in it’s time.
I realize that can be scary. There are a lot of questions that come up when it’s suggested. Things like “What if it just gets worse?” (It won’t, it never got worse unless I actually fought it), “What if it never goes away?” (You can’t have one emotional state for too long, it’s impossible, so it WILL move on), and finally “If I don’t fight it, wouldn’t I be just giving up?” (No, you are trying a new method of dealing with it, of managing it).
You are allowed to have emotions, including feeling depressed! It’s okay.

The second part is the habits of depression. Because I was like this for so long, and very much during some key parts of my life, I formed a lot of behaviours that related to depression. They seemed to perpetuate my depression, long after I had realized I no longer needed it to “protect” me, or had a use for it at all. I had to start changing, and I had to know about those behaviours before I could shift them, or get rid of them.
For me, it was a lot of self-talk, and a lot of particular actions. I stopped participating in the News almost entirely- no news websites, no TV, no newspaper, none of that. It depressed me, made me afraid of the world, and sad. Not great.
And with self talk… well, things like “I can’t do that,” or “I’m not good enough,” though they aren’t really put into words like that. It was a feeling that I was inadequate, less-than-human, that I was lower and lesser than everyone around me. That somehow I, some lowly horrible being that I believed I was, had been confused for being just like everyone else… and they would eventually figure out I wasn’t the same.
You know what? I am the same. I am human, and I am just as capable. I may also be “different” in that I am not the normal for most people: My progress physically can be quite slow, and my progress mentally can sometimes have holes in it that other people do not have. But, I am also a writer, I am someone who sees through people’s egos and disguises, I see their behaviours and their motivations. There are things I pick up that other people do not. In that way, I am “different,” but it’s something I’m proud of.

My suggestion right now… try not to push yourself too hard. Go for a walk, even for ten minutes, every day. Make a habit of it.
Perhaps start a journal, start conversations with yourself. You’re a person who needs someone to talk to, and who better than you to do that? You may already know what you’re going to say, but it’s the act of saying it that is important. It’s the act of listening to yourself, that is important.
Try some meditation if you like, too. Depression can be distracting and difficult, and for me, anxiety is similar- distracting, busy. I like meditation as a way of gaining some perspective, allowing myself to see more than just a mental illness.

Just go slow. Trust yourself. 🙂

(And, yes, when you need help, PLEASE call someone. Those hotlines are there for YOU, and they can be super useful. Your self-care is important, and sometimes that means bringing someone else in.)

[Runemist34]

@Greyeyes- That’s a great idea! Totally forgot I could get things used or whatever from E-bay.
I hate wearing things on my wrist, too, and it’s a bit frustrating that the ones with better features are wrist-only.
Also I don’t sleep with anything but panties, and I suppose I could put the One on them, but… little bit uncomfortable maybe?
Of all of them, I think the One would be best for me. I’ll have to keep looking at it though!

[Runemist34]

Hey Lucca!
WOW 30 minutes seems like a LONG TIME. I don’t think I’ve ever really heard of something like that.
Most performances last about 5-ish minutes, give or take, and depending on how you react to being on stage, and how you are moving, that can feel like an incredibly long time on it’s own. Times that by six, and you might be pretty exhausted by the end!!
My biggest recommendation would to test it out and see what you’re capable of right now. Try your idea- not too much on the movement, just hang out in some easier poses and try to make it look fancy with some arms or footy work. Time yourself to see how long you last, and how long it takes for you to feel super tired. Record it and see how long you actually stay in those poses for.
Honestly, when you’re waiting for something, a single minute can seem like forever. If you’re getting bored in a pose and feel like you want to move, you may only have been there 30 seconds!
I would also think that, if you’re going to spend so much time in one pose, your transitions may also be slowed down very far, too. Thus, it gives your flow and performance a slow and steady progress, nothing like a sudden movement and then stop (spinning notwithstanding, of course). This could also take a lot of your strength and stamina, so a balance will have to be found.
Once you figure out how long “a long time” feels like on the pole, you might have a better idea of whether you can commit to the full 30 minutes, or if you’ll need to bring it down a notch or three.

Good luck!! (Good Lucca? Hehe)

[Runemist34]

I was actually just looking at a Fitbit! I don’t have the money for one right now, but… I’m hoping that the future will allow me to get one 🙂 It would be great to have pole on there!!

[Runemist34]

I’m glad to hear that you did have some kind of diagnosis… even if it sucks! Sometimes it can help to have the knowledge.
I would actually suggest going back and seeing if you can get a second, or even third opinion on what can be done, and how to manage the condition appropriately. I refused drugs for depression and anxiety for years (like, probably about 10 years) every time I saw the doctor, and they’ve eventually just stopped suggesting it to me. You do NOT have to accept that as a form of treatment, and you can ask for other things. Drugs aren’t the answer all the time, and I completely respect your wish not to have them. So should the doctors!
Otherwise, my best advice would be to take it slowly, and pay close attention to what is happening. Look for patterns (so, if you do the back bending exercises, and then next day or the day after that, you’re in terrible pain… or, who knows, you might feel better??), or for direct issues like shooting pains or seizing. That way, you can see if it’s going to do you harm, or if it’s benign and normal, or even helpful. Taking things slower than what they say in the DVD would probably be useful till you know what to expect, and you know how it’s going to affect you.
Obviously, if it’s bad, then I greatly suggest not doing it 😉 lol
Also, thinking about low back pain and stuff… how is your core strength? I could see that been really helpful in keeping everything aligned and in the right place, and slowing any growing issues.
Also, if you wanna check out the yoga I like it’s here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCFKE7WVJfvaHW5q283SxchA
She has the 30 Day Yoga thing way down, and she really likes this rocking move that feels pretty awesome on my own back. Perhaps I would be helpful!

[Runemist34]

Hey there!
Have you seen a health profession about your back?
That kind of diagnosis is very serious, and could affect a lot of the things you do in life. It’s extremely difficult to know what is really happening to your back without someone else taking a look. There are certain things that are just not written down… it’s like reading Tarot cards. Not everyone is going to know that two specific cards placed together means something like substance abuse (for example), where neither of the cards points to that at all.
Diagnosing yourself is a risky, and tricky business, and can have very many pitfalls.
I would seriously suggest seeking professional, medical help for your back if you are concerned and in chronic pain.
Are you able to do things like the cat-cow in yoga? What happens with your lower back when you’re in these positions? Are your shoulders flexible, and can you reach your upper arms up to your ears, or even past that, without arching your back? Are there any things that specifically aggravate your lower back, or is it just a constant pain that has no ups or downs at all?
These are all good things to know and think about before attempting any kind of spinal flexibility when you are dealing with chronic pain. And, good things to tell your doctor.

[Runemist34]

There is absolutely nothing I could possibly add or subtract from TropicalVertical’s post.
Except to say this: Alethea Austin worked for over 5 years to achieve the splits. Like, nonstop, every damn day, dedicated training. 5 years.
Stick with it, keep going.
To keep yourself interested and engaged, you could always try some new things, like a different style, some tricks you don’t do very often, or putting the things you do well together in weird ways.
Keep working, keep going.
And have faith in yourself.

[Runemist34]

Hey there!
I’m so sorry to hear you’re feeling discouraged, and that you’re so sore after your pole classes!
Like you, I didn’t move much at all for most of my life. I started pole dance around the same age as you. It was so hard to even trust my body to do what I asked of it, let alone to have the strength for what I wanted to do, or the confidence. It was so hard just to do a spin or to hold the pole properly! I didn’t know how my shoulders should go, or what to do with my back to protect the muscles and my sensitive areas.
So, here’s my advice:
First, it sounds like your pole dancing class is moving too quickly for you! Withink 5 sessions, I could barely do a single spin correctly- there just isn’t enough time given to each move, or to allow your body to adapt properly. You may need to grow your own pole dance slower, because your body is so surprised about being worked!
Second, I would say that your classes are too difficult. You shouldn’t be sore for that long! Sore for about a day, the next day after dancing, is about the right amount. You have to remember, you are doing so much with your body when you pole dance! This is very much about strength, and you are working your muscles hard. You don’t want to push TOO hard, or else you’ll end up injured and banned from the pole for a while! So much more frustrating!
Third… try yoga. While I love pole dancing, and being unable to dance currently because of a shoulder/neck problem (I still need to yell at my doctor on Tuesday about it!), I found that yoga is a great way to move when I don’t have the energy, and to stretch my muscles, and get a little strength training in, so that I’m more ready for the pole later on. Also, I do love the pole, but… It didn’t help me to trust my body, and it didn’t help me learn what I was really capable of, because I was afraid of it! Falling off the pole can be really scary, and some of the shapes we make can be dangerous. With yoga, it’s safer, and you’re closer to the ground in case you fall. I’ve learned so much through yoga, and it’s helped my pole dancing like nothing else!
I do yoga online, on Youtube, as I can’t afford classes… and I’m uncomfortable working with myself that way in a group. I prefer Yoga with Adriene, and you can give it a shot, if you like!

Finally, I know it can be scary, but I really enjoy doing pole dance at home, with Veena’s lessons here. It allows me to move at my own pace, and to learn the way I need to learn. There are lots of resources, but Veena’s lessons are one of the best I’ve found out of the very many I have tried.

There are also some things you can do to help with sore muscles. Foam rolling is good, as is massage (if you can afford it). Taking a shower in which you alternate hot and cold (not too quickly, about 5 minutes each) can also help! Stretching properly, and NOT flexibility training, is also really awesome to do.

For reference, I am now 30 years old, I run, do yoga, dance, and lift weights. I’m 200lbs and in the best shape of my life… and I used to never imagine I could do any of the things I do now, ever.
All I used to do was sit in front of my computer, and struggle through work. When I was in University, it was all just sitting, sitting. I was completely unconnected to my body. I had no strength.

It can change, it just takes time, and consistency. And, it takes knowing how much is too much, and how much is too little. You’ll learn as you move more, I promise!!

[Runemist34]

Hey there!
I’m sorry to hear you’re sad, and being injured SUCKS. I have totally been there!
There are quite a few women around who are much older than you or I, and are doing awesome things on the pole. Their progress may be slower than “normal” (but what is normal, really?), but they are hot as f*ck and workin’ it hard. I’m looking forward to being just like them one day!
I also wanted to say that… I DID start pole when I was much younger, in my early 20’s, and I found myself much-injured and discouraged. I have never really been very active in my life, so I didn’t know how my body was supposed to work or move, and I didn’t know how much was “too much.” And, I took many months off, which was also frustrating. I didn’t know how to motivate myself to do something when I didn’t feel like it, I didn’t get any kind of interest or validation from my husband at the time (now my ex-husband), so I ended up sad and discouraged.
I still struggle with huge amounts of self-judgement and negative self talk when I dance. But, I’ve learned a lot since I was that young, 20something pole dancer!

So, even though you are injured and you’re having some issues (rest being the best thing for something like tendonitis, and then SLOW rehabilitation, but you can fully recover!), remember that you may actually be in a better place now than you were 10 years ago to dance and feel great about it! You know how to take care of yourself, and that is SUPER important!
So… take care of yourself 😉 The pole will always be there!

[Runemist34]

I already voted in the other thread, but I’ll put myself down here so it’s easier to count…
Chair and beginner pole!!

[Runemist34]

Of course, and I do enjoy the combo pole lessons and such! They’re good for transitions. I also enjoy the quick lessons… I just notice a whole lot more in Advanced and even Elite than for Beginner, so I thought it was a discrepancy that could be remedied 😉

I would love to see more on the chair, and for now, I’ll certainly be enjoying the fundamentals and getting used to using my chair as something… more than just a chair 😉 I’m hoping to incorporate it into my pole time, so that I can have lots of sexy time with myself!

[Runemist34]

Pole or chair- I would love to see more pole lessons on things like flow, especially beginning again, and ways to link moves together as a beginner. There is lots more out there to be broken down and brought into the spotlight.
I would also like to get into chair dancing, and having looked through some of the lessons for that, I feel like the energy of them is a little different than what I was looking for. You had a video you put up once of a chair dance you did, and it was super sexy and slow, and I loved that!